She wrote the “Ode!”at the bottom of this post and she said to me:

I knew he’d never see it and I didn’t fear his ability to retaliate against me; by then, I’d convinced myself he would not take my life and its enjoyment because I would not let it happen. I probably had too much sass in me then when the threat was still there, but I didn’t like where he left me and how I felt; I still don’t. A year ago this month the poem was written as a therapy assignment that DID make me feel a little better. I’ve always been VERY adamant that I am NOT in any way interested in this man and I’m less interested now, if you can be less than 0% interested. I’m 85-90% back to normal and some days, it’s probably 95%. The nightmares still happen, but it is getting a little easier.

That in tune with doing the right thing in a therapy session, 8 days after the chat with his boss, and yet, needing it validated. Yeah, I’m the crazy one — I don’t think so. The fact he has 6, 4 and 2 year old granddaughters makes it worse. His daughter is two months younger than I am. His boss, —- (my ex-friend) hired his daughter to work for this company in March of last year. She’s 20 and a really good looking girl. I worried for her; part of my reasoning too for telling —. If —- thinks so much of —- that he’s willing to sacrifice his daughter’s safety to keep the pervert employed, it speaks volumes about his character. Here’s the poem:

Ode to Slime

Like the waves of the ocean, my days ebb and flow
Some moments are peaceful; others sink below
In a moment of strength, I smile and I laugh
Just one moment later, I beg for a raft
This is now my life; my life known after you
My heart, tossed and broken; a nightmare come true
The lies and deception, the grief and regret
I’ve done nothing wrong, but I feel them; you bet

What we shared was no friendship, whatever you say
For friendship defined is never this way
A friend never strives to make you two feet tall
No, this was no friendship; no friendship at all
The emotional rape of my spirit runs deep
And though you don’t care, this promise I’ll keep
Your toxic existence may have caused me strife
But, no matter your effort, you’ll not steal my life

Your slimed way of life has lost its appeal
You are such a phony and I plan to heal
So, whene’er your waves come to spew o’er my heart
I’ll rise to the surface, grateful we’re apart
I’ll swim towards the shoreline and bask in the sun
I’ll pump my fists proudly, admitting I’ve won
For I am much stronger than you ever knew
I’m better, I’m hopeful, I’m loved, despite you

I live for the future, in spite of my past
I learn from mistakes; life lessons to last
I maintain the friendships that you tried to steal
Unlike our nightmare, those friendships are real
In time, I’ll move past these dark days I now know
And no more will I find myself sinking below
That day, I’ll be grateful for the pain you brought
Because you will have proven all that you are not

You are not perfection and God’s gift to all
You are not a Savior to heal those who fall
You are not a Saint, worthy of a shrine
You are not, nor will you ever, be mine
You are not a hero, better than human race
You are not a martyr, surrounded in grace
While I am not either, I accept this fact well
I do not feel the need to make earthen Hell

On my day of healing, I’ll finally see
The pain and heartache that you brought to me
I’ll find myself wiser to the likes of you
While you’ve slithered back to the rock pile you knew
I’ll continue my journey of wisdom and truth
Far from your existence, dismal and uncouth
As I stand on the shoreline, I will watch you drown
Because Karma’s a bitch and one day, you’ll go down!
© 2012 – Jill Eisnaugle’s Poetry Collection.

Really, at this point I should not be surprised that what is written on your blog does further validate that in every stalking situation, there are similarities, but I always am. I guess when you’ve lived a life of good, law abiding, sheltered happiness, having to face this reality and “world” is trying to make sense of senseless – and you can’t. The more sense I try to make of it; the more I ask “why me” (even when I know the answer), the less sense it all makes. The good people of the world just cannot see — until disaster hits — that some live their lives with one goal in mind: evil.

I always knew that evil existed (9/11 was a wake up call for those that needed a reminder on a large scale), but it is so easy to say “well, bad stuff won’t happen to me.” It sounds so cliche, but it screams how anyone can become a victim of stalking. And the more we think “it can’t happen to me,” the more we plaster “target” on our backs.

I read quite a bit of the police report that is out there about Morgan’s case and as I read, I shook my head. Not in a bad way or in any way that blames your family (victims are NEVER to blame and I stand by that a billion fold). I just saw, like in my situation, Morgan not wanting to “make a big deal of it” in the times when it wasn’t as bad and being scared witless when it was bad. I get it — even if those that judge you and have never been through this, do. When I look back over 7 years with the radio station (5 years with —- in the mix), it was all toxic from the start. Even before —- entered the picture, I contacted the radio station; they claimed to have discovered me. They invited me to the event in 2007 where I met —- (so really THEY put me in the situation). The next year, they blamed me for broadcast screw ups when I was nowhere near the broadcast area and when I came forward to discuss and address what happened to me — which I would do again, no question — it was “let me help you and then, we’ll set you up and make you look like the crazy one.”

It takes incredible strength to stand up to abuse; I think when you come from a good background and deal with it, you instinctively know it’s wrong and that makes it easier to come forward. Some victims in long-standing narcissistic/sociopathic relationships are content to stay there; most aren’t. I’ve had nightmares the last two nights NOT about — or the stalking, but the wishy-washy nature of company I worked for. That, in and of itself, is telling. The fact they have chosen to protect evil and praise it with a promotion is pathetic. But, back to my point, I didn’t want to make a big deal of —-‘s flirtations, even if logic says a 52-57 year old (span the 5 years) having any feelings towards a 26-31 year old is bizarre. Logic, then, says, “Oh, it’s nothing,” until it is something. I shutter to think how much worse it would have gotten for me had I not put my foot down when I did. If I had gone to his lakehouse; if I had stayed in the mess just 3 weeks longer and he would have kept lying (as I know now) about his girlfriend moving out. As beaten down as he made me and brainwashed into doing whatever he wanted, in an effort to save myself; I just can’t think what would have happened, even if deep down I know. It is a scary reality that you know all too well. I sit here and say “Would he have killed me?” I can’t answer it. But, I have no doubt – had it continued – he would have either coerced me into coming to his lakehouse on the guise of a vacation from the stress or he would have shown up here, he would have pursued something sexual, I would have tried fighting him off – which would not have worked – and who knows…. women are killed every day, fighting for their protection.

So much more needs to be done in education across the board — law enforcement; even teach courses at schools because your prime target range is the young, inexperienced population. At 26 when it started, I was a little outside the typical target age; at 52, —- was way beyond being close in age, but how many other times has he done this, while younger? You have to wonder and you know he has. It’s just amazing, looking back on it, how —- was able to tell me openly how he was tested in school for potential problems, how he left the first wife for the second and has cheated numerous times, the drug bust on TV, etc. and yet in his “act weird/then normal/then weird” nature, to convince me he was NOT a problem. Never again will I ignore the gut instinct that screamed at me that first day. Lesson learned. Anyhow, you may have made mistakes in not always calling the police soon enough or what not, but you probably didn’t want to overreact either and I understand that, all too well and that’s not your fault, even in Morgan’s death. You could have called the cops sooner and it may not have made a difference; the stealth nature of these sick individuals is uncanny.

I don’t think there is anyone that has ever been through any stalking situation that has come through it with the same viewpoint as before. It changes you in ways that I’m still learning. I’m more compassionate towards victims like the Penn State case than I used to be (I was always the first to say that some victim coming forward 15 years later does so for money; then, I blocked the worst of what happened to me from my mind, unable to discuss the worst for the pain of it all for 3 months of being free from it — something which, according to my therapist, is totally normal. The body shocks and blocks out pain until we’re able to cope.); my neighbor – down the street – came up to ask a question, caught me off guard, wrapped his arm around me and I nearly decked him, swearing at him even to get his hands off me. —- never actually touched me, but he touched a place deeper within me that is scarred now.

I blamed myself for the longest time for lying to —- about being in a relationship when I wasn’t, back in 2008 after Dad died. My therapist told me to knock that off. She said “Women lie every day to protect the feelings of those they don’t want to date; it’s normal.” The fact, looking back now, that he communicated with me before Dad passed, but waited until Dad’s death to ramp up the insanity tells me that he likely researched our family too, saw Dad was ex-law enforcement (if I didn’t tell him) and he knew the minute Dad was gone, a piece of my safety was too. I rejected him then, as I did 5 other times; so he waited until 2 weeks after Mom’s pacemaker surgery (which he called “scary” when it wasn’t at all) and over Christmas, which he knew was tough, to catch me totally off guard. A true pro and like you, I can see Keenan being a young terror in the making, if you can ever get anyone to listen. It saddens me that Morgan ID’d him and that wasn’t enough to save her life. So much more work in training the public and law enforcement needs done. This happens far too often.

Steve mentioned Jessica Ridgeway and that story broke my heart. When I think back to the Jon Benet Ramsey case (and I never believed the Ramseys killed their daughter) and think of how Colorado law enforcement humiliated and shamed them over the years, it infuriates me more that law enforcement in the same state is railroading your need to get this investigation re-opened as well. The case isn’t closed when it isn’t solved and there are too many variables here still unsolved (and yes, I’ve signed the petition).

I don’t claim to know everything and I’m still working my way through the aftermath of it all myself, but 4 or 5 days after —- basically asked permission to stalk me online (despite knowing he’d already done it — listening to my gut at last), I thought of it as bad enough that I could not face the aftermath alone and those around me — friends and family even, would struggle to understand how I felt. I voluntarily put myself into counseling and as my therapist has said in calling me her “star patient” because I have worked so, so hard, no one goes to therapy willingly if they’re guilty and no narcissist or sociopath will ever willingly go to therapy. Even when they do, therapy actually teaches them how to better cover their tracks or it puts the mask back in place. There is no cure for sociopaths. The best thing to do is run when you recognize them, but when you don’t recognize them, it’s hard. Education needs done, across the board.

Today was a very busy Friday, and I have pushed back from my desk and am taking a few moments and thinking of Morgan.  Spring is here and the snow is all gone from the yard, not a single patch left, green will soon replace the many shades of brown that dominate now.

Morgan loved the snow and told all her friends how much she loved falling snow.  She loved to try to catch a flake on her tongue with a smile so big it was contagious to anyone who saw it.  I like to think about her love for catching snowflakes on her tongue because it is something she and her father did often when she was young.  It’s hard to catch a snowflake on your tongue sometimes, and it became a little challenge she carried with her for the rest of her life.

The simple things in life were all so Morgan, because it was all she really needed, the simple things.  To paint, capture an image with a camera, walk her puppy to the park, sketch, knit, and crochet mittens for a gift – these were all the simple things she enjoyed.  Camping with her friends… she had an old Landrover with over 300,000 miles and absolutely loved that no matter where the “boys” brought her she would never get stuck, and she would get to look back when they got stuck, and ask “what’s the matter?”

Steve and I were so enormously blessed to have Morgan in our lives for 20 years. It is too easy to forget the true joy she gave us, and I have to do a better job of remembering.

Who knows what would have been her next adventure, but I bet it would have been something simple, and you know it would have been great.

Morgan with her keyboard and a pile of sheet music. Pure joy for her.

Morgan had a chance to accuse with very good reason, completely justified, and it fell on deaf ears.  And just like so many other stalking victims that are not taken seriously by law enforcement, now Morgan has had all she ever had taken from her – her life, and is there any possible level on which that is really remotely fair?  Steve and I will never stop fighting for our youngest daughter.  Morgan has not been treated with fairness by those whose responsibility it was all the way back when she was being horrifically stalked, and dutifully reporting it, and in all the time since her death.

Meanwhile the accusations have been flying – for well over a year now, so many it is hard to keep track of them all, but it had to start somewhere, and I believe the first accusation came from Morgan, and it was about her stalker, could that possible be a surprise to someone?

Morgan told Steve and I, and then the deputies about someone tapping, and banging on her window, but when it first started she had no idea who it was.  She was really scared and didn’t know why this was happening.  She was sure of the tapping, and banging noises she heard.  As it went on she became more frightened, especially after we ruled out trees, small animals, and anything else we could think of that could have had an innocent reason to cause these sounds.

After seven days of trying to solve the mystery noises ourselves, we called the Sheriffs, and the wheels of justice in Garfield County were set into motion on August 9th 2011.  They reprimanded us for waiting so long to call it in.  What else can I say?  I guess maybe they are not very good wheels.

The first task they gave Morgan was to suggest possible suspects, ex-boyfriends, strangers she noticed, it was probably someone she knew, all the usual basic advice.  The deputies did their absolute best, and I will always say they were just saddled with a protocol that, unfortunately for Morgan, did not stand much of a chance against her stalker(s).  They tried a photo lineup that they showed her, but there was no one she recognized.  They surmised almost from the start he/she lived in the very immediate area and ran the plates of most vehicles in the neighborhood.

And then Morgan discovered, thanks to Elliott (our neighbor across the street), that Keenan had moved into the neighborhood just before the stalking started (actually 3 houses down from us), and Morgan immediately sent an email to a deputy, she had seen Keenan once, but did not know him, she had asked her friends about Keenan, as he gave her a bad feeling, and based on what she knew and was told, if they were looking for a possible suspect, they had one now, and Morgan accused Keenan of being her prime suspect.

And then came the accusing,from those who had no business accusing.

Keenan, of course, did some accusing, Keenan first accused Christina Harris as being the source of his knowledge about the stalking – he also accused her of being the neighborhood gossip (you can read this is the police reports).  Brooke Harris was evidently quick to join in on this one, also accusing her mother, Christina Harris of being the source of all her knowledge of the stalking (this is also in the police reports).

James Harris, Brooke’s father, interestingly enough, told detectives that he had heard all about the stalking, not from Christina (his estranged wife, that lived two houses down from him at the time), but from neighbors (this was in the police reports as well), of course I suppose he could have considered her a neighbor.  James Harris was interviewed by the felony stalking detective (as his daughter Brooke was under 18 at the time and considered a suspect in Morgan’s gang stalking (again, this is in the police reports).  Just to be doubly sure, James questioned a few deputies in the neighborhood because of the stalking, and was filled in by them on the stalking, he even admitted to a detective that he knew, from the deputies, that Keenan was “a person of interest”. This is very important, because on the Dr. Phil show, not sure if it made it on to the episode, or it was cut, but James Harris accused me of not telling him about the stalking, claiming at the time he knew nothing about it.  Quite indignant that I did not tell him about such an important thing, until I reminded him that deputies had surrounded his house one evening, returned to questioned him later, as well as his daughter, and at some point he went silent, and a little pale, if you were standing right next to him.

James Harris also accused Steve and I of being overprotective, claiming he had heard it from someone.  This was just days before Morgan was killed!  And we were overprotective?  I hardly think that is even open for discussion.

James Harris also accused Keenan of being a little possessive with his daughter Brooke, and made the accusation that it was the reason for their breakup (this can be read in the police reports).  Just for the record being overbearing and/or possessiveness is considered a trait of stalkers.  Brooke, for her part, accused another ex-boyfriend of being possessive, and overbearing, she told the detective she wasn’t referring to Keenan, but didn’t say who she was referring to.

Somewhere in here, Christina accused her daughter Brooke of being the source of all her knowledge of the stalking – the stalking that James didn’t know anything about, just to keep the story straight for everyone.  And James also defends Keenan, saying he was a “good kid” and “responsible” and just to keep it straight once again, this was right before Keenan was arrested on a warrant on stolen jewelry charges, and found to have drugs in his trunk prepackaged for sale, and was arrested on a felony charge of possession with intent to distribute.

Before this arrest, Keenan accused a neighbor of being the stalker, of course the person he accused did not match the photos of the stalker (not even close), caught by our surveillance system, nor was he living in the neighborhood during the first month and a half of the stalking, but then Keenan was actually quite a good match for the same photos.  Some are very certain it is Keenan in the photos.  And of course Morgan was followed in her car multiple times and identified Keenan to her felony stalking detective.

And on the morning Morgan was found, dead, a story was shared with me, and then verified, that James Harris accused the police of thinking at one time that he was the stalker, but then added that now they knew it was his daughter Brooke’s ex-boyfriend.  Yes, the same Keenan that was a “good kid” and “responsible”, and the same Keenan that was “a person of interest”, according to Jim and actually a SUSPECT, the PRIME SUSPECT in fact, mentioned as a SUSPECT by the sheriffs far more than the fifty plus times that were at our house and never saw a stalker.  And the same James Harris who would go on the Dr. Phil Show and claim that he had no idea our neighborhood even had a stalker.  Give me a break,  who is accusing who, and why are so many tales being concocted by a certain group of people all trying to point the finger at anyone but themselves?

If it was your daughter that was killed, wouldn’t you get frustrated, and upset with all this at some point?  And by the way, just in case you are wondering, their was no investigation into Morgan’s murder, because remember the forensic pathologist stated she died from natural causes for the first 8 1/2 months after her death, so the sheriff’s did not investigate any murder.  That must have made her murderer happy – don’t you think?

Morgan who can no longer speak for herself, identified her stalker many times.  She stopped and got out of her car while he was following her to absolutely, positively identify that it was Keenan following her in his car.  Morgan would also positively Identify him many times after that in incidents that would cause her to suffer serious emotional distress, the standard to establish stalking guilt here in Colorado.  And in the week before she was to go in for a videotaped interview with the Sheriff’s Detective, actually five days before, Morgan was killed in her room.

I knew so painfully well that many things had to change in Colorado after Morgan’s death.  Through this blog about her stalking I have found that it is not just Colorado that needs help, it is our entire county, and then the world.  Safety for our children is not too much to ask.  Being safe ourselves should not be too much to ask either.  And as Steve and I have found out through endless accusations – truth and honesty for all the victims should also not be too much to ask.