Fight Song by Rachel Platten…And I Still Have A Lot Of Fight Left In Me

I heard this song for the very first time tonight, and I said, “Wow!”  It was exactly how I was feeling.  Songs sometimes have a way of doing that.  There is such power in words, and music.

In December, when the 5th Anniversary of Morgan’s death arrived, I felt like I was sucker-punched.  I never thought 5 years would go by without an investigation into Morgan’s homicide.  She was a victim of stalking and murder that was “swept” under the rug.  People write in to me all the time to tell me they are proud of Steve & I for fighting on for Morgan, as well as other victims of stalking.  They say they are “amazed” at how strong we are.  It is really wonderful to hear, and it has helped us a lot, BUT after December it felt like all the air went out of my lungs…I couldn’t breathe.  I woke up every morning telling myself what I needed to do next to fight on for Morgan, but I couldn’t do it.  I was frozen in pain.  I couldn’t fight.

That has now changed.  I am now ready to fight on.  Like the lyrics of this song say – “My power’s turned on.  Starting right now I’ll be strong.”  And this will be “my” fight song.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  Every time I listen to it I feel Morgan, and visualize her clapping her hands…she never gave up and neither will I.  Justice for Morgan, and nothing less!

 

Fight Song
Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion
And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep
Say I’m in too deep (in too deep)
And it’s been two years I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe
And all

Ages 18 – 24 Experience The Highest Rate of Stalking #NSAM or #NSAM2017!

Morgan was 19 years old when her stalking started, and 4 months later, after she had turned just 20, she was murdered…Morgan, along with other female victims that were murdered in the last 5 years, were all between the ages of 18 – 24-years-old.  Even though in the other cases, stalking was not listed in their cases, I believe they were stalked.  This I believe after speaking with their families and/or friends.  Stalking is a very serious crime and should never be taken lightly!

Stalking can affect a victim’s emotional, physical, and economic well-being. Visit bit.ly/NSAM2017 for more info.

I personally know the impact stalking has on it’s victims – the devastating toll it takes.  My husband Steve and I were also victims of the same stalking that Morgan endured.  We lived in the same house during those 4 months of stalking.  We know what it’s like to become hyper-vigilent, constantly looking over our shoulder.  We know what it’s like not to want to leave your house because you have a “feeling” that the stalker may gain entry and being lying in wait.  We know what it’s like to be wake up in the middle of the night from the noise of the stalker trying to gain entrance, and/or setting off lights and alarms to harass and scare you.  We know how your emotions go from anger to embarrassment to frustration, then minimization, and then to self-blame, and in our case fear.  Fear that harm may befall our youngest daughter…which it did.  It makes you sick to your stomach. 

Morgan eventually did identify her stalker, along with his girlfriend (our neighbor), during the stalking.  None of us understood anything about gang stalking at the time.  We knew people were involved in helping to misdirect and make up false alibis, but we did not understand the extent in which gang stalking encompassed.  We now know…

The same day we found Morgan’s body, the lead sheriff detective, Rob Glassmire (now the new coroner for Garfield County – kind of worked out for him didn’t it?), told us we could take down our cameras, because there was no more Morgan, so no more stalker…I was shocked!  He said this to us, and yet Steve and I were on listed all the sheriffs reports as victims of the same stalking, and the detective knew this, but we never thought about it at the time.  We were just worried about Morgan.  We now know we were all targets! We experienced stalking incidents when Morgan wasn’t even home at the time of those incidents, and the detective knew that.  We were victims of the stalking, and we were still alive, so why did he think the stalking would stop?  And if you are wondering – it didn’t stop…

We lived through that 4 months of hell with Morgan.  When you find your daughter dead in your own house you go into a state of shock.  You are not totally yourself.  You hear the words that are being spoken, you may feel they are wrong, you can be angry or upset about them, but you have absolutely no fight left in you at that very moment in time.  You are numb.  You feel like you are not really there…it is as though you are watching your own nightmare, and you think that any minute now you will wake up.  I don’t expect most folks to understand the feeling, and I hope they never have to.  But that was our reality on December 2, 2011.

– Stalking is pervasive and causes intense personal suffering – 

When we found our healthy 20-year-old daughter Morgan dead, during an active investigation into her felony stalking, it became devastating for us.  Then immediately we were told by the lead detective, before her body had even been taken away for an autopsy:

 *That he was certain her death had nothing to do with the stalker we “knew” it didn’t sound right.  

  • We were then told there was no sign of breaking and entering (we now know that meant nothing – no fingerprinting was even ever done, and there were multiple ways we now know someone could have gotten in without a break-in.  Just 2 days before Morgan’s murder our next door neighbor reported a theft from their home and there were NO sign of a break-in and the night Morgan was murdered multiple things were stolen out of her room)
  • Then we were told there is no sign of a sexual assault (how could he say that? They never even checked for signs of a sexual assault, even though her pants were unzipped and unbuttoned, and they noted there were minute “spots” all over her chest under the UV light – bodily fluids)
  • We were then told by the detective that there was no sign of suicide (he said there were no syringes, empty pill bottles, or vessels in her room)
  • He then went on to say there was no sign of a struggle (another HUGE lie; her body and room showed signs of a struggle, and this can be seen in the crime scene photos), and then he said there were no signs that she could have been subdued (and yet we can see an injection mark, clear as day, on the crime scene photos that we received two years after her murder).  
  • There are so many FACTS/EVIDENCE involved in Morgan’s stalking and murder that indicate she was murdered, and yet the Garfield County Sheriffs want to ignore every, and all FACTS/EVIDENCE.

The Stalking Resource Center of the National Center for Victims of Crime said, “We are pleased to continue our partnership with the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice, in observing National Stalking Awareness Month 2017. Working to raise awareness about the realities of stalking is as critical as ever, especially for the 7.5 million individuals stalked each year in the U.S.”  These images I am sharing are supplied by the National Stalking Awareness Month organization.

 

 

 

FACTS ABOUT STALKING…#NSAM #NSAM2017!

Stalking is a crime that is pervasive, dangerous, & potentially lethal. IT WAS IN OUR DAUGHTER MORGAN’S CASE.

Stalking: It’s not a joke. It’s not romantic. It’s not ok. It’s a crime. Visit stalkingawarenessmonth.org to learn more.

MANY TIMES I HAVE HEARD FROM VICTIMS THAT THEY ARE TOO EMBARRASSED TO CONFIDE IN OTHERS ABOUT THEIR STALKING (THERE WERE TIMES MORGAN THOUGHT THIS WAY).  THEY THINK IT WILL JUST STOP IF THEY WAIT LONG ENOUGH.  SOMETIMES THEY THINK NO ONE WILL BELIEVE THEM…THESE ARE ALL NORMAL THOUGHTS THAT GO THROUGH YOUR MIND, BUT PLEASE ALWAYS REPORT ANY AND ALL INCIDENTS OF STALKING!

1 in 4 women and 1 in 13 men will be victims of stalking in their lifetime. 

WE WERE TOLD BY LOCAL SHERIFFS THAT STALKING IS THE MOST UNDER-REPORTED CRIME TODAY. 

Astoundingly, 7.5 million people were stalked in one year in the United States. Learn the realities of this crime: bit.ly/NSAM2017

December 2, 2016 – 5 years since Morgan was taken from this world…

sign-from-morgan

First, let me say THANK YOU for being part of our efforts to raise awareness about the dangers of stalkers, as well as your undying support for justice for Morgan.  I am grateful for all of you at TEAM MORGAN.

On Thursday, December 1st I was feeling extremely emotional and sad.  I was hit with the realization that the next day would be the 5th anniversary of Morgan’s murder.  I remembered every little detail about that Thursday, five years ago…my last day with Morgan.  It was cold and the ground was frozen.  The ground at that time of the year was usually white with snow, but in 2011 it was missing it’s white cover.  In a resort area like the Roaring Fork Valley of Colorado, people rely on the snow because of the tourist revenue that it brings.  All the details of that day…Morgan sending me a text in the morning that said, “You rock!” made me happy, the memory of the exhaustion and stress caused by the stalking still make me cringe, but the memory of that perfect storm which occured that night, and all the things that went wrong, caused me an immense pain in my heart.  Ever since that perfect storm everything is now remembered as BEFORE Morgan was murdered or AFTER she was murdered… how sick is that?  But it is true – when I speak with someone that is how it slips out of my mouth.  So when someone asks how I am, I smile and say I am fine, but deep inside the reality is my life has changed since her murder, and it will never be the same.

I then spoke out loud and asked Morgan for a sign, and prayed that I would recognize her sign through my tears.  About an hour later, as I was in a rush to leave the house, I opened the back glass door and clearly saw a small white feather “stuck” to the glass.  I smiled and said, “Thank you Morgan.”  Then I ran out the front door and jumped in my car.  As I drove down the street I looked up into the sky and to my surprise I saw a little partial rainbow (in the picture above) peeking out of the clouds.  I thought, “Another sign from Morgan!”  A huge warmth filled by body.

So it has now be 5 years since Morgan was killed…during an ACTIVE investigation into her felony stalking by the Garfield County sheriffs.  No investigation has happened.  No arrests have been made and no justice yet for Morgan.  I did not anticipate the powerful heartbreaking blow that this five year anniversary on Friday, December 2nd would bring.  I know Morgan is still around – I feel her spirit.  I know Morgan’s story has helped a lot of others over the past 5 years, and I know Morgan would be happy about that.  And yet, I feel that it is so wrong that our system of justice seems to be so in favor of the criminal, and not the victim – perhaps that is why we have so many unsolved murders.  There are so many changes that need to be made to get our system of justice up to speed and to get a “jump” on the criminals that seem to have the “system” figured out to their advantage.

There needs to be accountability within all departments of law enforcement and the judicial system.  They shouldn’t be able to just make a “mistake” in a serious crime like murder and then never have to admit to it and never fix it.  Do not take the murder of an innocent victim and “pretend” that it was natural causes as Morgan’s murder was called for eight months or worse, smear her memory by calling it a suicide when all the evidence points to murder, starting with the fact her body was moved and redressed  long after she was dead.  I do know of some places in Colorado that recognize and admit when a mistake is made – mistakes happen…we are all only human.  But if evidence is overlooked, or misunderstood, then admit the mistakes and then work diligently to investigate and solve those murders – like the new District Attorney’s office in Boulder, CO. I commend their commitment to the people of Boulder, as well as their commitment to the oath of office that they took.  For other places in Colorado where they seem to just “bury” their cases without any investigation (like in Morgan’s case) there needs to be some oversight, but there is none. Many police chiefs answer to the oversight of public citizens, where concern for cases can be heard.  Another answer would be to give the Colorado Bureau of Investigation the authority to review cases that don’t seem to be as they are proclaimed to be.  These changes will bring about accountability.  And maybe, just maybe we can get ahead of the criminals, and start to save more lives by solving these crimes before someone else has to die.

In the meantime, please don’t forget Morgan – murdered five years ago in Carbondale, CO, after being a victim of a felony stalking case for only four months. She was a 20-year-old college student at the time of her murder, December 2, 2011.

As well as Kelsie Schelling – the 21-year-old is believed to have been murdered in Pueblo, CO. She was last seen on February 4, 2013.  The evidence points to who was involved and still no arrests have ever been made. http://www.helpfindkelsie.com  https://www.facebook.com/HelpFindKelsie/?fref=nf.

Also, don’t forget Lea Porter – murdered in Colorado, June 2014.  Her murderer was confronted by Lea’s brother who coaxed out a confession. Her murderer is in prison, but has not given up the location of her body.  She would have been 22-years-old today – the 19-year-old was brutally murdered and her family is still looking for her body.  This is the third birthday they have had to endure without her. http://abc7news.com/news/20-20-criminology-student-confesses-to-murder/1567264/

And please remember Holly Moore as well.  The 19-year-old was found dead in her Castle Rock, CO apartment on March 6, 2015.  This is another case, similar to Morgan’s where the coroner wrote this down as a suicide when all the evidence as well as 2 highly respected medical examiners reviewed her body and said they believe it was not a suicide, and that she was murdered.  The Colorado coroner refuses to change her manner of death and will not look at any new evidence.  http://kdvr.com/2015/11/12/investigation-castle-rock-family-seeks-justice-for-holly/

What do all these cases have in common?  All these cases are from Colorado.  There are many, many more cases than these, but I have been personally involved and heartbroken over these cases, and can’t help but see a pattern forming.  Young woman from all over, not just in Colorado, within this age group (19 – 21) seem to be “targeted” for this kind of brutality – and the murderers seem to slip away without any investigation.  Is it because we have so many wonderful crime shows on TV that show us how murderers “almost” get away with murder?  And in reality Colorado’s law enforcement and even many of the coroner’s offices are not trained to understand a staged crime scene or what type of questions that should be asked in order to get to the truth.  In most cases murderers do not just confess – even in the Lea Porter case her murderer denied any involvement in her disappearance convincingly to the police, but thankfully Lea’s brother was able to get a confession out of him.  We all seem to think after watching TV that in most cases CSI is called in to look for clues…unfortunately this is not true.  It is the opposite.  Evidence is lost, crime scenes destroyed, it’s a mess.  And then there is the deputy coroners (many times with NO training) not even taking a body temp to narrow down when death occurred.  So in reality it would be a miracle if these murderers were ever caught and tried for their heinous deeds.

Another thing these cases have in common is US…the parents and siblings of these beautiful young lives that have been taken from us, are still fighting for justice and we will NEVER give up.  Even in the case of Lea Porter – her family wants to find her body and take her home.  They won’t give up either.  We have all lost a piece of our hearts.  We will never get that piece back, and it hurts like hell and always will.  I would never want anyone to know what that pain is like…I would never wish it upon anyone.  But we are all part of this club that we never asked to be in.  Never would have wanted to be in, but we are.  And now we all push forward trying to get justice for our daughters, and make those responsible arrested and tried for their murders.  Let us all share their stories and press our government to become transparent and accountable.  We are now their voices.  They have been taken from this world, but are not forgotten.

http://www.voicesofvictims.org/about.htm

If you or someone you know is a victim of murder, here are a few organizations who specialize in victim assistance:

dragonflycandle

Winter Solstice Starts Today…

Mogwai looking out Morgan's window

Mogwai looking out Morgan’s window

Today, December 21st is the first day of winter, as well as the winter solstice.  It is the shortest day with darkness being greater than the light.  After today our days start to get longer. http://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/sciencefair/2016/12/20/winter-solstice/95656640/

winter-solstice-facts

Morgan loved the snow, but she never made it to the first day of winter in 2011, as her life was cut short by the person that stole her life from her.  The last post she made on her Facebook page, the day before she was murdered was, “I love life!”  She was so excited because she knew the weather forecast predicted snow was on it’s way.  Within 24 hours of her murder the snow came.  All I could think of while watching it fall from the sky was that Morgan should still be here to see this.

Now, as I woke on the first day of winter, five years after that day in 2011, I realize the solstice represents a time to sit back, and reflect deeply.  It is about renewal, as well as gratitude for the coming light.  I am grateful for every single moment that I shared with Morgan during her short 20 years on this planet.

Wishing you all warm and cozy moments with the ones you love.  Every day we have with our loved ones is a gift that needs to be cherished.