The last of our guests – they have left us and being alone in the house with Steve knowing there will never be a Morgan again was quite a moment.  It was everything all at once and it was an emptiness that I can’t begin to describe.

We have no choice but to forge on, and as her room is almost finished so I tackle what is left.  Her bed is first, blankets, sheets, pillows, pillowcases.  That none of this was ever collected has been universally frowned upon since her death.  But at that time we still believed.  No sooner had I shaken the top blanket then out popped what was perhaps the last little gift from her father.

Two days before that fateful Friday we were all together in Grand Junction and near the end of the trip she blurted out, “can I have a knife?”  In the context of the moment that she was feeling very threatened and wanted something for self-defense was without doubt, nonetheless I asked her why and she immediately shot back “why do you think?” And Steve said OK.

He wasn’t sure where to go in Grand Junction, and places were closing, but he was confident we could find the perfect one at the surplus store by our house.  Quite by chance at one of his last supply house stops Morgan and I waited in the truck while he went in.  Turns out they had a knife display and of what was left Steve picked more of a cute knife than “the” knife and when he came back out he had drawn a happy face on the box and slipped it to Morgan without a word.

We were backing out of the parking lot as she opened this box and I watched her face light up – she told Steve “Oh I love you daddy, you are the best!”  He promised they would get another one this week, but at least she had this for a back up.  And here was the box still on her bed, and sure enough as I picked it up the knife was still inside.  I showed it to Steve and we just starred for a moment.

There was a hope we would finish the room 100% that evening, but that was not to be.  I did find her diary, her last diary that she had written in, and I sat down with it and read the last entries.  She had shown a few of them to me already, and they were concerning her future in college.  GPA’s she needed and LSAT scores she would have to achieve, and many other goal setting or acknowledging events yet to come for her, along with a list of make-up she needed to get.  I stopped on a page we had discussed together not long before her death.  For an instant she was still standing there talking it over with me and then it was silent.

There would be so many memories of Morgan, we both knew this by now and had been counseled about it by so many.  Steve was certain that once he got to the point he could recite that he was so blessed, and proud to have had Morgan in his life for twenty years, without breaking into tears he will have reached a point of healing.  He hasn’t quite gotten there yet.  We both wanted her to still be here – maybe away at college – maybe on some grand adventure, but always thinking she would return for a visit at least.

I stood up and announced I had found her last diary, and the one before it.  As far as I knew now of the evidence collected by the Sheriffs there was only Morgan’s electronic items, which had all been returned, and a brown diary that was still somewhere.  I now wondered what diary they did have?  Was it an old one?  Was it even Morgan’s at all?  Or was it someone else’s?  A friend of hers had called wondering if they could come by to collect their diary, as they had left it in Morgan’s room.

I had no frame of reference for any of this, but from where I sat things did not seem to have gone well at all.  Both Steve and I wanted to think the best, but we had our questions and once again we decided to wait until the all important “tox results” came back.

Today is January 30, 2013 – There is a certain level of disorganization that has crept into my life, and I am now working to return it back to order.  For some reason the emails and tips I have been sorting, and placing into meaningful folders have had a very common theme.  Belief, for lack of a better term – in so many cases the victim hadn’t actually been believed that they really had a stalker.  People thought it was just their imagination.  This is a very frightening thing…knowing there is someone out there watching and following you, that might do you harm, and people close to you or law enforcement don’t believe you – that is just incomprehensible!  That is when they knew it was not going to go away as easily as it had began.

Take stalking seriously was a tag line I had thought of long ago, and today it is very appropriate.  Victims tell someone first, perhaps a close friend, a family member, or another trusted individual.  And so surprisingly from the emails I receive there is instant disheartenment because they were not believed or not taken seriously.

Remember Morgan at the beginning she was so busy trying to convince us that it was nothing as she told us about her strange noises – this I now know after reading so many stories about stalking is a normal reaction.  And we were no better, so quick to dismiss that first sign of trouble right along with her.  No one wants to believe this could happen to them.

I have re-read many stories today from victims sharing a story of a stalker they suffered through, and so many remembered how disappointed they were that a parent, or boyfriend didn’t even believe anything was happening at first.  I’m sure there are girlfriends out there who are guilty as well, I just didn’t have an email about one.

When you have a stalker there are so many things that are very important to be considered and act on.  The very last of those should be the need to convince those around you that it is happening.

There are truths that begin to make sense as you ponder them.  Such as:

• Murderers are rarely caught at the scene of the murder.
• Murderers rarely confess unless they really think you have the goods on them.
• Stranger stalkers are rarely caught at the scene of the stalking.
• Stranger stalkers rarely confess unless you convince them you have the goods on them.

So meanwhile someone for whom you care very much suffers greatly until one of the above happens.  If you start off by not believing think how much worse it all just became.  We had footprints, wildlife cam photos, videos, a very obviously placed cracked gutter, trails worn into the berms behind our house that you can see from outer space…etc. etc. And exactly how would Morgan feel if she were here to hear the Sheriff and others opine that there was never was never any evidence of a stalker?  This makes no sense to me.

It’s important for the victims of crime to know they are taken seriously, very seriously.  Sounds so simple, but the seriousness is lacking right now, and realizing that will really bring the solution that much closer.