Author Archives: Toni Ingram

12/27/2011 – Day 26 of Morgan’s investigation – which direction to choose?

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We are so lucky to have our family, and friends around us still…Steve and I wake up on this day still in shock, still in pain, but we realize something – we have only two choices now; either accept that we can’t bring Morgan back, and do whatever it takes to find out what happened to her, or curl up in a ball, and give up on life completely.

Well I guess you all know by now what we chose to do.  It was not easy to do, and do not think it was without pain, because every step of the way has been extremely painful.  But our hearts were telling us this was the right thing to do, so we pushed forward, and cried everyday, and saw our grief therapist once a week.

And the rewards have come often, and offered great comfort to us.  Our counselor has been one of the big unsung heroes in our lives.  She kept us strong, she kept us on the right track, and most of all she kept us together, because the odds are against parents staying together after a horrifying, and indescribable ordeal like this are pretty slim.  She knew we needed each other to follow this path to it’s end, just one of us alone couldn’t do it, when one of us falters, the other needs to step quickly in to help pull them the other up, until continual motion is achieved.  While it may sound easy, trust me it has not been.  To her we will always be in debt – she is an angel – guiding us as angels do.

Back on this Tuesday, 12.27.2011 my notes show me that we had rental houses to go see…I couldn’t stand the thought of being in this house even for another day, as I kept thinking, praying, hoping, that Morgan would come in the front door with a big smile and say to Tessi, “you are beautiful” just like she always did.  But this was never to be.  Tessi (our Newfoundland) was still just lying on the floor, grieving, not wanting food, or any interaction.  Morgan’s puppy Wylah would start to cough, and act like she was having an asthma attack, every time we spoke of Morgan…later on our veterinarian told us that was her way of grieving…pets are like people – they all grieve differently.  And then there was Morgan’s cat Mogwai – he was really a Momma’s boy, and he seemed to know early on that his Momma was not coming back.  We worried the most about him.  From the day Morgan was no longer with us we never heard him call out to her like he always did, “Momma, Momma” and to this very day he never calls “Momma”.  At one point on January 2nd he looked like he had given up on life, and we needed some divine intervention, I could not take the pain of loosing one of Morgan’s precious pets, after loosing her – and then quite a completely unexpected, and amazing thing happened, but that story is still to come.

wylahmop

 

 

Some exciting news to share…help for victims of stalking

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One of the woman that posts on our Facebook site for Morgan Ingram’s Stalking just let us know about this exciting news and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Catherine wrote: “Great news! Look at this in the VAWA. “The act provides grants to state and local authorities for legal assistance, transitional housing, law enforcement training, stalker databases and domestic violence hotlines. The Senate bill extends the act for five years and provides $659 million for VAWA programs, down 17 percent from the last reauthorization in 2005.” Wow! Stalker databases! The people in power know there is a problem! Yahoo! This is progress!”

Please click on this link and read Article – this is change in the making: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/12/vawa-vote_n_2669720.html

December 25, 2011 – Day 24 of Morgan’s investigation – Christmas Day and messages with so much love

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WhylahChristmass2011

Well we woke up Christmas morning and Morgan’s older sister, and her husband had bags of presents full of doggie and kitty toys for Morgan’s two little ones, Wylah May and Mogwai.  They seemed to be so happy playing with all their new little toys while running around the Christmas tree.  I was worried they were going to knock it down – but it remained standing.  We all made breakfast, and then Morgan’s older brother and his family came over – throughout the day and into the night we had so many relatives and friends stopping by to talk, hug, cry and laugh.  We watched the dogs, cat, and our grandchildren all run and play so it was hard not to smile.  We all missed Morgan so very much, but at the same time we could all feel her presence among us, and I felt happiness again.

Just before Christmas dinner, and with everyone there around us I was finally strong enough to read the little notes some of her cousins, Aunts and Uncles had written to Morgan on little pieces of paper, and tucked them into the miniature paper baskets, that were made out of construction paper, that hung on the tree.  This is what they said:

You inspired me to live my life fully and completely – I’ll miss you & think of you, and carry you with me for the rest of my life – Cousin C.

I remember Morgan at her older sister’s wedding.  The bridesmaids were running around doing all the last minute things you do to yourself to look perfect, but not Morgan, she walked out with her wings and looked so beautiful and so serene.  I was amazed at her composure.  Aunt C.

Morgan, what a beautiful, talented, loving, intelligent young woman you are.  I know you’re an angel now looking after your mom and dad.  You are not gone, your spirit is still here to guide us, and encourage us to love one another.  Love – your Aunt E.

Here is my heart message for Morgan and her family.  I, and hundreds of others who had the fortune to be a part of her life will take each breath deeper, laugh harder, and love with all our hearts.  Cousin E.

I wish I had known you better…it’s so obvious that you are a wonderful lady.  We will miss you and you will always live in our hearts.  Cousin J.

I thank Morgan for the gift of her photos.  She has captured the world through her eyes for us to always enjoy.  How did she know to do this?  I wish I could ask her, but somehow I know she will tell me anyway.  Uncle C.

Life – it doesn’t end with passing time, we will be together again in the end.  Aunt Toni & Uncle Steve I wish you didn’t have to go through this loss.  I love you.  Your angel is watching you from above and with you in your hearts.  I love you so much.  Cousin N.

Though Morgan is no longer with us she will always be a part of us as we keep her in our thoughts and memories.  Love – Cousin R.

Morgan – you will always be my call to awareness, a woman who lived her life immersed in awareness – may we bring and share your life of grace to those we meet as you have!  You shall be sorely missed.  Love – Uncle R.

Even though the pain of losing you is unbearable for those who loved you, I know every single one of us is glad to have been awakened in one way or another by your inspiring personality.  Cousin H.

This is a wonderful season of love and hope as we celebrate the light of the world, and the light and life of Morgan.  Her love shines like a star – glowing forever.  Aunt A.

We share an emptiness in the heart while Morgan is not with us, until we meet with her again.  Love – Uncle R (she had two uncle R’s)

I remember first meeting Morgan, it was on a trip to Steve and Toni’s Snowmass house.  Ray, Ryan, Sean, and Scott were having a Super Soaker battle around the house.  Kristin and very young Morgan were in a small pool on the deck.  They were mostly innocent bystanders in that watery warfare.  I remember there were lots of laughs and giggles about the whole thing – I was most impressed that the two girls were so peaceful, and busy ignoring the water fight while playing themselves.  A happy, fun memory.  Uncle S.

I always admired Morgan’s open loving nature.  We wouldn’t see her for years, yet when we did get together she would always embrace us as if we just saw her yesterday.  When you were with her you felt special.  Aunt C.

Morgan, I’m sorry we’ve been so separated.  Every time we were together you were always a ray of sunshine, so kind, so accepting.  Thank you for your example of life and love.  I love you Morgan.  Cousin J.

Although I only knew Morgan a short time, I learned that and saw and felt that she was a loving, caring, accepting, welcoming and selfless person.  She was a beautiful girl with a loving smile.  Thank you for taking time to come out and see us so I could have the blessing to get to know her better.  I love you!  I love Morgan.  I feel like she is happy & I look forward to seeing her again someday.  Love Cousin L.

I loved that Morgan embraced and love EVERYONE!  What a gift she had – that girl made every person she touched feel special.  I will never forget the first time she me my kids – she embraced them and said, “Welcome cousins” – wow!  I love her energy, she was magical.  Morgan is an inspiration to us all.  I love you sweet girl, Aunt T.

 

 

 

Another story that needed to be heard

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“Knowledge is the antidote to fear.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Toni – This is an email from someone that watched us on the Dr. Phil show, and then read the website and blog about Morgan – she sent this to me right after watching the Dr. Phil Show.

D – I commented earlier, right after seeing the show. I was about to leave for work and didn’t have a lot of time. You are so gracious to thank Dr. Phil after being on the show. It was good that you got to share your story, or I would have never known. But, honestly, that is all the thanks Dr. Phil deserves. He tried to make you look like a bad person. He implied your daughter used alcohol and drugs. If she did, would that justify what happened to her? Of all the people supporting your blog, he found and AIRED one critic. He barely asked the other people any questions that would explain their relationship to your family. 
I am a 41 years old teacher. I was stalked and my entire family was terrorized when I was 23 years old. It went on for a year, until one female judge finally got the case in her court and put my stalker away for a year. For one year of punishment, I have a lifetime of emotional damage. You and your family need justice AND psychological healing. Dr. Phil did not appear to offer you either one. Your airing is and was the last time I watched his show.

Toni – I then sent her an email to make sure it was OK to post her words and yes graciously said yes (see below) and she is very right to bring up the point about counseling – Steve and I have been going on a weekly basis since Morgan was murdered and to be honest with you I don’t think we would be here today, still trying to get Morgan’s case opened, and trying to help other victims, if it was for our counselors help – she is truly another of Morgan’s army of earth angels!

D – You are welcome to use the comment. When I went through my ordeal, there was little known or done about stalking.  Most of the judges I encountered chalked it all up to a man pursuing a woman. That is why I am so angry about what happened to Morgan. This NEVER should have happened in the 21st century. What ever happens with this case, I hope you and your family receive counseling. My family recovered from my stalking, even if I suffer the residual effects. They recovered because I survived it. Your loss guarantees that you will have the residual effects. For that, my heart goes out to you all.

Toni – All the people that are giving me permission to post their experiences with stalkers (which I call sexual predators) are very brave and strong people.  I want to thank them all, whether I post their stories here for others to learn from, and to raise awareness of the problem, or if I am the only person that reads those stories – you are all heros!  Thank you!

 

In addition to the last post more information from the same writer – please read

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I wrote and shared my story — in some form at the 8 month point out from it — with Band Back Together’s website, so I don’t have an issue with this at all. Since my message to you, the stalker’s boss (and my supposed friend) has defriended me on Facebook, choosing to side with the stalker because the creep is so sociopathic that he has convinced everyone he is a saint, the event where I met the man almost 6 years ago is no more (my boss took the fall because I chose to not sit quietly and tolerate the behavior — but she still sides with me) and it was, fittingly enough, a year ago today that the creep admitted his decision to research my life — hence come forward about the stalking, which I know went on for years before it was brought to my attention. The link in my e-mail to you is to my butterfly story of recovery. The link to my Band Back Together, trying to make sense of it all, story is:http://www.bandbacktogether.com/post/3412, if that helps.

They come in all shapes and sizes, in romantic relationships and not, and the more awareness that can be made, the better off women everywhere (and men affected by obsessive women too) will be. My sickness became worse when realizing that he was successful in his efforts to convince Clear Channel’s HR that I stalked him (despite the screenshots of e-mails, his handwriting on the box, the tracking information from the box to prove he shipped it to me, etc.) but I realized then too that sociopaths are very good at hiding what they are and that he is using his company as pawns, just like he uses everyone else. I don’t take it personally any longer and I am healing. Getting to February 20 and the year anniversary of my “don’t contact me again” e-mail (and Lord knows how much behind the scenes research he did beyond that) will be huge for me. I’m lucky. I escaped with emotional scars, humiliation and pain; too many, like your daughter, aren’t that lucky and that’s what needs to change. I think from my end of things, I’ve wanted to get the message out there that yes, it happens in romantic breakups, but it happens with strangers, work cohorts, etc. I had seen this man in real life — twice, for the grand total of 8 hours and that did not stop him. Having only seen me for 3 hours and having had a mere 10 minute, tops, conversation with me, six years ago on Valentine’s Day, was enough for him to Google search and contact me. It’s scary. It’s a problem. And it should not be written off as humor, regardless of how minuscule it may seem to an outsider. I know you know that all too well.

Have a great day and I’ll continue praying that you find some justice for your daughter. While – in my situation – I am a little sad my boss took the fall because I took a stand for what is right, I’m not sad that the creep won’t have a chance to videotape a wedding this year. In a small way, that is justice for me, even if it will never be enough.