IN A NEW YORK MINUTE EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE…

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AND IN A NEW YORK MINUTE NOTHING REMAINS THE SAME.

white rabbitThe white rabbit knew that – we have always heard it, but do we really believe it?  If we are lucky our lives go on and on for years, and of course things change, sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse, but for the most part nothing really life-changing happens that we didn’t anticipate, and then in one minute (even in one second) of your life EVERYTHING can change.  In just one minute you can turn on your TV and see that the twin towers in New York just collapsed from a terrorist attack, and none of us could believe it would have ever happened.  Or like today every school in the Los Angeles school district, along with charter schools and most private schools were closed because of a threat of violence to the students…it is so hard to believe that our children can be targeted.

For some parents one minute they can be talking to a friend, while standing in the sun, with their tiny child standing right next to them, and one second later their precious child is lying on the ground dead from a stray bullet – so absolutely horrible and senseless, but it happens.  Life is so very precious, and so very fleeting at times.  During this holiday season I just want to remind everyone to treasure every single moment you are graced with.  Embrace your loved ones.  Every moment is precious, and every moment you have with the ones you love is a gift.

For Steve and I, the moment we found Morgan’s lifeless body on Friday, December 2, 2011 our lives changed and were never to be the same again.  We knew then that we would never have another moment in which we could hug her, or hear her come in the front door and say, “Hi guys, I’m home.”  We would never again hear her infectious giggles, or hear her playing the piano.  We felt like this reality just couldn’t be, all of a sudden our youngest daughter was no longer with us and never would be again.  We thought surely we would wake up out of this nightmare, but we never did…this was our new reality.

Four years ago today this little fairy tree (see picture below) was given to Steve and I for our first Christmas without Morgan. Every little fairy ornament on the tree was handmade by one of Morgan’s cousins, Aunts and Uncles. They also made little baskets out of construction paper with little handwritten notes tucked inside each one. The notes were all written to Morgan about how much they loved her, and why they thought she was so special to them. For two parents like Steve and I, parents still in shock and not wanting to celebrate anything, this was a magical tree. On Christmas morning when we awoke and read all the little notes on that tree, all the love and magic of Christmas came rushing back, along with an abundance of tears. This was the kindest gift we had ever received. We love our family! ❤

morgantree

 

True Love Knows No Goodbyes…

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Morgan touched so many with her profound wisdom and loving heart, and she had so many amazing friends that still want to fight for truth and justice for their friend Morgan.

One of Morgan’s former classmates wrote to me and said, “I thank you for continuing to fight for justice for Morgan. She no longer has a voice to defend herself. We must be that voice. I will do the best I can. Truth is sometimes difficult to find but, like gold, it is worth the effort.”

We all will continue to fight for what is right, truth & justice…for Morgan, as well as all others that can no longer speak up for themselves. We won’t say goodbye, instead we will say, “Watch the changes Morgan that we are going to make in your name, and when our jobs are through we will then again be with you.”  Morgan enjoyed reading Rumi and I must admit this great poet was a deep thinker that understood the reality of true bonds of love – the kind that can never be severed, even in death..

Rumi

A Fairy Wedding…

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Morgan 006It was a beautiful fairy wedding, on a beautiful August day in the mountains.  Morgan’s older sister was getting married, the weather was gorgeous, the views were outstanding, the girls dresses, along with their “wings” were ethereal.  Everything was perfect and as I glanced at Morgan’s sweet face I couldn’t help thinking of what Morgan’s wedding would be like someday.

A few weeks later I asked Morgan if she ever thought about what her wedding might look like some day.  Well let me tell you…our very practical little Morgan looked me straight in the eyes and said, “After seeing all the hassle and money spent on my sister’s wedding I have decided I am not going to have a big wedding.  If I decide to get married I will just have a few good friends and you, dad, my sister and brother, and that’s it.”  She told me she would never let us give her a big wedding.  I tried to explain to her that it’s so nice to have memories that come with having a big wedding with lots of friends and relatives, but she held firm.  So I decided to drop it – thinking she would change her mind when the time came…that time never came for Morgan – her life was snuffed away long before she was to ever become a bride.  Morgan was right – we will never be able to give her a big wedding.  She will no longer graduate with a law degree like she planned, she will no longer have 3 children like she planned, she will no longer get to go on a trip to Europe and Lithuania like she planned.  She is no longer of this earth and is no longer making any plans for her future – her future was stolen from her the night she was murdered.  Now instead of planning a wedding for Morgan someday I look into the future and pray for an investigation, arrests and indictments with a trial in order for Morgan to receive justice one day. And I will NEVER stop believing – I know it will happen.

Morgan and Me :)

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April 04 014 copyLooking back on old photos and remembering all the fun times we had together.  I am trying so hard right now to focus on all the wonderful times instead of focusing on the fact that Morgan’s case is still not being investigated.

This Thanksgiving I gave thanks for all the magical years I was able to spend with Morgan.  I miss her more than I could ever explain – a piece of my heart will forever be gone with her, but I want to be able to look through pictures of her and smile because those were such wonderfully precious and fun times.

I am also so grateful to all the amazing people that have stood by our family throughout this whole ordeal.  Some people that we thought would always be there for us are no longer around, but others have been there for us the entire last 4 years, and I will never have words that are sufficient enough to describe what their support has meant to me.  I honestly don’t think I could have continued on without the love and kindness of so many wonderful souls.

ying yangThroughout history there have always been good people, and bad people…the dark and the light, the ying and the yang. One can not really exist without the other I have always been told.  After what happened to Morgan it was easy for me to sit up one morning and ask myself, “Why am I fighting for justice when it seems like the whole world is against it?  What is the point?  Bad things will just keep happening to others no matter how hard I try to stop it.”  But then it was almost as if Morgan poked me in my side with her finger – I really did feel a “poke.”  I looked around, no one was there.  But I knew Morgan wasn’t about to let me go down that path.  I snapped out of it, and with renewed determination decided I may be just one person, but I can make a difference, we all can…especially if we try hard enough.  I can’t give up because I have now seen so many wonderful, kind and strong people in the world that are making a difference on a daily basis, so I might as well join in.  We all have a choice in this life and I choose the light.  I have not lost hope in humanity, quite the contrary, I have a stronger renewed view of humanity now after these past 4 years, thanks to the strength and kindness of so many people.  I love them all so very much and I am grateful for each and every one of them.  Justice for Morgan!

The Fourth Anniversary of Missing Morgan

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imissyou

In June 2011 Morgan scratched letters in the sand in a simple yet beautiful message to say that she missed us. She took this picture, while in Hawaii and texted it to Steve and I, just another reminder of Morgan’s warmth and love, and we were so happy to know that Morgan was thinking of us. She called a little later to say she wished we could be there with her. I still remember that call. I can even hear her voice as if it was only hours ago, while at the same time, it may just as well have been another lifetime.

Morgan was in Hawaii visiting her Godfather and his wife, seeing the sights, catching up on life, and she was absolutely beaming. Steve called it Morgie’s big adventure as he called her trip just before that, and the one just before that. The early summer 2011 had become a collection of big adventures for Morgie. Two trips of travel mixed with working for her, and this one just for fun. It took a lot of hard work and dedication, but Morgan had recovered enough to travel. She had completely rebuilt her health and between her older sister and her Godfather the 19 year old young woman was busy traveling on her own.

She was formulating plans for herself too, by then she was dreaming of, and determined to go to Stanford law school, after finishing a degree in English at CU Boulder, but before that she was after a certification as a yoga instructor so she could work at something she loved while going to school and have a fall back, just in case. The sky up there was the limit, Morgan had her whole life before her.

Missing Morgan

Missing Morgan

Four years and six months later we would scratch letters in the sand and tell her we missed her. Only there was no place to text the picture to. No number to call her to say we wished that she could be there with us. We could only look up to the heavens and say these things out loud feeling like the little angel had heard us and have the overwhelming feeling yet again that it just wasn’t fair. When Morgan scratched her letters in the sand she would see us in less than a week. Her face would light up and she would come running into the terminal when she saw us letting out her typical Morgan squeal of happiness and adding a big tight hug along with it. Our letters scratched in the sand brought nothing close to that feeling.

Love You Morgan

Love You Morgan

20 candles for Morgan’s twenty years of life.  Her 20th year had only just begun, and the 20th candle we lit did not stay lit as long as the other candles – as you can see in the picture above.

Dear family and friends were with us to tell Morgan they missed her too on this fourth anniversary of her death, her murder. It’s been a long four years, years that have brought many changes to our lives. Morgan trusted and loved with all her heart, she shared her zeal for life with all those around her. Those now forced to miss her have only the precious memories of time spent with her. And the dreams of what she might be doing now. Morgan would want us to remember her loving us, and oh how we do.