Every day, for the past week, the feeling of dread, escalating anxiety, and sadness have filled my heart. As the days drag on, towards the dreaded anniversary of Morgan’s murder, nothing has helped make those feelings ease up. I relive it every night, and this week it has been extremely hard to sleep at all.

So, I decided that writing about it has always helped in the past, now I will try again. 

We will all continue to fight for justice for Morgan!

November 29, 2011

First thing this morning, Morgan posted…

Morgan’s friend Nathan slept over last night, and Morgan slept out on the couch as well.  They watched movies till late into the night, it was a quiet night for us all.  In the morning Nathan and Steve left for work and Morgan got dressed to go to her ballet and dance classes, but then she was a little too squeamish and decided to go to her first class, to see how it went. She then came home after that, and skipped her second class.  She was thinking maybe a new flu was coming on, and she didn’t want to infect her friends.  She also wanted to be back on her feet for the weekend, as she would be taking care of young children for the returning military families, so I encouraged her to take it easy and rest, and she did.

Steve came by at 3:00 and was all caught up with his work.  He was ready to start the move of his shop and could not wait for the whole move of his shop and our house to be complete.  Of course we had not really started moving yet, so that sounded very optimistic.  He dropped Nate off in Carbondale and went to his old shop to pack his office.  Morgan went to Carbondale with Wylah and I waited at home for Detective Glassmire.  I thought it was just going to be another regular meeting, with nothing much to report, but I was in for a pleasant surprise.

At 3:51 pm I sent a text to Detective Glassmire, “Rob do you know about when you might be here?  Morgan is about 10 minutes from our house, and I just want to let her know to come home in time.  Thanks.”  He replied back, “I am in Carbondale now working on my laptop, I can get there anytime, let me know.”  He also told me he was just coming to check the cameras and Morgan didn’t need to be there and could just stay in Carbondale, so I relayed that message to her.

Detective Glassmire came over, I helped him get the ladder from the garage. He went out and checked his cameras and saw nothing.  I explained to him about the motion detectors that had been taken from their “perches” and moved to the ground and he shook his head.  I went on to tell him that Steve had been up really early researching the event, because it really bothered him, how it had been done with such apparent ease.

I told him how our motion equipment had been detecting something in the front corner of the house and Steve had come up with yet another plan to paint two detectors to match the surroundings and then placed them both aimed at the corner of the house.  Then he made sure that two of the video cameras were aimed right at them. He was certain he would catch something.  He wore clothes to bed that night, he was so sure.

I told Detective Glassmire that it wasn’t even fifteen minutes later that they were both on the ground, and nothing was caught on the cameras.  So, what was really bothering Steve, was that this morning, he saw a “Myth Busters Youtube,” that showed how easy it was to defeat a motion detector, and he later found out how a person, with a laser light, something he had seen off in the distance months ago, could mess with our video cameras very easily. Steve ended up leaving for work completely distraught, he had thought that the stalker was slowing down for winter, and it might well be that he had only figured out ways around all of the deterrents we had, and that was why we weren’t seeing anything anymore.  But, then I told him how Morgan was still getting startled awake at all hours.

I asked the detective if it was possible we were so over-vigilant that we had begun hearing things (I really wanted this to be true), or was the stalker right here more than ever?  I told him how we were coming to our wits end with all of this.  Detective Glassmire looked at me for a second, then bent down, picked up a dirt clod from the ground, and flung it at our house.  I flinched as it struck the house with a loud “BANG.”  He looked at me and said, “You are not crazy Toni, there is your stalker, he is still here.”

I agreed with the detective and told him that Steve does not know what to do.  Detective Glassmire told me that he thought if anything, he was going to escalate now.  That really scared me, and I asked what we should do?  He told me not to worry, but be careful.  He was going to pick up Keenan’s hours the following Tuesday, he thought that would be a big step, maybe even the final breakthrough for an arrest.

This was shocking to me. I had not expected to hear that.  A long time ago, we were told an arrest would come only after catching him at the house.  I asked him if he really thought that, and he said that he did.  He also said the formal interview with Morgan would help too, and that was scheduled for the following Tuesday.  It was exciting to think that all of a sudden it had come so far.  This morning Steve was thinking it was all a lost cause, and now it was on the verge of ending – in arrest.

We said our goodbyes around 5:00 pm.  Detective Glassmire put the ladder away and left.  I called Steve and had a quick talk with him about all of the positive developments and he was cheered up.  He left to come home, and just as I began to peel potatoes for dinner, there was a loud “BANG” again on the front of the house that was sharper and louder than Detective Glassmire’s dirt clod.  It was far more like a gunshot against the garage. I jumped and both dogs jumped up. I ran out front to see what it was.  The dogs were startled, as was I, but my first thought was a sonic boom (which I had never heard in Colorado before – only as a child in California), or maybe something large, like the ladder in the garage falling over and hitting something?

Only, like everything else there was nothing, by the time I got to the front of the house there was no car just driving out of the cul-de-sac, no people closing the front door behind them – nothing.  I just stood and watched the empty street, tree branches slowly waving in a light breeze and giving up their last leaves.  I opened the garage, and searched its corners – nothing was out of place.  It was so maddening!

I closed up and went back in the house.  Then, I texted Morgan when dinner would be ready and asked when could she be home.  She told me that Nate had just left for the bar and she was waiting for him, but thought it wouldn’t be more than fifteen minutes.

Steve drove up and I heard his truck,  he came in and we talked about my afternoon meeting with Detective Glassmire.  Steve was calmed so much by all the good news, and went to clean up before dinner.

Morgan came home, ate with us, and was very excited by everything the detective had told me.  She went to sleep around 10:00 pm.  I got in bed I saw flashlights in back of house.  Steve told me it was patrol officers looking for something. As I was falling asleep, I told Steve, they were increasing the patrols by the house too.  It was all such good news, and I was only too content to not argue with any of it.

Then on November 24, 2012 I wrote – And, as I look back, that night was so positive.  I really felt that they (the sheriffs) really, really wanted to catch this stalker, and protect Morgan – it just hadn’t happened yet.  I know it all went horribly wrong, but I am still not sure why.  Parts of the truth are still hidden in the shadows.  But, as Steve and I have found out, bit by bit this year, so much happened over the next few days that was stacked against Morgan, only there was also the component of so much that did not happen to help protect her.  For others we must change not just one, but both of those factors.