Wednesday, February 1^st

At 5:00 pm I go to Aspen for my appointment to see someone who is helping me cope with the loss of Morgan, but on the way there I make a slight detour to drive behind City Market and see if K’s car is there.  I see an angry-looking older man, driving a red small Subaru type station wagon or SUV and a younger man sitting next to him in the passenger seat driving in to park in one of the employee spots.  The younger man quickly and obviously holds up a piece of paper or something big and white to cover his face from the eyes down and then looks away from me as I drive by in my car (the same car Morgan always shared with me, but honestly she drove it more than me).  I think it looked like K and he was trying to not be seen, but then again I have never really gotten to see him fully before this.  Is K’s Dad driving him to work, and that is why we haven’t seen his car parked there?  Steve saw K a couple of weeks ago working at City Market (K gave him a cocky smile), but he didn’t see his green car in the employee lot when he left.

Thursday, February 2^nd

I drove by the City Market parking lot and saw the little green car there finally, I stopped my car, got out and walked over to the car and took pictures of it front, back and on the side to email to the Felony Stalking Detective, because now the car has a license plate on it finally.  Steve and I went to our niece’s basketball game in Basalt tonight, and had dinner at Steve’s brother’s family’s house

Friday, February 3^rd

Tonight is First Friday in Carbondale, so we went with our son, and his family.  We ran into so many people, and it was extremely hard to keep on a happy face, everyone knew Morgan had died, and wanted to give their condolences, which was so nice, but extremely hard on us.

Saturday, February 4^th

9:00 am I meet up at the Midland Bakery with my sister-in-law and nephew and S (our old next door neighbor’s daughter).  S works at —— ——– and is the person I believe the pet communicator was referring to when she said Morgan’s soul sister works at —— ——–.  I couldn’t believe she is so much like our daughter Morgan, same size 1, same blue eyes, same color hair, she is a photographer, and an artist, loves to bake, and she was born right next door to the ranch that we built in Old Snowmass.  She was born when Morgan was about 2 years old and we moved from that house when Morgan turned 3, so I had only seen her as a baby, but I remembered her name when I heard it.  I couldn’t believe it was her and I have no idea what a soul sister is – I know about soul mates, but not soul sisters.  Anyway, it was really nice to meet her and she is staying in touch, which is great.

I was very  concerned that S might be the next girl who the stalker was after, so I warned her about what happened to Morgan, but then I found out from S that her Mom had a stalker six months ago, and it ended just before Morgan’s stalking started.  Stalking is either an epidemic that hardly ever gets reported, or I just happen to meet every single stalking victim.  Her mother followed him, found where he lived (in Basalt) and proceeded to tell everyone who he was.  The Pitkin County Sheriff’s couldn’t seem to do anything about it, so between her Mom, and her Dad and her Mom’s friends in Basalt – they managed to threatened the man enough so he stopped stalking her.  Wow, was this why I needed to connect with this girl I had not seen since she was two?  This story seems similar to another story I just heard about a woman in Basalt (same town as the story above) that happened a year before Morgan’s stalking, she was a runner and every morning she went out running until one day she had that creepy feeling (you know “intuition”) that someone was watching and following her.  It turns out she had a stalker.  He knew where she ran, where she lived, everything.  She knew this because once she realized she was being watched she was hyper aware and watched for him.  She called the Basalt Police, but they were never able to see him, so she took self-defense classes to empower herself, got a gun and a concealed carry permit and stalked him back to where he lived.  She then called the police and had them confront him – they told him that she knew who he was, and they now know who he is, and this is a serious crime, and if he continued to stalk her they would arrest him.  She said her stalking stopped.  Which of course is always great, but two things:

1. One is that law enforcement seems to be having a difficultly “seeing” the stalker, and it is not just the Garfield Sheriffs Department, it happens across agencies in our valley, which is why I always bring up protocol, we need a common and effective protocol adopted.  Our Sheriff’s confronted Morgan’s stalker at a few different times and were “stood up” at his front door even more times, but he didn’t stop – there is a difference in stalkers, many different typologies have been identified and eventually there will need to be a protocol for each one if we are to stop this crime.
2. Second is a simple question.  Why did they not arrest him right there?   I mean a woman goes out takes self-defense classes gets a pistol, gets certified for concealed carry, gets the permit and while I applaud her I also say there is a failing here.  To do what she did took many months, and stalking victims do have a mortality rate that nobody likes to talk about.  Remember they said Morgan was not killed by a stalker, statistically speaking she was probably not even a victim of stalking and “officially” she committed suicide, and even if there was a shred of possibility, or evidence, to the suicide theory, then wonderful, I’m sure you have heard about the prosecutions of those that drove their victims to suicide around this country, it’s a certified harsh way for a person to get justice, being stamped a suicide, but at least they do.  Does Colorado not believe in holding these perps responsible for their crimes?  When Morgan’s death was “changed” to a suicide the possibility of the stalker being responsible was not even open for discussion.  There is something seriously wrong with this scenario.

That evening we went over our son’s house for dinner – his partner tells us that she has now seen the green car again, driving slowly past her house twice, and her brother has also seen it again on a separate occasion once.  Her brother BW seems to think the person driving the car lives at the trailer park close to their house.  I pass this all along to the Detectives.

Sunday, February 5^th

11:00 am Detective Glassmire is coming over. – Couldn’t bring our DVR back as they are having difficulty copying the memory.

An email I wrote to my good friend: “I have to tell you that I just had the most amazing weekend…we have moved into the new house, and that is helping us a lot.  We just met the neighbors on one side of us, and they are a young couple with their first baby, a little 6 month old baby girl named Morgan, with big blue eyes just like our Morgan.  She was so very cute, and smiled and giggled the whole time I was talking to her.  It was really nice.”

Life is full of surprises, so I am trying to stay open to all of them.  Another thing I will credit Morgan with teaching me.

Monday, February 6^th

Steve crashed his truck – he can’t seem to stop coughing and crying and he had a coughing fit right before he hit the truck that had stopped on Hwy 133 to turn left into the Coop.  He doesn’t seem like he is coming out of this, and maybe he won’t.  We are still seeing our grief counselor every week, and she is really helping, but how does life go on after your youngest child is stalked/terrorized for 4 months and then murdered and everyone in law enforcement and the Coroner’s office just seems like they want it all to go away?  I think I need to start a discussion with Steve as to how we should proceed with our lives…the truck looks totaled.

 Tuesday, February 7^th

Steve goes to see his doctor today – hopefully he can get a handle on this coughing as well as the pain in his heart.  I think he has broken heart syndrome, but I am not a doctor.

Wednesday, February 8^th

We had our son and his family over for breakfast – it’s hard for us, but we know we need family even more than ever now.

Thursday, February 9th

Not much happened today – Steve rested in bed.

Friday, February 10^th

This is the 10^th week since Morgan died and the 10^th day of February.  Drove down Corral Drive, but only saw C (B’s mom) walking from J’s house to her house.  But nothing out of the ordinary happened.

4:00 pm I had an appointment with ____ ______ again in Aspen

Saturday, February 11^th 

Steve and I watched a video tape of Morgan’s memorial service for the first time since that day and cried all night long.  A really sweet young man who I didn’t even know made the video for us.  It is so amazing how many wonderful people there are in this world, and how horrible a handful of bad people can make it so awful for all of us.  I can’t even explain how during the service I felt like I was in a dream state, and couldn’t really comprehend who was there, and what was going on – I just kept telling myself…keep it together, and I did.  Anyway, seeing it now on the TV and seeing who was there, and what they said about Morgan, and what she had done for them over the years made me realize – our daughter has done more to help people in her 20 short years than I have done in all of my years, and I thought I was really doing things, volunteering now and then for charitable work, etc., but it never even came close to what she has done in her life, quietly, never asking for anyone to give her credit for it…just doing it because she loved helping people, and she loved life.  But why isn’t she here now?  I keep asking myself that question over and over.   She didn’t want to go – this I know for a fact!

Sunday, February 12^th 

Detective Glassmire is coming over with the DVR today?  D (Morgan’s friend) came over for dinner tonight.  He was the last person with her on Thursday, December 1^st until she stopped by A and K’s to say hello to N and CM for just 10 minutes, while on her way home.  D said Morgan was with him from around 3:00 pm until 8:30 pm or so.  She never ate anything, but was drinking water, and drove him to Aspen to help him apply for a job. She asked his Aunt if she could sleep over, but his Aunt said no (Morgan was obviously feeling vulnerable at our house without a friend there with her since we were all the way on the other side of the house).  I spoke with his Aunt recently and she has been holding the pain inside of her this whole time – she wishes now she had said yes, and Morgan wouldn’t have been home that night.  I told her it wasn’t her fault, if this horrible murderer wanted to kill Morgan he would have done it some other night.  Morgan and D made plans to see each other in the morning, before she was supposed to leave for Frisco to babysit, and she sent him a text at around 9:00 pm when she got home, but by the next morning Morgan was dead, and unable to get back to anyone. Toni finds out from D that Detective Glassmire did interview him about Morgan sometime later on.

Monday, February 13^th

Toni calls her friend.

Tuesday, February 14^th

Valentine’s Day – Steve and Toni went to see the Grief Counselor again.

At this point in my life during February 2012 I just don’t get what is happening, and what is not happening in regards to our daughter Morgan, and the investigation – we have now joined an exclusive club, Steve and I, a club that no parent ever wants to become part of, and that club is the one that parents that have had children murdered belong too – at this time we don’t know she has been murdered…the forensic pathologist has put her manner of death as natural, and we are still living with that conclusion, but off and on, every cell in my body is screaming at me that something is very wrong with this picture.  In all reality it hurts too much to think about it so for the most part I try not to think about her death, I force myself to focus on her life instead, because there was so much life inside that young woman.