A dried rose left in-between the pages of Morgan’s cookbook…this was so Morgan 🙂
Today I decided to open up one of Morgan’s cookbooks. She loved to cook and had started buying herself some cookbooks of her own, in the last 2 years of her life. When I started to flip through the pages of her Martha Stewart cookbook, I came across a dried rose, marking the recipe – it made me smile remembering how she used to leave roses in-between the pages of her books to mark something she wanted to refer back to in the future…then I cried again remembering that Morgan no longer has a future – she now lives only in our memories.
This is so unfair! It was so hard getting through the holidays again this year, the 7th time without Morgan. She should still be here with us. Morgan needs to receive justice, and I will do everything in my power to make sure her case no longer stays cold…there is a murderer still free, walking among us, and that murderer needs to be brought to justice. No other parents should have to go through what Steve and I have been going through for the last 7 years because of this criminal. #JusticeforMorganin2019!
I always told Morgan, “I Love You To The Moon and Back,” and now, through my tears, I tell her, “I Miss You To The Moon and Back.”
I know she wouldn’t want me to cry like this, but I also know that she understands. An invisible bond exists between a mother and her child – it forms as they grow inside, before they are even born into this world. It is a bond that even death can not sever.
Ever since Morgan was a toddler, her and I had a little secret between us…whenever we were holding hands we would “squeeze” the others hand to say, “I love you.” No one else would know, and we would always smile after the other one “squeezed.” I feel so blessed when I remember that even during her last 4 months, even during the horrific, life-altering stalking, we still had moments when we “squeezed” each others hands…I just wish we could still do it. Now there are times when I feel her close by, and I squeeze the air with my hand in the hope that she still feels it.
It is now Thursday, November 30th – and I am dreading this coming Saturday, as it will be 6 years since Morgan was taken from us. Yes, taken from us at the hands of another. One day, when those who were involved in taking her life, are held accountable, we will finally feel like justice was served, but there will never be closure – how could there be? There can never be closure when such a violent, senseless act has stolen the life of your child. Morgan will never get to finish her last 2 years of college, never be able to go to law school, never have a career, or a wedding, or children. She will never get to go on vacations to Lithuania and Italy, as she planned. She was teaching herself Lithuanian, and would call me “Motina.” On her cell phone I was listed as Motina, that was how it showed up when I called, or sent her a text message. It means mother, and love in Lithuanian…the sadness that I feel is so overwhelming today, it is hard to put into words, so now, I will stop trying.
Please see the 4 part Crime Watch Daily special about Morgan’s case. Kelly McLear produced it, Nerissa Knight was the investigative reporter and was really great, and all of the many others whom Steve and I never had the chance to meet all worked so hard to tell what they could about Morgan’s case. I am so grateful for all of their hard work and diligence. What a great, great job they did on her story.
To see it, first you could go to the Crime Watch Daily website. They have the story and links to all four videos here: Crime Watch Daily.com website
Or Crime Watch Daily has a facebook page with all four videos posted as well, here are the links:
And if you prefer youtube, the series is also listed there under the Crime Watch Daily banner;
Let me know what you think after watching all 4 parts – the feedback today has been extremely positive, and as always I encourage stalking victims to view Morgan’s story as educational, compare it to your own case, or that of a friend you know believes or is certain they are being stalked. Understanding stalkers and stalking is difficult, anything that helps a victim of stalking to better deal with their own situation is so important.
I can still hear Morgan’s soft, sweet voice, as well as her laughter. Here is a short recording that I found on her laptop, after she was gone – it was recorded during the stalking. Throughout that horrific 4 months, we all kept trying our best to keep going, to have a life, and do all the things we used to do…it was hard, but the 3 of us tried. Why? Because we loved each other and didn’t want anyone or anything to change us. But they did – they ended Morgan’s life, which changed us all forever.
This the recording Morgan made herself on her cell phone. It is just a short recording of us goofing off. She wanted to record me saying, “I Toni Ingram…,” but we kept laughing so hard I couldn’t finish what she wanted me to say. You can hear Morgan say, “Alright, come on…” and then laugh. We could never finish it because we were both laughing so hard.
I miss those times so much and it hurts…but I am so happy we had them. I would never exchange all those moments, in the short 20 years that Morgan was in my life – never for anything else in the whole world. I love her and miss her so much – life is, and never will be the same. How could it be? It never could.
When you have a child that has been taken from you forever, there will always be a hole in your heart that can never be filled – this is why there will never be closure for us – yes, we will continue to push forward for justice for Morgan, but closure…that will never happen, the pain will stay with our whole family forever.