I happened across Morgan’s story and website while researching stalkers, stalking and my own situation with sexual harassment, cyberstalking and sexual coercion at the hand of a man that is twice my age. My heart absolutely broke as I read Morgan’s story, because her life sounded so common to the life I live on an every day basis. I am now 32 years old, but at the age of 26 while volunteering my writing (I’m a writer too) to a radio station in Houston, I met one of the station’s employees — a disc jockey, then 52, who spoke 5 or 6 sentences to me and that was all. That afternoon when I arrived home, I found an e-mail from the man that had been sent within an hour of meeting me. He talked about how he thought I was hot, how he left his first wife for the second one, etc. It was odd and a strange conversation for someone you’d literally just met, but always wanting to see the good in everyone, I blew off the oddness and thought “well, maybe I’m just cold” (it was cold that day) and “overreacting.”Over the next 4 years, various e-mails and things happened. The man’s mother died and since I volunteered where he worked, I offered condolences. Little things. Scattered in the little things, however, were comments about him and me in a May-December romance (I always laughed, thinking he was joking and blew it off). A couple of years into the nightmare (keep in mind that to this day, I’ve seen the man twice in my life for the grand total of 5 hours at corporate functions), he was arrested for having marajuana on school property (his other job was as a videographer for the school district). The charges were dropped and throughout that ordeal, he turned to me with his story. I wanted to believe he’d just had a run of bad luck.In 2010, he began suggesting how I’d look great in black lace, how he — then laid off from Houston schools — could make porn films and I’d be the perfect star in them. I never took any of it seriously. I never thought I should. Here’s a man with a daughter who is my age and three granddaughters. He hardly ever spoke about family or anything in his life.In early 2011, he invited me to his lakehouse. I refused — the second strong warning bell that screamed “weird.” I’m sure this infuriated him that I would not visit and I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to me had I gone.A year ago today, he told me that his live-in girlfriend of 3+ years was making his life hell by becoming an iceberg in the bedroom. (Again, sob story) He told of how she was evil and how much I’m a sweetheart: kind, caring, etc. A year ago this Friday (Dec. 28), the man suggested going lingerie shopping for me. I deleted the suggestion without a reply — which I thought was good enough for a No. Really, who would seriously do this?
On New Years’ Eve/midnight New Year’s morning, he texted me with a Happy New Year, Sweetheart comment. Later on New Year’s morning, he peppered my e-mail with 30 or 40 eBay links to lingerie ads, vibrator ads, etc. I began deleting them unread and I first noticed feeling smothered. On January 6, a box showed up at my house with his handwriting and address on it. Inside, three thong panties, a lacy teddy, a vibrator and batteries. I immediately let him know — realizing all of a sudden that all of this WAS serious — that I didn’t know what I ever did or said to make him think I was interested in him, but I’m not and the shipment was inappropriate. His comment to me: “I mean no harm. I’m just a friendly pervert who thinks you’re hot and I’m living out a fantasy in my head.” But, he was doing harm.
After that conversation, I felt trapped. By then, I’d left my volunteer role with the radio station but had begun working for a company that collaborates with the radio station on one event per year — the same Valentine’s Day event where I’d met the man, years before. So, I decided — for my job — I needed to suck it up and deal with it. (Wrong move.) After his “friendly pervert” comment, the man began plugging me on the air, every morning he worked; one morning, the same weekend of the pervert comment, he plugged me and immediately e-mailed me to see if I was awake yet.
For the next week after the pervert comment, he harassed me via e-mail, phone, text, etc. for pictures of me in my “gifts.” I felt more and more trapped all the time and I was starting to have trouble sleeping. On Jan. 11, 2012, he said, “Jill, if you just put on the lingerie and give me what I want, the calls, the texts, etc. will stop.” Beaten down by almost 5 years of his torment, the loss of my father and hurricane repair 4 years ago, and my Mother’s ongoing illness on that day and still, I did. Did it stop? Of course not. All that did was to get him asking for more.
On February 3, 2012, his boss (who incidentially also read the piece of writing I shared with the event where I met the man in 2007 and who has always had such respect for me) e-mailed to say that my boss (the minister that performs this radio wedding) would not be able to bring her own guests, including me, because of space. He mentioned how the weekend jock (my stalker) would light the studio and how it would be hard to move around. The minute his boss said that, I groaned. The boss said, “Problem?” I said, “Yes, I’m having a problem with him.” The boss, Marc, very kindly said, “Anything I can do to help?” I — at a loss for how to summarize the exhaustion of 5 years and really not knowing where to begin — said, “I’m handling it.” Marc said, “Are you sure?” I said, “Yes.” Marc said, “Okay” but I could tell, just by his tone, that he knew something was very wrong.
Later that night, I could not sleep at all. Everything in my heart that is good and that my late father — who was a disc jockey and sheriff’s deputy — had taught me said that I needed to cast aside embarassment and tell Marc what was going on, but how and where to start. There was so much to cover and I had buried some of it because it was simply too painful to face. (It took me nearly 4 months in therapy before I could face the pain I buried.) That night, I wrote Marc an e-mail in which I told him everything I could remember. The stalker had so terrorized and brainwashed me now (as I now realize it) that I actually feared he might get into trouble. (This is so NOT me, but neither was posing in lingerie or the other “requests” this man made.) The night after I e-mailed Marc — and I asked Marc how he’d feel if his own 19 year old daughter had been 31 and this happened to her — the stalker e-mailed me saying that he needed to save money to buy more lingerie and he put a winky face emoticon on it. I screenshot the e-mail and sent it to Marc to further prove my issue.
Marc spoke with the stalker (who for simplicity I’ll name by first name, Howard). Howard was instructed to leave me alone, that the path he was taking was not a good one, etc. After that conversation, Howard e-mailed me asking to research friends and family of mine because he was “curious” and how he wanted to know where they lived, where all I’ve lived, etc. (I had once lied to him about being in a relationship when I wasn’t, trying to see — back then — if that would make him leave me alone.) I knew then that he either was stalking me or had plans to start. I blocked his e-mail to protect myself, giving no thought at all to my work relationship. I informed my boss and told her I could not attend the event and would not have wanted to have been there anyway. On February 11 — one month to the day of the lingerie pictures — I felt weird. I was exhausted, emotional, and I couldn’t put my finger on why, back then. I logged onto the internet to an online therapist’s page and communicated with her about the parts of this mess that I could — at the time — remember. She agreed that I am not to blame. That he is the one at fault and that I did the right thing by coming forward. She told me to go ahead and contact the police because he was ramping it up. I did. They basically told me that unless there was a physical threat to my life, then they could do nothing.
The Valentine’s Day event came and went. After my boss recorded the ceremony for playback, she called me and the next day, I listened to the playback on air. Afterwards, I was sent via e-mail, a photo of Howard and my boss from the event. I was asked to Facebook post it for our business; I did, but I called Lynn — my boss — back and cried for an hour opening up about all of it. I had my second therapy session that night in which my therapist suggested unblocking Howard, telling him that he’s scaring me and to not contact me again. I unblocked him and waited to see how long it would take him to contact me. It took him less than 45 minutes and he asked why he’d been blocked, so I know he’d contacted me while blocked — or tried it.
Once he was ordered to no contact, the toll that the 5 years had taken really began to sink into my mind and I became very ill. I began digging sores on myself, making them bleed thinking that if I did, he’d not think I’m beautiful anymore. I never thought he would leave me alone. For several months, he did leave me alone. Marc, still very concerned about his employee’s behavior, launched an HR investigation into the activity that had taken place on the work computer (including the typing of a dream Howard had about me walking naked from my shower as he hid behind a door to startle me). The dream had entailed other more graphic elements which I was told he ‘could not share” on a work computer. Instead, he had called me that night to tell me about them; I ignored the call.
As the HR investigation into Howard’s behavior went onward — into Sept and Oct. — Howard began telling others in Houston media about how I’m sick, crazy, a liar, etc., but the one thing he could never explain were the screenshots of his words, his handwriting on the box, etc. By using an HR defense of “Jill lied to me about being in a relationship once,” he had to admit that he did, indeed, research me and apparently, stalk me. And yet, he remains on the job to this day because the company’s policy states they must built a file of wrongdoing before anyone is fired. He is proud of what he has done. He has even stated to others in writing that he loves “working for the company because they’re so short on managers that he never does anything wrong but if he did, he could get away with it.”
I know I did the right thing by coming forward and exposing him. I know this is his fault and not mine and even if I had “gone along with it” to some degree, it WAS out of fear or the belief it would stop. I have suffered aches, pains, sleep interruptions, an inability to do my social media job — because we work with him once per year — emotional meltdowns, panic attacks, etc. I cry for no reason. I lash out at people for no reason. In March, I made myself bleed, picking scabs and mutilating my skin thinking if I wasn’t “Hot” as he called me for many years, I would be free. I never wanted to believe that when he was ordered to no contact that he would stop. The fact he still lashes at me to others now, he still hasn’t stopped.
I sleep all night and wake up exhausted, all while he continues to earn a paycheck. And now that he is lashing out about me with lies and half-truths to others, I really don’t know what he is capable of doing. I’ve been in therapy for 10 months over this and with all the year anniversaries coming in the next few weeks, I’m feeling it. But, I know I’m not alone. I know my life is very precious and worth it.
I hope I didn’t ramble too much in sharing my story. I’m incredibly moved by the stories of anyone impacted by any stalking activity, cyber or offline stalking. Every victim deserves justice. It took me until this past weekend, but I wrote a story. I wanted to share it with you, because I am that moved by Morgan’s story and the fact she loved writing: While I haven’t really gotten any justice, I’m trying everything in my power to stay positive about this and not let it beat me down more than it already has.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and God bless you in your journey for justice!
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December 21 & 22, 2011 – Day 20-21 of Morgan’s investigation…what is really going on here?
We called Morgan our little Buddha – she was always wise beyond her years even at this young age.
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I had only one question about the Tox report which came back negative on everything except second hand smoke, and two prescription drugs that Morgan did not take. Amitriptyline and Nortriptyline, one was much higher than other. I presumed that someone in the Coroner’s office had gotten her medical records somehow and knew she didn’t take these.
So I spoke with Dr. Kurtzman (the forensic pathologist that did her autopsy) and I explained to him that I was perplexed by these two prescription drugs on her Tox report, she did not take those prescription drugs, she actually did not take any prescription drugs. First he explained that one of the drugs is just a metabolite of the other so it occurs naturally when you take the other drug.
I explained that now I understood that it was not two drugs, but really just the one, but Morgan did not take it so why I wondered had it shown up in her tox report. His answer was, “obviously she did take it.” I was taken aback for a second, and again told him that no, she did not. I asked if he had checked with any of her doctors as they would know.
He did not answer that question, but told me that it was an insignificant amount anyway so it was best to ignore it. I shrugged, he was the doctor, if it was a tiny amount, there was some other way to explain it innocently and I left it at that.
Today is February 4, 2013 – And I wonder now if he was really being serious or just flippant when he said, “Obviously she did take it.” I wonder if there is some fact somewhere that led him to that statement or is it just common knowledge that daughters take prescription drugs without your knowledge all the time, especially during stalkings that end in suspicious deaths. At another point in the “investigation” they did tell me that, “parents are the last to know”.
With everything Morgan did to stop taking prescription medications, I could write a book about the courage, and devotion she put into it. It was at one time a goal of hers, and once Morgan made something a goal she usually achieved it. This particular goal was no different. And there sat the pathologist telling me, “obviously she did take it”.
He said it was an insignificant amount back then too, “best to just ignore it”. Not me, but the lab that tested thought differently. They were so helpful on the phone through all of this. I will always remember that call, astonishment would be my one word summation. They could not talk about individual cases of course because of confidentiality and all that, but they thought they had seen a level close to 10,000 once.
Overkill…doesn’t that count toward a crime of passion?
December 20, 2011 – Day 19 of Morgan’s investigation – More Questions
Mogwai looking out Morgan’s window
After reading the reports from the Coroner last night and then rereading them in the morning, it was not getting any better. As I became more and more upset over all of the errors in the reports, which to me should have been very precise and accurate, Steve tried to calm me down by dismissing it all as those involved being inept or lazy. Something we could correct, we shouldn’t have to be correcting them, but something we would get corrected.
I emailed copies to one of Morgan’s doctor’s to see if she could decipher it all and let me know what she thought. I called the Detective back and started explaining how it was all wrong, and wondered how it could have gotten like this it wasn’t even close! He also urged me not to worry, and added that we could always ask for a Coroners inquest if we wanted to. Another term for another process I knew nothing about! Then I spoke with Dr. Kurtzman (the Forensic Pathologist that did Morgan’s autopsy) and he said it’s no big deal just call Thomas Walton over at the Coroner’s office and give him the correct changes and he will make them since he is the one that types it up. Well that was wrong because I called the Coroner’s office, Thomas wasn’t in so I explained what I was trying to get accomplished to the woman on the phone, she gave me Thomas’ email address and I emailed Thomas the corrections only to get the same woman the next day calling me in a very excited tone stating that Thomas gets all the information for the report from Dr. Kurtzman and the detective and if I want anything changed they have to authorize it. Was this a run around or what?
And meanwhile, where exactly was Morgan’s investigation going? We needed to all get together and discuss this, soon…very soon.
Half the house was packed up for a move, and we were sifting through options to move to. Morgan’s dog Wylah and her cat Mogwai seemed to be coming to the realization she was not coming back, and they were both very sad, animals grieving in their own way. This was longer than Morgan had ever been gone from the house before, and very little was left in her room that wasn’t already packed up. And that was just too much for her babies. They were not sure where to sleep anymore, and had begun venturing all the way to our room, just to check it out.
Wylah had developed a cough that was really bothering me so I brought her to see Dr. Ben today. He told me about how pets grieve and didn’t find anything wrong with her so I felt like it was both good, and bad at the same time. Poor baby she had spent such little time with Morgan. Although so many of Morgan’s friends were coming by to spend time with Wylah, it obviously wasn’t enough.
Today is February 3, 2013 – Over the year many specialists have read over Morgan’s autopsy report, and in a strange coincidence every single one at some point reacted just like Steve, obvious mistake here, simple to correct. If fact in the beginning they volunteered to talk Coroner to Coroner or Doctor to Doctor, and spare us the added grief. After the first few came away shaking their heads at the brick wall they had just encountered in Garfield County we chose to not take that path again. No matter how much they assured us they could probably solve this with a phone call we declined.
We had never been in a situation like this and there was one thing I was quite confident of. If it was a matter of evidence that we needed to prove whatever had happened to Morgan we would find it, would would never stop digging, and then everything would be fine. So for over a year now we have been dutifully submitting, sharing, not our opinions, but the opinions of respected experts from around the country, who point out and explain simple basic mistakes in Morgan’s case, at a level I can understand, and if I don’t understand, Steve certainly does, but to date none of this vast knowledge has swayed one official in Garfield County into admitting one mistake in Morgan’s case. It was certainly sometimes so deflating to feel like we hit another block wall, come to a dead stop, but we will as always persevere – so never fear, it won’t end here.
December 19, 2011 – Day 18 of Morgan’s investigation – Autopsy and Tox report
Detective Rob called in the early evening and asked if I had seen the autopsy report. I had not, and told him that. He was surprised the Coroner had not called to tell us about it, but he did have a copy on his computer, and was going to send it over as soon as he warned me about something that was on it first.
Naturally I went numb. It was some horrific detail of her death that had been found, and I was thinking of every one I knew as he gathered himself to tell me. Rob started by saying he was not sure why they had worded it so strongly, because it really wasn’t like how it came out on the report. I couldn’t take the waiting, and asked him to just tell me. He was obviously flummoxed by this, but finally told me that it said Morgan was an occasional cocaine user. Compared to everything I had just been thinking this was at first not so bad, but immediately I reversed and thought no this is really bad, because it’s not true – it’s actually laughable.
I asked Rob why it said that, where is this coming from? Rob said it was from his notes. He was the only one doing interviews, and he had talked to two people, and they had both said that she had tried cocaine once or twice. He added that even the most straight-laced officer at the Sheriff’s Department had probably tried cocaine at least once. He repeated that he was surprised with how it had been worded, knowing the reality, and just wanted me to know that before I saw it.
I dropped that point for the moment and started to ask about what else the PER said, how did she die, what had they found? He didn’t say much preferring that I read the actual report, but he did say that basically they didn’t find anything, only a sign of second hand cigarette smoke, but no alcohol, and no illegal drugs. He said he would send it over right now, and if we had questions we could just call the Coroner.
Well – it came as two attachments, first one was 7 pages and titled Postmortem Examination Report. The first page was about Morgan and from what position WE had found her body in, to what SHE had been doing the last few weeks to what WE thought when she came home the night before it was all wrong, all totally wrong. We were the only people with first hand knowledge of all of this, and we had been asked very few things and the answers were not what we said – they were completely wrong. I wondered then, and I would only wonder more in the future, where all of this incorrect information came from.
I read on and stopped dead when I found that her manner of death was natural and from a condition she never had. We had some work ahead of us. Steve was reading in silence over my shoulder, and strangely found hope in the last sentence which read:
“Due to an active stalking investigation at the time of this report, and the potential influence of stress, the manner of death may be reclassified if additional information becomes available.”
Steve hung on that sentence. To him it may have been stress that killed Morgan, and naturally the stress now present in her life that had never been there before was her stalker. This was something that had to be ruled out completely, it was in his DNA to do this, and he would. It wasn’t going to be fast enough for me, but I was confident as I could be that it would happen.
Morgan did not deserve to be stalked the last four months of her life and then die of the stress of her stalking – nobody does. This had to be taken seriously.
Today is February 2, 2013 – now of course we know Morgan did not die from the stress of the stalker, we have learned a lot in the last year. You can bet over the past year I have seen the two witnesses that detective Rob spoke of that night, actually there were three, and why he condensed it to two is just another of those things I am going to have to wait to find out.
I look at this particular fact and see it as a microcosm of Morgan’s investigation. One of the witnesses was not even in the country, he was relaying something he had heard and believes he was very clear about that fact. The second witness was there at the time in question, but did not actually see it, only assumed it. The third witness said something like absolutely not, she spends days helping people get off drugs, why would she do drugs? His was the statement that was discounted completely.
Why do I care – you wonder? People try drugs, people experiment with drugs, it happens and I agree completely that it was possible. But Morgan wasn’t one of those people that cared about drugs. She had seen up close over her life the harm they can do, and chose not to.
When you are stalked for four months and then found dead what kind of question is that anyway? Did she drink or do drugs? A question or two about her stalker might have been more fitting, given the situation. They ran a tox screen for the drugs of abuse and the results came back zero. Did they run a sexual assault panel – no! Then write a one pager to sum up her life, and say occasional cocaine user. Based on what? A person chosen to be ignored, a person not in the country, a person who assumed it. How nice for Morgan.
It’s not like she spent eighteen months of her life in drug rehab. She spent zero. It sort of got under my skin that she spent her life doing one thing, actually became known for it, and was summarized as doing the opposite – this was not fair to Morgan, and that is why I am so upset about it. Morgan never even stole a piece of gum in her lifetime – anything she had she would gladly, and many times did, give to others that needed it more at the time. I am not trying to make Morgan out to be an angel – but I am telling the truth about her – she was extremely caring, and as close to an earth angel as I have ever seen. How can these people that are sworn to protect victims like Morgan try to trash her instead. We now know that even though she was a victim of stalking there was no rape kit administered. We know that no evidence was taken at the death scene except for her electronics, one old diary (not the most recent one), and our stainless pill holder that I kept in my car with 3 emergency pills. Her death scene seemed to be treated as though she never had been stalked for 4 months – even though Steve and I were victims of the stalking – I saw the stalker – our cameras caught the stalker – we all heard the noises made by the stalker – this was a felony stalking case. Am I missing something? If you die in Garfield County, after being a stalking victim, do you basically get thrown under the bus? – God forbid someone realizes there was a murder committed!
December 17 – 18, 2011 – Day 16 – 17 of Morgan’s investigation – last of the packing
Morgan and her Dad
I sent a text message to detective Rob that some of Morgan’s small things might be missing, I had already verbalized this to him but I wanted him to have it also on a text message. There was a focus on things out of place, especially missing items. One of the jewelry items initially thought to be missing had been accounted for, but a disturbingly large number were not, pretty much everything else of value. We had finished with her room, the car we shared, and her car that had sat for months in the driveway. The jewelry was not to be found anywhere.
It represented many of the milestones of her life and I was wondering if the stalker had come in the house at some point and taken it. It was so disturbing to think about it and I chose to put it off for the time being.
When we were going through her car another of those momma warning signals went off. Morgan was not a neat person. She had little bits of clutter always in her life. Her car was no different and as we totally emptied it, where I remembered a little clutter there was now nothing.
Now I was wondering if perhaps the times they could not find the stalker if he was hiding out in Morgan’s car? I really wanted that to come to a conclusion and her stalking case had really seemed have lost all of its steam. Detective Rob still had a short list of interviews to complete, but that was about it. I wondered if they should fingerprint Morgan’s car? Of course it would be a long shot but there was a feel to it that someone else had been in it, it just didn’t look like it did when Morgan was the only occupant. Unfortunately I was told by the detective because we had no other prints to compare them to it wouldn’t matter if we found prints anyway. I just didn’t understand what I was being told, on TV they look for prints and keep them in case an arrest is made and then they compare them…is this not true?
The answer as to how Morgan had died we thought we would know any day now and I hung on that answer. She had seen her doctor right before her death, and her doctor was now absolutely shocked to hear of Morgan’s passing. I spoke with her about it and I promised to share the autopsy with her as soon as I had it. All I could tell her was the same thing I had been telling everyone else for weeks, “it was a mystery” which was wearing very thin for me. There had to be some indication, some clue! But this is where I was, and I could not wait for some clarity. Knowing it was very close was helpful.
Today is February 1, 2013 – And the focus is so much sharper than it was back then. Things that were questionable, very questionable I did not see like that, nor did Steve. We pretty much accepted whatever we were told and tried to fit it in our thought patterns. Today obvious things are just that, obvious things, and evidence to be filed and added to the list. I am not at all sure just when it changed, but it has. Over this past year it has become apparent that I have accepted the unthinkable to a sufficient degree to be able to deal with this intelligently. A year ago I had not, and as for suggestions on what to do I am at a loss. All of our close friends who in their own right all have had some expertise in handling things such as this were as much at a loss as Steve and I were.
What we were finding then was not minor in any way. Morgan’s missing jewelry is still an issue without an answer today, as are a growing list of other items. The Sheriffs have no desire to visit the questions, and I am at a loss as to explain how that can be.
It has been without exception that every expert we have been able to have review a portion of her case that is within their expertise has ended of the opposite opinion as the original conclusion, and even more so of the revised “official opinion” that came out last summer.
I continue to fight for my little girl and ask for just the truth to be followed. It has not happened as of yet, but I am hopeful that it will. Justice for Morgan is the very least she deserves, and helping others will really help to bring some resolution to what happened to her. Morgan’s heart was bigger than any heart I have ever seen in my life – she has accomplished more in the way of helping others than I can ever imagine, and I am determined, in all the years that I will be granted to stay on this earth, to follow in Morgan’s footsteps.