Tag Archives: January is stalking awareness month

Guest Bloggers – You Are Invited To Share Your Story

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do GoodGuest bloggers are being invited to share their own personal stories about the horrors of stalking, and what they have had to endure.  Over the years I have heard from so many victims of stalking – stories that are so horrifyingly similar, and yet every one of them is also uniquely different.

I truly believe when victims and survivors share their stories in as many forums as possible, not only will this help to raise awareness of the dangers of stalking, but it will also help give a voice to others that can not speak out.  The crime of stalking is utterly devastating – it takes away lives.  I have never spoken with a victim/survivor of stalking that has completely gotten over it.  It doesn’t happen – they may have gotten away from their stalker, but you can hear the fear in their voice as they tell you their story, and you can see the fear hidden behind their eyes, but they are also warriors, they are survivors and others are empowered by their stories.

Stalking is a crime that is hard to understand.  You have no idea why you have been targeted.  You don’t know what to do to protect yourself, and others you care about.  Not only is it hard for you to understand, but most people in your life will have a hard time understanding what is happening to you.

Law enforcement sometimes understands and uses the correct stalking protocol, they agree if there is quick intervention there is usually a good outcome, but for the most part proper training and understanding is not the norm.  This leaves so many victims of stalking wondering if law enforcement even believes them.  Better training and awareness to change attitudes is greatly needed, but lawmakers need to acknowledge that stalking is a crime.

With no where to turn many victims live in fear for their lives and they need solutions.  Hopefully as awareness is raised there will be more solutions.  People care share ideas that have worked for them.  In a perfect world others will reach out to help victims of stalking, law enforcement and the justice system will hold the criminals accountable and not try to minimize their crimes.

Stalking is a crime in all 50 states (click here for a page that will take you to the current stalking laws in your state http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center/stalking-laws/criminal-stalking-laws-by-state.)  Most states have specific laws on their books that spell out the seriousness of stalking, but the real problem with the current law is that it doesn’t get used; many police officers and lawyers are ignorant to its existence and are skeptical about the seriousness of stalking as a crime.  Stalking is a crime that causes psychological harm in almost all cases, but law enforcement and the judicial system seem to want to minimize the actions of the stalker at the expense of the victim – which is not only heartbreaking, but dangerous as well.  Many victims feel that the criminal has all the rights and the victim has none.  And it’s not hard to understand why victims feel that way.

I am tired of talk that comes to nothing.  It makes my heart sick when I remember all the good words and all the broken promises.  – Chief Joseph, Nez Perce January 1879

Stalking is a serious crime and deserves serious consequences.  If you can please share your story.  You may go to the contact page on this website www.morgansstalking.com and submit your story in order to have it posted here on this blog.  Thanking you all in advance for your bravery…I know it is hard to allow yourself to remember the pain, but hopefully it will get a little easier every time you let it out.  Please share in my hope for a better future, and a safer world – we can all be a part of the solution.

 

 

MORGAN – I Love Life

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Colorado FlowersAs a parent of a murdered child I know I will never stop hurting, and I will never forget, but in my own time I have become stronger and have learned to appreciate life again.  I am so grateful for the 20 years Morgan was in my life.  I will never forget all the lessons she taught me – the greatest lesson was her love of life.  My heart now honors Morgan with every happy thought that I allow to enter my heart.

A beautiful poem written by Lisa Blen.

IN MY OWN TIME

I was able to say your name
And look at your picture without breaking down.
To read through letters your hopes and dreams
While cleaning your room, under the mattress I found.

In my own time…  I found the strength…
To sort out your things and with your friends share
The many treasures you kept through the years.

I went to the movies without the pang of guilt
For enjoying the simple pleasures in life
Knowing you were there sitting by my side.

I was able to wake up one day,
Walk outside and feel the warm summer rays.
I was able to laugh at something funny someone said
And for a moment, I didn’t just exist, I lived instead.

The empty space you left behind will always be there
Nothing in this world will ever fill that void,
It’s just that in time I found there were things I could enjoy.

The other day I was able to see you again as you were
I watched you through home movies that before I could not bear,
And through tears and smiles
I relived all the good times that we shared.

I still see your face sometimes among the crowds
Listen to your favorite songs, and when I look up…
I see your angel wings between the clouds.

The life we once knew…  Is no more…
In our own time strength and comfort we will find.
Every day just thank the Lord
For the loved ones He sent us… However brief
Allowing us to share with them precious time.

Lisa Blen

JOIN US ON FACEBOOK – https://www.facebook.com/morgansstalking

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If you haven’t already please join us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/morgansstalking

If you have a story you would like to share about your own stalking experience – a story that can help raise awareness of the serious and sometimes deadly crime of stalking please feel free to contact me through this website through the tip line or through a direct message on www.facebook.com/morgansstalking.  Your story can be posted anonymously on this blog or on the Facebook page.

We are there to raise awareness, connect with other victims and survivors of stalking, cyberstalking, as well as sexual and domestic violence – through experience and ideas shared, resources, articles written, and notifications, as well as encouragement from others that have experienced the darkness but refused to stay quiet.

Never-give-up-on-yourself.-Then-you-will-never-give-up-on-others.-Pema-Chodron-

ARE YOU BEING STALKED?

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sunshiningthroughARE YOU BEING STALKED? 

The National Center for Victims of Crime www.ncvc.org/src list the following information.  I wish we had known about this while Morgan’s stalking was happening, so in order to raise awareness, in parenthesis I have written in my own notes to share with you.

 

 

 

Stalking is a series of actions that make you feel afraid or in danger

Stalking is serious, often violent, and can escalate over time

Stalking is a crime

You are not to blame for a stalkers behavior

Some things stalkers do:

  • Repeatedly call you, including hang-ups.
  • Follow you and show up wherever you are. (this did happen to Morgan, multiple times)
  • Send unwanted gifts, letters, cards, or e-mails.
  • Damage your home, car, or other property. (this happened to us after Morgan’s murder – her stalker stalked us)
  • Monitor your phone calls or computer use. (we believe this is how Morgan’s stalker always knew exactly where she was and when she would be home)
  • Use technology, like hidden camera or global positioning systems (GPS), to track where you go. (we believe this happened to Morgan)
  • Drive by or hang out at your home, school, or work. (Morgan’s stalker would drive by her on her way out of school and was constantly monitoring her at her home)
  • Threaten to hurt you, your family, friends, or pets. (Morgan was fearful for her puppy and we believe her stalker did try to poison her puppy, but we were able to intervene and save her)
  • Find out about you by using public records or on-line search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers. (After Morgan’s murder we moved, but her stalker found us.  Steve went to roll the garbage cans down our long driveway the morning of the trash pick up, and noticed the trash can that had been full the night before was completely empty…these trash cans were not by the street, they were up a long driveway up against our house…someone took our trash)
  • Other actions that control, track, or frighten you. (Morgan’s stalker tapped and banged on her window to create fright, he pushed in the buttons on our front door lock to use the sound to create fright, he ran around our house setting off the motion lights and alarms over and over again right after the sheriffs would leave to let us know he was still there, he showed up in our backyard, standing and staring at her only 10 ft away, in the dark of the night, when she went to let her puppy out to go potty…terrifying her, he was on our roof, plus so many more things…stalkers try to take away your life in so many different ways)

Stalking is unpredictable and dangerous  

No two stalking situations are alike

There are no guarantees that what works for one person will work for another, yet you can take steps to increase your safety

Things you can do:

  • If you are in Immediate danger, call 911
  • Trust your Instincts.  Don’t downplay the danger.  If you feel you are unsafe, you probably are.
  • Take threats seriously.  Danger generally is higher when the stalker talks about suicide or murder, or when a victim tries to leave or end a relationship.
  • Contact a crisis hotline, victim services agency, or a domestic violence or rape crisis program.  They can help you devise a safety plan, give you information about local laws, refer you to other services, and weigh options such as seeking a protection order.
  • Develop a safety plan, including things like changing your routine, arranging a place to stay, and having a friend or relative go places with you.  Also, decide in advance what to do if the stalker shows up at your home, work, school, or somewhere else.  Tell people how they can help you.
  • Don’t communicate with the stalker or respond to attempts to contact you.
  • Keep evidence of the stalking.  When the stalker follows you or contacts you, write down the time, date, and place.  Keep e-mails, phone messages, letters, or notes.  Photograph anything of yours the stalker damages and any injuries the stalker causes.  Ask witnesses to write down what they saw.
  • Contact the police.  Every state has stalking laws.  The stalker may also have broken other laws by doing things like assaulting you or stealing or destroying property.
  • Consider getting a court order that tells the stalker to stay away from you.
  • Tell family, friends, roommates, and co-workers about the stalking and seek their support.  Tell security staff at your job or school.  Ask them to help watch out for your safety.

If you’re stalked you might: 

  • Feel fear of what the stalker will do.
  • Feel vulnerable, unsafe, and not know who to trust.
  • Feel anxious, irritable, impatient, or on edge.
  • Feel depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed, tearful, or angry.
  • Feel stressed, including having trouble concentrating, sleeping, or remembering things.
  • Have eating problems, such as appetite loss, forgetting to eat, or overeating.
  • Have flashbacks, disturbing thoughts, feelings, or memories.
  • Feel confused, frustrated, or isolated because other people don’t understand why you are afraid.

These are common reactions to being stalked.

If someone you know is being stalked, you can help.  Listen, show support.  Don’t blame the victim for the crime.  Remember that every situation is different, and allow the person being stalked to make choices about how to handle it.  Find someone you can talk to about the situation.  Take steps to ensure your own safety.  For more ideas on how you can help, call 1-800-FYI-CALL.

3.4 million people are stalked each year in the United States

Women are three times more likely to be stalked than men

To learn more about stalking, visit the Stalking Resource Center Web site www.cvc.org/src

The National Center For Victims of Crime can help you make a safety plan, learn more about your legal rights, and find help in your area.

1-800-FYI-CALL

(1-800-394-2255)

TTY 1-800-211-7996

Monday – Friday 8:30 a.m. – 8:30 p.m. ET

www.ncvc.org – [email protected]

If you are in immediate danger, call 911

It’s time for justice for all victims of crime!

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KelsieandMorganposterColorado cares and there will be justice for both Kelsie & Morgan.

Their time is coming because so many people want to see the right thing done, and we care because we don’t want to see these things continue to happen to others.

Today someone I have never met, and actually had never even spoken to before today helped us with Morgan’s case – I didn’t ask her to, but she said the most amazing thing, she said she did it because it was the right thing to do.  Can you imagine?  This is why I will never give up on humankind!

There are so many kind, compassionate, and moral people still residing in this world. Every time someone reminds me of that with their actions my heart rejoices.  I believe that every single day of our lives we are all given choices, and what we do with those choices define us.  Fear sometimes keeps us from making the choice we know we should make, but giving in to that fear is still making a choice.  Be brave, be fierce, always make the choice your heart, your intuition, your gut (whatever you want to call it) tells you is the right choice.

Please keep Kelsie & Morgan in your prayers.  Change can & will be made because of each and every one of you.  Change