Morgan your dragonfly candle still burns bright thanks to your Aunt Carol

It was once such a cold and distant term, Manner of Death.  When it became a part of my daughters stalking, life for Steve and I changed forever.  Our grief counselor did not share one very saddening statistic with us until over a year after Morgan’s death.  It is that over 80% of couples who go through this do not make it, as couples.  The death of a child proves to be too much.

I can’t even begin to explain what it means and feels like that Morgan’s death is not a part of her Felony Stalking Case, was in fact never considered to be, not for one second.  As I come to the end of corrections to all of her Sheriff’s reports – that one fact just screams at me as if it is the single most unbelievable fact a person could ever have to face in their lifetime.

How is this even possible?  And if the Sheriff has his way, based on a, “thoroughly botched investigation,” Morgan’s death has not, and will not be investigated for one second.  How is that even possible?  I was right there when the words, “the Sheriff’s Department so thoroughly botched this investigation,” were spoken – and I obviously will never, ever forget them.  They have rung in my ears every time I have picked up my, “Sheriff’s Reports,” file and tried to complete them.

I’ve been told that It becomes less harsh the more you say it, it hasn’t worked for me yet, but now, on with Manner of Death.  It’s part of an autopsy, which explains how the death arose.  The underlying, “cause of death,” is far more complex and not for this post.  Manner of death is expressed as a select group of are terms you’ve probably heard, such as, accidental, homicide, natural, suicide and undetermined.

Yes, it’s absolutely OK to be uncertain and classify the death as undetermined, rather noble I think.  It’s actually common, and desirable in some areas of the country, especially when more investigation, say, into evidence collected at the death scene is needed to answer some important questions.  Of course no usable evidence was collected at Morgan’s death scene – and it was not because there wasn’t any.

Morgan’s manner of death was found to be Natural Causes – from Marked Pulmonary Edema and AIP or Acute Intermittent Porphyria.  Along the journey we traveled people opened up books, and read passages to us to help explain their understanding of manner of death.  Such as, “Natural Causes is the natural progression of a disease,” or even more precisely, “due solely or nearly totally to disease and/or the aging process.”  Doctors, and other experts did not agree with Natural causes in Morgan’s case, quite the opposite.  So we voiced their concerns.  They voiced their concerns.

A 20-year-old woman, in excellent health, with no diagnosed disease, is dead, under suspicious circumstances, a felony stalking case that the lead detective voiced that he thought was “going to escalate” only two days before her murder.  Steve and I did not know what to think, so we asked.  Once the definition had been read to us, “due solely or nearly totally to disease and/or the aging process.” We knew something was wrong.  Morgan was so far from having a diagnosed disease to claim she did is probably malpractice.

During her lifetime I am very confident we sought out answers for any disease that was even a remote possibility.  There is a totality of medical testing in Morgan’s past to rule out the slightest possibility.  That testing is not even known here, because nobody ever asked. Why?

She would have been seen by a specialist if need be for any disease she might have been thought to have.  The bottom line is she did not have any diagnosed disease.  Now why is this so important to the pathologist here that she does?  He acted as if his life depended on Morgan having a disease.  On one hand I had Dr. Kurtzman (the contracted Forensic Pathologist for Garfield County), explaining to me that he was seeking the truth.  And every other doctor looked at me and asked, “what is the problem here – why is he doing this?”

I had no answers.  Enough trauma already, four months of stalking, a sudden death under suspicious circumstances, and then Morgan suddenly died from a disease she never had?  Why is this man who is not even a medical doctor so intent on claiming Morgan had a disease?  Is this to cover up for a rape kit never administered?  Is this to cover up for a series of histological samples that should have been collected from Morgan, to help answer questions that are front and center now?  I am at a loss for answers as to why requirements were so ignored.

I will never grow tired of simply explaining that if during Morgan’s life, if she needed a medical test done, she had it.  If she needed to see a specialist, she did.  What tests and which specialists really are Morgan’s private records.  I am confident that the compendium of medical records for Morgan all lain out to answer a specific question will leave no doubt as to what she did or did not suffer from.  Even what medications she was, and was not taking.

So once it became oh so painfully obvious to us that Morgan did not die from “Natural Causes,” we moved on to the – what did she die from?  What was her manner of death, really?  When another test was run which, by all those I have spoken with, points directly and unmistakably to foul play, but then it was called a suicide, sure it was gut wrenching, but once our world stopped spinning enough, we did the same thing we did as when her manner of death was called Natural Causes, we searched out a second opinion, then a third, then another.  It’s done all the time.  Once again only far more carefully, and once again the collective voice said, absolutely not suicide.

So many have written and pointed out that once Morgan was “reclassified” as a suicide then manslaughter at the very least was a valid charge.  And they are right.  It has been suggested to me more than once that I should just go with the suicide manner of death and demand an investigation into manslaughter due to the stalking.  And of course if the stalking led to her suicide then those who were active participants to help Keenan stalk Morgan will be in the same place they would be if she was found to be a homicide.

In short, if all I cared about was some sort of prosecution then this is a route that I might be all too willing to jump at.  But it is not the truth – as I have extensively sought out the answers, and as I understand it to be.  Morgan did not commit suicide, her life was taken as the result of a very specific, and verifiable set of circumstances.  Morgan was taken from us under very heinous circumstances.  Either Morgan’s case stands on it merits or it fails, and how much is due to complete bungling and malpractice?

But hope – well we have tons of that and right about now I can tell you this has been a horribly painful journey, but one we had to take and I can’t explain why right now, but every essence of my being is telling me to keep on hoping because good news is right around the corner.  Please don’t ever ignore your intuition (little voices as I used to joke) they are a really important part of everyone’s lives – some listen and some don’t.  Please listen to your gut and I think you will understand what I am talking about when I say good news is right around the corner. 🙂

What does it take to defend yourself?

Wouldn’t it be nice to know what it would take to defend your child in a suituation of danger?  It’s an answer many would like to know. as it is very telling in how more and more now,  I’m asked the same question – just how often are victims of stranger stalkers such as Morgan had – murdered by their stalker?  And I’ve never had a good answer for them.  And once again not to frighten everyone, but to raise awareness appropriately, it would be good to have a valid number based on research.  And to know what is an appropriate response to the dangers you suddenly face.

In our own situation, which is a small sample to be sure, Morgan was stalked by a stranger stalker and she was murdered, which I say because I don’t believe that on December 2, 2011, after four months of stalking, and right in the middle of everything set in motion that last week such as, formal interviews scheduled, Keenan’s work schedule for the last six months scheduled to be collected, Morgan going to be out-of-town for three days, the detective believing the stalking would escalate, deputies now suddenly coming by our house hourly during the wee hours of the morning and searching up on the roof, and a host of other facts. I just don’t believe someone else suddenly decided that was the right night to murder Morgan.  I believe it was her stalker, I’m just uncertain as to how much involvement his accomplice(s) had in her murder.

The government has few numbers that directly correlate, but they do have numbers that are very disturbing.  The first that jumps out at me is that:

“54% of female intimate partner homicide victims reported the stalking to the police before their stalkers killed them.”

I read that to mean if you have a stalker that used to be an intimate partner – after you report him to the police, 54% of the time you will be killed.  Do you think the 54% of women killed in this statistic were ever told just how dire their danger level was?  By the police they were reporting it to?  Because if they were not, I believe that should be almost criminal all by itself.

What if the very first time you were to call 911 or dispatch you were told this fact?  Frightening? Yes.  But informed and aware? That too.  Does anyone think that being ignorant of the danger and then murdered in that bliss is preferable to being frightened yet safer, because you were aware of the true dangers?  The informed and aware becomes a very key component to safety, a very important part.  Steve and I were not, absolutely not, ever apprised of any of the real dangers by the Sheriff’s department.  We were doing more that they had ever seen someone do, yet it was not enough to save Morgan, was it?

Make no mistake, the fight against stalking could easily be called a war.  When it’s drugs they use the term war.  You know the, “war on drugs.”  They have tanks here in Garfield, and task forces, and informants, and who knows what else.  But for stalkers, it would appear there is nothing beyond flashlights.  No clear-cut plan for attack, no booklet, no warnings about how to stop it.  That part is left completely up to us, unless you count the wildlife cams supplied by the Sheriffs with dead batteries.

What we need at the very least is a plan – that includes assistance from our local law enforcement.  And a really coordinated effort that is absolutely absent right now.

That brings me to the second statistic I saw over and over again:

“76% of Femicide victims had been stalked by the person who killed them.”

Femicide was a word that I didn’t know, and the definitions vary, “the killing of women,” is in most definitions, but then they begin to vary widely.  One definition even includes, “with impunity,” which I found to be particularly upsetting.

I do try to be positive, and not the harbinger of disaster, but it’s so easy to think that only some parts of the world suffer Femicide, and we in America certainly do not.  Well I could easily make the statement that Morgan was a victim of Femicide, and it would be true.  I could also add the upsetting “with impunity” statement contained in some definitions and I would also be correct.  That is a very sad state of affairs for women in this state.

The rest of the statistic spells out – “stalked by the person who killed them.”

So 76% of women murdered as part of any retaliation, or part of a group such as stalking victims had been stalked by the person who killed them.  And as Steve is quick to point out that the 76% is probably only cases that were solved.  In Morgan’s case she would not have been killed by her stalker because there was never a case, never charges filed, and never a trial . . . yet.

I hate how this works out after having been there and pulling answers from locked jaws for over a year.  First the Sheriff’s botch the investigation, not my opinion, that’s what I am told it was, no law against incompetence and all that.  Then they come to our house and, basically, no actually,  it seems that they do their best to destroy the crime scene of our daughter’s murder.  And remember we don’t know if it is actually a crime scene or not and will not for weeks.  So the day Morgan was found would have been really premature to destroy the crime scene.  Nobody really knew if she was murdered or not on that day.  Not Law Enforcement, not the Forensic Pathologist, and certainly not us, but since it was what they called “suspicious circumstances” it should have been treated as a homicide until proven otherwise.

Then they, the Coroner and Sheriff of Garfield, one by one, close all investigations down.  Never saw a stalker, suggesting maybe there was not one?  Morgan’s dead, no one to stalk anymore, stalking happened, but now no need to follow-up on any leads.  And at the end of all these excuses sits the next young woman who will now be all on her own, just as Morgan was all on her own, with only help from her parents.  And if it was not enough for Morgan, I doubt if the help from the next young woman’s parents is going to be enough either.  More of an unfortunate prelude to the next unreported case of Femicide in Garfield County than anything else.

I know it sounds serious when I put it that way but it is serious, very serious – our daughter is dead.  I just dashed off an eight page letter full of questions that need desperately to be answered and have not as of yet.  Steve proofed it for me and said, “this is going on truth for Morgan,” and it will, I’ll reference it back to this very post.

And I have decided something, statistics are only a necessary evil, short enough to convey the situation in sound bite fashion, but so utterly shocking in the underlying information they summarize.

I want a meaningful set of statistics, one that tells the true story of a stalker, all of the different ones somehow.  One who is also a peeping tom, who is also a trophy hunter, who was also the acknowledged class bully from kindergarten on, who was sheltered and protected by no less than three people on our quiet street in the middle of Colorado as he stalked our daughter.

I want the statistic that says this combination, if not stopped, is lethal and explosive.  And I want that for the next young woman, so she knows what she is up against and how to react to save her life so she doesn’t have to end up as Morgan did.  And unless you are one of those that agrees with the Garfield County notion that nothing happened here, I hope you do the same with your child.  Really, even if you do agree with Garfield County, err on the safe side and take it very seriously if anything remotely similar were to ever happen to your child.

I feel that it is much easier to back off from reacting to nothing that to suffer the consequence of not enough reaction to something…be it your little child, or your 20-year-old daughter, you want the best, and they deserve the best – from every single person involved.