Counting My Blessings…

Sitting out on our deck, Steve and I were talking about Morgan…we miss her so much!

The pain of her loss remains, and always will.

Remembering her beautiful smile, and upbeat presence still makes us smile ūüôā

Then all of a sudden…I looked up into the sky, I asked Steve if he saw an angel, like I did. He was so excited, “Yes,” he said, “that cloud looks like an angel.” We both felt so blessed to see this sign.

We kept staring at the sky, it remained for such a long time, and then, just like that, it suddenly seemed to disappear, all that was left was a beautiful sky, full of what looked like angel wings.

Please let me know what this looks like to you. For Steve and I, it seemed like a sign that our sweet, beautiful Morgan was saying, “Hi, Mom & Dad.” We feel her presence around us, especially when we need it the most.

Thank you Morgan…we love you with all our hearts.

December 2017 – Another Christmas Again Without Morgan

I miss our youngest daughter Morgan. ¬†I miss her every moment of every day, but out of the whole year, December is the hardest month for me. ¬†Morgan was found dead the morning of December 2, 2011, and from that moment on, my world was never the same. ¬†How could it be? ¬†It never could…a piece of my heart was forever gone.

The picture above is a happy memory for me.  As you can see in the picture, Morgan had her own little fairy tree in her room.  She kept in it her room all year long, not just at Christmas time.  In this picture she was blowing bubbles from a bubble wand.  I am so grateful that I have so many pictures of her, because my memories, and pictures of her, are all I have left, after her life was cut short, at age 20, by an obsessed, jealous stalker.

But today, on Christmas, I just want to focus on LOVE РI believe love is the most important thing in the world.  Morgan taught me the meaning of unconditional love, so today I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas, full of love for all.

To The Moon & Back…

I always told Morgan, “I Love You To The Moon and Back,” and now, through my tears, I tell her, “I Miss You To The Moon and Back.”

I know she wouldn’t want me to cry like this, but I also know that she understands. ¬†An invisible bond exists between a mother and her child – it forms as they grow inside, before they are even born into this world. ¬†It is a bond that even death can not sever.

Ever since Morgan was a toddler, her and I had a little secret between us…whenever we were holding hands we would “squeeze” the others hand to say, “I love you.” ¬†No one else would know, and we would always smile after the other one “squeezed.” ¬†I feel so blessed when I remember that even during her last 4 months, even during the horrific, life-altering stalking, we still had moments when we “squeezed” each others hands…I just wish we could still do it. ¬†Now there are times when I feel her close by, and I squeeze the air with my hand in the hope that she still feels it.

It is now Thursday, November 30th – and I am dreading this coming Saturday, as it will be 6 years since Morgan was taken from us. ¬†Yes, taken from us at the hands of another. ¬†One day, when those who were involved in taking her life, are held accountable, we will finally feel like justice was served, but there will never be closure – how could there be? ¬†There can never be closure when such a violent, senseless act has stolen the life of your child. ¬†Morgan will never get to finish her last 2 years of college, never be able to go to law school, never have a career, or a wedding, or children. ¬†She will never get to go on vacations to Lithuania and Italy, as she planned. ¬†She was teaching herself Lithuanian, and would call me “Motina.” ¬†On her cell phone I was listed as Motina, that was how it showed up when I called, or sent her a text message. ¬†It means mother, and love in Lithuanian…the sadness that I feel is so overwhelming today, it is hard to put into words, so now, I will stop trying.