Life’s Purpose – a powerful force that allows you to “feel” your new path

Sometimes in tragedy we find our life’s purpose – the eye sheds a tear to find its focus.

rockspurposeThis quote by Robert Brault a free lance writer, really struck a cord in me.  Every single morning when I awake I feel a purpose…it’s hard to explain, but it is a good feeling, a feeling like I am here at this moment in time for a reason, and I know I can do what it is that I am suppose to do while I am still on this earth.
Of course there are times that I sit down and wonder, with pain in my heart, and tears in my eyes, “Why did my family have to go through all this tragedy? Why did our 20 year old daughter, a person that never hurt anyone in her life, never even stole a package of gum, why did she have to suffer?”  I don’t have an answer for any of those questions, but I do know that so far I have survived this horrific pain, and now every day I feel a very powerful sense of purpose in my life.  I have faith in myself that this purpose was given to me for a reason and I will charge forward with alI my strength to participate in the making of some very important changes in this world.

Sarah Afshar’s Exclusive Interview with Morgan’s brother Ryan


Ryan.Morgan.1999Morgan’s older sister and brother both adored her.  She was their baby sister.  She was 13 years younger than her sister, and 10 years younger than her brother, and she would have been 23 years old this past August 16th.  Her brother Ryan wanted to be able to speak out about what happened to his sister, he wanted to share his inner most feelings about the pain in his heart that he has had ever since Morgan was taken from this world.  There are people “others” on the Internet that want to attack victims and co-victims, and Morgan’s brother has also been attacked.  Up until now he has not come out and said anything, and these “others” have spent a lot of time making up whatever they want as if it came out of his mouth.

It’s very, very sad that people do this kind of thing.  I recently heard that an old friend of mine lost her boyfriend to a heart attack, and even she was attacked on the Internet by people saying very cruel things to her.  She was a person that lost a loved one to natural causes.  Yet they said things like, “He was never your boyfriend” along with really nasty lies…why?  Why do some people have the need to attack others that are grieving for absolutely no reason?  Have they lost their humanity or are they just a product of a very sad reality of their own?  Just like in the most recent tragedy of the loss of Robin Williams.  It has been reported all over the news that “others” attacked his daughter so viciously on social media that she took down all of her sights.  How could people be this cruel?  And the next question I have is why would good logical people ever begin to believe the lies and filth these people try to float?  Why would they even want to read any of the things these people write about?  And my last question on that subject is if any of the “others” really were knowledgable and were ever coming from truth then why are they always anonymous?  Why do they always use fake names, and fake accounts?

I have had people tell me that the “others” on the Internet have said stuff about Steve and I – they said we took out a life insurance policy on Morgan so we don’t want people to know she killed herself.  We never had a life insurance policy taken out on Morgan, or any of our children – why would we?  Our children are supposed to outlive us as parents.  If the mere thought of someone thinking this wasn’t so sick it would almost be laughable, but it’s not, it’s disgusting.  What kind of people think that way?  I wish the others would get a clue – Morgan never committed suicide – Morgan was murdered and there is still a murderer out there. There is ample proof that she was murder in a horrific way and If you knew your daughter had been murdered, if you had seen and heard the evidence that proves she was murdered would you just sit back and let her murder be swept under the rug?  Would you just allow false allegations to be tossed around without trying to bring the truth to light? I don’t think so.  Yes, it’s painful, but it is a reality and something we have to do, and there is no getting around that fact.

The loss of his sister has been extremely hard on Ryan.  He was so filled with anger for the first 2 years he couldn’t talk about it, but now he wants justice and has faith that Steve and I will be able to keep pushing forward until Morgan’s case gets opened, and those responsible for her murder are arrested.  He always gives me a little nudge over the phone at least once a week, “keep going Mom, what are you waiting for, hurry up.”

Morgan wrote this to her brother Ryan:

January 06, 2009
To the best brother a girl could ask for, when people tell me that the world is a cruel and horrible place all I can do is smile. I smile because I know them to be wrong. I know that the world is a beautiful place worth fighting for. I know this because of you. When I think of you I feel my heart, not the one that beats, rather the one that feels. Seventeen years here on earth, I have seen bad people and good people, but you Ryan, I know to be the best. For reasons I can ‘t quite explain, I see you more clearly than other people. I see your struggles and your triumphs, but mostly I see your heart. I am truly blessed to have a person like you in my life, a person who makes hope look so tangible, so real. ~Morgan

Please click on this link to read Ryan’s interview.  Thank you Sarah Afshar for giving Ryan a chance to use his voice.



Is there something very wrong in #Garfield County, or is it just me?

garfieldcountyLong ago, right after the blog of Morgan’s stalking was just getting going I was contacted by a local author writing a piece about the great disparity between suicides, and homicides in Garfield County.  What was shared with me was fascinating, and troubling all at the same time.  But back then we were being told by Garfield County that Morgan’s death was from natural causes, while at the same time Morgan’s doctor believed her death was a homicide, and another forensic pathologist was telling me she did not die from natural causes, it was a suspicious death and should have been listed at the very least as undetermined until a full investigation had been done.  Along with all of this I was being threatened by the contracted forensic pathologist for Garfield County.  He said that Morgan’s manner of death could be revisited, and could possibly be changed from natural causes to an accidental overdose or suicide if I didn’t back off…I believe the grief, shock and stress I was feeling at the time was paralyzing me in so many ways, and I heard what I was being told by all these different parties, but at the same time my mind couldn’t properly grasp it all.  Writing on this blog about the things that happened to Morgan during her stalking helped keep me going, but looking back on it now I only thought I was pushing hard, truth be told I was only a fraction of myself.  Oh the things you learn as you come out of your grief bubble…
 I  honestly do not think Morgan’s case is the only one like this in Garfield County.  I have talked to other families and friends of missing, and dead loved ones, and I hear the same run-around that we received given to others, along with all the same non answers that we got.  These other families speak of the same unanswered phone calls, emails and letters.  They speak of evidence that the Sheriffs department or Coroner’s office had that has now gone “missing” or was “accidentally destroyed”, I even received a call from a mom that had spent her whole retirement account hiring a ballistic expert, private investigator, etc. and had solid evidence that her son did not shoot himself, but was shot with a completely different gun then the gun the police took into evidence (the gun that had been collected from the scene had never been shot and it was a different caliber than the gun that shot the bullet into her son’s body), and they still would not open that case or change his manner of death from suicide.  
In an article written by John Colson for the Post Independent newspaper about Morgan’s manner of death being changed from natural causes to suicide (and yes, this was after I was threatened by the pathologist to back off in trying to facilitate other doctors, and experts into explaining to him how his first conclusion was incorrect, that Morgan did not die from natural causes, and yes again, the Sheriff and Coroner had been notified about the threats, but would never respond) on August 31, 2012 Garfield County Sheriff Lou Vallario is quoted as saying that he would stick by the contracted forensic pathologist Dr. Kurtzman’s conclusion of suicide.  Sheriff Vallario wrote in an email to the reporter, “The results of the autopsy and pathology reports were that the manner of death was suicide.”  The sheriffs knew that her death was considered a suspicious death because of her stalking (that is why an autopsy was done, that was why crime scene tape was put up all around our house and we were asked to leave the scene), but they decided on the exact morning her body was found that it had nothing to do with her stalking.  Then right after the Post Independent article came out, Jeff Todd a reporter for CBS in Denver filmed Sheriff Lou Vallario right in the front of the courthouse in Glenwood Springs, CO stating that he would never open Morgan’s case.  Never?  I thought if evidence is brought forward in a capital crime that there is no statue of limitations, and a case can be opened at any time?  Am I mistaken here, or was Morgan’s case, like so many other suspicious cases in Garfield County closed, shut down, and buried for some sinister reason?  I really need to know the answer to that question – I feel that I deserve an answer to that question, wouldn’t you?  Please look at the following report from Garfield County and tell me what you think.  Is it just me or does something look wrong with these numbers?
Maybe it is just me, but when I look at this stat sheet for Garfield County it suggests to me a story about a county that does not want any murders on its books…natural causes, accidental, or suicide those are all okay, along with run aways, but not foul play, murder, kidnapping, or rape…they don’t want any of those on their stats. As you can see on the Garfield County stats that listed results of Colorado Death Dataset Query for suicides, and homicides- I have circled the 5 years ending in 2011 (the year Morgan was murdered) it shows 53 deaths (due to suicide or homicide), 50 were determined to be suicide and the other 3 are not listed under homicide, so they are either not accounted for, or undetermined…in my opinion this is why Garfield County has been said to have one of the highest suicide rates in the country, but I don’t believe they are all suicides, I think they have listed other types of deaths like Morgan’s as suicides that were really not suicides.  Anything to not have a homicide on their stats.  This type of protocol only causes to re-victimize the already traumatized families.  Not only re-victimizing families, but allowing a murder to never be investigated would seem to me to be dangerous to others in the community, unless of course Garfield County feels confident that a murderer will never murder again.  How confident do you feel about that?
Does anyone know when this type of thing started?  When did Garfield County start to go down this slippery road?  Is there any turning back?  I have to hope they can turn this all around, and start to uphold the law, protect their citizens, make the truth their number one priority.  It may take the citizens of the county to join their voices in protest and show the elected officials what they expect, and in an election year such as this one, it seems like a good time to make your vote count.  Speak out – write in to the local newspaper (like the Aspen Times, or the Post Independent).  Take a stand, make your voice heard.  No one wants this to ever happen to their family, so please make sure it can never happen to another family in Garfield County, or anywhere else.  Change is needed and change will come – hopefully sooner rather than later.  Thank you so much – each and every one of you have the power to move mountains!

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”