Morgan I miss you so much and I just remembered the Valentine gift I gave you that has never been found – it was on your keychain with your house key. A little frog prince charm with sparkling crystals on it from Red Envelope…who took it? Another mystery item never found after you were gone. I’m sure someone knows what happened to your keychain.
Only 2 days before Morgan’s last day on this earth it was a Tuesday; a cold but sunny December afternoon. Morgan came home from school, ate lunch and asked if I would go with her down to the ranch behind our house to enjoy a short visit with our horse TC. I said yes, as I had not taken a lunch break yet and thought this would be a good excuse to get up from my desk and stretch my legs. We grabbed a couple of carrots, drove around the corner, parked the car, went in the barn to get his brushes. We then walked over to visit with TC.
TC was in a corral with a few other horses, but that didn’t stop him from running to the fence as soon as he heard Morgan’s voice. Morgan was only 2 years old when TC was born on our ranch in Old Snowmass, CO and the connection between Morgan and TC had always been a very strong one. We went in the corral, put on his halter and walked him out of his corral. I held him while Morgan gave him a quick brush-out. TC was nuzzling her the whole time. As soon as she was done she put her arms around his neck and laid her face right up against his neck, soaking in his warmth. She closed her eyes and stayed in that position for a really long time. I said nothing – just watched. TC closed his eyes too and stood perfectly still the whole time. Finally Morgan spoke. She said, “TC always makes everything feel better. Can we come down here every day this week?” I almost started to cry – I knew she was so very exhausted and stressed out over the fear that was created by her stalker. As a mom I wanted to make it all better, but had no idea how to do that. I told Morgan, “Of course we can.”
TC has always been a “healing” horse…many animals have that gift. I have always been grateful to have this beautiful, kind, loving paint horse in our family…and please understand he is not just a “horse” he is truly part of our family. As fate would have it the next two days, Wednesday and Thursday, we were unable to take a break and go down to the ranch and then by Friday morning it was too late…Morgan was dead.
Many people will not understand what I am about to say…and many people will understand completely. The afternoon of Friday, December 2, 2011 was the worse day of my entire life. Morgan was dead, and the shock of losing her was tremendous. That same afternoon, while I was sitting on the couch crying, all of a sudden I had an extremely strong “feeling” that I should go over to the ranch because nobody had told TC. I got up and started for the front door. All of a sudden my sister-in-law asked me where I was going. When I told her she said she was not about to let me go anywhere by myself. So we both headed over to the ranch. As I was walking towards TC’s corral I noticed two horses up against the fence, but I didn’t see TC. As I got closer I saw TC in the center of the corral looking at me. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t coming over to the fence like he had his whole life. The look in his eyes was so strange. As I got closer to the corral I just blurted out, “I am so sorry TC she’s gone.” All of a sudden TC, our big gentle horse, reared up in the air – striking out with both his front hooves, as he tossed his head and screamed. I can only describe the sound that was coming from him as an ‘angry guttural moan’…his eyes were wide open, nostrils flaring, he came back down to the ground and started to turn in circles, kicking out with his back legs. The other horses in the corral gave him a wide berth – they were not about to go near him. He was acting like a wild stallion.
I finally reached the fence, and collapsed against it crying. I kept saying, “I know TC I wasn’t able to protect her,” but he would not come to the fence, he just kept running around in circles, nostrils flaring, stomping at the ground. Just like the other horses in his corral I knew he didn’t want me, or anyone else around him. He was hurt, angry, and didn’t want to accept that Morgan was gone – do you wonder how I knew what he was thinking? Anyone watching him at that very moment would have known what he was thinking and feeling just by the look in his eyes, and how he was acting…it doesn’t take a horse whisperer, or an animal communicator to understand – all it took was to watch, and hear his extreme anguish. Anguish that is not only a human feeling, but a feeling that animals possess as well.
My sister-in-law walked up behind me and gave me a hug. In-between sobs I told TC that I loved him, and I turned to walk away. With a heart that was breaking, and a mind that was trying to convince me that this was all a very horrible dream, I went back to our house. When I arrived back at the house Steve asked me why I had gone to the ranch. I didn’t really understand why I went except that I felt someone had to tell TC – he loved her too. I told Steve exactly how TC had reacted. He then said something to me that set me back on my heals…he asked, “Do you think TC saw him?” To this day I still wonder. He was in a corral just on the other side of the berm behind our house – the berm where the stalker(s) would sneak up from behind our house. The berm that had a trail worn into it during the stalking. The trail the sheriffs had seen and told us about. Could he have seen something? Maybe, but he is only a horse, and had no way to warn us.
Life is a very precious thing, and every day is precious as well. Sometimes when I look into TC’s eyes I can see that his mind gently drifts away with happy thoughts of Morgan, and I wonder if he can still see her. I am so grateful for all the wonderful memories that everyone, including TC have of her. She is still felt in the warmth of the sun, the gentle breezes as well as the sparkle in the fresh snow. Morgan is still always around us and never gone. Love can never be taken away – it remains forever.
This picture was taken on one of our many trips from Colorado to California, and back again. Driving through the desert in Utah was alway inspiring. Looking at the rock formations was food for the imagination…imagining lost tribes of Indians, or gigantic dinosaurs roaming the massive red rock formations, with no limit to the possibilities, your mind’s eye can imagine so many different scenarios. Whenever we were able to stop for a break from driving, Steve and Morgan loved to walk around and check out the sights…and of course pose for funny pictures.
I miss all our wonderful trips with Morgan talking to us from the back seat of the car. We would talk, laugh, play music and sing. Sometimes she would bring a friend along and it was so much fun. We would stop at places like Charlie Browns in the desert before Los Angeles and check out all the old fashioned candy, giant emu eggs, and amazing memorabilia that seemed to be everywhere. Every trip we made on vacation was an adventure and Morgan loved every moment of it as much as we did. I am so glad that we able to spend so much time with Morgan. From the very moment she was born we enjoyed her presence, and I would never have guessed in a million years that we would be graced with her here on earth for such a short amount of time. I am extremely grateful that we were able to have such wonderful and lasting memories with her and that she chose us to be her parents.
Remembering Morgan is easy…we all do it every day. But it is still hard to not be able to make new memories with her. We smile and laugh about the fun times, and still hurt over the fact that she has missed, and will continue to miss, every sunrise and sunset, along with every family holiday, vacation, graduation, anniversary and wedding, and so many more moments that I know she loved. Do I think she isn’t with us in spirit to celebrate these things? No, I do believe she is still with us in spirit, but I don’t believe she should have been taken from this world against her will, taken from our family the way she was. There is no place in this world where that is okay…it’s just not okay. No one has the right to take another life.
The wrongs that were done to Morgan need to be righted. There needs to be an investigation into her suspicious death, and indictments need to be made. Turning a blind eye to the outrageous things that have happened to Morgan, before and after her death, will only insure that other families will continue to suffer as we have, and no sane person would ever want that. This needs to end, and end now.
To date we still continue to be attacked as we press forward for justice for Morgan. Those people that have been spreading lies, hiding behind their computer screens, in their own dark corners thinking no one will ever find out the truth – they need to realize many people already know the truth – the truth has always been there. For the person(s) that did this to Morgan, as well as all those who continue to try to keep Morgan’s case from ever becoming a case, by threatening and bullying everyone that have attempted to help get justice for Morgan, I would like them to know that hiding in the shadows isn’t going to work anymore. Staying anonymous while spreading lies and mistruths may work for awhile, but not forever. The bright light of truth is still growing ever brighter every day and will not stop.
Remember this quote:
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.”
After 3 years Tessi still grieves for Morgan. Not every day, but there are times you can see the sadness in her eyes when someone mentions Morgan’s name. If you have ever wondered if dogs hurt when they loose someone they love I will tell you from first hand experience, they do, they have huge hearts and their hearts grieve just like human hearts.
And Morgan’s dog Wylah has nightmares still. She cries out in her sleep. She was just a puppy at the time of Morgan’s murder and she was definitely traumatized. The good news is she is starting to become a lot more trusting of people – she wasn’t for the first year or so. A good friend of mine said to put my hand over her heart when she looked sad. I did that for quite a while and I must report that it did work…the sparkle in her eyes has come back and she is extremely affectionate and loving. I am so happy because I know Morgan loves her little dog so much and wants her to be happy.
Morgan’s cat Mogwai grieves too. Sometimes he gets despondent and doesn’t want anyone around him, and other times he just wants to be able to cuddle up like he used to do with Morgan. The problem is he will cuddle up to us but then look really sad, like it’s just not the same. He then gets up and slowly walks away to be alone again. I try to follow him, call his name, dangle string in front of him to play, but he just looks at me with eyes glassed over as though he is trying to just focus on his memories. But recently when Mogwai looks upset Tessi has started to walk over to him to try to cheer him up…it’s so adorable, she licks him (with her huge tongue) in his ear, then he looks grossed out, but he still sits still and let’s her…I think he likes her attention, even though it is very slobbery. 🙂
It’s has been heartbreaking at times to see these wonderful, kind and furry members of our family grieve, but just like with all of us I know it is a process that can not be avoided. I think it just makes all of us, humans and animals alike, treasure the moments we have together and appreciate even the smallest things in life like chasing a ball in the park.
“Over the years I’ve come to appreciate how animals enter our lives prepared to teach and far from being burdened by an inability to speak they have many different ways to communicate. It is up to us to listen more than hear, to look into more than past.”
― Nick Trout, Love Is the Best Medicine: What Two Dogs Taught One Veterinarian about Hope, Humility, and Everyday Miracles
The National Center for Victims of Crime shares that, “In a significant number of cases, stalking is in fact, a precursor to lethal violence. Traditional “reactive” policing is ill-suited to the challenges because it means waiting for something to happen and then responding.” Where there is an ever-present risk that stalking will cross over into physical violence, then victim safety and prevention are the priorities, and an approach of reactive policing inevitably falls short. Stalking by its nature calls for early intervention, preventive action, and proactive problem-solving. These are the hallmarks of community policing.”
Here is a explanation of Community Policing by the Office of Community Oriented Policing Services (COPS Office) they are a component of the U.S. Department of Justice responsible for advancing the practice of community policing by the nation’s state, local, territorial, and tribal law enforcement agencies through information and grant resources: http://www.cops.usdoj.gov/pdf/vets-to-cops/e030917193-CP-Defined.pdf
Community policing was not used in Morgan’s case, and other stalking victims I’ve heard from recently in Garfield County tell me nothing has changed. They still rely on reactive policing, but does anyone really think that coming to look for your stalker hours or even a day after they were terrorizing you is really going to work? I believe the community should have been made aware of other similar incidents in that area months and years before Morgan’s stalking started, those incidents as well as Morgan’s stalking should have then been shared with the community, and followed up on by the sheriffs. Stalking is by definition is a pattern of behavior, it is not one incident. Insisting on treating stalking as if it were an incident by incident crime only serves to give the stalker the upper hand, while doing little to halt his criminal behavior.
In an article in the Grand Junction Sentinel Garfield County Sheriff Lou Vallario was quoted as saying, “I believe a proactive law enforcement group reduces crime in the long run.” “To me the buzzword ‘community policing’ is less important than what we’re providing.” So while he claims to believe in proactive law enforcement, it is certainly not employed in stalking cases, it is still pure reactionary, an incident by incident response.
And Community Policing – just a buzzword? I don’t think so…the protocol that the sheriff used in Morgan’s case had absolutely no way of working, it was not proactive it was reactive at best and did not work. Every stalking expert, stalking task force, along with the National Center for Victims of Crimes and even the Colorado Legislature suggests specific protocols that are proven to have a better outcome for stalking victims and isn’t that what we all want? For example when the Colorado Legislature states, “encouraging and authorizing effective intervention before stalking can escalate into behavior that has even more serious consequences.” I applaud that statement and point out that right in the middle is “effective intervention” or action taken to improve a situation, which responses long after the stalker has come and gone will not do.
When a felony stalking case is opened (like in Morgan’s case) if law enforcement waits to get a call, and then show up sometime in the next 30 minutes to an hour later, and they later claim they didn’t see the stalker, because of course the stalker isn’t about to just sit on the sidewalk and await their arrival, in what galaxy does this seem like it would ever work? There is a Model Protocol that was created to promote more effective anti-stalking policies by police departments across the nation. What will it take for Garfield County to adopt a good stalking protocol? They need to realize lives are continuously endangered and depend on a better protocol.
I look forward to a day when law enforcement agencies across the country adopt this Model Protocol, and look to and learn from other agencies that have had a more positive outcome for the victims of stalking. Just like in every field in our society constant continuing education is the sign of a belief that you want to do your job to the best of your ability. If the tools to do your job are out there then why not research them, learn them, and then employ them?
Every life is important. The oath to serve and protect is a serious one, and I am sure that most of those who have taken that oath do want to serve and protect to the best of their ability, so as the head of his agency I beseech the Sheriff to give his officers the “tools” to uphold their oath to the best of their ability. This is not a matter of who is right and who is wrong…this is a matter of having and using the best information for the best outcome for the community. This is not something to be indignant of or arrogant about, certainly not to feel threatened by…it is just doing the best job you are capable of doing, because that is what you promised to do. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8reNGMUIHU
As a homeowner on the Caribbean island of Bonaire, Sheriff Lou Vallario was quoted in still another article in the Bonaire Reporter. Vallario gave the Bonaire Reporter some ‘Crime Fighting Ideas’ as he put it, “We use GPS and radio frequency trackers to catch these guys. We put them on bait cars and other items that look enticing to a thief. You would love the look on their faces when we walk into their homes or reach under the seat of their cars and find exactly what we’re looking for! They are clueless. It’s not entrapment because nobody is forcing them to steal the items.”
How can the Sheriff of Garfield County admit to doing these types of things in order to catch a car thief but can not seem to commit the same type of time or effort into catching a suspected stalker when it is known that stalking poses an imminent physical threat to one of his citizens? Why did we always hear from the detective in Morgan’s felony stalking case that he would love to take more proactive steps but he could not get the authorization from his superior. He was almost embarresed to tell us this superior would not approve the expense. So for lack of allocated time and resources our daughter is now dead at age 20, and a stalker/murder is allowed to remain free…is this your idea of keeping your citizens safe Sheriff? This type of leadership just goes to show me where your priorities are…obviously not in protecting the young women of Garfield County.
Okay – now I am about to vent. I just remembered the very first time a Garfield County Patrol officer came to our home in August 2011, after he searched all around the outside and found footprints right under Morgan’s bathroom and bedroom windows (pushed right up against the wall of the house – obvious that the stalker was peering in her windows) he told us that the subdivision right across the road from us had had 5 incidents called in the previous summer – all with the same MO – tapping on the windows, peeping tom, stalking. He told us at the end of that summer of 2010 they received a good description of the young man and brought in the tracking dog. The dog then tracked him to the Mini Storage facility on County Road 100 where the dog lost the scent.
Another Patrol Officer that responded to our second call also brought up the same story about similar incidents the previous summer – this was all very disturbing. But the deputies were hopeful that as those stalking incidents had ended at the change of seasons and as summer was almost over and winter was right around the corner perhaps Morgan’s situation would, “just end on its own.” Well many weeks later when Morgan had a detective assigned to her case (Detective Rob Glassmire) to investigate her felony stalking I told him exactly what those officers had told us. I hoped he could pull up those reports and see if they were connected to Morgan’s case. He said he would, but never did. Finally after Morgan died I pressed him again for that answer he told me he couldn’t imagine how I could have gotten that information because when he looked into it there were only reports of incidents where someone had broken into cars in that neighborhood and stolen stereos… Why would 2 different officers tell me about the stalking/trespassing/peeping tom incidents the summer before if they were not true? They had both given me details about those incidents, but now they were not incidents at all? How can that be? This was a another big red flag.
It all became even more sinister for me after I started this blog the summer of 2012. I received emails from women that lived in that neighborhood and had experienced similar incidents and reported them to the sheriffs…one such incident was only 2 weeks before Morgan’s stalking started! Why was I never told about that? How can anybody feel safe in a county whose policy is to never tell people about crime that is happening right next door, and how can they believe that their sheriff is trying to protect them? The whole thing is so outrageous. It is a systematic policy of arrogance, avoidance and mistruths!
We all know that there is good and bad in this world – there always has been and there always will be, but I truly believe if you expose the bad and then have effective solutions then positive change will be made, “before stalking can escalate into behavior that has even more serious consequences.” as the Colorado Legislature has decreed. That is why I would like to see law enforcement everywhere adopt the Model Protocol for stalking so we can look forward to a better, safer, future for everyone…everyone, except for those who choose to stalk and terrorize us.