Noticing Signs from Morgan

I love it when I notice signs from Morgan…sometimes I have even had a chance to take a screen shot of them, when they “pop” up on my phone.

The numbers 11:11 or 1:11 come up often when I am thinking of her, or I am doing something I know she is happy about. It’s like she is saying, “Hello Mom” or “I love that you are making a fun memory with my niece & nephews.”

I can’t always take a screen shot, but I do sometimes. Interestingly, when I was looking through my saved photos, I started to see a pattern – 11:11 seems to come up multiple times during my birthday month in July and 1:11  seems to come up multiple times during Morgan’s birthday month in August…I have no idea why, but maybe she knows those months are a little harder for me to be without her.

What I would always like Morgan to know is that she is loved, she is missed and she is always remembered – and yes, I do tell her this daily.

Here are just a few samples.

Burning a candle for Morgan…

Burning your dragonfly candle Morgan, and wishing you were here with us today…

 

Morgan here is a memory from your birthday years ago…we always light candles for you, in memory of all the light you brought into our lives.

In 2014, one of your friends wrote, “Happy Birthday to the most beautiful girl and spirit to walk this earth. We still miss you and all the light you brought into our lives, I still regret all the terrible things I said when we were not friends, and I thank you for the patience and forgiveness that you gave me after. To know you was a blessing and to loose you was the greatest tragedy I (we, all who met you) have ever faced. although I am not a believer in such things, I truly do hope you have found peace and are in a better place, I will believe for the sake of you alone. Wish You Were Here. I/we all still love you.” When I read this my heart melted…Morgan, you have such amazing friends, with such beautiful hearts.

Happy Heavenly Birthday Morgan

Today marks another birthday for you, sweet angel. 

Wishing you were here with us today. Every day without you in our lives has been hard, but days like this are even harder.

I wish I could say happy birthday and see your beautiful smile once more. I wish I could bake you a cake and give you a birthday gift, but today, the only gifts that will be in our home are the wonderful pictures and sweet memories you left behind – they are the many gifts you left for us.

Someone once said, “Not until you’ve lost a child do you know how it feels to be sad every single day…even when you experience joy.” This resonates with me because this has been how I feel every single day since you were taken from us all.

You are always the last thought I have before I go to sleep at night, you are the first thing I think of when I wake up every morning. No matter how busy my days are, and they usually are, I continually think about you, with eyes that tear up over happy thoughts, as well as the sad thoughts about your final months on this planet. I see the signs you send me, they always make me smile. I know you are still around me, and I hold onto the belief that I will see you again at the end of my job here on earth…until then, my little dragonfly baby, I will be loving you and missing you every single day.  

 Always – Morgan’s Mom

 

Thought for the day: LOVE IS EVERYWHERE…From Morgan on May 15, 2011

Morgan was always about love. She always said, “I love you,” whenever she had a chance…and it was often. The Facebook post above was in the Spring of 2011, when Morgan was 19. It was only 2 & 1/2 months before her “active stalking” started. She did not know that at that time her whole world would soon change, and she had no idea that the vandalism on her car, that had taken place only 3 months earlier, that past February, was just the beginning of her stalking. 

She drew little hearts everywhere, even on the back of her jeans, in flour, while baking 🙂

Morgan knew and saw love always and for that I am happy. She did not delude herself, she knew there was ugliness in the world but, she believed love would win in the end…and so do I.

I will always love you Morgan!

Yesterday I woke to a dream & Morgan was there…

Yesterday was my birthday…it has been 11 years now since I spent my last birthday with my sweet Morgan, and as you can probably understand, it was an emotional day for me.

I remember how excited Morgan was to watch me open the present she had given to me on that day in 2011. It was a black iron cow bell that I could hang on the outside of the house – the kind you ring to let everyone know it’s time to come in for dinner. I loved it!

Steve had designed and built, with his own two hands, the horse ranch that we lived in in Old Snowmass, CO. It was the place where Morgan was born. She knew I missed the ranch – there were so many wonderful memories made there. This present brought tears to my eyes. We were planning on building another home where we could have a ranch again…those plans disappeared, along with Morgan, 5 months later.

This is where Morgan was born, learned to walk, learned to talk, learned her love for nature, and all creatures large and small.

I love all my beautiful memories of Morgan, but they also bring tears to my eyes, especially on days like yesterday. Even though it was an emotional day for me, I am also extremely grateful…Morgan was in my dream that night, and I remembered every little detail of the dream when I woke up on my birthday morning.

It was a happy dream, it was as if she was there with me, celebrating my birthday. In the dream, the two of us were walking out to the driveway, we were going out for a birthday lunch. We were going to meet friends, Morgan forgot something and went back into the house, while I waited by the car. Just then, two hats fell out of the sky. Then Morgan walked back out of the house and I asked her, “Where could these hats have come from, they just fell out of the sky?” Morgan smiled and said, “They are probably a sign from the Universe.” Then she showed me her cell phone, to show me that one of the friends we were on our way to meet for lunch, was on television, receiving an award – that friend was wearing a sparkling, rhinestone studded hat, something I don’t think she would ever wear, but here it was, on her head and she was smiling. I then said to Morgan, “If she is being filmed how will she be able to meet us for lunch?” Morgan just smiled and said, “Mom, it was probably filmed earlier and she will be there.”

It made me happy. It really felt like all was well in the world and I truly appreciated spending a little more time with Morgan…and that is exactly how I felt when I woke up.

Was it a dream? Was it a sign? Or did Morgan just pop into my dream to give me the best present I could have ever asked for…just a little more time to be with her.