Losing sight of the Journey, but finding it again – #love will win!

morganandrainerIt’s a holiday weekend, and as Steve and I press on, one thing that has been very tough for us, has now reached more clarity today.  I am reminded how easily I have lost sight of the journey as we press single mindedly towards the destination.

On the morning Morgan died, we were in absolute shock, and after a brief investigation it was declared, by the lead stalking Detective as officially, “a mystery, ”  that is really how day one of her investigation ended.   As an unknown event, which would require time and information to eventually reveal the truth to us.

The journey has taken us through many twists, and turns.  An amazing beyond description aspect has been how so many have literally come right out of nowhere to supply one piece of information about what happened,  that also happens to be right within their area of considerable expertise.  And how all those little pieces of information have added up to real knowledge about what happened to Morgan, and it has been both mind numbing, and strangely comforting.

It is such a relief to Steve and I to have a sense of what really happened that night, and not be forced to just guess, or accept explanations, that made absolutely no sense at all – So again, to all of you who have donated your time, wisdom, and knowledge, Steve and I thank you for all for your help to aid Morgan, and to help us in a time of untold grief.

The journey we see now still has many twists and turns left to it, but at least we can have great confidence in where we will be coming from.  Be it a criminal court or a civil court, evidence will come, with requirements, and those who give evidence will be of a certain stature, and be speaking from years of experience.  All relaying the truth they have found in the events of that night.

Morgan never really had much of a chance that night.  She succumbed to overwhelming odds.  In the window of time in which she died, shadows are moving on our video, and Sheriff’s patrolled by twice.  It was a bad scene from a bad movie.  The evidence in her room is quite large, but as the Honorable District Attorney has already pointed out, “the Sheriff’s department so thoroughly botched the crime scene that…

Morgan is in a better place now, and that we believe, we feel her presence is priceless to us.  That we have put together a plan that does not rely on a thoroughly botched crime scene portends for closure in the future.

We care for her pets who know that their mommy is gone, they have been through the grieving process too, but are adjusting to a life with us.  They are constant reminders of all the love that Morgan had for this world, and to have them share that with us is something very special.

We wish Morgan was here with us, and it hurts so much that she was taken from the world, her sister, her brother, niece, nephew, her dog Wylah and her cat Mogwai, her horse TC, her soul mate, and all her friends.  The journey begs us to find an answer in all this, to remember all of the happiness there is in all the memories of Morgan, and her life with us.  We work for that moment when we can feel that we did all we could to honor her memory, to shed a bright light where now there are still many lingering shadows, and to truly carry her happiness, and never-ending smile beaming from our hearts.

We have not reached that point yet, but we are getting closer, and to know that we are getting closer, is to believe that we can help to make the world a better place, a safer place, and a place where vicious crimes such as those perpetrated on Morgan can be stopped – before it is too late.

And once again thank you all for the many blessings you have all shared with Steve and I on this journey that we must travel to its end in the name of Morgan, and all of those she is so happy to see us helping.  This is a road that is extremely hard to travel, but travel it we must.  We very much appreciate all the help we have received, and continue to receive along the way.

Exonerate? Does the map of the march around our house implicate?

Footprint trails caught by a sudden snowstorm

Footprint trails caught by a sudden snowstorm

On November 1st, 2011 the March around three sides or our house took place at 11:51 pm.  Not only did the trail, left in the sudden snowstorm, completely avoid the side of the house where Morgan’s windows were it was also silent.  No banging on windows at all.  But it was caught on the video surveillance system, and as for the silence – that would change very soon.

Our neighbor Elliott filled me in on the fact Keenan was gone hunting with his grandfather.  The original blog about this march around the house can be found back in the blog at – November 2, 2011 – Day 93 of Morgan’s stalking – the mysterious march, what does it mean?

It was a hectic time, and the video of the march was not reviewed for a few days, but the footprints were reported to the Garfield Sheriffs department the day they were found.  Steve came home, drew a crude map of just where the trails of footprints seemed to start and stop for the Sheriff’s Deputy while they both walked around and followed the footprint together, and gave a copy to the deputy.

Now as I go through the Sheriff’s reports, doing my best to reconcile the reports with all of the hard evidence we have, filling in the gaps as I go, the very first thing that comes to light about this stalking incident is… there is no report!  None at all that I have been able to find.  And the map Steve drew, and gave the Deputy, that I have not found in the “complete set of Morgan’s Stalking” reports either.  Not the first time by any means, but this was an important one.  At least we still have the video.

Detective Glassmire and Detective Alstatt were at the house four days later on the 6th of November, but the footprints were melted, and gone long before.  Steve drew another map for them and that one did find its way into the official reports, in fact here it is just so you can see my frustration that the original seems to be lost, and it was evidence in a felony stalking case.

So as you look at the map there are three things I would like to point out.  First – notice how one trail of footprints starts at James Harris’ house (where Brooke lived) and stops before the Sheriff’s camera’s location.  When Steve first saw the footprints he thought they looked like someone had walked to a point and then backed up in the same prints all the way to Jim’s house.  He pointed this out the Deputy, as they both walked alongside those prints.

Second – notice were the prints go from the Sheriff’s camera straight to the corner of the house, and then straight back over the berm.  Most of the “V” made by that foot trail to the corner of the house is not caught by our video.  And right in that corner of the house is the tree we think Keenan used to climb up on the roof.  So now I have to wonder aloud, was this march intended to show just how they were getting to that tree to climb up on the roof undetected?  And even worse, does it meant that he had already been in the house to see what the cameras covered, and did so he could establish this route to safely get in order to get to the corner of the house?

Third – the spot marked as start was right by a set of car prints in the street, same place where a loop of footprints ended up.

Also, this was the time that the batteries were dead in the Sheriff’s camera so there were no images captured by that camera.  This was so extremely frustrating for me because I saw that the footprint were right in front of that camera and there batteries were dead!  What was up with that?  A timeline of when which footprints were made would have been very helpful in theories of what was the true intent of all this.

For the next couple of days Morgan had a different pattern of rocks on her windows.  Just as frightening to Morgan, and all of the incidents were reported, but other than my updated timeline emailed to Detective Glassmire detailing the incidents there was no other mention in official reports.  Where are those reports?

Seeing the roof of the house from Google Earth

Seeing the roof of the house from Google Earth

In another image it easy to see how the roof was used in the commission of the stalking.  Point C, is where the tree that was used to get on the roof was.  Point A, is a spot on the roof where a person could lie on the roof and be completely concealed.  Point B is right over Morgan’s bedroom window.  This is right where the rain gutter is torn is half from repeated bending.  Steve walked the entire street inspecting all of the other gutters (all of the houses have them and they all appear to be the same.  In sixteen homes there is not another gutter with a tear in it of any perceptible degree.  Just one spot in sixteen houses and it is exactly centered over Morgan’s bedroom window.  That so many things like this were completely overlooked, disregarded, is completely devastating to Steve and I.

Another soul that was way too young to go, has left us with tears in our eyes…

angelsheart

The picture above is not one of Morgan’s pictures, but I wanted to put on this blog, and I can’t seem to get the copyright label off of it so please disregard that.  Thank you.

Today I am going to blog about something different from what happened to Morgan – this will not be about stalkers, and the dangers they produce, not about how law enforcement has to step up in some areas, and take stalking seriously.  No, unfortunately today I need to talk about losing a loved one, and how devastating it is for a family when it is a young person, whose life was just beginning on their own.

Last night we received a call about a 20-year-old boy named Adam, Morgan’s cousin.  We have known Adam since he was just a young child.  I remember his adorable freckled face, his exuberance, his constant questions, his sweetness, the years he was acting in movies, and felt so good to be making a paycheck, when he wasn’t even 16 years old yet.  I remember a lot of things about Adam, but the one thing I remember the most was how much we all loved him.

Crying for hours after I received the call I started to question, not out loud, but inside of me, why did this have to happen, and all of a sudden I felt an answer….I felt the same amazing warmth hit me from Morgan, that I have felt in the past, when crying and internally asking a question, and that instantly stopped my crying,  I knew she told me, “Adam is ok mom he is with me, and I will take care of him until his family sees him again someday.”  That helped me smile, because I do believe it to be true.  Morgan always took everyone under her wing, so to speak, and last night I believe she took Adam under her real wing to show him the immense love that is his forever now.

I’m sorry if this sounds a little corny – everyone believes something different, but for me this is the truth that I believe.  When I was 17 I went to the hospital for a procedure, and did not know the dye they would be injecting into me would cause an allergic reaction, and I would suddenly stop breathing after intense pain.  I felt the flurry of activity around me, but I was in extreme pain, and then all of a sudden I was hovering above my body in the little hospital room, in a bright light that felt like love, the intense pain was completely gone, while looking down at the frantic doctors, and nurses huddling over my body, trying to revive me.  I very clearly heard what they were saying, I saw what they were doing, everything was intensified, and I thought this was very odd, my back was up against the ceiling of the room, but I didn’t feel the ceiling against my back I just “knew” it was there, and I could see my body just lying on the table below not moving, , and the only thing I was thinking was, “Why are you doing this?”  I like it like this, because I was happy, I felt a bright white light, and love all around me, and there was no more pain in my body, “stop trying to revive me – is what I wanted to say!”  But they were successful in their efforts (I guess it wasn’t my time to go) and I was immediately thrust back into my body, and all the horrible pain came back.

The reason for telling you my near death story is to show you why I believe that Adam is with Morgan – after my experience of almost passing over at age 17 I never feared death after that.  I knew that at the time of death the pain stops, and you are wrapped in love and a brightness that makes you feel happy.  We will all miss you Adam, so very much – until we see you again remember we all think of you with the love you shared with us all!

 

 

A new app called Stop A Stalker please take a look for yourself

The Stop A Stalker app is Free for the next two days. I am trying it, and encourage you to share the link – and try it yourself.
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/stopastalker/id645238415?mt=8
StopaStalker
itunes.apple.com
Get StopaStalker on the App Store. See screenshots and ratings, and read customer reviews.

I would like to share another #stalking story with you…

I would like to share this story that I just received from another stalking victim that is extremely brave to want to share it with others:

OK – my ex husband we will call him J. we were married in 2006 and divorced in 2007. He was severely abusive then, and when I left him I spent 36 days in a coma, and 14 more days in the hospital. I had part of my skull removed to let my brain swell. I had to do a lot of rehabilitation therapy and I still have a limp when I get tired. While we were married before the abuse started I began to discover lies that he was telling starting off with him being a marine scout sniper having served in Iraq. I discovered that was a lie when he told me he was getting the congressional metal of honor sent to him through the mail. lol. Well I confronted him and he beat me for the first time. I made the excuses, and all of that and continued dealing with his lies and abuse. Well I found out that he was stalking his ex-wife who had my same name. well I kicked him out and he beat me up, my parents found me and he had disappeared. When I woke up in the hospital and was able to reclaim most of my memories I got a divorce and he had several warrants listed for his arrest including impersonating a marine, assault with a deadly weapon, attempted murder and 2 counts of manslaughter, I was 5 months pregnant with twins and lost them and have since had to have a hysterectomy due to the damage he caused. I am 30 and turn 31 in June and have no biological children. He has not been found, but has managed to get my number that I have changed at least 20 times, I moved 45 miles away and am remarried, but he has come to our small town looking for me, luckily no one will tell him where I am. He has since had additional warrants issued for impersonating a police officer, 2 more counts of assault against others, stalking from me and is wanted in order to be questioned in a murder. The cops seem not to be able to find him, but he can find me – I don’t understand that. I have shown them where he and his family live yet they still won’t pick him up and I am not sure why. I just want everyone to realize that no matter what, that first of all if your relationship is built on lies (as mine was from everything from military to his jobs etc. ) then get out as soon as you can and second if there is any harassment do not get a restraining order get a protective order. I went so far as to let the cops hear a recorded conversation between him and I where he threatened to kill me and kill anyone including cops that got in his way. Before I moved I had several of the same signs as Morgan did knocks on my windows being followed, and it escalated to slashed tires and broken windshields to spray painting death threats on my house and car. As I have said I have moved away and he doesn’t know where exactly I live in our small town, and I have since gotten my concealed carry permit, and my husband makes sure anywhere I drive that I have a gun, and when I am anywhere else I have knives. I commend you for putting Morgan’s story out there, and all of the other stalking victims for sharing with us. Honestly if it can help or save even one person then it counts, and I think that we all need to go past the state level and have federal laws. Thank you for putting my story out and you and your family are in my prayers