Stalkers can be driven by several different reasons, and most have stalked more than one person in their lifetime. Stalkers are obsessed with their victims, and this obsession is expressed in many ways. Some common reasons for this obsession include power, control, and sometimes revenge.
Most stalkers don’t take responsibility for their actions – they blame others for making them do what they do (check out DARVO for a better understanding http://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineDARVO.html). Stalkers who have had intimate relationships with their victims have been shown to be much more aggressive and violent (both male and female perpetrators). Relationship violence perpetrators often stalk their victims during the course of the relationship and especially after the victim leaves the relationships.
Each year, 6.6 million people are stalked in the United States. Women are nearly three times more likely to be stalked than men. It is important to remember both men and women can be victims of stalking. Nearly 3 in 4 victims know their offender in some capacity.▪ From Network of Victim Assistance http://www.novabucks.org/otherinformation/stalking/
WE NEED TO CHANGE THESE STATISTICS – WE NEED TO ALL PULL TOGETHER TO SAY THIS HAS GOT TO STOP, AND WE NEED TO MAKE ALL THE CHANGES THAT NEED TO BE MADE IN ORDER TO PROTECT THESE VICTIMS – AS WELL AS OUR OWN LOVED ONES THAT COULD BECOME VICTIMS…NO MATTER WHERE YOU LIVE!
That lady that commented on the Dr. Phil show was a cold hearted attention starved poor excuse of a human.
I not only agree with you but now after all this time I have learned that she is connected with the group helping the family of the criminal – how is that right?
This is exactly the way I
“discovered” things and people, tying them together through public records and as they hung themselves with time. Keep doling out rope; one day soon enough the right foot will hit the right trap of their own making.
This is sad god bless these people and love out to the family
Our family thanks you. Our hearts are filled with hope that Morgan will get justice.
I’m very sorry about what happened to your beautiful daughter. It’s tragic on many levels. One thing that strikes me is the fact that she was so very young. She didn’t have a fair chance to live a full life, discover who she is, make her mistakes and earn her victories.
I am reading her story for somewhat selfish reasons – trying to figure out how to get out of my own situation alive. All I wanted was to be left alone. I am not a person to him. I have no right to be left in peace. I have no dignity or rights or feelings at all – I am just a thing to fixate on, like a hobby. “How can I scare her into killing herself” is the name of the game.
I didn’t watch Dr. Phil but if he made improper insinuations about a young woman who was stalked to death, as others have said he did, he’s a disgusting and horrible man. A 19 year old girl may be trying new things or she may be a bookworm or simply a girl who loves her dog and her family. She cannot be responsible for any of This! As an aside, I am a person who was predeceased by my daughter, which doesn’t mean I know how *you* feel. It means I have experienced the pain of losing my child and can at least understand that this is not a “thing” to get over, this is not a thing at all. She is your child.
Oh my goodness I am so sorry you are dealing with a horrible stalking as well. Of course you know what it is like to have someone obsess over you, taking away your life as it was and creating fear and stress. Never knowing when or how the person will strike is horrible.
Thank you for what you said about Morgan – she did not deserve to have any of this happen to her, and continue to happen to her even after her death. The incorrect manner of death has kept an investigation into her murder from ever happening…so the victimization continues on and on.
I believe every parent that has lost a child (no matter what the circumstances) does feel the same pain, and I am so very sorry for your loss, and the pain I know you must feel, especially around the holidays. The only difference in our circumstance is that as a parent of a stalked and murdered child has the pieces continually swirling around in their head…what could we have done different that would have meant that our daughter would still be alive today? I have had many victims of stalking contact me over the past 4 1/2 years. Two of those have shared their stories of being young women when their stalking started, and their parents moved them far away as soon as they could. They believe that saved their lives. Morgan’s stalking had gone on for only 4 months, and we were already starting to pack to move when she was killed, but it was too late.
From what you have written you sound like you know your situation is serious and you need to stay safe. Here are a few suggestions I would like to throw out to you in the hope that they will help:
Compiling evidence (as in a detailed timeline), as well reporting incidents to the police EVERY time will help build a case against him/her and will help the police take it seriously. Please remember to ALWAYS call and make a report to the police and ALWAYS get the officers names and the incident number, a copy of their report of the incident, and give them your timeline and description of the incident. This is extremely important in order to proceed with a case and in order to get a court ordered protection order. I hope and pray this person leaves you alone BUT if he/she doesn’t you need to know what to do to stay safe.
Never confront a stalker. You should look up, read and understand your state laws on stalking, you should call the state or local victim’s assistance program and ask for suggestions…tell them your whole story. As far as safety tips here are some, but no matter what always trust your intuition:
Put bars in any sliding glass doors or windows, deadbolts on all doors that lead into your house, even from the garbage. make sure the deadbolts are secured with screws at least two inches long. Always (even when not home) keep the door from the garage into your house locked. Trim bushes and trees around home to eliminate or reduce hiding places (make sure your stalker can not gain access to your roof by climbing up a tree or fence). Install locks on bedroom doors, install panoramic peepholes on entry doors. Keep a cellular phone inside your home (in case phone lines are cut), consider getting a dog, peer inside and underneath your car before entering, drive with your doors locked at all times, if the stalker somehow gets inside the car with you, avoid driving anywhere. If possible, throw the keys as far away as you can. Also, remember to tell all neighbors, co-workers, friends, schoolmates, etc. about what is going on, and if you get a description of the perpetrator give them his/her description so they can all be on the look out for you.
Keep pepper spray (or some other means of protection) on you at all times. I’m sure you are in good shape to defend yourself, maybe consider taking a self defense class. Morgan wanted to take one with me, and we were supposed to start in December, but it was too late. And in her case the coward(s) waited until she was asleep with a surprise attack, even though her body showed evidence that she fought back, she was obviously at a disadvantage.
When you are out in public vary your daily routine. Tell only trusted individuals about your future plans. If you get a restraining order, carry it with you at all times. Tell companions that you are being stalked. Avoid isolated places such as alleyways, restrooms, etc.
Another suggestion is to get motion detector flood lights (they now have some that are solar so no need to plug them in), and mount them on any side of entry to your house…doors, windows, sliders, etc. They can be plugged in to any exterior plugs that you might have or, you can purchase solar motion flood lights as low as $33 each on sale on Amazon, and I believe there are also lights that are solar, but can be plugged in as well. These usually help to deter a stalker from lingering close to your house, as he will be illuminated although not all stalkers will be deterred. What the lights will do is to create a much clearer view of who the stalker is – either one of your neighbors might get a good description of him, or if you have cameras they will get a clearer picture of exactly who he is. And last, if you put up any outdoor wildlife cameras (if the police won’t do it) the motion lights will help the picture to be even more revealing.
Because even with all our preventive measures to keep Morgan’s stalker(s) out of the house her stalker(s) did get in, I would also suggest you may want to consider the purchase of a small bedroom door alarm. Then if somehow the stalker does get in your house while you are sleeping and opens one of the door the alarm will go off and you will hear it and be able to respond. We had nothing like this in our home and this might have made all the difference for Morgan. Here is one example:
http://www.amazon.com/GE-Personal-Security-Door-Alarm/dp/B0000YNR4M
If this does continue then I would also suggest that you go in person to the District Attorneys office and explain to them that you are in fear for your life (and how emotionally this is affecting you) and you would like to know what they can do to protect you, or put this person away so he/she can’t hurt you. Here is a link to Colorado’s stalking laws. Being informed is your best weapon https://victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center/stalking-laws/criminal-stalking-laws-by-state/colorado In the meantime besides what I have suggested above I would also contact:
The National Center for Victims of Crime (formerly known as the National Victim Center) provides referrals and advocacy services to victims through its toll-free national hotline. Through the hotline, victims are referred to the nearest, appropriate services in their community, including crisis intervention, assistance with the criminal justice process, and counseling and support groups. The National Center publishes bulletins on a number of topics, including domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking.
They have excellent information on stalking, including stalking behavior logs (you can use this as template for your timeline), safety plan guidelines, and a complete handbook for victims, contact the National Center for Victims of Crime Stalking Resource Center online at http://www.ncvc.org, call 1-800-FYI-CALL (M-F 8:30 AM – 8:30 PM EST), or e-mail [email protected]
http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center
Even though stalking is pervasive and affects the lives of 6.6 million Americans each year, with 75% of victims being women and less than 25% being male, the crime is often overlooked and trivialized – which is what many have chosen to do. When in actuality, it is a very serious offense, which often results in physical violence, psychological trauma, and even murder (Stalking Resource Center 2012). No matter what anyone tells you – ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! Here is a good thing to read http://www.wgac.colostate.edu/Data/Sites/1/documents/Resource%20Guides/OWPS%20Guide%20for%20Survivors%20of%20Stalking.pdf
I am here for you whenever you need me. Contact me anytime if you need suggestions or help with this.