IT IS NOT OKAY TO BULLY OR BLAME THE VICTIM…EVER!

This is exactly what I told Crime Watch Daily, “It’s not okay to blame victims, or to bully victims, they have had enough pain already.  Morgan always conducted her life here on earth with grace, compassion, understanding and love…and in honor of her, we will never allow these type of people to distract us from our goal, which is, #Justice For Morgan.”

Victim-blaming can be seen as an outright attack on the victims or co-victims of a crime, or anytime someone decides to question what a victim could have done differently to prevent that crime, even if that accuser doesn’t completely grasp what he/she is doing with their actions, that person is participating, to some degree, in the culture of victim-blaming.  This has been happening, not only to me and my family, but to Morgan’s good friends as well, for years now.  Sometimes it has been as minor as “questioning” why we did or did not do something, and sometimes it is an outright attack of everyone that is in support of getting justice for Morgan.

Please know that everyone who knew and loved Morgan, has at one time or another, blamed themselves…they have all verbalized to me that there must have been something they could have done to help stop her stalking, or save her that night, before she lost her life.  As her parents, Steve and I have agonized and asked the Universe, just like other parents who have lost their child to an unexpected violent death, why are we still alive, and she is gone?…we would rather be the ones gone, we would have given our lives in exchange for her life…but we were not given that choice.  and it hurts more than words can express.

Here is another interesting reason some people may become victim blamers:  “I think the biggest factor that promotes victim-blaming is something called the just world hypothesis,” says Sherry Hamby, a professor of psychology at the University of the South and founding editor of the APA’s Psychology of Violencejournal. “It’s this idea that people deserve what happens to them. There’s just a really strong need to believe that we all deserve our outcomes and consequences.”  These type of people want to hold the victim and/or co-victims responsible for the consequences of the crime.

There are many reasons people engage in victim-blaming…but the reason really doesn’t matter, the fact is, victim-blaming and bullying is WRONG!

Criminals re-victimize and get away with it…Cyber-Stalking

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I have been advised for years not to confront, or even mention the people I am about to talk about in this post.  I agreed, but after recently being bombarded with private emails and comments from victims of cyber-stalking I have changed my mind.  These victims were furious because they said they had been reading the lies and victim-bashing on the Internet about me, and about Morgan’s case, and they were incensed.  Now I will admit I have been receiving messages from people I do not know for years about this.  I have been told that if people just read the facts about Morgan’s case they would know these people are lying. But I always told them not to worry about it – the truth will come out, and these people will just fade away.  And today I have decided to honor these victims by doing what I always tell them to do…tell their story.  Get the truth out there.  So here we go…

Below is a letter I received from the Lane County Sheriff back in July of 2013.  The reality was after Morgan was murdered I had decided to tell her story and at that time I had been cyber-stalked for months by a woman I did not know, but came to find out her name was Mayra Martinez.  And somehow this woman Mayra is connected to Tricia Griffith of Websleuths…have you heard of either of them?  I was told they even did a podcast on the Internet stating their beliefs about what really happened to Morgan – with made up beliefs, none of which are true or factual.  They were not there, they have no idea about what really happened, and yet they continue to talk like they are professionals, which they are not, and pretend that they know what they are talking about, which they do not.

Now, I do believe people have a right to their own opinion, however they don’t have the right to downright lie and put those lies out on the Internet. And they definitely do not have the right to call people and harass them…which has not only been done to me, but has also been done to some of Morgan’s friends and supporters.  Some of whom have had harassing calls and were attacked on the Internet as well.  Why would someone go to these lengths and cyber-stalk and harass others when to do so is illegal?   This alone HURTS our efforts to get an investigation opened into Morgan’s murder, and I believe that has been their intention all along. 

It is strange how these same two people have been involved since the beginning, and they are still involved after all these years, working very hard at trying to convince people of anything and everything about Morgan’s case other than the truth…why would that be after 4 long years?  I believe there is more to it then just the fact that they want attention for being armchair sleuths.  And if it is just because they are armchair sleuths they should find a different hobby since they can’t seem to decipher the truth from even the smallest clues or evidence.

This cyber-stalking, along with the harassing calls started after this blog came out and escalated & continued even after Steve and I had moved from Garfield County, CO to Pitkin County, CO.  We had moved out of Garfield because we had now become targets. This blog had been out for about 13 months at that time.  Did they believe this posed a threat to them in some way or to someone they were trying to assist?

Please carefully read the following letter I received from the Lane County Sheriff’s Office in Eugene, OR.  When these criminals or “stalkers” use spoofing sites their phone records will not show that they made a call because the calls are going through from a service on their computer.  I had already given the sheriff screen shots of these calls coming in as I had stopped answering them.  This woman told the Pitkin County sheriff to get a copy of my phone records, insisting that the records would show that I was calling her.  At that time I was was naïve about all the ways these people manipulate, so I was incensed and wanted to run down to the sheriff’s office immediately with my phone records to show that it was not true, but Steve stopped me.  He informed me that if I had done that it would have played right into her hands.  My phone records would have become part of the police record and every person’s number would have been subjected to harassment. It had already happened on documents I had given to the District Attorney’s office with unlisted private numbers of potential witnesses and experts in Morgan’s case.

Many law enforcement agencies do not understand how criminals use “spoofing” services.  I had no idea at that time either – – but now I know.  Now there is so much on the Internet that warns us about it and we could all use some awareness about how criminals use technology.

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When the harassing and threatening calls started I had no idea who it was or why she was calling me, or for that matter how she knew my phone number.  The Garfield County sheriffs knew In the beginning about the strange things that were happening at our new house after Morgan’s murder, items stolen, strange vehicles watching our house, then fleeing as soon as we started to come out of the house to confront them, our garbage can completely emptied of trash the night before trash pick up – and yes, our trash can was way up the driveway and against the garage at the time, no where near the street when it happened.  And it was a long driveway – you could have parked 6 cars on it.  What were they looking for?  Then there were threats made over the Internet and our vehicles were damaged…right in our own driveway!  Finally when the calls started, they were coming from this person’s own listed phone number – that is when I found out who she was.

I went to the Pitkin County Sheriff’s office (we moved out of Garfield County – we were now again physically being stalked so when we moved we went into a different county in Colorado, to speak with them about the harassing calls.  The Pitkin County sheriffs were kind enough to call this woman Mayra Martinez to explain to her that it was a crime to call and harass me, and they “suggested” she stop the calls.  Well you would think that a normal person at that point would stop making those calls, but that wasn’t to be the case.  Instead this Mayra woman told the sheriff that I was calling her, redirecting the blame on to the victim is a common tactic that stalkers and cyber-stalkers do.  As noted in Management of victims of stalking by Michele Pathé, Paul E. Mullen & Rosemary Purcell, Advances in Psychiatric Treatment (2001), vol. 7, pp. 399–406

“On occasion, stalkers accuse their victim of stalking them, often in retaliation, but also to maintain contact with the victim through the legal system.”

The sheriff pointed out to this woman that I had been taking screen shots of the calls with the time and date stamps. But she still insisted that it was me and not her – this is a tactic that many stalkers use against their targets – they pretend adamantly that it is the other person’s fault and that they are the victim.  They accuse the victim of being the perpetrator.  There is so much on this subject that I have learned over the years, most of which is pretty shocking to hear.  It is called victim blaming, as well as bullying.  I believe a lot of the cyber-stalking that goes on is connected to victim blaming and bullying.  The following article in short will explain how victim blaming is not just about avoiding culpability—it’s also about avoiding vulnerability. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201311/why-do-we-blame-victims   After the call the Pitkin County sheriff made to Mayra, the calls stopped coming from her own phone and started coming from different businesses all over Eugene, Oregon.  This was extremely confusing for the Pitkin sheriffs to understand, as they did not understand spoofing services, just as Steve & I did not understand how she was doing it, that is until we received the letter from the Lane County Sheriffs.

During a lunch with an associate at this time, a call came in from Oregon –  my associate grabbed my phone to ask who was calling, he remained on the phone for quite some time engaging the person on the other end of the line and finally hanging up. He thought it was funny that this woman was spending all this time trying to bother me with harassing calls – it was not funny.  If it was just harassing calls it would have been bad enough, but we all know now that wasn’t the only thing she was doing.

Whoever this is they have engaged in typical online and telephonic victim bashing for the last 4 + years, they make any claim to blindly support the Garfield County sheriff and trash Morgan. The main person was the subject of a harassment investigation in Colorado until we moved and then she was also investigated in Oregon, where she was found to be using a specific spoof site to originate harassing calls. I also have signed statements that she made cash offers for any dirt on Morgan or her family, and that they claim to have an open line for information not readily available to the public, information they said is official intel from Garfield County Colorado. Who could that be? Doubt they are getting that intel from LE in Colorado, but at this point nothing surprises me anymore.

Over the past years I have heard of similar attacks from every single victim and co-victim that has had their case out in the media and on the Internet.  I have been told they have been attacked and harassed by people they do not know, so I know that I am not special in this regard.  The Internet is a blessing and a curse all at the same time.  Its the good, the bad, and the ugly!

I was just on the phone with a woman this past year, whose baby granddaughter had been kidnapped, and has still not been found.  Can you imagine the pain of not knowing what has happened to this little baby?  It has been so hard on her that it hurts her just to take a breath, and believe me I know exactly what she means when she says that.  The pain of losing a child is indescribable – but we all grasp at some way to describe it.  She told me her daughter, the baby’s mother, has not only been emotionally distraught at the loss of her child, but she is constantly attacked by people that she does not even know – people saying vicious things about her instead of having empathy for her.  And another mother, whose daughter was murdered in Colorado has also been viciously attacked.  In that particular case her daughter’s murderer (a young man only a year older than one of the suspects in Morgan’s case) was arrested and sentenced for the murder – he is now in jail serving his sentence.  And yet this mother was attacked and accused of lying – people were saying her daughter wasn’t even dead – what she wouldn’t have given if that were true, but instead of people expressing empathy, she was attacked and called a liar.  This type of craziness is over the top – when did these people loose their humanity?  Where do these trolls come from?  What kind of people are they that just want to hand out more pain to others?

Just as I was finishing up this post I received the following email through this website.  It was such a kind thing to tell me and I greatly appreciated it.  My heart filled with gratitude when I read it.  It was almost as though the writer could hear my thoughts as I was writing this post – what do you think?

Input: I’ve been following your chilling story for some time now, and wanted to tell you how sorry I am this happened to you. There is a thread on Reddit with widely varying opinions about what happened, many people don’t believe you. I have found your accounting of events logical, thorough and straightforward. Others have not. This note is to tell you there are many of us who are dumbfounded that a large group of humanity thinks you’re making this up. It baffles the mind how some people come up with cockamamie beliefs when details of something have been clearly laid out in front of them. I blame media overload and a massive dumbing down of humans for this (a personal note.) By putting yourself out there, by suffering the insults and the  jabs and snickers of the horde of ignorant armchair judges, you honor Morgan. You may never know the truth. You may never achieve justice (an ethereal belief in the US ‘justice’ system anyway.) But you HAVE made a difference. EVERY time Morgan’s story is read… Every time some young lady scared by her stalker finds your great information and she learns strategies to protect herself… These moments may make a powerful difference in the direction their life goes. As a citizen, I commend you. As an intellectual, I applaud your strength. As a mom, my heart aches for you. So thank you. If it hasn’t been said enough, thank you for being strong enough to do these hard things.

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So now with all that has been said here today let’s make changes in the years ahead – tell people it’s not okay to blame victims or to bully victims – they have had enough pain already.  Morgan always conducted her life here on earth with grace, compassion, understanding and love.  It is time for all of us that believe in these same things to make our voices heard louder than the bullies.  Share your opinions verbally as well as in written form…trust me it will make a difference.

The picture below says it all…I know it’s hard when you are a victim of stalking, most people don’t want to hear about it, many don’t want to help, and some won’t even believe you, but ALWAYS speak the truth, even if your voice shakes – don’t ever give up.  The truth never changes, and people will listen – it just may take many tries.

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Bullies And Stalkers…

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Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power, which distinguishes bullying from conflict.

Sounds to me like a person that is a bully can easily make the transition to becoming a stalker.

Below is a link to a resource that brings the dangers of bullying to the public’s attention. This is a good resource for your community. I’ve included a link to their bullying awareness and prevention guide:

http://www.learnpsychology.org/now/bullying/

Educating ourselves about these things really does help, not only in expanding our awareness, but gives us good lessons in our ever-evolving pursuit to keep our children safe in this society.

To All The Families Still Fighting For Justice…

cloudsToday is Saturday, July 2, 2016.  I am overwhelmed by all the new information we keep receiving as to what was done to Morgan.  It is really hard not to be angry, furious, and sick to my stomach. Justice will come and I will never stop until that happens.  In the meantime I know I can not let it overwhelm me and take over every moment of my life, or else these sick people will have won again. Something I was warned about 5 months after Morgan was killed by someone who fought for 13 years before his family got justice for their son’s murder.  His son was deemed a missing person that whole time, even though his body had been found…that coroner kept insisting it was not his body, the coroner kept saying the body was that of a 15 year old Hispanic female, but no, it was an 18 year old white male.  Can you imagine the suffering that coroner caused?

As I sit here drinking my coffee I remembered a dream I had 4 years ago on Saturday, August 18th – 8 months after Morgan died.

I started to wake up this morning from a dream of Morgan walking down the driveway talking to Steve and I – she was so happy and said, “Mom why aren’t you happy this is my last semester of school.”  I looked at Steve and he said, “Don’t tell her – just pretend to be happy.”  I didn’t know what to do or say, which is not like me.  Then that dream just “switched” off in my head and Morgan’s voice came to me and said tell daddy I will send him a sign.  And then she said over and over again, very calmly, in a very convincing tone, “Heaven is inside you.”

Morgan is so strong, even on the other side.  She is still on her journey and teaching me things on a daily basis.  This is the source of the strength people keep asking me about. The strength to continue my journey, a journey that no parent should have to undertake fighting against corrupt and lazy people, those who chose to cover up Morgan’s murder.  And now after working with so many families over the years that are going through similar situations with ineffective coroner’s and law enforcement I realize this is my path – changes need to be make.  They need to care.  They need to do the job they were hired to do.  Families are NOT going to just give up and turn away from the truth…it’s hard, it’s painful, and yes, many will turn away, but so many now are fighting back with the truth, and the facts, and working on getting someone in the government to listen to them.

Some of these cases have taken years, but they have gotten justice…as will Morgan. So those of you that were involved, and you know who you are, as do I, we are still coming for you, and time has been on our side, just as the Colorado Bureau of Investigation (CBI) told us in 2013.

 

Angel numbers & Owls…

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On Wednesday, June 15th I couldn’t sleep. I was tossing and turning. Mind racing. That is when I asked Morgan for a sign that she was here. Frustrated I got out of bed searching for my phone and what do I see right when I turn it on 11:11 – angel numbers. So I said, “Hello Morgan so happy you gave me a sign. Miss you angel.”

Over the years when I started to really trust in the signs I was being given I could recognize them every single time.  Then recently I had been walking the dogs down the street in the middle of the day when I heard something fly by me.  I looked up and the most beautiful owl was flying right past me, just about 6 feet above the ground, flying straight down the middle of the street.  I couldn’t believe it!  Probably because I had never seen an owl around that area, had never seen an owl during the day flying around, and even more than all of that it was strange to see an owl fly so close to me (as though it wanted to make sure I saw it) while I was walking two dogs.  Anyway, for some reason I had a very strong sense that it was a message from Morgan, but I had no idea what it was about. owl

Then while I was speaking to one of my good friends she mentioned Morgan was coming through to her showing her an owl…what?  Yes, an owl and I had not even mentioned my owl encounter with my friend yet.  Then to top it off another friend said he had been seeing owls recently every time he was thinking about Morgan.  So now I was really trying to figure out what Morgan was trying to convey, but to no avail.  Sigh – so I asked Morgan to please let me know the meaning of the owl.

My grandson & granddaughter came to visit and I did not share with them about the owl.  Then on Friday morning, June 17th, our 7 year old granddaughter woke up all smiles.  She said she had a dream that she was doing a sleep-over at her friends house and she saw stuffed OWLS in every room of her friend’s house.  She thought they were really cool – then just before her and her friend were going to bed she heard music.  She asked her friend where the music was coming from.  Her friend said, “Behind the curtain.”  She walked towards the curtain and peeked behind it and saw a disco ball turning and lights flashing with OWLS dancing and having a party.  It was crazy she said, but looked like a big celebration…she said it made her happy.

I now know this was a sign from her Aunt Morgan to let us know what the owls meant…there is going to be a celebration!  Yippee, Morgan was able to let us know through her favorite little niece.  I love my family.  Now I am hoping it is the celebration we have all been waiting for…justice for Morgan 🙂