Tag Archives: stalkers

Stories of stalking…what if stories of the victims helped heal and empower others?

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Morgan's photo of rings of a tree

Just like the rings of a tree, every year we grow, always building on what has come before.

Every day I sit in front of a computer and relive a day that led up to my daughter’s death.  I was truly uncertain as to how she had died at first, and Steve and I sought out a second opinion.  We were shocked, in denial, exercising avoidance, you name a psychological name that protects you from the brutal truth, and there is a good chance it was humming full speed in us at that time.

Along this path to recovery we had a third opinion, a fourth, a fifth, so many we have lost track.  All wonderful caring professionals I will never be able to thank enough for the time they took, and the compassion with which they treated our family.  Completely diametrically opposed to the way we were treated by the Coroner Trey Holt and the subcontractor who does his autopsies Dr. Robert Kurtzman.  At one point I remember Steve pointing out that if the score was being kept it was 12 -1, Twelve professionals certain that the one, Dr. Robert Kutzman was wrong.  As you can imagine that did not go over well with Dr. Robert Kurtzman,  obviously not used to being questioned or having to answer tough questions he became frustrated and dismissed it all as “none of these other doctors can testify, only I can testify in court, and he was so wrong about that too.   But he and Trey Holt had their own agenda, and I really am at a loss to explain what that might have been.  The well being of our family as we dealt with this nightmare, and the pursuit of justice for Morgan Jennifer Ingram did not exist for those two.

Even Thomas Walton, of whom I spoke yesterday, he may have really been trying to do a good job, but if his requirements were zero, and his training was zero, and if part of his job description was to make sure his boss got the job of handling the funeral to come, well if that was the case, he did as good as he could have been expected to.  They are completely separate entities you know, or at least they are supposed to be. The Coroner’s office – ultimate authority for the cause of death, none higher – then the funeral home is what comes after, and only after the County Coroner has completed his job and released the body.  That they are the same person is problematic to be sure, but that is sort of the law here in Colorado.

I have found it really important to share what happened, and along the path to recovery the most amazing thing has happened.  Sharing the story has become the rock around which Steve and I rebuild… our family, the search for truth, and justice for Morgan, and even ourselves.

It has been on my mind for a long time and I believe today is the day.  So many have shared with me their stories of stalking, as you know there have even been a few arrests across the country,  arrests I am told would not have happened were it not for Morgan’s story being shared.  People have realized by reading her story that they have a stalker and need to report it and not just keep it to themselves.

So I want to do something, I want to ask all of you who have been victims of stalking to try something.  Share your story with Morgan, don’t use your real name, maybe initials.  But tell what happened, and how it made you feel, and what you did about it, and the State it happened in, short or long as you want.  This is all in the hopes that it will help to heal and, my fingers are crossed here,  rip the cover off this crime called stalking for all the country, and the world to see.   So keep that in mind as you write.  Then send it to me as an  anonymous tip.  I think it would be a good thing to have a group of stories of stalking.  People are so absolutely amazed by the story of Morgan’s stalking, and certain it has to be told.  Maybe your story will touch a chord too, and maybe that is the real story here.

COMMON MANIPULATION TACTICS OF STALKERS

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Gifts or Notes: Stalking may start off as little gifts or notes either given to the victim or left where they will find it. The notes may be pleasant, sexually oriented, or simply off-the-wall depending on the stalker. They typically get worse as the gifts are continually rebuked.

Constant Communication: Stalkers work to harass their victims with a continual stream of information so that they know the assailant is always lurking out there.

Surveillance: Most stalkers are very good at tracking. They follow, peep, and record. They usually keep logs or diaries, or memorize as much about the victim as possible. Electronic means of stalking have increased significantly in recent years.

Threats of Violence: Threats of violence may be a way to get the victim to do the stalker’s bidding. Also, there are stalkers who make no direct threat but do in fact commit acts of violence against their victims. Even if there are no physical threats of harm, continual harassment and surveillance become a very real emotional and psychological threat to victims of stalking.

Legal Harassment Tactics: Stalkers may file small claims or other legal actions against their victims. These cases are usually eventually dropped, and are strictly used to harass and manipulate the victim.

Libel and/or Slander: Stalkers may make slanderous remarks to victims’ friends or associates, thereby causing victims damage in both interpersonal relationships and associations in the workplace.

Harassment of Family Members: Stalkers may resort to harassing family members if they are not able to contact the victim directly. A jealous stalker may make threats to a significant other if they view them as a barrier. Some stalkers may harass victims’ pets.

Fraud: A stalker may run up large bills on the victim’s calling and credit cards, or go through the mail to disrupt services.

Vandalism: This is a common tactic used by stalkers, causing emotional and financial burden on the victim.

Trophy Collection: Some stalkers will commit burglary both to further their information gathering as well as spur on their fantasies. Several types of stalkers are known to collect undergarments.

The information above is from the Office of Women’s Programs and Studies ▪ Colorado State University

WHAT MOTIVATES A STALKER?

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Stalkers can be driven by several different reasons, and most have stalked more than one person in their lifetime. Stalkers are obsessed with their victims, and this obsession is expressed in many ways. Some common reasons for this obsession include power, control, and sometimes revenge.

Most stalkers don’t take responsibility for their actions – they blame others for making them do what they do (check out DARVO for a better understanding http://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineDARVO.html). Stalkers who have had intimate relationships with their victims have been shown to be much more aggressive and violent (both male and female perpetrators). Relationship violence perpetrators often stalk their victims during the course of the relationship and especially after the victim leaves the relationships.

Each year, 6.6 million people are stalked in the United States.  Women are nearly three times more likely to be stalked than men.  It is important to remember both men and women can be victims of stalking.  Nearly 3 in 4 victims know their offender in some capacity.▪ From Network of Victim Assistance http://www.novabucks.org/otherinformation/stalking/ 

WE NEED TO CHANGE THESE STATISTICS – WE NEED TO ALL PULL TOGETHER TO SAY THIS HAS GOT TO STOP, AND WE NEED TO MAKE ALL THE CHANGES THAT NEED TO BE MADE IN ORDER TO PROTECT THESE VICTIMS – AS WELL AS OUR OWN LOVED ONES THAT COULD BECOME VICTIMS…NO MATTER WHERE YOU LIVE!