Category Archives: Toni’s reflections

MISDIRECTION & LIES #Stalkers

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The comment below is from a person that has written into my blog many, many times over the past 3 years, and still to this day – I guess people would call him/her a Troll 🙁  But when it comes to Morgan’s case there are a handful that keep up their lies and deception on the Internet, as well as on their Podcasts. It’s hard to imagine anyone would believe the lies that come out of their mouths.  These are people that have no personal knowledge of what they are talking about and yet they act like experts…sick.

Over the Internet you never know if the person commenting is male, or female – you only know who they want you to believe they are, and what they want you to believe.  You don’t know where they are from, or who they are connected to.  This particular person, over the years, has changed their identity many times, as well as their email address many times, but their IP address has stayed the same.  If I had to guess I would say that I believe it is one of the small “group” of people that have gone completely out of their way for over 4 years now searching any mention of Morgan’s case, or my name so they can attack and spread lies, they basically try to tarnish my credibility in order to keep Morgan’s case from ever being investigated..

This person acts as though they are an expert on whatever they decide to attack me about at the time.  They have made up many different ways they think Morgan died, they have accused me over and over again of lying – which makes me wonder what their “agenda” really is…this particular time he/she said they are an ER nurse.  If they really are a nurse, then I feel very frightened for their patients, as they have absolutely NO idea what they are talking about.  After all these years of relentlessly spreading lies about Morgan’s case could this person actually be connected to Morgan’s murderers, or be the murderer?

Blog comment: Would you please explain why there are multiple antibiotics, cardiovascular and endocrine meds on what you have labeled as a “Sexual Assault Drug Panel”. I am a nurse of many years and none of these particular meds can be used to cause drowsiness or unconsciousness to lead to a sexual assault so why are they listed? This makes no sense and just adds question to your honesty, seriously.

My response: NONE of the drugs found in Morgan’s blood, or gastric fluid on the toxicology reports were antibiotics, cardiovascular or endocrine meds – NONE of them.  Do your research!  All of them ARE on the Sexual Assault Panel from the lab that did her toxicology testing (AIT Labs).  They are on Sexual Assault Panels at labs because these drugs DO cause drowsiness, and can cause a victim to become unconscious, which is the reason they have been used as date rape drugs.

People need to do their own research.  Research from reliable sources.  Even though most public attention over the years has focused on Rohypnol and GHB as “date-rape” drugs, Mark A. Lebeau et al (1999) Forensic Examiner/Toxicologist, Chemistry Unit, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Washington DC writes his article on Toxicological Investigations of Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assaults. He explains there are many other substances that have been detected in victims of alleged sexual assaults. These include ALL the drugs found in Morgan’s toxicology reports.

You may have heard the term “date rape drugs” to refer to substances that can aid a perpetrator in committing sexual assault. Here are the actual drugs that were detected in Morgan.  All the drugs found in Morgan ARE listed on the Sexual Assault Panel:

Amitriptyline (in low does it has various off-label uses)

Nortriptyline (A Metabolite of Amitriptyline)

Cyclobenzaprine (Flexeril)

Guaifenesin

Desalkylflurazepam

Flurazepan (Dalmane)

Promethazine

Morgan’s toxicology results are an important part of the evidence that shows she was murdered.  They are evidence that she could not have taken her own life.  Why? For the following reasons:

  1. Morgan had no alcohol or illegal drugs in her body – only date rape drugs
  2. Morgan never had a prescription for any of the other 6 prescription drugs that were in her gastric fluid, and neither did Steve or I.
  3. None of the drugs, except an old expired bottle of low-dose Amitriptyline, were ever in our house, and were not in our house when we found her body – whomever brought them into our house took them with them when they left.
  4. Even though Dr. Kurtzman, the contracted forensic pathologist who performed Morgan’s autopsy, declared her death as natural causes for the first 8 months, insisting that the “massive” amount of Amitriptyline in her blood was “insignificant,” it was in fact the cause of her death.
  5. Dr. Kurtzman also insisted that Morgan must have been taking the Amitriptyline without telling anyone and this, coupled with Postmortem Redistribution, was his reason the number was so high.  He was so very WRONG!  The percentage of the metabolite Nortriptyline in comparison to the Amitriptyline is evidence that:
    1. She had not been taking it – it was a one-time massive dose of Amitriptyline
    2. Approximately 1,000 ng of Ami would have killed Morgan, and yet she had over 10,000 ng in her blood (we have been told you need to add the Ami along with it’s metabolite to arrive at the true total).
    3. Morgan did not have enough of her expired prescription of Amitriptyline to cause this level
    4. Since 1,000 ng would have killed her the only way that massive amount could be in her blood is if it had been injected – and yes we have a photo of the injection mark
  6. No syringes or containers were ever found in, or around our house – whatever was used to bring them into our house was taken away by her murderer(s).  When a body is found with a knife wound or a bullet hole, or even an obvious ligature mark around their neck, and the murder weapon is missing from the crime scene, is obvious someone else committed the murder – the same should be considered if someone is poisoned, and that poison (i.e. drugs) are found later on the toxicology report.
  7. None of the date rape drugs found in Morgan’s gastric fluid made it into her blood – her body had stopped digesting – she was either dead or almost dead when they were put in her stomach, plausibly via a feeding tube
  8. All these facts we learned from a renowned forensic medical examiner, and multiple forensic toxicologists.

The following comment was sent to me just the other day.  “It just isn’t right.. so many leads, but yet you have had so many blocks. I will never forget Morgan’s story and will always be waiting for the ending she deserves… and you the family deserve.”

I get comments from people all over the world, almost daily, that continue to follow Morgan’s case, hoping for justice.  These supporters keep Steve and us strong….they keep us from ever worrying about the “Trolls” on the Internet who spew their deception and lies for their own personal reasons.  Justice for Morgan!

Fight Song by Rachel Platten…And I Still Have A Lot Of Fight Left In Me

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I heard this song for the very first time tonight, and I said, “Wow!”  It was exactly how I was feeling.  Songs sometimes have a way of doing that.  There is such power in words, and music.

In December, when the 5th Anniversary of Morgan’s death arrived, I felt like I was sucker-punched.  I never thought 5 years would go by without an investigation into Morgan’s homicide.  She was a victim of stalking and murder that was “swept” under the rug.  People write in to me all the time to tell me they are proud of Steve & I for fighting on for Morgan, as well as other victims of stalking.  They say they are “amazed” at how strong we are.  It is really wonderful to hear, and it has helped us a lot, BUT after December it felt like all the air went out of my lungs…I couldn’t breathe.  I woke up every morning telling myself what I needed to do next to fight on for Morgan, but I couldn’t do it.  I was frozen in pain.  I couldn’t fight.

That has now changed.  I am now ready to fight on.  Like the lyrics of this song say – “My power’s turned on.  Starting right now I’ll be strong.”  And this will be “my” fight song.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  Every time I listen to it I feel Morgan, and visualize her clapping her hands…she never gave up and neither will I.  Justice for Morgan, and nothing less!

 

Fight Song
Rachel Platten
Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion
And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep
Say I’m in too deep (in too deep)
And it’s been two years I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe
And all…

Happiness, Love & Family…

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MORGAN – WE MISS YOU BABY GIRL

JUSTICE FOR MORGAN!

December 2, 2016 – 5 years since Morgan was taken from this world…

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sign-from-morgan

First, let me say THANK YOU for being part of our efforts to raise awareness about the dangers of stalkers, as well as your undying support for justice for Morgan.  I am grateful for all of you at TEAM MORGAN.

On Thursday, December 1st I was feeling extremely emotional and sad.  I was hit with the realization that the next day would be the 5th anniversary of Morgan’s murder.  I remembered every little detail about that Thursday, five years ago…my last day with Morgan.  It was cold and the ground was frozen.  The ground at that time of the year was usually white with snow, but in 2011 it was missing it’s white cover.  In a resort area like the Roaring Fork Valley of Colorado, people rely on the snow because of the tourist revenue that it brings.  All the details of that day…Morgan sending me a text in the morning that said, “You rock!” made me happy, the memory of the exhaustion and stress caused by the stalking still make me cringe, but the memory of that perfect storm which occured that night, and all the things that went wrong, caused me an immense pain in my heart.  Ever since that perfect storm everything is now remembered as BEFORE Morgan was murdered or AFTER she was murdered… how sick is that?  But it is true – when I speak with someone that is how it slips out of my mouth.  So when someone asks how I am, I smile and say I am fine, but deep inside the reality is my life has changed since her murder, and it will never be the same.

I then spoke out loud and asked Morgan for a sign, and prayed that I would recognize her sign through my tears.  About an hour later, as I was in a rush to leave the house, I opened the back glass door and clearly saw a small white feather “stuck” to the glass.  I smiled and said, “Thank you Morgan.”  Then I ran out the front door and jumped in my car.  As I drove down the street I looked up into the sky and to my surprise I saw a little partial rainbow (in the picture above) peeking out of the clouds.  I thought, “Another sign from Morgan!”  A huge warmth filled by body.

So it has now be 5 years since Morgan was killed…during an ACTIVE investigation into her felony stalking by the Garfield County sheriffs.  No investigation has happened.  No arrests have been made and no justice yet for Morgan.  I did not anticipate the powerful heartbreaking blow that this five year anniversary on Friday, December 2nd would bring.  I know Morgan is still around – I feel her spirit.  I know Morgan’s story has helped a lot of others over the past 5 years, and I know Morgan would be happy about that.  And yet, I feel that it is so wrong that our system of justice seems to be so in favor of the criminal, and not the victim – perhaps that is why we have so many unsolved murders.  There are so many changes that need to be made to get our system of justice up to speed and to get a “jump” on the criminals that seem to have the “system” figured out to their advantage.

There needs to be accountability within all departments of law enforcement and the judicial system.  They shouldn’t be able to just make a “mistake” in a serious crime like murder and then never have to admit to it and never fix it.  Do not take the murder of an innocent victim and “pretend” that it was natural causes as Morgan’s murder was called for eight months or worse, smear her memory by calling it a suicide when all the evidence points to murder, starting with the fact her body was moved and redressed  long after she was dead.  I do know of some places in Colorado that recognize and admit when a mistake is made – mistakes happen…we are all only human.  But if evidence is overlooked, or misunderstood, then admit the mistakes and then work diligently to investigate and solve those murders – like the new District Attorney’s office in Boulder, CO. I commend their commitment to the people of Boulder, as well as their commitment to the oath of office that they took.  For other places in Colorado where they seem to just “bury” their cases without any investigation (like in Morgan’s case) there needs to be some oversight, but there is none. Many police chiefs answer to the oversight of public citizens, where concern for cases can be heard.  Another answer would be to give the Colorado Bureau of Investigation the authority to review cases that don’t seem to be as they are proclaimed to be.  These changes will bring about accountability.  And maybe, just maybe we can get ahead of the criminals, and start to save more lives by solving these crimes before someone else has to die.

In the meantime, please don’t forget Morgan – murdered five years ago in Carbondale, CO, after being a victim of a felony stalking case for only four months. She was a 20-year-old college student at the time of her murder, December 2, 2011.

As well as Kelsie Schelling – the 21-year-old is believed to have been murdered in Pueblo, CO. She was last seen on February 4, 2013.  The evidence points to who was involved and still no arrests have ever been made. http://www.helpfindkelsie.com  https://www.facebook.com/HelpFindKelsie/?fref=nf.

Also, don’t forget Lea Porter – murdered in Colorado, June 2014.  Her murderer was confronted by Lea’s brother who coaxed out a confession. Her murderer is in prison, but has not given up the location of her body.  She would have been 22-years-old today – the 19-year-old was brutally murdered and her family is still looking for her body.  This is the third birthday they have had to endure without her. http://abc7news.com/news/20-20-criminology-student-confesses-to-murder/1567264/

And please remember Holly Moore as well.  The 19-year-old was found dead in her Castle Rock, CO apartment on March 6, 2015.  This is another case, similar to Morgan’s where the coroner wrote this down as a suicide when all the evidence as well as 2 highly respected medical examiners reviewed her body and said they believe it was not a suicide, and that she was murdered.  The Colorado coroner refuses to change her manner of death and will not look at any new evidence.  http://kdvr.com/2015/11/12/investigation-castle-rock-family-seeks-justice-for-holly/

What do all these cases have in common?  All these cases are from Colorado.  There are many, many more cases than these, but I have been personally involved and heartbroken over these cases, and can’t help but see a pattern forming.  Young woman from all over, not just in Colorado, within this age group (19 – 21) seem to be “targeted” for this kind of brutality – and the murderers seem to slip away without any investigation.  Is it because we have so many wonderful crime shows on TV that show us how murderers “almost” get away with murder?  And in reality Colorado’s law enforcement and even many of the coroner’s offices are not trained to understand a staged crime scene or what type of questions that should be asked in order to get to the truth.  In most cases murderers do not just confess – even in the Lea Porter case her murderer denied any involvement in her disappearance convincingly to the police, but thankfully Lea’s brother was able to get a confession out of him.  We all seem to think after watching TV that in most cases CSI is called in to look for clues…unfortunately this is not true.  It is the opposite.  Evidence is lost, crime scenes destroyed, it’s a mess.  And then there is the deputy coroners (many times with NO training) not even taking a body temp to narrow down when death occurred.  So in reality it would be a miracle if these murderers were ever caught and tried for their heinous deeds.

Another thing these cases have in common is US…the parents and siblings of these beautiful young lives that have been taken from us, are still fighting for justice and we will NEVER give up.  Even in the case of Lea Porter – her family wants to find her body and take her home.  They won’t give up either.  We have all lost a piece of our hearts.  We will never get that piece back, and it hurts like hell and always will.  I would never want anyone to know what that pain is like…I would never wish it upon anyone.  But we are all part of this club that we never asked to be in.  Never would have wanted to be in, but we are.  And now we all push forward trying to get justice for our daughters, and make those responsible arrested and tried for their murders.  Let us all share their stories and press our government to become transparent and accountable.  We are now their voices.  They have been taken from this world, but are not forgotten.

http://www.voicesofvictims.org/about.htm

If you or someone you know is a victim of murder, here are a few organizations who specialize in victim assistance:

dragonflycandle

Morgan’s Music & Honoring Morgan…

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sheetmusic

Morgan’s keyboard & Morgan’s sheet music – photo taken by Morgan Jennifer Ingram

Every afternoon I remember Morgan sitting down at her keyboard and playing her sheet music – it filled our house with such joy. Sometimes she would sing while playing and that was always an additional treat.  I loved hearing her music, as well as her sweet, soft voice.

When Morgan was in elementary school she learned how to read sheet music.  Then when she was in middle school she decided she wanted to teach herself how to play the piano, which she did.  We bought her a keyboard and she practiced all the time.  Eventually, when she was in high school, she asked if she could have lessons.  We were blessed to know of an amazing piano and vocal coach.  Morgan then took lessons for a few years and loved it.  After that she just enjoyed coming home from school, sitting at her keyboard, and playing whatever sheet music that interested her.

This was just one of Morgan’s passions, and I was always so grateful to be able to hear such beautiful music being played in our home.  Morgan also had many friends that were musicians, and when they came over it was so much fun to listen to them play on the keyboard, bongos and guitars…I loved it!  And I miss it.  I miss Morgan and everything that was Morgan.  It hurts so much at times that I can’t even swallow.  It’s hard to hold back the tears while my heart constricts and I try to put on a “good” face on for everyone around me.  It’s not fair that she was taken from this world – but I know life isn’t always fair.  I know bad things do happen to good people.

I have so many beautiful and happy memories of Morgan, even though she was only on this earth for such a short time.  She was our youngest child and very loved.  What I have learned from our family, as well as so many other families that have had their loved ones murdered…the horrible toll that it takes on the whole family, the parents, the siblings, the aunts and uncles, the nieces and nephews, the Godparents, the cousins, as well as close friends – the ripple effect goes on and on.
ripple-effect

I have seen and heard the damage to the lives of everyone that loved the “victim” and when the murderer(s) are still at large, the damage continues.  😟

As per Scripps News there has been more than 211,000 homicides committed since 1980 that remain unsolved – a body count greater than the population of Des Moines, Iowa. The FBI estimates that the homicide clearance rate in 2012 was only 64 percent, down from 90 percent reported in 1965 when the government first reported statistics.

This is just not acceptable to me – and probably not to you either, so I have become extremely involved in moving towards a solution.  Something that has a chance of solving more of these cases.  I want to honor Morgan in everything I do in my life, so not only have I been working with other victims of stalking, I have been chosen to be the West Coast Director for FOHVAMP (Families of Homicide Victims and Missing Persons).

fohvamp

At this time the US does not have a national database in which law enforcement can share their cold case information.  In an effort to assist in the creation of a national database FOHVAMP will announce a national initiative to create awareness of this pressing issue and to further advance resolution in cold case homicides and missing person cases nationwide.  The database will provide information to law enforcement, as well as the public with the hope that someone/somewhere will recognize the persons described in the case descriptions and provide additional information that may help solve these cases.  We intend to bring about social change using a new perspective.

I am also involved as the Case Manager for Law Enforcement Investigations for the JS Intuitive Investigation Alliances, working on missing person cases, cold cases and unresolved deaths.  Working alongside families, law enforcement, the FBI, and the DEA helping with leads. Both of these organizations do work pro bono for the families, as well as law enforcement.  I give my time to both of these organizations because justice is a right, and I want to be a part of a solution.

alliances

I know Morgan is also helping from the other side, so even though I may no longer hear her beautiful music I can “feel” her presence in everything I do – she is still guiding me, and I am eternally grateful.