Chilling Memories…


Have you ever walked into a hardware store – something like a Home Depot or Lowes, and as you walk down one of their aisles a motion detector alarm sounds?  I know they use them to get people’s attention so they might become interested in purchasing them. But if you have ever survived a stalking, or if you are ever in the midst of an ongoing stalking, and you had or have motion detector alarms you understand the sudden momentary fear your body feels when you hear that sound.  It still happens…you can’t forget it.

Small things like this bring back chilling memories.  When we first installed the motion detectors and motion lights we would get a surge of adrenaline when we heard them go off.  Our protection protocol would kick in, and Steve would run out the door of the house armed with whatever we he had decided to use at the time, and I would run to the cameras to see if I could “see” the stalker(s) on the camera.  Then if these sounds came in conjunction with tapping or banging on our windows, or actually seeing someone through the window, or even images on the camera, we would call it in to the sheriffs.  Then ~ 30 to 45 minutes later patrol officers would show up to search and interview us…the lack of sleep was taking it’s toll.

After Morgan’s murder whenever I would hear the sound of those alarms I would instinctively react to them. I am flooded with all the same horrible feelings of anger, worry, fear, and foreboding…the same feelings that I felt during Morgan’s stalking – all those feelings come flooding back.  I hope someday I no longer instinctively react to this sound, but for now I try to avoid places where I may hear it.

I know this is just one small little thing…hearing a motion alarm, but all the small little things that have no meaning to others that have never been a victim of stalking are really big things to a victim of stalking.

Stalking is serious.  Stalking takes an emotional toll on it’s victims.  Still, stalking is the most under-reported crime currently, just one-third to one-half of stalking cases are reported to authorities because victims are often afraid of angering their stalkers and making the situation worse – I know this was a fear that both Morgan and I both expressed at varying times during her stalking. Victims also tend to believe that the police are unable to help, because an estimated 40 percent of all restraining orders are violated and this is something that so many victims have written in to tell me.

Stalking: A Handbook for Vicitms by Emily Spence-Diehl offers a lot of good information for victims.



Revenge Stalking…

youshouldknowAnother current victim of stalking recently posted on Morgan’s Stalking Facebook page.  She has been experiencing a horrific revenge stalking.  She said she is working with the authorities and task force, but doesn’t really know whether they completely get it.  It is hard for even the professionals to understand the different kinds of stalking, and even harder to know what to do about it.  I believe there needs to be more training and education for law enforcement because stalking is a very dangerous crime that happens everywhere, and seems to be getting worse every year.
I also believe that awareness of all the different stalking situations, and knowing what others have endured is a really good thing to understand.  The more you know the better you can protect yourself, and your loved ones.  From the bottom of my heart I wish I had known more about stalking, and the different typologies of stalkers, in order to save Morgan.  If I had known then what I know now I still may not have been able to save her, but I think I would have had a much better chance.
On another note I want to address the fact that there are still so many ignorant people on the internet – people that did not know Morgan, or me, or any of the actual facts of her case, but proclaim to know everything.  They write that they think I was overbearing, and that Morgan wasn’t stalked, she was only depressed, and killed herself.  When I hear this, not only do I think this type of ignorance is exactly like those people in the past that used to say victims of rape had it coming, because they wore too short a skirt, or they had on too much make-up, but I also wonder if these type of people are the ones that secretly condone violence against women?  I couldn’t understand back then how people could be so cruel or ignorant, and now years later when I hear or read these words, I now understand that those type of people do still exist…and I feel very sorry for them.  They are so very wrong.  They do a disservice to rape victims, stalking victims, and all victims – victims that did nothing wrong – it is the criminal, the perpetrator that has done the wrong thing, not the victim.
What these people say is not only wrong, but rediculous.  It is completely the opposite of Morgan’s situation.  Morgan was a free spirit – all her friends that really knew her would tell you so.  She always came and went as she wanted.  She always did things because it made her happy – never to make someone else happy.  Morgan understood that in life if you are happy then you can help others be happy – just with a smile. 🙂
Every human being on this earth is different, and when you are blessed with a child like Morgan you can never become overbearing, you do not argue loudly, or fight with them – not only would it break your heart to treat someone like Morgan in that manner, but a free spirit that knows right from wrong, and has a strong sense of herself, would never put up with that type of treatment.  I will agree all day long that after I found out that Morgan was being stalked I thought I was being overprotective, and now I will tell you that I wasn’t protective enough…my daughter was murdered and I couldn’t save her.
Unlike Morgan’s older siblings, cousin and various hockey boys that lived with us over the years, Morgan was not into the normal teenage drama, or materialistic trappings, Morgan was just Morgan.  Kind, sweet, sensitive, and adored by everyone, especially by her father and I.  More than most people she understood how important it was to show people kindness, and love on a daily basis.  I was extremely blessed to have her as my daughter.  She would randomly tell me that she loved me.  It was so sweet to go on errands with Morgan, listen to her explain to me about a letter she was composing to an ex-boyfriend, and then just look at me and say, “I love you mom.”  Even though she was 20 years old she would still just grab my hand and squeeze it, without looking at me, just like when she was a little girl…it was our way to say, “I love you” without saying it out loud in front of other people.  I know it’s hard to understand, but even now, 3 + years after she was stolen from our lives, I will drive around doing errands and when I park my car I look over into the passenger seat, and feel that she is still there – I hold out my hand, and wish I could feel her squeeze it.  The tears start to roll down my checks, and I brush them away, and look out the car window wondering if everyone is looking at the tears rolling down my face.
Morgan was my best friend.  She asked to go on vacations, and road trips with her father and I even though she was over 18, and had no reason to do so.  She said it was because she always had so much fun with us, we would sing and crack jokes in the car on long road trips, always with a new place and a new adventure to look forward to.  Morgan even brought friends along on many trips and her friends had a blast with us as well.  But it was a mutual feeling – Steve and I loved having Morgan with us, along with her friends.  For some reason it always gave us ideas for even more exciting first-time places to go visit with different things to see.  Her friends are still such a wonderful part of our lives – they are great people, they miss Morgan, and always keep in touch, just to let Steve and I know about the important moments they are experiencing in their lives.  I really appreciate this as it helps me feel like Morgan is still involved in moving forward with all her friends.
Morgan was not depressed – Morgan was a victim of stalking.  Morgan did not commit suicide.  And I am not an overly grieving mother that can not accept that my daughter committed suicide.  I am a mother that lived through the horrific events of my youngest daughter’s stalking, and got to see it up close and personal.  Morgan was a victim of felony stalking and she was murdered by her stalker.  This was only days before she was scheduled to be interviewed, on camera to give her statement about her stalker, after 4 months of being terrified.  The doors were closing in on her stalker, and he decided to end her life. The really scary part that others need to realize is if your stalker can kill you in order to shut you up, and the people entrusted with stopping the criminal can just sweep your murder under the rug, and refuse to investigate, then we are all in danger…if criminals can just kill off their victim so they can never testify against them then these murderers remain free to continue their reign of terror!
In Morgan’s case the evidence ALL points to foul play – it all points to who killed her, and the truth will come out.  Crucial and critical evidence has been seen, and Morgan is not the only case that is really a murder that has been written off as a suicide.  Obviously these people on the internet that try to paint Morgan as something she was not have their own agenda and don’t understand (or don’t want to understand) what it is like to be a victim of stalking.  That is one of the big reasons for this blog.  I have been trying to raise awareness about stalking and what a life-changing and devastating ordeal it is to be, or have been, stalked.
So please take the time to really and truly be informed about the truths of stalking.  It may save your life, or someone’s life that you love.
The woman that I started out writing about on this post also wrote the following to me:

Please know I am so, so sorry about Morgan. I’ve read your entire blog. I weep with you in your loss of such a remarkable woman. I feel as if I know you and your family, and her, too. (((HUGS))) God bless you. Thank you for reaching out and sharing her – and your – story. Her story does help all of us stalking survivors be more aware of how terribly destructive stalking is and can be.

It seems that these predators are hellbent on preying on kind, giving women. Mine is an obvious psychopath/sadist, and has a group of people that help him in his “cause”. No one expects that anything so horrific can happen… Unfortunately, this is the 2nd time I’ve been stalked. This time it is far, far worse. The stalking laws are just not harsh enough…

A D.J. is Stalked…in Minneapolis

Ferris Wheel in Santa Monica - Morgan took this picture in July of 2011 just before she went home in August when her stalking started

Ferris Wheel in Santa Monica – Morgan took this picture in July of 2011 just before she went home in August when her stalking started

This comment was sent to me by one of the readers of this blog.

Thank you Jenny for sharing – I hope that people come away from reading this article with a better understanding of how horrific and absolutely life-changing it is to be a victim of stalking.

Comment: This article has been going around on our local news. She is one of my favorite DJ’s. Such a scary thing to go through. Made me think of Morgan.



48 Hours: Death After Midnight – Article from CBS News

AshleyThe Ashley Fallis case – another case I have been following out of Colorado.  Ashley was murdered one month after Morgan.  This case is out of Evans, CO, not Garfield, CO, but is similar in many ways to Morgan’s murder, as it is an alleged cover-up by the police.

A Weld County Sheriff’s Deputy, Steve Reams, has been suspended amidst an internal and criminal investigation into whether that deputy withheld information about the alleged 2012 murder of Ashley Fallis by her husband, ex-Weld County jail deputy Tom Fallis.  This came just hours after an updated lawsuit revealed Ashley Fallis’ parents believe the alleged cover-up extended to the Sheriff’s Office.

Ashley’s death was ruled a suicide only 3 days after her murder, and no further investigation followed.  This was even before the autopsy & toxicology results came back.  Her parents say it was a rush to judgement.  The police would not listen to her parents, but after an investigative reporter from Fox News got involved a new investigation in a different jurisdiction took place.  A Grand Jury was convened and 3 days later, after reviewing the evidence that the Evans Police Department had refused to accept, the Grand Jury came back with a decision that her death really was a homicide – not suicide.

The suspect was extradited from another state, arrested & is now awaiting trial.  48 Hours did a great job showing what really happened in this case.  You can watch it by clicking on this link:

We are now waiting for Morgan’s investigation to become an open investigation along with indictments.  We believe Colorado cares so please keep up the positive thoughts – we are moving in the right direction and hopefully Morgan’s case will be the next case to have justice in Colorado in the near future!


Sara Bareilles – Her Song Brave Keeps Playing In My Head…

For 2 days straight I keep hearing the song BRAVE by Sara Bareilles play over & over again in my mind.  I wake up to the words, I hear it during the day, and I wonder, what is this supposed to mean, what is it trying to tell me?

I always feel like I am speaking out, but maybe Steve & I haven’t fought hard enough…there are so many things that we know about Morgan’s case (starting with her felony stalking) that people have lied about and we just weren’t capable in our emotional state to speak out and tell everyone all the details – it would mean reliving them over and over again.

I know I have to be Morgan’s voice now – I know I need to go back to the beginning and show all the things that happened to her and how they were all so WRONG.  Just like in so many other cases across this nation there are people that know what happened to Morgan, as well as who was involved in Morgan’s attack & murder, and unless they come forward with that information they are considered accomplices in the eyes of the law.

Morgan was a loving and giving person & she does not deserve to have people she was so kind to over the years keep critical information to themselves…they need to be brave and do the right thing.  They need to speak up.  They can stay anonymous when they call Northern Colorado Crime Stoppers:

Anyone with information regarding this crime is asked to contact Northern Colorado Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS (8477); Texting Tips – Text“NOCO plus your message” to 274637 (CRIMES), or to submit a tip online go to You may be eligible for a reward.