A young mother that was raped and is in need of our collective help!

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Satellite

I always become enraged at the lack of professionalism, and inhumanity some law enforcement agencies (not all, but some) seem to have.  I wanted to share this recent/ongoing story with you all in the hopes that:

  • #1 it will illuminate the problem that is rampant around this country.
  • #2 show you that there are resources out there that want to help.
  • #3 see if any of you out there can help by making a call to the DA’s office or writing to the New Mexico Legislators or media about this ongoing horrible failure of the justice system – yes, they are failing this woman and her family

If any of you can think of a good way to inform a district attorney that 4 hours in jail and a $5,000 fine just doesn’t cut it when a victim’s whole life was torn apart and has been now been turned upside down, with she and her whole family left to live in a state of fear.  This is not acceptable!  This is not accountability, and this is not humanity!  Someone help this young woman – be her hero, wake up the justice system to do the right thing and not help to distort this woman’s life.  A victim should not get refused a restraining order when she wants one – she should not have to live in fear!

This started when I received a private Facebook from a distraught mother in November,   she said, “My daughter was raped in August it takes 8 months here for a rape kit to be processed. even though he said he probably did it he was not arrested, she could not get a restraining order.  And he is now stalking her and showing up at her older sisters work too!  He stalked her and monitored her through my Facebook and now shows up everywhere we go and she is terrified. This breaks my heart that she continues to be his victim and how this will all end.”

Well my heart went out to this mother, and of course her daughter who was now not only the victim of a rape, but also the victim of what sounds like a throw-back system that treats a rape victim like a nothing. I told her I am horrified that this has happened to your daughter! Please let me know what state you are in so I can try to research the specific laws that pertain to your situation and then I can give you links to sites to go to that will show you what you can do in your daughter’s situation…there is no way that this should be happening to your poor daughter. This person/predator should be stopped – they should issue her, as well as your whole family a restraining order so if you see him you can report him and have him arrested. This is just absolutely insane and sometimes it takes a printout of the actual law to waive in front of your detective or the District Attorney in order to get them to do their job. Please let me know how I can help – it’s the worse feeling in the world to be a parent and not be able to save your child. Hugs Toni

I then heard back from her and she said they live in Clovis, NM.  I told her I got it, “I will get back to you as soon as I have done some research for you. Hang in there…you now have to be a warrior.”  She then wrote back to me, “Thank you she has a 3-year-old daughter and is afraid to go anywhere alone or with her thank you.”

I wrote, “I don’t know if you have spoken with the 9th District Attorney’s office that represents Clovis, NM but if not I suggest you following this link and scroll down to the 9th Judicial DA’s Office and this link will show you the 3 names and numbers for the Victim’s Advocates. Please contact them and tell them your daughter’s story – do not take no for an answer – tell them your whole family has been victimized and you need help NOW! The link ishttp://www.nmsoh.org/nmva.pdf‘

I also told her for excellent information on stalking, including stalking behavior logs, safety plan guidelines, and a complete handbook for victims, contact the National Center for Victims of Crime Stalking Resource Center online at www.ncvc.org, call 1-800-FYI-CALL (M-F 8:30 AM – 8:30 PM EST), or e-mail [email protected]

  • http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center

    You can even call them and tell them what has happened in your situation and they can give you help and referrals.

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    I also told her that I would send her links to the pertinent laws from her state as well very soon  & to please stay safe.  She said, “Thank you.”  I said, “You are very welcome – I will do whatever I can to help you…as a mom I know the most important thing you want to do is to protect your children from harm. I really believe that the most important thing is the education of law enforcement...some are really up on the correct procedures and laws of their state and others are not.  They are not always knowledgable about how they should handle different crimes, and others (in my opinion) want crimes to solve themselves, and forget that they took an oath to serve and protect. I did research on the laws connected to stalking and harassment in New Mexico and they are definitely NOT what they should be. This is something else that needs to be addressed – all states are different, but the victims are still victims.

    She said, “What really got me is that she was questioned more than he was on the rape and he never said he did not rape her he said he was in her bedroom and does not remember. The detective was told the exam showed violence and bruising and scratches etc and did not arrest him said it came down to his word vs her word and the report on the rape kit seriously… I do not get how the victim has no rights or protection and can continue to be victimized it makes my heart just hurt for her that she lives in fear and she did the right thing she reported it.”

    I said, “It is so very wrong what has happened and is still happening to her. Please make an appointment and bring her with you to speak with the DA and tell him or her all of this and say it just like you just said it to me…victims should ALWAYS be treated with dignity and respect and you should ALWAYS be able to get a protection order through your District Attorney’s office. Please keep me in the loop and let me know what happens – also the National Center for Victims of Crime can walk you through all your options and national rights as a victim when you call them. I am so very sorry this is happening to your daughter as well as your family. Stay strong – I know you can help her with this…you sound like a very strong mom and she is very lucky to have you.” Then she said, “I will tell her, she did not know where to go to ask for help besides the detective thank you.”

    I said, “You are very welcome – I wish I could do more. Please let me know how it goes and if you need anymore help and I will talk to some other people for some more suggestions.”

    She said, “Thank you she did try to talk to the DA the secretary told her that he should have been arrested they did not need the rape kit for an arrest she was told to go back and talk to the detective and he is on vacation. So nothing can be done till after the holidays as the DA does not even have a record of the rape and case it is all with the sheriff and detective he has nothing saying there was a crime.”

    I said, “Unbelievable! At this point maybe she should email the detective and cc the DA on the same email so everything is in writing. Just an idea – documentation is so important so the detective can’t continue to drag his or her feet. So sorry again that your daughter is having to do this – I hope you can all still enjoy the holidays together. Hugs!

    She said, “The DNA kit came back with my daughters attackers DNA the sherriff told them he would be presenting it to the DA for a “possible” arrest warrent yesterday. Today he still has not done this and the arrest is not been made what step do they do what can they do to get this man arrested?” She then said, “They just arrested him finally and told my daughter please keep someone with you because his wife is still a threat and he may bond out, but he is being booked into the jail as of today.”

    Then she wrote, “well the rapist was only in on 4 hrs and is out on bond, the police have not even contacted my daughter to tell them they charged and arrested him, he works with a family friend who told us he was arrested and this is just beyond wrong. My daughter is going to the DA tomorrow morning to find out what is going on why only 4 hours and for a restraining order.”

    She wrote, “They refused an order of protection, the sheriff said that the bail has conditions that he not contact her she has repeatedly asked for one and been denied. She talks finally to the victims advocate and DA on Monday and I will ask her. As her husband is a vet and she his spouse they are going for counseling and help to the VA on Monday as they will have to face him in court we believe on Friday as knowone has told them anything they are totally upset and traumatized by this.”

    I then responded, “I am so upset for your daughter…how can they justify only 4 hours, a $5,000 bond and they never even called your daughter to tell her! In the state of New Mexico I read that aggravated criminal sexual penetration or criminal sexual penetration that involves force or coercion resulting in great bodily harm or great mental anguish to the victim is a felony in the first degree. Penalties include a fine of up to $15,000, up to 18 years in prison, or both. I wonder if you would like me to put out a blog, twitter and FB request for people to share to get others to call your DA and show their support for your daughter and demand justice?  I am so sick of LE in some areas treating these things like minor offenses when they are life threatening and dangerous to more victims down the line if they get away with it. Did they make a plea bargain, or is there going to be a trial? Will he need to be registered as a sex offender? Did they offer and then give your daughter a court ordered protection order? Have they suggested that your daughter move and go into an address confidentiality program? She then said, “They refused a order of protection the sheriff said that the bail has conditions that he not contact her she has repeatedly asked for one and been denied. She talks finally to the victims advocate and DA on Monday and I will ask her. As her husband is a vet and she his spouse they are going for counseling and help to the VA on Monday as they will have to face him in court we believe on Friday as no one has told them anything they are totally upset and traumatized by this.”

    She then wrote, “I will be talking to her tonight she lives on the other side of town now and she is never alone she and her husband are living in fear that now he has nothing to loose and may retaliate.” I wrote, “Please have her call or go in person again to the DA’s office – they will have a person in charge of Assistance in Filing Compensation Claims, Criminal Justice Support Advocacy, Emergency Financial Assistance, Emergency Legal Advocacy, Follow-up Contact, Information And Referral , Personal Advocacy, Telephone Contacts – she needs a court advocate to help her with this and to give her suggestions on how to protect herself and her family. Please let me know if there is anything I can do and I honestly mean it when I say that I will contact many, many people to call the DA’s office and demand justice. Take care and hang in there! Love and light to your whole family.”

    She said, “Thank you we did not know where to ask for help till you told us the DA thank you.”  I said, “You are so very welcome – I wish I could do more for you. Is it OK if forward the link to the arrest you sent me to ask people to ask for justice and not let this be “swept” under the rug? I know you must feel numb and may not want to do anything yet and that is ok – I just thought I would ask in case it might be a way I can help you and your daughter. Sending as much positive vibrations your way as I can. Someone along my journey reminded me to be fierce – and every time I feel weak I remember her words and I try to visualize myself being a lion. Silly I know, but it helps. She wrote, “Yes, please do we are feeling we are not going to get any justice I told my daughter she is stronger than she thinks how many women has he done this to and they did not go through the process of reporting it? Because I bet he has and you do not want him hurting someone else. Thank you.”

    I replied back to her, “Your daughter is incredible strong! And I want to see her get justice. I will do what I can on my end and see how many others i can get to help as well. Hang in there. Hugs!

    She said, “Thank you, she met with the DA and victims advocate they said the case was handled all wrong and that they now have counseling in Clovis our town and she was going to make some calls but over 6 months of emotional and financial pain she had to get her own counseling and trade in her vehicle throw out he mattress and couch as they were part of her rape they told her she can civilly sue him later she told me again something I can pursue on my own later I am so tired and sick of it all being me fighting and no one helping so hopefully Friday she sees some justice, but them telling her to file a complaint on the sheriff and detective etc. makes us wonder.”  She then said, “Friday he gets sentenced and she does not have to be there they said they are only going for 3rd degree she asked for higher. No they said they only issue them against family members in NM and his probation includes no weapons no alcohol she told them he is driving a unregistered uninsured truck I have reported it repeatedly and you do not stop or enforce that doubt you will enforce the weapons and alcohol.  My daughter called me tonight crying her eyes out she was driving alone around town just crying seems he drove past her work just as she got out and now knows what she drives he got off work early to do it told them he had a doctors appointment. So now she took a leave from work as she does not feel safe there either since he did this – it pushed her over the edge she broke down and said when does this end when can I feel safe? So we talked to her and I told her many women commit suicide do not be one of those women be the women that says okay I cried I had my moment and he is not winning.  She asked when do I get support for this when will he be stopped I told her it will get worse before it gets better but you have so much, a husband that loves you, and a daughter, he tried to take everything away from you and you stood strong remember that when no one believed you you said I was raped and the DNA proved you were you are the victim, but you survived continue to do so because you have support and love, and we are here for you. That he left work to drive by her work is beyond belief she has basically quit her job to be safe. This is so unfair to hear her gut wrenching sobs and say it could of been my 3 year old if he had gone into her room instead of mine haunts me breaks my heart.”

    AFTER READING THIS PLEASE HELP HER IF YOU CAN (HER NAME IS BLAIR AND I HAVE ATTACHED A LINK TO THE PREDATOR’S ARREST ABOVE –  YOU MAY WANT TO  CALL OR WRITE A LETTER TO THE 9TH JUDICIAL OFFICE (Matt Chandler, (575) 769-2246, 417 Gidding, Clovis, NM) IS THE DA IN CLOVIS, NM AND ASK WHY THIS PREDATOR IS ALLOWED ONLY 4 HOURS OF JAIL TIME, + a $5,000 FINE – IS HE GOING TO BE PUT AND KEPT ON THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY?

    WHY IS BLAIR NOT GETTING PROTECTION FROM THIS PREDATOR – SINCE HE IS OBVIOUSLY STILL STALKING HER?  IS THIS PREDATOR GOING TO BE PUT ON THE SEX REGISTRY?

    WHY WOULD SOMEONE THAT DOES SUCH A HEINOUS ACT ONLY GET THE 3RD DEGREE AND NOT THE 1ST DEGREE SENTENCE IF HE IS NOT A FAMILY MEMBER?  DO THE LAWS IN NEW MEXICO HAVE TO BE CHANGED?

    DO THE LEGISLATORS OF NEW MEXICO NEED TO HEAR ABOUT THIS CASE?

    WE ALL NEED TO TAKE A STAND WE NEED OUR VOICES HEARD – WE ARE THE PEOPLE AND WE SHOULD DEMAND OUR RIGHTS NOT BE IGNORED!

    THANKS EVERYONE!!!

     

     

     

 

 

One thought on “A young mother that was raped and is in need of our collective help!”

  1. Clovis is a very small totwn, it doesn’t surprise me that the detective didn’t want to do anything. Sounds to me that this detective is lazy. I hope the victim finds peace and JUSTICE.

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