Tag Archives: Good book about stalkers

WHAT IF?

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MorganandWyI find the best way to get to an answer is to “ask” a question.  So I would like to ask “what if?”

I hope people will understand when I talk about the what if’s of the past.

Have you ever had something horrible happen in your life and then you wondered what if you had done something different?

This happened to me so many times in the first month after Morgan was murdered that I lost count.  I’m sure it is something many parents of murdered children experience.  In Morgan’s case one of the what if’s that I thought was, “What if she hadn’t had her little puppy Wylah May, would she have gotten away in time and would she still be alive?”

So earlier today I was talking to my sister-in-law about Morgan.  Just so you know, I think my sister-in-law is one of the kindest and most logical people in this world.  She is also a mom of four, and a good listener.  Her family is everything to her, as it should be, and she is a great person to talk to.  Back in 2011, after the first month of Morgan’s stalking, she was one of the many relatives that spoke with Morgan, Steve and I about ideas that we could try in order to stop the stalking.

Today I admitted to her that in the first month after Morgan’s murder I was so angry that I even felt that her little puppy Wylah May was partially responsible, as she was the reason Morgan would not leave when the danger was starting to become obvious to so many people.  It is ludicrous to think about it now, but it is true…I even blamed the puppy.  I know it sounds awful, but at the time I felt that if it hadn’t been for her puppy Morgan most likely would have left Colorado in time and maybe she would be alive today.

Morgan’s sister had been franticly calling Morgan asking her to please get on a plane and fly to the west coast to stay with her – she was so worried that something bad was going to happen.  Morgan adored her sister, but said she wouldn’t leave because of her puppy.  Her sister was living in an apartment that did not allow dogs.

Then Morgan’s Godfather called her and asked her to please come stay with him and his wife in Kauai to get out of Colorado, as he feared she was in a dangerous situation, but Morgan told him she did not want her puppy to be quarantined when she arrived into Kauai, so she wouldn’t do it.

At the same time Morgan’s soulmate had been calling her and begging her to fly out to Georgia to get out of Garfield, but again she could not bring her puppy.  So finally at the beginning of her last week I spoke candidly with her about everyone’s concerns.  I told Morgan that I too would feel so much better if she did go away for her safety, at least for a little while, just until her dad and I got the rest of the house packed up and moved, as that was our plan – we did not want our family to continue to live in the house where Morgan was being terrorized – we wanted her hidden from her stalker.  Morgan was happy we were going to move.  She had already packed up a few bins with her books and personal things, which were staked up in our dining room, but she was adamant that school would be over in 2 weeks so she wanted to wait at least that long. She said she would consider leaving for a week or so, but she did not want to just leave her puppy any longer than that because Wylah was too young and she felt that she needed her.  I tried to reason with her, but to no avail.  When Morgan made up her mind that was that.  She loved her puppy so much.

One week after my talk with Morgan about leaving she was dead, and not only was I blaming myself for not insisting she get away, but I was also blaming her puppy for making her feel like she couldn’t leave.  I explained to my sister-in-law how bad I felt for blaming her little puppy – especially the sweet adorable innocent little creature that Morgan loved so much.  It obviously wasn’t the puppies fault, it wasn’t anyones fault except the person(s) that killed her.  And you know what my sister-in-law said?  She asked how in the world could anyone ever think that Morgan would have committed suicide?  She was a victim of stalking, she was exhausted and frightened because of her stalker, but she loved her puppy so much that she wouldn’t leave for safety because she didn’t want to leave her behind.  She said it is absolutely ridiculous to think she would take her own life and leave her puppy behind.

This was something I had never even thought of because I knew Morgan had not taken her own life, and this hit me like a rock… how can officials decide to call someone a suicide after 8 months of insisting she died of natural causes, without any investigation, then threatening me when I wanted evidence from her death looked at by others who did not believe for one second that she had really died from natural causes?  If they had done any investigation or asked any questions it would be absolutely obvious she did not commit suicide…they did not interview her teachers, employer or her friends or family and even with all the physical and psychological evidence contradicting the opinion of both natural causes and suicide they still cling to the wrong conclusion.  Why?  I guess you can ask any seasoned investigator and they will readily explain the answer to that question…it is because they “know” by writing down the manner of death to be “natural” or “suicide” it will keep the case from ever being officially investigated.  It is something that has happened again and again over time. The things you learn when your child is killed are sometimes the things you would never have believed…officials have ways to prevent an investigation when it suits them. I have been asked so many times how can a healthy 20 year old woman die from natural causes, who had just seen her Gynecologist for her annual checkup less than two days before.  She was in excellent health, and all of a sudden we were being told she died from a disease she didn’t even have – how can that be? To these experts it meant one thing – they knew, but I didn’t understand, I was still too trusting of the authorities. I didn’t get it back then, I wanted answers that made sense. Morgan was dead and the answers I was getting from Garfield were said to be just about typos, and cut and paste errors, and then I was told by the lead detective that if I found a picture of Morgan wearing each and every piece of jewelry that was missing from her room then they could look into it. For seasoned veterans of homicide the handwriting was on the wall, for whatever reason a coverup was in play. I wouldn’t figure that out for a long time, I still trusted and believed.

So with that I ask another what if…what if you were Morgan’s mother and you knew she did not want to leave her puppy behind in order to be in a safer place, would you believe all of a sudden she would commit suicide and leave her puppy behind? After realizing this would you believe what the officials in Garfield County were trying to make you believe, even though all the evidence and forensic specialists contradicted both manners of death?

If you get a chance let me know how you would have felt if you were in my position, and what you would have done.

Thanks so much – always question things, because not everything you are being told, even by people in positions of authority, are not always telling the truth. Just watch the news, every day there is another story about a sheriff or policeman who got caught crossing the line, it happens. In your darkest hour you should not have to be figuring out if law enforcement is there to help you and cares about solving the horrific crime, or if they are lying to you, and busy making sure the truth stays out of sight. Even though it is a small percentage, trust me, it is something you must do – you must question. Because as the days crawl by it won’t get any easier. It has not for me, and it has not for any one of the other parents I’ve spoken with over the years who found themselves in similar positions.

And I would love to hear how you would have handled trying to get Morgan to leave for safety, even though she didn’t want to leave her puppy, with only a couple of weeks left of college, and at the same time a predatory stalker closing in.

 

 

 

For the LOVE of a little dog…

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Morgans yarn A beautiful still shot by Morgan of the yarn she made herself out of old T-shirt material.  It took her so many hours to make the yarn and then use that yarn to make clothing and shoe covers for the costuming for a movie she was working on in Los Angeles.  She worked really hard, she had put in so many hours by the time she was done that she was more than happy to fly back to Colorado towards the end of July 2011 when her job was done.

It was really nice for her to travel during her breaks from school in order to do some creative work and make some money.  She came back to Colorado only for about 2 weeks and then went back to California, this time with Steve & I for a vacation.  That is the vacation we came home from in the beginning of August 2011 when her stalking started.

Morgan was so happy after having the vacation break and spending time with Steve and I and visiting so many relatives.  On her last trip she was working so she was unable to visit with anyone.  We went to the beach, Disneyland, all over, and then on the way back to Colorado is when she picked up her little puppy Wylah May in Arizona.  She was beyond thrilled!

As soon as we returned home she walked Wylah down to the river…one of her favorite places.  Then she walked hAspentreesfallome to pick up the car and drive into Carbondale in order to show her friends her new puppy.  Two days later she asked if I would go with her to Crystal River Meats in Carbondale.

I asked her why and she said, “I want to make my own dog food from scratch for Wylah May because I feel she deserves it.”  I told her it seemed like it would take up a long time and she is always so busy coming and going, then she said, “Wylah May is now my responsibility, so as her new mommy I need to make sure she has the best food, just like I put in my body, so she will grow up big and strong and healthy.”  That was Morgan for you…no arguing with her logic.  When she decided to do something she felt was right she did it.  So that was the start of homemade, delicious dog food for Wylah May.

Now Wylah, and all the dogs in our family, get fed homemade food…Steve has taken over that job.  The dogs love it.  He uses organic chicken, rice, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, coconut oil and a few other ingredients.  It keeps their coats shiny, their energy level up and they always seem so happy and satisfied.  It’s a lot of work to make such big batches but Steve enjoys it.  There are so many things Morgan taught us over her short 20 years of life and we were her parents, she was the child…funny how that seems to happen I guess.  We were extremely blessed to have such a kind, loving and independent daughter.  We miss her more than words can ever express, and we can still feel her spirit close to us.

It is so hard to keep from having a small outburst of tears, so it still happens every single day.  My heart feels crushed at times and then I remember I have to keep going, I have to stay focused on justice for Morgan and all others so I take a deep breath, blow it out and onward I go.

Thank you all for the many uplifting comments.  It is at those moments that I read them that I feel a wind beneath my wings and I can fly again.  You are all so wonderful and I am very grateful for all of you.

Not Everyone Feels Their Humanity…

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being human

It has been almost 4 years since Morgan was murdered…yes, murdered in what was a premeditated murder.  That’s what you call it when the murder is planned ahead of time, the instruments to cause such a death are brought with you, and then taken away by you.  It is considered a planned murder especially when the crime scene is “staged” as it was in Morgan’s crime scene.

I can’t seem to get into the mind of these delusional people that find pleasure in stalking their prey, then torturing and murdering that prey, I have tried to understand what they could possibly be thinking, but I just can’t seem to be able to comprehend how they can  think the way they do.  The only thing that makes sense to me so far is that these predators are not like the general population, they are sociopaths and psychopaths, maybe they were not even born with natural humanity – they have absolutely NO FEELINGS, no soul, it does not bother them to inflict pain upon others, in fact to do it and get away with it just bolsters their feeling of superiority over others, which in some cases is extremely important to them, especially if they perceive that they do not have all the opportunities or gifts their target has.

That being said what I wanted to talk about in this post is about humanity in people that are good people.  Humanity that we are born with, but then somewhere along the way we forget about that humanity.  There have been so many people in positions of authority that could have stopped this deliberate attempt to deceive – a deception that has been perpetrated by the Garfield County sheriff & coroner’s offices.  There are people in those very agencies that know the truth, but have not come forward in order to keep their jobs, but their silence is at the expense of sacrificing their humanity.  Doing THE RIGHT THING isn’t always the easy thing.  When you take the easy way out by looking the other way and doing what you know is wrong…something that is a lie, a lie that you don’t speak up about it goes against your humanity, and it will end up eating away at you for the rest of your life.  You might be able to push it down most of the time, but it will always be there every time you look in the mirror.  It becomes YOUR LIFE’S LESSON.

Then there are others far more removed from Garfield County – let’s say at the state level.  Yes, there is home rule in Colorado so the sheriff & coroner can sit back and say they will never allow anyone to come in and investigate Morgan’s case, BUT there are ways the Governor & Attorney General’s office can take over when there is an obvious case of a cover-up as it is in Morgan’s case.  If the representatives at the state level decide not to investigate Morgan’s case and continue putting us in a circle, stating they can not do anything, then they are sacrificing their humanity as well.  To not investigate Morgan’s murder, as she was a victim of an active felony stalking investigation at the time of her suspicious death, and since there is a huge amount of physical evidence that contradicts the manner of death that Garfield County would like everyone to believe, is again turning a blind eye on evil and going against their own humanity.  Everyone in this world is given chances to make the right choice…to help their fellow human beings.  If they take the easy way out all they are doing is allowing a murderer(s) to remain free in order to stalk and murder again and again.  It will be on them for choosing the easy way out.

Now, last but not least are the people in the Roaring Fork Valley in Colorado that KNOW things about Morgan’s stalking and murder…and there are quite a few.  They know they know, some pretend they really don’t know anything because they are fearful of retribution.  They fear the rath of the perpetrators, they fear the sheriffs, they fear what their other friends will think about them (one young man actually told me Morgan is gone, there is nothing I can do about that now, but ______ is still here so I have to change my support to her.  I get it – they have to live in the same place as the perpetrators, but does that make it right?  Is covering up evil the right thing to does that make them just as evil?  What I do know is this…these people that are covering for the criminals will live with the knowledge that they did the wrong thing till the day they die.  Consciously they may not realize how much damage they are creating in their world, but subconsciously their soul understands, when given the chance to do the right thing, to be human, they know they have failed that test, and will know it in their very souls for the rest of their human lives.  Also, what they may not know is that the law views people as co-conspiritors when they are aware of a crime, but choose to cover it up by not coming forward.  Yep – it’s true.  Not only will your own soul haunt you to the day you die, but if someone comes forward before you and implicates you as knowing what really happened then legally you can become a co-conspiritor in a capital crime.  Just food for thought.

So once again I will say it has been almost 4 years since Morgan’s murder.  Morgan needs justice.  Morgan’s friends and family need justice.  All other victims/survivors of stalking need to see Morgan get justice.  Why?  Because if with all the evidence in Morgan’s case, crime scene 101 basic real evidence, can’t get people to open her investigation so she can receive justice then how will any of us ever feel like we are safe?  People will loose even more trust in our system…a system that is suppose to insure us life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Are these all just words or do they mean something?

 

About the disappearing ranch…

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Aspen Equestrian Ranch and TCThis is a picture Morgan took of the ranch behind our house.  The ranch was originally called Preshana and had been around for many, many years, but was later bought and renamed Aspen Equestrian Ranch.  As per the Post Independence, “Preshana in the late 1970s and ’80s, was a facility for horse-boarding, equestrian events and polo. . When our family moved into the neighborhood called Aspen Equestrian Estates we boarded Morgan’s horse TC at that ranch.  You can see TC (the brown & white Paint horse) on the left side of the photo.

Morgan was so happy that TC was so close and loved to walk down the street to go be with her horse.  After Morgan’s murder TC was never the same.  He knew she was gone, he loved her and I believe he knows who was involved, lucky for them horses can’t talk, or can they? About 2 months after Morgan’s murder I woke up one morning after a horrible dream about TC – the dream left me with a feeling that he was in danger and I had to move him FAST.  So I did – I was able to move him to another ranch only a couple of hours after I woke from that awful dream.  I was able to breath a sigh of relief.  Morgan loved that horse – she used to say she felt like he was her little brother.  Kind of strange considering he was a 1,200 lb horse.

Then sometime after that the ranch was bulldozed down to the ground.  Strange – right?  It’s being used as polo grounds again, which is good I guess, but I still have to wonder if the razing of the ranch had anything to do with the fact that the equine amitriptyline that killed Morgan most likely came from that ranch.  Just some more food for thought.

And then the word #stalker came into play – another story that needs to be shared

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stopvictimblamingPlease read the story below – I really shouldn’t say it is a story because what it truly is is another human being’s current reality due their stalker.  It is horrifying, it has affected her children, it has completely changed her life, and it is so very wrong. The judicial system needs to understand how serious stalking is. Changes need to be made – criminals should not have more rights then their victims!

This is an email I received this morning:

My case with a stalker is going to jury trial very soon.  Due to this, I’m doing my research on Victim Blaming as I’m sure the defense will use this heinous tactic, and that is how I found your site.  My story began 6 months ago while breaking it off with a short-lived relationship.  Although, due to an alcohol problem with this man, I did get  a simple domestic violence restraining order, which of course I thought would be all I would need.  That day would prove to hold so very much more.  I now carry 3 criminal protective orders, he has been incarcerated for 2 months on a no bail warrant.  All I wanted was peace, but his insistence that God told him not to stop pursuing me, several texts and voice mails, him showing up at my house refusing to leave, and my visions of waking up with him standing over me, the “If I can’t have you….” attitude, and finally after several times of calling law enforcement and 2 arrests of violation, the word “stalker” came into play.  He found my new phone #, found me on social media, and followed family members.  One message reads: “If I can’t find you, I’ll have 20 people looking for you”.  As of today (10.13.2015), a new judge said he would grant another bail hearing next Tuesday.  Of course when you’ve gone into hiding twice, and you are looking for yet another safe place, this decision fills you with fear.  The word “Stalker” is used lightly, as it was with me before this time.  But my world has now become a reality of always looking over my shoulder, protecting my loved ones and myself from whatever the “next step”, the “next move” could be.  In all of our minds no one wants to believe these things truly happen, and of course we would rather blame the victim with “if only they had done something different”.  I know I will face that kind of mentality soon as part of the defense, and I dread the day I re-live it all in a twisted story by a defense attorney.  It is my hope my story will one day inspire others to do what they must to protect their family, and never minimize what a person is capable of.  Stalking is a very real crime and like Morgan, your first prison is when it all starts.  My business was shut down, my life has had to start over, and the paralyzing effects of fear are more than one can bear.  Leaving your home alone, being alone, and even falling asleep become burdens you try to avoid.  My heart goes out to all victims of any crime, and if any have had to experience victim blaming, I’m positive it made a negative emotional impact in an already devastating circumstance.  Thank you for allowing me to e-mail this to you, it was only today in what was supposed to be a Felony Settlement Conference (another one) that the decision to revisit bail was put on calendar.  The plethora of charges against continue to mount with not only the felonies, but 8 misdemeanor charges as well.   Please keep me in prayer, and tell others to always be very careful.  If there is one red flag, there are many, many more.  Be safe as you possibly can always.  This is my new reality.

Then she wrote:

Truly one of the hardest things to deal with is the “unknown”  Never knowing the next move, the next step. You can try to block it but it sits in wait in your head. I am not looking forward to taking the stand. I’m doing my homework on Victim Blaming which is a natural response in most people’s minds. People want to believe others would not instill fear, and there had to be a reason, thus blame the victim. In my case he believed in his head, we were going to be together no matter what. It got to a point my 14 yr old son slept with a kitchen knife next to him, my daughter moved in with me.  Two months ago I moved and have basically been in hiding even with him incarcerated. Of course he proclaims innocence but doesn’t realize imprisoning someone emotionally, constant emotional manipulation, is wrong. No one knows if he will attack, take hostage, to get what he wants or not. That is the worst part. And now the judicial system may consider bail after two months of no bail. I want what is fair and just for all of course. It seems as though me having to give up my life, rebuild, start over and continue to wonder when and if he will be out again, does not come into play.  This story needs to be told for anyone who remotely believes it can never happen.
Please post my story, and please feel free to use this as well.  Maybe with more awareness people will realize “stalking” is not only physical, you become emotional prey for the predator. They stalk your mind in order to get their way, and you must do all you can do to protect yourself because, despite what others believe, you do not know what the next step will be, and it must be stopped before it is taken.  Be strong as possible. Be wise. Never minimize.  And do your homework, research, be prepared if it comes to a courtroom.
I hope after reading this you will have a more intimate understanding about the emotional devastation that stalking creates.  Her story should be shared as often as you can in order to help raise awareness about the seriousness of stalking.  Thanking you ahead of time for sharing!