The Second Anniversary of Morgan’s Murder

Never Giving Up Morgan

Never Giving Up Morgan

That morning two years ago began as any other, and then it grew to change so many lives forever.  She would wish that we always remember her in happiness. For all that she shared with us in her short time.  And for the love that she brought to this world.

Morgan did not want to leave, that choice was forced upon her by others that will answer for what they did, but that is for another day or days.  However long it takes to see justice for Morgan that challenge will be met.  Never a choice Steve and I ever imagined we would face someday, but we have, and our commitment to what we know is right is now stronger and more complete that ever before.

Days before her death we all shared what would be Morgan’s last Thanksgiving dinner with us, enjoying her happiness and love as if it would simply always be, just as it always had.  That it could all end so abruptly was unimaginable that afternoon.

Morgan’s stalker and her stalking were not mentioned.  Instead we talked of the future, her certification to teach yoga that would begin in a month, then her pursuit of a law degree after that, and her ultimate desire to help others.  It was the dream of life, as it should have been.  It was a wonderful afternoon. . .

We Love You So Much Morgan

We Love You So Much Morgan

Today it is about managing the pain.  We know Morgan wants us to be happy, to enjoy all of the many blessings we have and to carry on her love for the world, and we shall.  We are stronger now, more able to say the phrase, “we are so blessed to have Morgan in our lives for the twenty years that we did, and thankful to be able to carry her memory forward as it should be.”  There is so much work yet to do on that endeavor that Morgan so justly deserves.

As Steve and I began down the path we now embrace so fully, we felt alone, and looking back now, how quickly it was that we discovered we were not alone at all.  It’s as if Morgan herself was out asking others for their assistance in unraveling the mysteries of her death.  There should not have been so many facets to decipher, but there were.  Oh so many – yet slowly but surely the shrouds are falling off and the truth emerging.  If ever there was a case that so completely proves that the truth never changes, Morgan’s case will indeed prove that simple statement.

The truths revealed so far have really been very simple, albeit very shocking and horrific as Steve and I were first allowed to see them, but without a doubt, simple truths.  In the end all will be obvious, a giant compilation of simple truths.  And make no mistake it will not be a compilation made by Steve and I.  It comes from the expertise of so many, all across the country, all taking the time to share what they know with us as the simple curators of what Morgan’s case has become.  Every new little truth gives us pause, and it hurts, but it is what we need because it will one day spell justice for our dear departed daughter.  That one things means so very much to Steve and I, and to so many more that are now sharing in this quest of ours.

It has been so amazing and encouraging to see how every great mind picks out another piece from the same crime scene.  Another fact that was right there the morning her murdered body was found.  Another little truth that has waited, unchanged, until it was discovered to be a part of the crimes against Morgan.  That her civil rights were completely obliterated is without question and we again take a moment to thank all of those who are helping to expose these facts.  Our path seems like it has been long and painful and we will be up for wherever it takes us and however long it takes, with enough patience to see and assemble all of the facts surrounding her murder we shall ensnare the murderers and their accomplices with nothing more than the simple truths that all existed on the morning we found her.

A year ago I tried to document her investigation, but it was so difficult and tedious.  I have now come to realize it was because there was no investigation, just another simple truth.  What other simple truths do we know?  That is not for today, on the anniversary of her death we will remember Morgan, and all that she was.  And all that she had taken from her will not change, and it will still be there tomorrow.  Today we miss her greatly, and that is all we can bear for one day.  These 3 beautiful pictures were taken by someone very close to Morgan, on this very morning as the sun was coming up – Morgan used to get up before sunrise to watch the ever-changing start of the new day…she loved it so much, as she loved life, so these pictures are like an extension of Morgan herself.  Thank you so much to the beautiful soul that took them and sent them to us today.  Much love to everyone and know that we will NEVER GIVE UP!

We Miss You So Much and We Feel Your Love Stronger and Stronger

We Miss You So Much and We Feel Your Love Stronger and Stronger

Somewhere Along the Journey Toward Justice for Morgan

Morgan posing on one of her Dads projects.

Morgan posing on one of her Dad’s functional art pieces.

Home from a whirlwind weekend, Steve and I find ourselves missing Morgan more than ever – but we have many blessings to share from our trip.  First we had a lovely couple of hours to just sit and talk as Vail Pass was shut down and a little snowstorm tried its best to quiet the evening.  We were on our way to the annual FOHVAMP (Families of Homicide Victims and Missing Persons) meeting and Morgan’s best friend was also stuck in the storm coming the other way over Vail Pass so it was a great time to text her and others I haven’t spoken with in such a long time.

Saturday at the meeting we had our chance to talk with Howard, the founder of FOHVAMP and thank him for all the help and support he has given us since Morgan’s death, it has meant so much and it is without doubt one of the few bright stars in an otherwise very dark time for us.  Howard always reminds me to focus on our health and well-being – to not let the murderer claim two more innocent lives, I speak about that often with Steve, and it has made a difference in our lives.

The singular most important thing I have to share from the meeting is the large presence of law enforcement.  Men and women with hearts as big as the Colorado skyline and their feelings for all the other victims like us right out on their sleeves for all to see.  It was so reassuring to be right there and witness first hand how our terribly tragic experience here was isolated to Garfield County, and in other parts of Colorado, Sheriffs and Police departments truly do care, very much, they give up their weekends to help victims such as Steve and I.  It was far beyond heartwarming.  It was reassurance that the entire world has not been flung into an uncontrolled orbit, that sanity really does still exist.

I listened to all the care, concern and advice of many officers down in the trenches every day, and have such great respect for all those whom I listened to, and even more so for those I had the opportunity to talk with.  I know all too well from what happened to Morgan about how difficult a task they face, and to meet with such unwavering dedication brought great hope for Steve and I.

Kim Goldman was there to share her own story of the horrific days she faced after her brother Ron Goldman (who was brutally murdered at the same time as Nicole Brown Simpson) and the ensuing media blitz that became a part of her life in the, “trial of the century.”  She shared her feeling of loss that was a part of so many there in the audience.

The experience was far too fresh and tender of a wound for us to stay till the end, but Steve and I have such unending appreciation and respect for what the FOHVAMP organization does for those who are suddenly in a position that most will never really understand, as Howard once told me a “club” that no one wants to be a part of.  Their website is http://www.unresolvedhomicides.org/about.php

We were blessed with sunshine and a clear day on Sunday, and our afternoon was spent walking Wylah and Tessi down a trail along the river.

Now there is so much to do for Morgan and her memory.  We have new direction and some very promising marching orders.  Hope for us always leads us to the wish we could share that hope more fully with Morgan, and the realization that will never be.  Our path is the search for justice – and the rest of what was taken from Morgan – we, nor anyone else can ever restore.  We love and miss you so much honey…

An article from the Journal of Criminal Justice – how would you react if your daughter was stalked & murdered?

Let’s say for a moment (and I pray this will never be true in your case) that your daughter has a stalker – you want to keep your daughter safe so you call law enforcement, but at the same time you don’t just sit back and hope they protect her (you realize they can’t be everywhere all the time), you also do everything you can think of to keep her safe, while at the same time trusting in law enforcement to do their job.  You have no experience when it comes to stalking situations, you have only heard about celebrity stalkers, and you have no idea what to do or not to do.

Everyone you confide in has different suggestions – you decide to do as many as possible. Motion alarms, motions lights, cameras, pepper spray, mace with a staining solution that glows in the dark, water and rake the ground in order to get better footprints, observe what lights are on in neighboring houses or what cars are in driveways in the middle of the night when the stalker was just at your house, do your own stake-out, keep a timeline, borrow a watch dog, (we did that for a week, we love our dog, but just as a few of our readers have said that have the same breed as our dog, our dog is not a watch dog, never barked when the code on the front door was pushed, never barked when tapping happened on the windows), she only barks when she hears the doorbell ring (Morgan’s stalker did not ring the doorbell), or when she hears a loud knocking on the front door (Morgan’s stalker did not do that either), or if she sees someone through a window that she does not trust (that happened once when the stalker came up our driveway at night and she saw him through the front door window, read about that one here, October 18, 2011), but she did bark 3 times because of the stalker that I remember during that 4 month period, once which I mentioned above, once when I was in my office in the very front of the house, I had not gone to bed yet – I was waiting up to meet Morgan in the driveway, and Morgan called to say she would not be home until morning because she was sleeping at a friend’s house – she was exhausted and wanted to get a full nights sleep.  As soon as I hung up the phone something hard, and loud hit my window – I was startled and jumped, as did our dog, who was lying on the floor next to where I was standing, and she started to bark.  That was my first time to feel the absolute skin crawling fright that Morgan had been experiencing almost every day – and that was the first, and one of the 3 times our dog barked because of the stalker.  Suggestions like a bear trap, fish hooks on invisible fishing line hanging from the trees, things like that I couldn’t do – I love animals just like Morgan did, and injuring or killing an animal while trying to catch or stop a stalker did not sound like the right thing to do at the time.

Then your daughter’s stalking case becomes a FELONY STALKING case, and a detective is assigned to the case. You breathe a sigh of relief (because you trust law enforcement, you, like me, have seen some amazing heroes over the years), but you still keep trying to come up with ways to catch the stalker, as well as ways to protect your daughter, because you are a parent, and that is what parents are supposed to do…protect your child. With all the things we had tried we were still trying to add more things – wouldn’t you?  I told Morgan I would purchase a taser gun for her, she said she wouldn’t be able to use it.  Why?  She said, “Mom picture this, I am walking from the car to the house, holding car keys in one hand, along with pepper spray and my puppies leash in the other hand, how am I supposed to hold a taser and use it?”  So much for that idea…so I kept meeting her every time she drove home, in the driveway with pepper spray in my hand as well.  She would always send me a text to tell me she was on her way home, and I would wait for her and meet her outside – no matter what the weather was like, I’m sure you would do the same to protect your daughter.  Were her text messages being monitored?  I asked the detective, but he said he didn’t know of any software that could do that. Relatives said to carry a gun – we had one – and if we had to use it in the house we would have, but we lived in a neighborhood with houses fairly close together so if we saw the stalker running outside of our house and shot at him and missed the bullet could have gone right into a neighbor’s house and wounded, or even worse, killed an innocent person – that to me was not a valid option either.

Then after four months of being terrorized, the unthinkable happens…you find your daughter’s lifeless body.  You call 911 – you do CPR until the EMT’s rush into your home to take over, with so much hope and determination in their eyes, definitely heroes trying to save our 20-year-old with so much life still ahead of her, only to bow their heads in defeat. Your mind swirls thinking you must be having a nightmare.  This can’t be happening!  Please take me not her…then your mind starts up with all the questions – what happened, how did this happen, how could this happen to her?

This is now the worst pain you have ever felt in your entire life and it doesn’t end there.  That same morning you are told there are no signs of forced entry, no signs of a sexual assault, no signs of a struggle, no signs of suicide, and at this time law enforcement tells you her death is a mystery.  Your mind screams – mystery?  She is a healthy 20-year-old that has a felony stalker that has been terrorizing her for 4 months, and you were just told by the lead detective (only 2 days earlier) that in his opinion the stalker would not stop, if anything he would escalate – you start to ask question after question, hoping for some answers that make sense, but don’t get any, and all you can do now is still trust that law enforcement is really investigating, and will give you some answers.  Unfortunately you are wrong… it has now been one year, and nine months and you still have not received the information that you have requested, and deserve to have.

What would you think?  Would you think this is a cover-up?  Would you think this is just CYA because of mistakes law enforcement made, mistakes they can’t afford to admit now that your daughter is dead?  Would you think that maybe your law enforcement department was just lazy?  Would you think this is just because you live in a small town and small towns don’t have enough resources like big cities, so this is what happens – they just close the investigation?

For me none of the above reasons work, because EVERY human life is precious and deserves respect, dignity and honesty.  Families deserve answers.  Morgan’s felony stalking case was closed after she was murdered – 2 days before her murder I was told by the lead detective he was close to making an arrest then after she was gone no more follow-up, case closed.  This is after bringing the sheriff’s information, evidence to follow-up on and so much more, but only to see that they would not follow-up on anything or spend anymore time on her investigation.  What would you do when the suspects family tells you he was either working or not in state when Morgan’s stalking incidents occurred?  Number one how would they know when those incidents actually occurred considering the sheriff’s reports did not show all the reports?  And even more important than that is the fact that the sheriff’s did receive the work schedule for the suspect after Morgan’s murder and if they had actually looked at it and compared it to my timeline, like they were planning on doing before her murder, they would have seen what I saw…yes he was in the state (except when there was an intentional alibi being made or when there were no stalking incidents on my timeline).  I was shocked when I started looking over his hours – of course I was infuriated, wouldn’t you be?  And this is why the article mentioned below is so important…law enforcement doesn’t have to be super heroes they just need to be honest and do their job, most do, but not all and that is where change needs to be made.  Someone shouldn’t get away with murder, because it gets swept under the rug, or because a contracted forensic pathologist is allowed to say its natural causes for 8 months while being told that it can’t be by so many experts, and then he changes it to suicide when that is not true either and there is conclusive proof to the contrary.  When that is allowed to happen then other families will lose loved ones over and over, (because someone got away with murder), and the next time it can be anyone’s daughter.

I know that law enforcement can’t be everywhere at all times, I know law enforcement officers are just human like the rest of us and make mistakes too, but I also know that in my job (probably in yours too) I have to be honest, and accountable for the mistakes I make, correct them and do my best to make sure it does not happen again.  The only person responsible for Morgan’s murder is Morgan’s murderer, along with anyone that tried to cover up the crime – there are others who might be tried as an “accomplice” or an “accessory”, and remember there is no statute of limitations on murder.

This article (see link below) from the Journal of Criminal Justice explains very succinctly why there needs to be transparency, and honesty when law enforcement, and the judicial system deals with the family of victims of crime.

Journal of Criminal Justice 38 (2010) 880–888 click here http://www.leg.state.co.us/clics/clics2012a/commsumm.nsf/b4a3962433b52fa787256e5f00670a71/4edad3b79d32555b872579ac007e1eba/$FILE/SenJud0222AttachG.pdf to read the full publication.  I am so happy there are so many scholarly people in this world that can explain things that I think and have come to know, but can not properly articulate to others.

TODAY (September 25th) IS NATIONAL DAY OF REMEMBRANCE FOR MURDER VICTIMS

NATIONAL DAY OF REMEMBRANCE FOR MURDER VICTIMS
September 25, 2013
Please join COVA, the Victim Assistance Unit of the Denver Police Department, MADD, the Front Range Chapter of POMC, Voices of Victims, and Families of Homicide Victims and Missing Persons as we pause to remember all victims of homicide, for the 7th Annual National Day of Remembrance for Murder Victims.Families of murder victims are encouraged to bring a picture of their loved one to display.  A representative from each family may present the name of their loved one, date of birth, and date of death at the microphone.  The media is expected to be in attendance.
Time: 11:00AM-1:00PMLocation: 1371 Cherokee Street(Plaza in front of the new Denver Crime Lab)

Featured Speaker: Jayann Sepich, Founder, DNA Saves

 

After the 2003 brutal rape and murder of her firstborn, Katie, Jayann and her family established DNA Saves, a non-profit organization dedicated to the passage of arrestee testing laws, in December of 2008.  Jayann, along with her family made it their mission to see legislation passed in all 50 states to mandate taking DNA upon felony arrest, called “Katie’s Law”. Colorado passed Katie’s Law in 2009.

 

Jayann says that she is an ordinary woman placed in an extraordinary circumstance.  She believes that through DNA testing of arrestees, lives will be saved and crimes prevented, and families spared the pain of burying a loved one.

The annual National Day of Remembrance for Murder Victims allows the opportunity to remember those lost to homicide, and honor their memories.  September 25th was chosen to honor POMC founders Robert and Charlotte Hullinger of Cincinnati, Ohio, whose daughter was murdered on that date in 1978.

A little more about Morgan…her stalker can’t take away all the beautiful times she spent on this earth

Morgan's birhtday

Morgan’s birthday

Who was Morgan – really?  I am not quite sure why I feel the need to write this down right now, but remember how I said you should always go with what your intuition is telling you?  Well mine is telling me that even though I know who Morgan was, even though her whole family, and her friends know who Morgan was, not everyone knew her.  I have tried, throughout this blog, using her text messages, and daily events that happened to her to give everyone a look into who she really was, but now my intuition is telling me to explain more.

Morgan was 19 when her stalking started.  She turned twenty about 2 weeks later – she was born in August, she was a Leo – that should explain to some of you about her drive and her inner courage.  She was not shy about speaking out when she thought someone was being unjustly persecuted.  Morgan always stood up for her own rights as well, and enjoyed her freedom.  After raising two other children, and being involved in so many other children’s lives over the years I knew that at age 20, I could not even begin to tell Morgan what to do, I could only explain to her why I would like her to do things like, text me on her way home, always let me know where she was, and who she was with, and always carry pepper spray on her – but this was only during her stalking – we never had to employ any of this before her stalking began, as some people have suggested.  We actually thought we lived in a safe place, but I now know no place in this world is safe from evil.  Morgan was such a sweet and loving soul that she never argued about my suggestions, she knew I was worried about her, and she did not want to cause me, or her father or anyone else any additional stress so our beautiful and kind daughter took my suggestions willingly…she was frightened too, and as other stalking victims have said to me over, and over again about how they felt while being stalked, Morgan said the same thing – she just wanted it to stop, she just wanted to believe it was over…they all do.  Morgan tried to tell herself, as did I, if it was quiet for a day or two that maybe it was over…but it wasn’t.

shadowfigure

Morgan was our youngest child, one of three.  Her older sister and brother adored her.  She was a twin, but I lost her twin during my pregnancy, and Morgan (our little Leo) hung in there, she was tough.  When Morgan was only 11 years old she was exposed to chronic Carbon Monoxide for a year – it was horrible!  She went from feeling like she had the flu to being so sick she started to lose her hair – she was pale and would shake all over.  Steve and I have great insurance so we brought her to Children’s hospital, and every specialist we could think of in Colorado, but they could not figure out what was wrong with her.  Morgan was so brave, and so happy when we finally found out what was causing the problem. We got her out of that house immediately, it was hard because it was the middle of winter in a ski town so there were not many places available, but she never complained – not even once, again she was very tough.  She was so happy to be feeling better and to be back in school with her friends – unfortunately at that time we had no idea that the Carbon Monoxide would cause her more problems down the line…but what did Morgan do?  It would have been easy for her to let it hold her back, let her fade into the background, but Morgan said she was happy about all the problems she had suffered through, because she felt that it had made her stronger and even more driven.  She wrote, and did two speeches about it – she wanted to get her story out so others would know the dangers of Chronic Carbon Monoxide poisoning…not just Acute Carbon Monoxide poisoning like we sadly read about in the paper, after a whole family dies.

She was not materialistic, she loved going on “road trips” with her father and I – she always kidded us that we were a “crack-up”, as did some of her friends that we would invite along, all these trips and outings have left us amazing and happy memories that I wouldn’t change for anything.  As a family we always loved having kids in the house, we sponsored hockey kids for a year, had various cousins live with us at times, enjoyed having big holiday dinners and BBQ’s.  Morgan always enjoyed all the holiday craft times, egg dying, Christmas ornament making, and in her last two years became enamored with baking desserts for everyone.

Morgan even made heart shapes out of parmesan cheese :}

Morgan even made heart shapes out of parmesan cheese :}

Morgan had just finished her first two years of college and transferred her credits to CU Boulder so she could finish up her last two years and receive her BA.  Morgan wrote the following just before she was murdered, she thought she was going to get the chance to finish up her last 2 years of college and then go on to law school. She loved Philosophy and couldn’t wait to do even more good things with her life…now we are all going to help her fight for woman’s rights, as well as the right for all humanity to be treated equally. Change will be made – we are all here to help see this through Morgan.

Morgan wrote: About to spend the next two years overdosing on Philosophy in an amazing way. Also, anyone interested in perhaps making a grassroots effort to make a difference for woman’s rights? Anyone?

Her other passion, besides learning was her pets.  She loved all animals, and they always loved her.  Her cat Mogwai loved sleeping in her suitcase.  Whenever he heard her come home from school but not come in her room he would yell out, “,Ma, Ma”  he was a total Mama’s boy.

Mogwaiinsuitcase

Her horse TC love her so much – they were like brother and sister.  He knew when she was killed.  I went to tell him later that same day and when he saw me he reared up, threw his head from side to side and yelled out.  You could see in his eyes that he already knew and was extremely upset.  He would not come to me and he always comes to me.  I just cried and told him how sorry I was that I didn’t protect her.  No one in this world could tell me animals don’t know.  I was there and saw how her horse reacted that day and I am here to tell you he has never done that in his life…he knew, and he was very angry that this had happened to someone so dear to his heart, someone he could communicate with, someone who was so caring and gentle.  I also would like to tell you that horses NEVER forget.tc2

 

 

 

Morgan and her puppy Wylah May – Morgan adored this little one.  Morgan worked very hard on a movie in California in the beginning of that summer and spent all her hard-earned money on that puppy.  Made her special food, took her down to the river, the parks, took her for play dates with other dogs…this little dog was like a baby to her.  Wylah was about 5 months old when Morgan was murdered.  She is now an older, wiser, and beautiful dog.  She is sweet and loving and great with other dogs but very weary of certain people – even if they are far away when she is on a walk she observes people around her and actually growled at a strange-looking man just a week ago.  I guess she is a hyper-vigilant dog now.

Morgan and Wylah with bubbles

Morgan and Wylah with bubbles

She loved her little happy ferrets – they always made us smile.

Morgan's ferret Mocha peeking out of a bag

Morgan’s ferret Mocha peeking out of a bag

And Tessi missing Morgan coming through the front door, and while petting her always called her beautiful. Tessi and Morgan would always be together on the couch when Morgan was watching television.  She seemed to like all the movies Morgan liked.  Tessi misses Morgan so very much!

mjtessipuzzle

 

And of course I could go on for years writing just this one post about Morgan because there are so many wonderful things about her I could never put them in one post but I hope throughout the entire blog you will get the true “sense” of who Morgan was.  She is the most beautiful, and gentle soul I have ever met, and I am truly proud to have been her mother.  We will get justice and we will make changes…count on it.