Tessi still wishes Morgan would come home…

tessdoor After 3 years Tessi still grieves for Morgan.  Not every day, but there are times you can see the sadness in her eyes when someone mentions Morgan’s name.  If you have ever wondered if dogs hurt when they loose someone they love I will tell you from first hand experience, they do, they have huge hearts and their hearts grieve just like human hearts.

And Morgan’s dog Wylah has nightmares still.  She cries out in her sleep.  She was just a puppy at the time of Morgan’s murder and she was definitely traumatized.  The good news is she is starting to become a lot more trusting of people – she wasn’t for the first year or so.  A good friend of mine said to put my hand over her heart when she looked sad.  I did that for quite a while and I must report that it did work…the sparkle in her eyes has come back and she is extremely affectionate and loving.  I am so happy because I know Morgan loves her little dog so much and wants her to be happy.

Morgan’s cat Mogwai grieves too.  Sometimes he gets despondent and doesn’t want anyone around him, and other times he just wants to be able to cuddle up like he used to do with Morgan.  The problem is he will cuddle up to us but then look really sad, like it’s just not the same. He then gets up and slowly walks away to be alone again.  I try to follow him, call his name, dangle string in front of him to play, but he just looks at me with eyes glassed over as though he is trying to just focus on his memories.  But recently when Mogwai looks upset Tessi has started to walk over to him to try to cheer him up…it’s so adorable, she licks him (with her huge tongue) in his ear, then he looks grossed out, but he still sits still and let’s her…I think he likes her attention, even though it is very slobbery. 🙂

It’s has been heartbreaking at times to see these wonderful, kind and furry members of our family grieve, but just like with all of us I know it is a process that can not be avoided.  I think it just makes all of us, humans and animals alike, treasure the moments we have together and appreciate even the smallest things in life like chasing a ball in the park.

“Over the years I’ve come to appreciate how animals enter our lives prepared to teach and far from being burdened by an inability to speak they have many different ways to communicate. It is up to us to listen more than hear, to look into more than past.”
― Nick TroutLove Is the Best Medicine: What Two Dogs Taught One Veterinarian about Hope, Humility, and Everyday Miracles

Reactive Policing vs Community Policing – what would you rather see?

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The National Center for Victims of Crime shares that, “In a significant number of cases, stalking is in fact, a precursor to lethal violence.  Traditional “reactive” policing is ill-suited to the challenges because it means waiting for something to happen and then responding.”  Where there is an ever-present risk that stalking will cross over into physical violence, then victim safety and prevention are the priorities, and an approach of reactive policing inevitably falls short.  Stalking by its nature calls for early intervention, preventive action, and proactive problem-solving. These are the hallmarks of community policing.”

Here is a explanation of Community Policing by the Office of Community Oriented Policing Services (COPS Office) they are a component of the U.S. Department of Justice responsible for advancing the practice of community policing by the nation’s state, local, territorial, and tribal law enforcement agencies through information and grant resources: http://www.cops.usdoj.gov/pdf/vets-to-cops/e030917193-CP-Defined.pdf

Community policing was not used in Morgan’s case, and other stalking victims I’ve heard from recently in Garfield County tell me nothing has changed.  They still rely on reactive policing, but does anyone really think that coming to look for your stalker hours or even a day after they were terrorizing you is really going to work?  I believe the community should have been made aware of other similar incidents in that area months and years before Morgan’s stalking started, those incidents as well as Morgan’s stalking should have then been shared with the community, and followed up on by the sheriffs.  Stalking is by definition is a pattern of behavior, it is not one incident.  Insisting on treating stalking as if it were an incident by incident crime only serves to give the stalker the upper hand, while doing little to halt his criminal behavior.

In an article in the Grand Junction Sentinel Garfield County Sheriff Lou Vallario was quoted as saying, “I believe a proactive law enforcement group reduces crime in the long run.”  “To me the buzzword ‘community policing’ is less important than what we’re providing.”  So while he claims to believe in proactive law enforcement, it is certainly not employed in stalking cases, it is still pure reactionary, an incident by incident response.

And Community Policing – just a buzzword?  I don’t think so…the protocol that the sheriff used in Morgan’s case had absolutely no way of working, it was not proactive it was reactive at best and did not work.  Every stalking expert, stalking task force, along with the National Center for Victims of Crimes and even the Colorado Legislature suggests specific protocols that are proven to have a better outcome for stalking victims and isn’t that what we all want?  For example when the Colorado Legislature states, “encouraging and authorizing effective intervention before stalking can escalate into behavior that has even more serious consequences.”  I applaud that statement and point out that right in the middle is “effective intervention” or action taken to improve a situation, which responses long after the stalker has come and gone will not do.

When a felony stalking case is opened (like in Morgan’s case) if law enforcement waits to get a call, and then show up sometime in the next 30 minutes to an hour later, and they later claim they didn’t see the stalker, because of course the stalker isn’t about to just sit on the sidewalk and await their arrival, in what galaxy does this seem like it would ever work? There is a Model Protocol that was created to promote more effective anti-stalking policies by police departments across the nation.  What will it take for Garfield County to adopt a good stalking protocol?  They need to realize lives are continuously endangered and depend on a better protocol.

I look forward to a day when law enforcement agencies across the country adopt this Model Protocol, and look to and learn from other agencies that have had a more positive outcome for the victims of stalking.  Just like in every field in our society constant continuing education is the sign of a belief that you want to do your job to the best of your ability.  If the tools to do your job are out there then why not research them, learn them,  and then employ them?

Every life is important.  The oath to serve and protect is a serious one, and I am sure that most of those who have taken that oath do want to serve and protect to the best of their ability, so as the head of his agency I beseech the Sheriff to give his officers the “tools” to uphold their oath to the best of their ability.  This is not a matter of who is right and who is wrong…this is a matter of having and using the best information for the best outcome for the community.  This is not something to be indignant of or arrogant about, certainly not to feel threatened by…it is just doing the best job you are capable of doing, because that is what you promised to do.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8reNGMUIHU

As a homeowner on the Caribbean island of Bonaire, Sheriff Lou Vallario was quoted in still another article in the Bonaire Reporter.  Vallario gave the Bonaire Reporter some ‘Crime Fighting Ideas’ as he put it, “We use GPS and radio frequency trackers to catch these guys.  We put them on bait cars and other items that look enticing to a thief.  You would love the look on their faces when we walk into their homes or reach under the seat of their cars and find exactly what we’re looking for!  They are clueless.  It’s not entrapment because nobody is forcing them to steal the items.”

How can the Sheriff of Garfield County admit to doing these types of things in order to catch a car thief but can not seem to commit the same type of time or effort into catching a suspected stalker when it is known that stalking poses an imminent  physical threat to one of his citizens?  Why did we always hear from the detective in Morgan’s felony stalking case that he would love to take more proactive steps but he could not get the authorization from his superior.  He was almost embarresed to tell us this superior would not approve the expense.  So for lack of allocated time and resources our daughter is now dead at age 20, and a stalker/murder is allowed to remain free…is this your idea of keeping your citizens safe Sheriff?  This type of leadership just goes to show me where your priorities are…obviously not in protecting the young women of Garfield County.

Okay – now I am about to vent.  I just remembered the very first time a Garfield County Patrol officer came to our home in August 2011, after he searched all around the outside and found footprints right under Morgan’s bathroom and bedroom windows (pushed right up against the wall of the house – obvious that the stalker was peering in her windows) he told us that the subdivision right across the road from us had had 5 incidents called in the previous summer – all with the same MO – tapping on the windows, peeping tom, stalking.  He told us at the end of that summer of 2010 they received a good description of the young man and brought in the tracking dog.  The dog then tracked him to the Mini Storage facility on County Road 100 where the dog lost the scent.

Another Patrol Officer that responded to our second call also brought up the same story about similar incidents the previous summer – this was all very disturbing.  But the deputies were hopeful that as those stalking incidents had ended at the change of seasons and as summer was almost over and winter was right around the corner perhaps Morgan’s situation would, “just end on its own.”  Well many weeks later when Morgan had a detective assigned to her case (Detective Rob Glassmire) to investigate her felony stalking I told him exactly what those officers had told us.  I hoped he could pull up those reports and see if they were connected to Morgan’s case.  He said he would, but never did.  Finally after Morgan died I pressed him again for that answer  he told me he couldn’t imagine how I could have gotten that information because when he looked into it there were only reports of incidents where someone had broken into cars in that neighborhood and stolen stereos…  Why would 2 different officers tell me about the stalking/trespassing/peeping tom incidents the summer before if they were not true?  They had both given me details about those incidents, but now they were not incidents at all?  How can that be?  This was a another big red flag.

It all became even more sinister for me after I started this blog the summer of 2012.  I received emails from women that lived in that neighborhood and had experienced similar incidents and reported them to the sheriffs…one such incident was only 2 weeks before Morgan’s stalking started!  Why was I never told about that?  How can anybody feel safe in a county whose policy is to never tell people about crime that is happening right next door, and how can they believe that their sheriff is trying to protect them?  The whole thing is so outrageous.  It is a systematic policy of arrogance, avoidance and mistruths!

We all know that there is good and bad in this world – there always has been and there always will be, but I truly believe if you expose the bad and then have effective solutions then positive change will be made, “before stalking can escalate into behavior that has even more serious consequences.” as the Colorado Legislature has decreed.  That is why I would like to see law enforcement everywhere adopt the Model Protocol for stalking so we can look forward to a better, safer, future for everyone…everyone, except for those who choose to stalk and terrorize us.

For the Love of Music…

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Morgan loved playing music.  When she was in elementary school she learned how to read music.  Later on while in middle school she taught herself how to play the piano.  She was so excited when her dad and I bought her a keyboard.  From that moment on she would look for sheet music, and practice as much as possible.  She asked if she could take piano and vocal lessons to learn even more.  She took lessons with a music teacher that her sister had worked with years ago.  Her vocal coach was one of the most wonderful, talented, and gentle souls I had ever met and Morgan took to her right away.

The week after Morgan died Morgan’s vocal coach spoke with me.  She had heard Morgan had passed and was very sad.  In our extreme indescribable pain Steve and I had not reached out to everyone we should have to tell them about her passing, but this woman had heard about it anyway.  I apologized for not calling her myself – she told me about the one song Morgan was always trying to perfect when she was younger, it was the song that was played in the Disney movie Anastasia “Once Upon a December.”  This gave me chills as Morgan had died on December 2nd.  It is a beautiful song.  Here are the lyrics:

Dancing bears.
Painted wings.
Things I almost remember.
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December.
Someone holds me safe and warm.
Horses prance through a silver storm.
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory ?
Someone holds me safe and warm.
Horses prance through a silver storm.
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory ?
Far away, long ago,
Glowing dim as a ember,
Things my heart
Used to know
Things it yearns to remember
And a Song someone sings
Once upon a December…..

I miss so many things about Morgan.  I miss hearing her go into the living room to play her keyboard and sing.  She had a beautiful voice, just like her big sister, they must have gotten that from their dad…certainly not from me.  Morgan’s sister told me she wants us to always keep Morgan’s keyboard so we still have it, but since Morgan passed it has stayed silent…no music has come from her keyboard.  Maybe one day someone will start to play on it, and once again in our home beautiful music will be heard.

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Listen to the Forest…Morgan did

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Morgan loved being in nature.  She was able to observe and cherish everything around her, and I believe this was a blessing.  It showed me exactly the kind of soul she was ever since she was a tiny child.  Even after becoming a young woman she would still bend down to pluck a little fuzzy dandelion that had gone to seed.  She would always smile, close her eyes, make a wish and blow…the wind would catch the seeds and they would gently fly away.   Her little niece still gets excited when she see a fuzzy dandelion and mimics the same thing her Aunt Gigi (Morgan) taught her.

Sometimes she would look up into the sky, and with a dreamy voice she would ask me to look up to see the beautiful clouds.  Sometimes she would get excited when it would start to rain…she would run outside to feel and smell the downpour coming from the Heavens above.  She would always look out the window from the passenger seat while I was driving and tell me to look at Mt. Sopris, because every day the mountain changed it’s beauty.

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When she hiked into the forest Morgan was always looking to see a fox or deer, as she quietly walked the trails.  She loved to just lie on the ground, close her eyes, listen to and feel the wind.  Putting her bare feet in every river she came upon was mandatory for her.  Morgan was a child of nature, she fed her soul with all the gifts that nature had to offer.  I believe that is why she became such an avid photographer.  She wanted others to “see” and experience what she did every day, and she succeeded.  I am grateful for all the wonderful pictures Morgan left behind, as well as the many things she taught us all about what is truly important in life. Finding your true purpose, seeing and being a part of all the beauty around you and never, ever taking one moment in your life for granted.  Always tell the ones you love, every day, how much you love them – Morgan always did, and for that I am grateful as well.

“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.” – John Muir

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Mirror, Mirror: Miss you Morgan…

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