Recently, for the past 3 months, my heart has been heavy. It has been extremely hard to keep from crying, and for the most part, the tears just kept coming; for the first time in so many years, I allowed those tears to fall. I allowed myself not to be strong.

After we lost our daughter Morgan, I felt like I was just in survival mode for the longest time, but through it all, I had Steve. Then, when Steve died last year, I tried to stay strong, but that wasn’t sustainable; I finally crumbled. Steve had been my rock all those years after Morgan’s murder, and I could not imagine moving forward without him, but I did, because I had no choice.

I know grief comes in waves, especially when you least expect it. A song, a picture, a familiar place where memories were once made- they can all trigger a deep, painful wave of sadness.

But I wanted to share these thoughts with you about my feelings of grief that have consumed me in the past few months. There may be times when it seems there is no escape and no relief from the ache that continues to grow inside you. In those moments, please remember: you do not have to force yourself to be strong. I was trying for so long to be strong, but I finally surrendered to it.

Sometimes, we must allow ourselves to feel the pain before healing can begin. I know you may want to push it away; I did. You may not want anyone to see you fall apart. But falling apart does not mean you are weak—it means you have loved deeply and lost someone who mattered beyond words.

For now, just carry this moment. You do not have to carry tomorrow yet.

Cry as much as you need to. Write down what you are feeling, talk with someone you trust, or simply just give yourself permission to be still and breathe.

You are allowed to take things slowly. You are allowed to rest. Keeping busy may offer a temporary distraction, but you do not have to outrun your grief. When you are ready, you can face it gently—one breath, one memory, and one day at a time.

Remember that emotions change, even when they feel permanent. The pain may never disappear completely; how could it, when you have loved someone so deeply, and they are no longer here? But with time, you may learn to carry that love and sorrow side by side.

Slowly, the weight may begin to shift. The memories that once brought only tears may someday bring comfort, warmth, or even a little smile.

What feels impossible to bear today may, in time, become a little softer to carry. That is my hope for you, as it is for myself. Sending peace and love your way, today and always.