As Morgan’s friends write in to her today I just had to share this one with you all

Photos put together by Katie

Photos put together by Katie

Today is just another day
Today is just a day…
The day your battle became ours

The day you were robbed, and us too
I loved you long before this day
I loved you for the hundreds that came before it

Two years ago today you took the colors with you
leaving the snow you longed for behind
The sunset and sunrise without your love burned redder in sorrow

Mountains fell silent- void- of sound as you left.
Stillness-
Snow untouched, attempted to preserve the moments
Stop the world from turning to keep you near
…but you had to go

and I prayed for the first time
– wake up from this dream
but each day this dream turns more real
and you become the dream

fading with every sunrise
This world slowly filling with colors I thought I had lost forever
as now you are close in reveries of starry nights and philosophy

today is just a day.

All the words that matter are: I love you.

The Second Anniversary of Morgan’s Murder

Never Giving Up Morgan

Never Giving Up Morgan

That morning two years ago began as any other, and then it grew to change so many lives forever.  She would wish that we always remember her in happiness. For all that she shared with us in her short time.  And for the love that she brought to this world.

Morgan did not want to leave, that choice was forced upon her by others that will answer for what they did, but that is for another day or days.  However long it takes to see justice for Morgan that challenge will be met.  Never a choice Steve and I ever imagined we would face someday, but we have, and our commitment to what we know is right is now stronger and more complete that ever before.

Days before her death we all shared what would be Morgan’s last Thanksgiving dinner with us, enjoying her happiness and love as if it would simply always be, just as it always had.  That it could all end so abruptly was unimaginable that afternoon.

Morgan’s stalker and her stalking were not mentioned.  Instead we talked of the future, her certification to teach yoga that would begin in a month, then her pursuit of a law degree after that, and her ultimate desire to help others.  It was the dream of life, as it should have been.  It was a wonderful afternoon. . .

We Love You So Much Morgan

We Love You So Much Morgan

Today it is about managing the pain.  We know Morgan wants us to be happy, to enjoy all of the many blessings we have and to carry on her love for the world, and we shall.  We are stronger now, more able to say the phrase, “we are so blessed to have Morgan in our lives for the twenty years that we did, and thankful to be able to carry her memory forward as it should be.”  There is so much work yet to do on that endeavor that Morgan so justly deserves.

As Steve and I began down the path we now embrace so fully, we felt alone, and looking back now, how quickly it was that we discovered we were not alone at all.  It’s as if Morgan herself was out asking others for their assistance in unraveling the mysteries of her death.  There should not have been so many facets to decipher, but there were.  Oh so many – yet slowly but surely the shrouds are falling off and the truth emerging.  If ever there was a case that so completely proves that the truth never changes, Morgan’s case will indeed prove that simple statement.

The truths revealed so far have really been very simple, albeit very shocking and horrific as Steve and I were first allowed to see them, but without a doubt, simple truths.  In the end all will be obvious, a giant compilation of simple truths.  And make no mistake it will not be a compilation made by Steve and I.  It comes from the expertise of so many, all across the country, all taking the time to share what they know with us as the simple curators of what Morgan’s case has become.  Every new little truth gives us pause, and it hurts, but it is what we need because it will one day spell justice for our dear departed daughter.  That one things means so very much to Steve and I, and to so many more that are now sharing in this quest of ours.

It has been so amazing and encouraging to see how every great mind picks out another piece from the same crime scene.  Another fact that was right there the morning her murdered body was found.  Another little truth that has waited, unchanged, until it was discovered to be a part of the crimes against Morgan.  That her civil rights were completely obliterated is without question and we again take a moment to thank all of those who are helping to expose these facts.  Our path seems like it has been long and painful and we will be up for wherever it takes us and however long it takes, with enough patience to see and assemble all of the facts surrounding her murder we shall ensnare the murderers and their accomplices with nothing more than the simple truths that all existed on the morning we found her.

A year ago I tried to document her investigation, but it was so difficult and tedious.  I have now come to realize it was because there was no investigation, just another simple truth.  What other simple truths do we know?  That is not for today, on the anniversary of her death we will remember Morgan, and all that she was.  And all that she had taken from her will not change, and it will still be there tomorrow.  Today we miss her greatly, and that is all we can bear for one day.  These 3 beautiful pictures were taken by someone very close to Morgan, on this very morning as the sun was coming up – Morgan used to get up before sunrise to watch the ever-changing start of the new day…she loved it so much, as she loved life, so these pictures are like an extension of Morgan herself.  Thank you so much to the beautiful soul that took them and sent them to us today.  Much love to everyone and know that we will NEVER GIVE UP!

We Miss You So Much and We Feel Your Love Stronger and Stronger

We Miss You So Much and We Feel Your Love Stronger and Stronger

Game on…now we will come from anger! Stalker/murderer beware – justice is on it’s way.

morgansign

Remember this saying?

Obi wan Kenobi: if you strike me down I will become so strong not even you can imagine.

     Well guess what – Morgan is back even stronger than before (even though she is not here on earth with us any longer), and we will now go forward in our quest for justice, no longer thinking Garfield County will finally do the right thing, but knowing they will not, have never before, but now others will…stay tuned.
     This Monday (in two days) it will have been 2 years to the day since we found Morgan’s body.  It has been very emotional for us lately, as you can imagine, I honestly did not think that it would take this long for a REAL investigation into her murder.  No matter how long it takes (and I don’t think it will be much longer) we will keep pushing for the truth to come out, and for her murderer, as well as anyone that covered for him to be punished.
     I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving with friends and family – Steve & I  were blessed to be able to be with our other two children, and grandchildren.  But before you pack up the rest of the leftovers, I just want to say thanks to your tremendous support – if it wasn’t for all our supporters over this last 2 years, Steve and I would not have made it this far.  Steve and I are very grateful and thankful for all of you.
     So many of you have written in with stories, support, love and ideas.  So many have offered their assistance as well.  When we received all of these things coming from others hearts ii gives us strength.  I know that sounds a little corny, but it’s true…at times when I was at my lowest emotionally, when I just couldn’t wrap my mind around Morgan being gone, and a murderer still being out there, was exactly when I would get messages from some of you readers or TEAM MORGAN, and it was always the EXACT time I needed it most!  Thank you all so much for your support.

Somewhere Along the Journey Toward Justice for Morgan

Morgan posing on one of her Dads projects.

Morgan posing on one of her Dad’s functional art pieces.

Home from a whirlwind weekend, Steve and I find ourselves missing Morgan more than ever – but we have many blessings to share from our trip.  First we had a lovely couple of hours to just sit and talk as Vail Pass was shut down and a little snowstorm tried its best to quiet the evening.  We were on our way to the annual FOHVAMP (Families of Homicide Victims and Missing Persons) meeting and Morgan’s best friend was also stuck in the storm coming the other way over Vail Pass so it was a great time to text her and others I haven’t spoken with in such a long time.

Saturday at the meeting we had our chance to talk with Howard, the founder of FOHVAMP and thank him for all the help and support he has given us since Morgan’s death, it has meant so much and it is without doubt one of the few bright stars in an otherwise very dark time for us.  Howard always reminds me to focus on our health and well-being – to not let the murderer claim two more innocent lives, I speak about that often with Steve, and it has made a difference in our lives.

The singular most important thing I have to share from the meeting is the large presence of law enforcement.  Men and women with hearts as big as the Colorado skyline and their feelings for all the other victims like us right out on their sleeves for all to see.  It was so reassuring to be right there and witness first hand how our terribly tragic experience here was isolated to Garfield County, and in other parts of Colorado, Sheriffs and Police departments truly do care, very much, they give up their weekends to help victims such as Steve and I.  It was far beyond heartwarming.  It was reassurance that the entire world has not been flung into an uncontrolled orbit, that sanity really does still exist.

I listened to all the care, concern and advice of many officers down in the trenches every day, and have such great respect for all those whom I listened to, and even more so for those I had the opportunity to talk with.  I know all too well from what happened to Morgan about how difficult a task they face, and to meet with such unwavering dedication brought great hope for Steve and I.

Kim Goldman was there to share her own story of the horrific days she faced after her brother Ron Goldman (who was brutally murdered at the same time as Nicole Brown Simpson) and the ensuing media blitz that became a part of her life in the, “trial of the century.”  She shared her feeling of loss that was a part of so many there in the audience.

The experience was far too fresh and tender of a wound for us to stay till the end, but Steve and I have such unending appreciation and respect for what the FOHVAMP organization does for those who are suddenly in a position that most will never really understand, as Howard once told me a “club” that no one wants to be a part of.  Their website is http://www.unresolvedhomicides.org/about.php

We were blessed with sunshine and a clear day on Sunday, and our afternoon was spent walking Wylah and Tessi down a trail along the river.

Now there is so much to do for Morgan and her memory.  We have new direction and some very promising marching orders.  Hope for us always leads us to the wish we could share that hope more fully with Morgan, and the realization that will never be.  Our path is the search for justice – and the rest of what was taken from Morgan – we, nor anyone else can ever restore.  We love and miss you so much honey…

An article from the Journal of Criminal Justice – how would you react if your daughter was stalked & murdered?

Let’s say for a moment (and I pray this will never be true in your case) that your daughter has a stalker – you want to keep your daughter safe so you call law enforcement, but at the same time you don’t just sit back and hope they protect her (you realize they can’t be everywhere all the time), you also do everything you can think of to keep her safe, while at the same time trusting in law enforcement to do their job.  You have no experience when it comes to stalking situations, you have only heard about celebrity stalkers, and you have no idea what to do or not to do.

Everyone you confide in has different suggestions – you decide to do as many as possible. Motion alarms, motions lights, cameras, pepper spray, mace with a staining solution that glows in the dark, water and rake the ground in order to get better footprints, observe what lights are on in neighboring houses or what cars are in driveways in the middle of the night when the stalker was just at your house, do your own stake-out, keep a timeline, borrow a watch dog, (we did that for a week, we love our dog, but just as a few of our readers have said that have the same breed as our dog, our dog is not a watch dog, never barked when the code on the front door was pushed, never barked when tapping happened on the windows), she only barks when she hears the doorbell ring (Morgan’s stalker did not ring the doorbell), or when she hears a loud knocking on the front door (Morgan’s stalker did not do that either), or if she sees someone through a window that she does not trust (that happened once when the stalker came up our driveway at night and she saw him through the front door window, read about that one here, October 18, 2011), but she did bark 3 times because of the stalker that I remember during that 4 month period, once which I mentioned above, once when I was in my office in the very front of the house, I had not gone to bed yet – I was waiting up to meet Morgan in the driveway, and Morgan called to say she would not be home until morning because she was sleeping at a friend’s house – she was exhausted and wanted to get a full nights sleep.  As soon as I hung up the phone something hard, and loud hit my window – I was startled and jumped, as did our dog, who was lying on the floor next to where I was standing, and she started to bark.  That was my first time to feel the absolute skin crawling fright that Morgan had been experiencing almost every day – and that was the first, and one of the 3 times our dog barked because of the stalker.  Suggestions like a bear trap, fish hooks on invisible fishing line hanging from the trees, things like that I couldn’t do – I love animals just like Morgan did, and injuring or killing an animal while trying to catch or stop a stalker did not sound like the right thing to do at the time.

Then your daughter’s stalking case becomes a FELONY STALKING case, and a detective is assigned to the case. You breathe a sigh of relief (because you trust law enforcement, you, like me, have seen some amazing heroes over the years), but you still keep trying to come up with ways to catch the stalker, as well as ways to protect your daughter, because you are a parent, and that is what parents are supposed to do…protect your child. With all the things we had tried we were still trying to add more things – wouldn’t you?  I told Morgan I would purchase a taser gun for her, she said she wouldn’t be able to use it.  Why?  She said, “Mom picture this, I am walking from the car to the house, holding car keys in one hand, along with pepper spray and my puppies leash in the other hand, how am I supposed to hold a taser and use it?”  So much for that idea…so I kept meeting her every time she drove home, in the driveway with pepper spray in my hand as well.  She would always send me a text to tell me she was on her way home, and I would wait for her and meet her outside – no matter what the weather was like, I’m sure you would do the same to protect your daughter.  Were her text messages being monitored?  I asked the detective, but he said he didn’t know of any software that could do that. Relatives said to carry a gun – we had one – and if we had to use it in the house we would have, but we lived in a neighborhood with houses fairly close together so if we saw the stalker running outside of our house and shot at him and missed the bullet could have gone right into a neighbor’s house and wounded, or even worse, killed an innocent person – that to me was not a valid option either.

Then after four months of being terrorized, the unthinkable happens…you find your daughter’s lifeless body.  You call 911 – you do CPR until the EMT’s rush into your home to take over, with so much hope and determination in their eyes, definitely heroes trying to save our 20-year-old with so much life still ahead of her, only to bow their heads in defeat. Your mind swirls thinking you must be having a nightmare.  This can’t be happening!  Please take me not her…then your mind starts up with all the questions – what happened, how did this happen, how could this happen to her?

This is now the worst pain you have ever felt in your entire life and it doesn’t end there.  That same morning you are told there are no signs of forced entry, no signs of a sexual assault, no signs of a struggle, no signs of suicide, and at this time law enforcement tells you her death is a mystery.  Your mind screams – mystery?  She is a healthy 20-year-old that has a felony stalker that has been terrorizing her for 4 months, and you were just told by the lead detective (only 2 days earlier) that in his opinion the stalker would not stop, if anything he would escalate – you start to ask question after question, hoping for some answers that make sense, but don’t get any, and all you can do now is still trust that law enforcement is really investigating, and will give you some answers.  Unfortunately you are wrong… it has now been one year, and nine months and you still have not received the information that you have requested, and deserve to have.

What would you think?  Would you think this is a cover-up?  Would you think this is just CYA because of mistakes law enforcement made, mistakes they can’t afford to admit now that your daughter is dead?  Would you think that maybe your law enforcement department was just lazy?  Would you think this is just because you live in a small town and small towns don’t have enough resources like big cities, so this is what happens – they just close the investigation?

For me none of the above reasons work, because EVERY human life is precious and deserves respect, dignity and honesty.  Families deserve answers.  Morgan’s felony stalking case was closed after she was murdered – 2 days before her murder I was told by the lead detective he was close to making an arrest then after she was gone no more follow-up, case closed.  This is after bringing the sheriff’s information, evidence to follow-up on and so much more, but only to see that they would not follow-up on anything or spend anymore time on her investigation.  What would you do when the suspects family tells you he was either working or not in state when Morgan’s stalking incidents occurred?  Number one how would they know when those incidents actually occurred considering the sheriff’s reports did not show all the reports?  And even more important than that is the fact that the sheriff’s did receive the work schedule for the suspect after Morgan’s murder and if they had actually looked at it and compared it to my timeline, like they were planning on doing before her murder, they would have seen what I saw…yes he was in the state (except when there was an intentional alibi being made or when there were no stalking incidents on my timeline).  I was shocked when I started looking over his hours – of course I was infuriated, wouldn’t you be?  And this is why the article mentioned below is so important…law enforcement doesn’t have to be super heroes they just need to be honest and do their job, most do, but not all and that is where change needs to be made.  Someone shouldn’t get away with murder, because it gets swept under the rug, or because a contracted forensic pathologist is allowed to say its natural causes for 8 months while being told that it can’t be by so many experts, and then he changes it to suicide when that is not true either and there is conclusive proof to the contrary.  When that is allowed to happen then other families will lose loved ones over and over, (because someone got away with murder), and the next time it can be anyone’s daughter.

I know that law enforcement can’t be everywhere at all times, I know law enforcement officers are just human like the rest of us and make mistakes too, but I also know that in my job (probably in yours too) I have to be honest, and accountable for the mistakes I make, correct them and do my best to make sure it does not happen again.  The only person responsible for Morgan’s murder is Morgan’s murderer, along with anyone that tried to cover up the crime – there are others who might be tried as an “accomplice” or an “accessory”, and remember there is no statute of limitations on murder.

This article (see link below) from the Journal of Criminal Justice explains very succinctly why there needs to be transparency, and honesty when law enforcement, and the judicial system deals with the family of victims of crime.

Journal of Criminal Justice 38 (2010) 880–888 click here http://www.leg.state.co.us/clics/clics2012a/commsumm.nsf/b4a3962433b52fa787256e5f00670a71/4edad3b79d32555b872579ac007e1eba/$FILE/SenJud0222AttachG.pdf to read the full publication.  I am so happy there are so many scholarly people in this world that can explain things that I think and have come to know, but can not properly articulate to others.