Tag Archives: Victim blaming

IT IS NOT OKAY TO BULLY OR BLAME THE VICTIM…EVER!

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This is exactly what I told Crime Watch Daily, “It’s not okay to blame victims, or to bully victims, they have had enough pain already.  Morgan always conducted her life here on earth with grace, compassion, understanding and love…and in honor of her, we will never allow these type of people to distract us from our goal, which is, #Justice For Morgan.”

Victim-blaming can be seen as an outright attack on the victims or co-victims of a crime, or anytime someone decides to question what a victim could have done differently to prevent that crime, even if that accuser doesn’t completely grasp what he/she is doing with their actions, that person is participating, to some degree, in the culture of victim-blaming.  This has been happening, not only to me and my family, but to Morgan’s good friends as well, for years now.  Sometimes it has been as minor as “questioning” why we did or did not do something, and sometimes it is an outright attack of everyone that is in support of getting justice for Morgan.

Please know that everyone who knew and loved Morgan, has at one time or another, blamed themselves…they have all verbalized to me that there must have been something they could have done to help stop her stalking, or save her that night, before she lost her life.  As her parents, Steve and I have agonized and asked the Universe, just like other parents who have lost their child to an unexpected violent death, why are we still alive, and she is gone?…we would rather be the ones gone, we would have given our lives in exchange for her life…but we were not given that choice.  and it hurts more than words can express.

Here is another interesting reason some people may become victim blamers:  “I think the biggest factor that promotes victim-blaming is something called the just world hypothesis,” says Sherry Hamby, a professor of psychology at the University of the South and founding editor of the APA’s Psychology of Violencejournal. “It’s this idea that people deserve what happens to them. There’s just a really strong need to believe that we all deserve our outcomes and consequences.”  These type of people want to hold the victim and/or co-victims responsible for the consequences of the crime.

There are many reasons people engage in victim-blaming…but the reason really doesn’t matter, the fact is, victim-blaming and bullying is WRONG!

Not a victim of stalking? Are you kidding me?

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Crazy as it seems, there have been a small group of people that keep insisting that our daughter Morgan Ingram was not even a victim of stalking.  I guess it doesn’t matter to them what the truth is.  They don’t seem deterred by the fact that she was murdered during an ACTIVE investigation into her stalking only 2 days after her felony stalking detective warned us that he believed her stalking was about to escalate and he would be assigning additional patrols to our home.

The forensic pathologist, Dr. Kurtzman, who did our daughter Morgan’s autopsy, has had his credentials as a doctor questioned by nearly every expert that has reviewed both of his Postmortem Report’s. He concluded on the first report that Morgan died of natural causes, and then after threats that he would change it to suicide if I, Toni Ingram (Morgan’s mom) didn’t back off from questioning him, he did in fact change it to suicide.

That same pathologist, Kurtzman, also wrote, in both reports, that Morgan was the victim of stalking (because she was – she was murdered during an ACTIVE felony stalking investigation), yet there are still a small group of people out on the Internet (and they know who they are, and what their agenda is) claiming that there was never a stalking.  This is the worst form of victim bashing there is.  Why?  Because these sick people are protecting the criminals. They have had a consistent, relentless agenda for the last 5 years as they continually bash the victim…using deceitful tactics, giving out misinformation, changing the facts, and outright lying.  They are always acting like they have pure, unmotivated reasons for their actions, which is absolutely untrue…the bottom line is that they are lying and victim-blaming / victim-bashing – and this is pure evil! Lies help criminals get aways with their crimes – it allows murderers to still live among us.

“Viciousness is part of the world we live in, some of us choose to ignore it with the rationalisation of wanting only positivity to flow our way. How selfish we have become! That the pain of others has become a hindrance to the fulfilment of our positive selves.” – Aysha Taryam

Murderer’s Denial of the Victim…and Victim-blaming

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I have read, “Criminals sometimes neutralize wrongdoings by maintaining that the crime victim “had it coming.” This is an example of the technique of neutralization.

In the past year I have heard from a person involved in Morgan’s murder…shocking I know, but not entirely unexpected.  

This female has been in trouble her whole life, and has always blamed others for her wrongdoing – so why stop now.  Does anyone think that a person involved in a criminal activities, like stalking and murder, will just admit what they did, and joyfully go to jail?  I really don’t ever hear of that happening, but I do read many articles about people that starting killing at a young age and were not caught until there were many other victims.  This female has used one-liners over and over when asked if she killed Morgan, as in her famous statement on the Dr. Phil Show, “Show me the proof.”  Ask most criminalists and they will tell you that an answer like that, to a direct question of culpability, is a major red flag…

In the message I received from this female, she said Morgan was an ‘evil psychopath,” and said, “she had it coming,”  and “her death was an accident” (they deny the injury), and she is happy because “Morgan deserved to die” (they deny the responsibility).  She accused Morgan of “destroying people’s lives and making them kill themselves” (they deny the victim).  

This is so “text book.”  This female is delusional.  She is giving herself, and others, a justification for Morgan’s death.  None of what she said to me was true, so it really didn’t upset me, but it was a “glimpse” into the mind of Morgan’s murderer.  Pretty scary stuff, and don’t think for a minute that this person has changed…no, she will only get bolder and harm more people in my opinion.

Syke & Matza (1957) and Matza (1964) wrote their conclusions on the process of delinquent youths becoming criminals as a matter of neutralizing their personal values and attitudes as they drift from conventional behavior and illegitimate behavior.

They deny responsibility, they deny the injury, they deny the victim.

They condemn the condemners.  The say, “It was not my fault,” “No harm was done,” They had it coming.”  In their minds they really believe they can shift the blame and their guilt of the crime in order to lesson the value of the life they destroyed.  Sound familiar?  Well it sure does to me.

This is a very basic article that explains the techniques of neutralization…i.e. Victim-blaming.  Excuses made by the person responsible for the crime in order to shift the blame from them to their victim.

http://www.everydaysociologyblog.com/2008/10/techniques-of-n.html 

 

How to describe #Homicide

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murder

According to Cornell University Law School, “Homicide is when one human being causes the death of another”.  Cornell University adds that while murder is one type of homicide, but not all forms of homicide are murder.

Homicide includes murder, manslaughter and accidental, justifiable or excusable homicides.  Morgan’s death was without doubt at the hands of other human beings so it should be considered a homicide.  Now I believe Morgan’s murderer has contacted me, as well as contacting another person, to try to say Morgan deserved to die, so in their warped perception of life they feel that justifies her death… I really don’t believe that is what the law meant when it says, “justifiable homicide” – nope, just because the demented mind of a sick murdering individual that says their victim deserved to die does not make the murder justifiable.

It is so macabre, sick  and twisted to experience how far victim blaming and bashing will go. I see it continually in not only Morgan’s case but also in the many others who reach out to me with their own stories. I am continually receiving messages from people I do not know… from all over the world.  These messages have a similar theme – they want me to continue fighting for justice for Morgan and to never give up.  Just this morning I received more messages:

Comment: I HOPE MORGAN GETS JUSTICE!!! MANY PEOPLE HAVE NOT FORGOTEN ABOUT HER OR THE WRONG DOINGS OF THE JUSTICE SYSTEM.
Comment: I just wanted to say I am so sorry that justice has not been served in this case for you and your beloved daughter Morgan. You must miss her everyday and to have to fight for justice is just awful. Stay strong xxx
Comment: Dear Mr. and Mrs. Ingram First of all.. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain and sorrow that fills your heart on a daily basis. I am so so very sorry. I believe that the fight for justice will be rewarded and I thank you for the examples you set in the battle for Morgan’s justice. That we as parents must not give in to the authorities but keep on fighting for our children. Afterall, we know our children and therefore also know when something is wrong! I would gladly offer you all my help and support but sitting in Denmark there’s very little I can do. The time is 23:35 pm here I DK and I just watch your tv-appearings on the ID Channel. I do believe that when the time is right justice will be served. You are in my prayers. May you all be blessed.

All these wonderful souls, from all over the world, keep us strong.  We will always continue our fight to have Morgan’s case investigated and her legacy on earth restored with arrests made and justice attained.  Our entire family is committed to stay the course no matter how long it takes.

Be assured we are here for the long run and for Morgan, there is NO statute of limitations on murder.  Once the entire story of serial gang stalking and violence is torn from the places it is kept tightly stashed away among the other skeletons in the closet of Garfield County Colorado, Morgan will at least have her justice!

And then the word #stalker came into play – another story that needs to be shared

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stopvictimblamingPlease read the story below – I really shouldn’t say it is a story because what it truly is is another human being’s current reality due their stalker.  It is horrifying, it has affected her children, it has completely changed her life, and it is so very wrong. The judicial system needs to understand how serious stalking is. Changes need to be made – criminals should not have more rights then their victims!

This is an email I received this morning:

My case with a stalker is going to jury trial very soon.  Due to this, I’m doing my research on Victim Blaming as I’m sure the defense will use this heinous tactic, and that is how I found your site.  My story began 6 months ago while breaking it off with a short-lived relationship.  Although, due to an alcohol problem with this man, I did get  a simple domestic violence restraining order, which of course I thought would be all I would need.  That day would prove to hold so very much more.  I now carry 3 criminal protective orders, he has been incarcerated for 2 months on a no bail warrant.  All I wanted was peace, but his insistence that God told him not to stop pursuing me, several texts and voice mails, him showing up at my house refusing to leave, and my visions of waking up with him standing over me, the “If I can’t have you….” attitude, and finally after several times of calling law enforcement and 2 arrests of violation, the word “stalker” came into play.  He found my new phone #, found me on social media, and followed family members.  One message reads: “If I can’t find you, I’ll have 20 people looking for you”.  As of today (10.13.2015), a new judge said he would grant another bail hearing next Tuesday.  Of course when you’ve gone into hiding twice, and you are looking for yet another safe place, this decision fills you with fear.  The word “Stalker” is used lightly, as it was with me before this time.  But my world has now become a reality of always looking over my shoulder, protecting my loved ones and myself from whatever the “next step”, the “next move” could be.  In all of our minds no one wants to believe these things truly happen, and of course we would rather blame the victim with “if only they had done something different”.  I know I will face that kind of mentality soon as part of the defense, and I dread the day I re-live it all in a twisted story by a defense attorney.  It is my hope my story will one day inspire others to do what they must to protect their family, and never minimize what a person is capable of.  Stalking is a very real crime and like Morgan, your first prison is when it all starts.  My business was shut down, my life has had to start over, and the paralyzing effects of fear are more than one can bear.  Leaving your home alone, being alone, and even falling asleep become burdens you try to avoid.  My heart goes out to all victims of any crime, and if any have had to experience victim blaming, I’m positive it made a negative emotional impact in an already devastating circumstance.  Thank you for allowing me to e-mail this to you, it was only today in what was supposed to be a Felony Settlement Conference (another one) that the decision to revisit bail was put on calendar.  The plethora of charges against continue to mount with not only the felonies, but 8 misdemeanor charges as well.   Please keep me in prayer, and tell others to always be very careful.  If there is one red flag, there are many, many more.  Be safe as you possibly can always.  This is my new reality.

Then she wrote:

Truly one of the hardest things to deal with is the “unknown”  Never knowing the next move, the next step. You can try to block it but it sits in wait in your head. I am not looking forward to taking the stand. I’m doing my homework on Victim Blaming which is a natural response in most people’s minds. People want to believe others would not instill fear, and there had to be a reason, thus blame the victim. In my case he believed in his head, we were going to be together no matter what. It got to a point my 14 yr old son slept with a kitchen knife next to him, my daughter moved in with me.  Two months ago I moved and have basically been in hiding even with him incarcerated. Of course he proclaims innocence but doesn’t realize imprisoning someone emotionally, constant emotional manipulation, is wrong. No one knows if he will attack, take hostage, to get what he wants or not. That is the worst part. And now the judicial system may consider bail after two months of no bail. I want what is fair and just for all of course. It seems as though me having to give up my life, rebuild, start over and continue to wonder when and if he will be out again, does not come into play.  This story needs to be told for anyone who remotely believes it can never happen.
Please post my story, and please feel free to use this as well.  Maybe with more awareness people will realize “stalking” is not only physical, you become emotional prey for the predator. They stalk your mind in order to get their way, and you must do all you can do to protect yourself because, despite what others believe, you do not know what the next step will be, and it must be stopped before it is taken.  Be strong as possible. Be wise. Never minimize.  And do your homework, research, be prepared if it comes to a courtroom.
I hope after reading this you will have a more intimate understanding about the emotional devastation that stalking creates.  Her story should be shared as often as you can in order to help raise awareness about the seriousness of stalking.  Thanking you ahead of time for sharing!