Morgan’s ferret Mocha peeking out of a bag
There is such a day… and over the past year I have looked back on that day so many times. We all knew there was danger, Morgan, Steve and I, but obviously we did not really know the extent of the danger. But that is the story you know from the Blog of Morgan’s Stalking. There are many other stories of the past year ,and now I want to share this one with you.
Very surprisingly, and unexpectedly since the day that Morgan was murdered, I have met people who have been through similar situations, all with different outcomes; however with a very similar thread to all our experiences.
We all thought we were being abundantly cautious. We had all taken protective measures that may seem extreme to others, but were obviously not extreme enough. And we all had that one night where one breakdown followed another until, much to our total dismay, our defenses were down. And we all sort of independently thought, on that particular night, what are the odds? Or even, just this once, I can relax for one night, and everything will be alright. And we did – relax that one night – and no, it was not alright. Far from alright, it all went wrong, so horribly wrong. Not just for Steve and I, and Morgan, but for many others who have shared their experiences with me.
As the last two weeks of Morgan’s life have been pieced together with as close to microscopic precision as Steve and I, and so many others helping us have been able to achieve things have surfaced. So many things came to light that we would have never known. So many seemingly innocent incidents that added together for Morgan to even be home on the evening of December 1st.
The night before she had a pleasantly unexpected ex-boyfriend sleep over on our couch – he wanted to add his watchful eyes and ears to ours, and on the night before that, she “felt “the stalker’s” presence, and heard his noises”, until she could take it no longer and went to the home of a grandmother she baked with. The next evening (the evening after she was murdered) she would most likely have been gone for the weekend babysitting for our proud military families at their retreat in Frisco, CO. And the move of our family would have officially begun in all likelihood the next week after that.
And here was that one night, as Steve and I have fatefully learned, where so many things were stacked against Morgan. We learned that Morgan had asked to sleep over at a friends aunt’s house that night but it didn’t work out so she came home. Whereas Tessi (our dog) was closed up in the back of the house in our room, very unusual. Where I took extra sleeping aids because the exhaustion of Morgan’s Stalking had become too much. When Steve moved a key motion detector because the suddenly increased Deputy patrols with their equipment laden trucks were setting it off at all hours of the night. When an inside monitor suddenly failed, and was left off for the night. And at least a few more I just can’t remember right now. And we all know the outcome, sorry Louise, Morgan did not take her life, and even if she had it would still be a crime caused by the stalker, and his accomplices, and those covering for him. But far too much evidence exists to dismiss the presence of at least one other in Morgan’s room that night. We now know with complete certainty the reality that no parent ever wants to believe…our daughter was murdered in her own room, while we were sound asleep on the other side of the house.
In my grief I heard similar stories, and they did not register until much later. Something that has been with me very much so since Morgan’s death. Stories of alarms that were malfunctioning, and off for just one night. Of tarps, and scaffolding in place at the neighbor’s house that conveniently concealed the criminal. Of car keys that were thought to be missing, but were not missing at all, instead in use by the criminal with a new perfect hiding spot. Of dogs that were at the vets for overnight observation, after suddenly taking ill. The list goes on and on. And because of all these mishaps that took place, something horrific happened to others on that one particular night when everything seemed to have gone wrong.
MISTAKE – letting your guard down in a crisis situation. Stalking is a crisis situation, invasion of privacy for sexual gratification is a crisis situation. The only thing you really know is how long it has been since the last time your perpetrator terrorized you. And you know very well that most likely there will be a next time, and while you accept that fact, you do not know when it will be.
While you should not have to ever live in fear, you must also be extra vigilant on those nights when it seems like things are randomly, suddenly all going wrong. Human nature to accept that there is a simple explanation for it all. I did, Steve did, and now I have met many others who did. We might have all been worried, but convinced ourselves that everything was going to be just fine.
Which brings up an obvious point, when I look back on the combination of events that came together by coincidence for one night, and I say coincidence, because there are events that were beyond the control of Morgan’s tormentor. How much of a coincidence is it that is the night he chose too? Too much of a coincidence? I think so.
I think that stalkers and sexual perverts either get quickly exposed, and caught because they are inept at remaining undetected. Or they have mastered remaining undetected and are rarely, if ever, caught red-handed, or have eyewitness testimony, and things of that nature. They are only caught through trace evidence, DNA matches, a fatal slip up they never realized they had made until it was too late for them.
This all leads to one explanation that most do not like to think of. What if your tormentor is there far more often than you ever realized? What if sometimes you are aware of his presence and other times you are not? What if the time that all seems so quiet and calm is the most dangerous?
My goal is not to further frighten other victims, but to further raise awareness of managing the dangers. Because to help save others is to help make their radar one degree more intense. Maybe the world is just not as safe a place as it once was, and we are all adjusting to that. But I also want you all to know, parents and children alike, that to be just a little more cautious is a good thing. To trust your instincts, even when your mind tells you something else. Morgan was definitely not alone statistic wise, and the last thing she would wish is for you to join her. Be happy, enjoy life, but please, be safe.
Toni, this is so true in cyberstalking and a really good example of how cyberstalking and offline stalking carrying many of the same characteristics You mention that even if Morgan had taken her own life (which I – like so many others – do not believe) it would have been because of the stalker’s influence. When I was about a year along in therapy, finally starting to really make sense of what has happened to me (and there are still tough days and a smear campaign against me now), the one point my therapist hammered home was that the stalker may have convinced his work minions that I “came onto him” with the fact he shipped lingerie to my house but the reality is, what I did was out of a desperate attempt to make the terror stop. I trusted him; I believed his lies, no more – no less. From my understanding of Morgan’s story, she never showed any signs of depression or any ailment that would lead her to take her own life (which again, she was murdered and I believe that). You could tell in her pictures that you’ve shared from before the stalking that she was happy and for someone happy to take their own life, unprovoked, makes no sense at all. I have always been a good, kind-hearted person and someone who — despite my last year — wrote two bereavement poems for friends in the last week because that’s me still and something the stalker could not take. Morgan had a heart of gold from all accounts I’ve read. I do too. Nothing I did in an effort — that was honestly — my effort to make the terror stop — would have ever happened otherwise. I didn’t date in high school; I put my life on hold for a decade to stay home and care for an ailing father. I’m caring for my Mom now. My MISTAKE was not listening to my gut on Valentine’s Day 2007 when the creep admitted stalking Google to find me, thinking I was overreacting and he was not a threat. It was bizarre that a man twice my age did that and said what he said and over 5 years’ time, the definition of bizarre became more and more pronounced. All were warning signs I blew off until he had so beaten down my spirit that I walked to the dark side, hoping to save myself. I learned the hard way to trust my gut, even if I learned the lesson after the ordeal was over. (And it’s still not totally done.) I say a prayer every night for every woman to be safe. I pray for your family. I pray for Morgan. And while I’ll never again see the world as the safe place where all are good, as I once did, wisdom and truth bring clarity even through the continued pain.
I’ve run the invitation to my creep’s lakehouse, that I rejected, through my mind a million times. What if I’d gone? What if I hadn’t held onto just enough of my strength to know that was wrong? What if I hadn’t turned him in, even if I was blacklisted and blamed? And did my rejection of his lakehouse trip offer save me from further trauma while inciting a rage that led him to ramp the cyberstalking? I may never have the answers but as long as I ask the questions, I guess I’ll be safe in my own way by seeing the truth behind the wrong.
Jill thank you for sharing again with us – you are so right. The strength we have and always will have is not from being knocked down, but by forcing ourselves to get right back up every time and be who we are – evil can not take away our essence unless we allow it to.
Dear Toni and Steve,
Yesterday I was at home and I saw the Dr Phil show that was aired in the US some months ago. We are a little behind here in Australia.
Morgan’s story has had me rivited in utter and incredulous disbelief and disappointment in not only these evil creatures but also the Police, the flagrant disregard for the Law, and the system in general to the serious issue of Stalking.
I was up til 1:30am reading your blog to find out more and it has left me with a deep feeling of sadness for you both and your beautiful Morgan that I cannot even describe.
I just wanted to let you know that, although I am just a little voice so very far away, that I support you and your fight.
There is something not right about the whole situation, and no doubt there are more people out there who know more information than you may ever realise. There is a cluster of evil little cliques that sadly will continue to evade until they slip up…but I am a big believer in “What goes around, comes around”. It will for them.
Stay strong, keep believing, keep searching for the truth.
Love and light to you and your family.
Toni, the fact is that you and Steve should not have had to learn these lesson’s at all, for Law Enforcement totally dropped the ball! These agency’s are not proactive but reactive. How many times have all of us heard from a Law Enforcement person that, “We cannot do anything because we have no proof to take to court” Well excuse me but Law Enforcement is to “Protect and Serve” Where is the protection when clearly there was enough to deem Morgan needed Protection?
All you got were cops showing up with no batteries. Really? Totally sickening.
Very good message to all is to trust your instincts and do not let anything numb that instinct you’re having. I was lucky in that I truly listened and reacted to my instinct, I was only a dumb teenager, a babe in the world. What caused me to truely listen to that intinct I don’t know. Maybe “Fear” Red Flag, if you have fear it is for good reason!
You are so right Terry – I hope others out there that are reading this get enough good information from this that they can have a better outcome then we did if ever in that situation.
Toni, I am really curious as to what the bird’s name was. We just got one and would like to name it the same in a sort of memorial to Morgan.
He was a purple colored parakeet and I honestly don’t remember his name which is odd since I remember all the names of the birds I had since I was a small child. It must be because it was during that time with the carbon monoxide – as soon as I get a chance to look through her old papers I’m sure I’ll find his name…I have a picture of him in his cage that I recently came across but it’s from an old cell phone camera so it’s not very high resolution. Anyway, I will let you know as soon as I find his name…up until she bought her puppy Wylah she always had male pets. She even had a male baby doll that she named Charlie.
Again…..he (they) had to know it was safe for them to come in that night. (wondering if they had a source of video or audio from inside the house.) Also wondering if the other time she felt odd after drinking her water and became sick….was that a 1st failed attempt by him (them?) Did he (they) now have to act because they knew you were moving?
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am up in the air as to if your daughter was murdered but it does not really matter what I think, I can feel your pain reading your blog. I hope that you get the answers that you seek. xxx
Thank you Debbie for writing in to me. I appreciate your kind words and I totally understand how you could be up in the air about whether or not she was murdered…not many people have all the details, or have seen all the evidence yet, but I will tell you that we do know now that she was murdered, it was a horrific murder, law enforcement did know the morning we found her body, and a murderer is still free. It is awful – it should never have happened, Morgan never deserved this and sadly it has happened over and over again to others as well. But I refuse to stay silent, I refuse to allow things to be swept under the rug or forgotten. Morgan’s voice, as well as so many other victims’s voices will be heard as long as I have any life left in me. Take care and again thanks for writing in and thank you for reading her story. Please share and help to spread awareness. Just sharing with one other person could change a future outcome for someone.