I wasn’t given a choice, so I had to be strong…and now I want to create hope for the future. Change can be made, so another young woman like Morgan, and another family like ours, won’t have to suffer the same devastating pain that all of us have had to endure.
The day I found Morgan’s body I begged for a re-set button, but of course I wasn’t given one. When reality sunk in, and I knew Morgan was really gone forever, I had to make a choice…should I curl up into a ball and give up on life all together? That’s exactly what my body wanted to do…I felt that I had failed her, and I was not going to be given a second chance to get her far, far away from her stalker(s). I was weak and tired and nothing really mattered any longer.
As a parent you go through life with an intense desire to keep your children safe from harm, and when you fail to keep them safe you carry that guilt for the rest of your life, because it was your job, and you failed. No one in this world can talk you out of that feeling of guilt.
The second option I had was to try to figure out all the missing pieces of what had really happened to my daughter – did she really die from natural causes as the pathologist kept insisting, or was she the victim of a homicide, as other experts thought, or did she commit suicide, because she felt helpless to stop her stalker(s) and could no longer handle it?
The easiest path for me as a parent was to blindly accept the pathologist’s finding of natural causes and ignore all the false statements and red flags, especially after being threatened to “back off” from questioning natural causes or else it could be changed to “suicide.” But that wasn’t my choice. Then after not backing off and seeing the change to “suicide” it would have been easier to just accept that manner of death, as even that was easier than the thought that my daughter had been terrorized, sexually assaulted and violently murdered – no parent wants to believe that…but unfortunately that was what the facts kept showing me – it made me sick to my stomach to keep having to face it every day, but considering what Morgan went through I was not about to feel sorry for myself.
Of course now, after reading this blog from the beginning https://morgansstalking.com/?p=389, you know the path I chose was to never give up in my search for answers and justice.
It would have been so much easier to curl up and become a ghost, but I couldn’t do it…I had to find answers. So, yes it has been excruciatingly painful to wake up every morning for 7 years and investigate my own daughter’s murder, it is horrifying to look at pictures of her dead body and see evidence that the officials decided to overlook and cover-up in what I now believe was a capital crime, but that is the path I chose, and amazingly, because I chose that path, I have been given so many indisputable facts over these 7 years that I now believe the pain was worth it…I know there will be justice for Morgan…when and where I do not know, but I know it’s coming.