Far – far too often in a country where stalking is usually a felony, and victims suffer untold physical, and emotional injustice, I read some variation of a stalking story that is disturbingly like the following I just received today:
“Almost everyone I have told about my Stalker / Harasser in hopes of some advise or help, seems to not believe me…& they end up turning against me instead of helping me…I just don’t understand what has happened to this world? Because that just doesn’t make any sense to me…so now I not only have the Stalker Harassing me & doing his best to keep me in fear, but I now have others doing it as well. Great!!! :'(“
She told her friends and coworkers, she did the right thing. A basic first step in protecting yourself is to try to tell all others around you so there are more eyes and ears and bodies watching out for you, but in her case this didn’t help. And while I ask why, I am also reminded of a slogan – raising awareness. And this means raising all kinds of awareness. If you have never been stalked as the majority have not, then it is hard to know what it is like. If you are being stalked it is hard to know the right things to do to stop it, really stop it. And as you involve others they will most likely need to learn what stalking really is. Of course as the Law Enforcement becomes involved, while one incident usually does not make for a stalking case, they need to become involved ASAP and you need to have the particulars as to just when your stalking becomes rises to the level that Law Enforcement becomes involved explained to you by Law Enforcement.
A big part of raising awareness is another slogan – “Take Stalking Seriously”
For example legislative declarations usually precede actual law, and here an excerpt from the Colorado legislative declaration on stalking
(1) The general assembly hereby finds and declares that:
(a) Stalking is a serious problem in this state and nationwide;
(b) Although stalking often involves persons who have had an intimate
relationship with one another, it can also involve persons who have little or no past relationship;
(c) A stalker will often maintain strong, unshakable, and irrational emotional feelings for his or her victim and may likewise believe that the victim either returns these feelings of affection or will do so if the stalker is persistent enough. Further, the stalker often maintains this belief, despite a trivial or nonexistent basis for it and despite rejection, lack of reciprocation, efforts to restrict or avoid the stalker, and other facts that conflict with this belief.
(d) A stalker may also develop jealousy and animosity for persons who are in relationships with the victim, including family members, employers and coworkers, and friends, perceiving them as obstacles or as threats to the stalker’s own “relationship” with the victim;
(e) Because stalking involves highly inappropriate intensity, persistence, and possessiveness, it entails great unpredictability and creates great stress and fear for the victim;
(f) Stalking involves severe intrusions on the victim’s personal privacy and autonomy, with an immediate and long-lasting impact on quality of life as well as risks to security and safety of the victim and persons close to the victim, even in the absence of express threats of physical harm.
(2) The general assembly hereby recognizes the seriousness posed by
stalking and adopts the provisions of this part 6 with the goal of encouraging and authorizing effective intervention before stalking can escalate into behavior that has even more serious consequences.
The Colorado Legislature knows stalking is very real, it is serious, it is dangerous, and it does happen to normal people, not just celebrities. There is a growing awareness and it is largely under-reported, and ineffectively responded to by Law Enforcement. This is why it is so important to educate yourself and then talk about it to raise awareness!
When dealing with Law Enforcement in almost all States you have victims rights to aid you, in the event that law enforcement is just ignoring you – please look up your particular States laws.
In the State of Colorado Victims Rights Act it states:
The general assembly hereby finds and declares that the full and voluntary cooperation of victims of and witnesses to crimes with state and local law enforcement agencies as to such crimes is imperative for the general effectiveness and well-being of the criminal justice system of this state. It is the intent of this part 3, therefore, to assure that all victims of and witnesses to crimes are honored and protected by law enforcement agencies, prosecutors, and judges in a manner no less vigorous than the protection afforded criminal defendants.
Now if the State of Colorado (and I assume most states in our Country) wants to assure that all victims of, and witnesses to crimes are honored and protected by law enforcement agencies, prosecutors, and judges then why does this not always happen with victims of stalking? Why are people in our areas like not believing and watching out for the victims? I truly believe it is one of those things that people tell themselves that crime could never to happen to them, they are protected/isolated so if they turn a blind eye to it and pretend it’s not happening (the God forbid this ever happen to me theory), this person is just over reacting, this mentality helps them just go along with their everyday lives and PRETEND that everything in the world is how it should be – but THEY ARE SO WRONG!
One day we were a happy family, looking towards the future with our youngest daughter, talking about all the normal things in life (like should she stay in a dorm at CU Boulder for her last 2 years or an apartment with a roommate), and the next day we were wondering what was going on, starting to get that frightened feeling that we had to protect our daughter from some unknown evil. Then later that month our home became a dark fortress in an effort to keep out the evil that had invaded our family, and then the following month we were investing money (that should have been for Morgan’s last two years of college) purchasing things to try to catch her stalker so she would not have to continue her life in fear. Some stalkers actually follow their victims from place to place, from state to state and Morgan did not want to always be looking over her shoulder, she did not want to live in fear. But as we all know now after only 4 short months Morgan’s stalking ended in her murder. I know this is not what always happens, but it DOES HAPPEN far more often than anyone would like to admit. As parents we failed miserably to do the right things at the right times. Not a sympathy call – just the real truth. The Garfield Sheriff’s office failed miserably at protecting one of its citizens. Once again just the sad truth. And the Coroners office is up to its neck in inexcusable behavior that completely stripped Morgan of her rights to due process.
If that’s what the professionals did for Morgan then you need to learn patience with friends and coworkers, bosses and even parents. They all need to come around and the best endings to stalking situations has come when friends and family are all helping and working together to end the stalking.
It is an honor in life to be able to help others – it is not something that should be on the bottom of anyone’s list. Please share this one thought with everyone in your life that you come in contact with along your life’s journey…if we all help one another, evil will have a really hard time completing it’s journey. Thank you all so very much!
And to the stalking victim that wrote in (the first paragraph of this blog) all I can say at this point is that I am so sorry that this is happening to you and I will make every effort for the rest of my life to try to educate people to not react like that to a victim…you deserve people to believe you, and try to help you for the simple reason, that is what they would want if they found themselves in your situation.
Steve and I were very uneducated about stalking when Morgan’s stalking began. We received little or no help from the Sheriffs department. And the Coroner will still not even meet with us.
We all have to believe the outcome of Morgan’s stalking could have been turned for the better, instead of the tragedy it became. WE all have to believe that raising awareness and taking stalking seriously are much more that just catch phrases, they are part of the solution.