I recently read this submission, by someone over the Internet, and thought she summed it up rather eloquently – so please read this, as I have not approved some comments that have tried to make it on to “MY” blog, because there are still some people in this world that hold onto the belief that we should always blame the victim…which in my mind is so very wrong!
Written by Jenn: We discussed the concept of blaming the victim in my Social Psychology course. In class we learned about why this occurs. When we hear of something horrible that has happened to someone else (i.e. murder, rape, assault, etc.) this scares us. Our minds react to tell ourselves that this person made some poor choice that led to this horrible event. So, we blame the victim for using poor judgment instead of placing the blame on the offender.
Sometimes it is harder to admit that horrible things can happen to anyone regardless of who they are or what choices they’ve made. It makes us feel safe and in control to blame the victim. We think if the victim would have done something different they wouldn’t have been attacked, assaulted, kidnapped, raped, murdered, etc. Therefore if we make the right choices then we won’t be attacked, assaulted, kidnapped, raped, murdered, etc.
We must face that we live in a world where horrible things happen to good or bad people, to intelligent or naive people, to prepared or unprepared people. Our choices don’t always matter. Sometimes we even make poor choices but nothing bad happens. We walk down an unsafe alley and are not attacked. So when we hear of someone who walked down an unsafe alley and were attacked we cannot blame that person for being attacked. The offender/perpetrator should be blamed; they chose to attack, murder, rape, assault, kidnap, etc.
Understanding why we blame the victim isn’t meant to pardon this thought process but to explain it (just because something in the human thought process is explained doesn’t mean that it is right and just). Although this is a common response we should not blame the victim in order to satiate our fears. By understanding why humans do this, maybe we can stop ourselves when we start to blame the victim or when we see others do this. Being educated on why humans do certain things or think in a certain way can help us to be aware of our irrational thinking, correct it, as well as educating others on this matter.
Here are my thoughts:
Not only do the perpetrators of crime, and their supporters, engage in victim blaming, but sometimes, unknowingly, law enforcement engage in it as well when investigating reports of stalking.
From the Oxford University Press – terminology: Victim blaming
Ways of thinking about the causes of criminal victimization which seek explanations from the individual victim’s conduct and the victim’s relationship with the offender, rather than looking for wider social factors which help to explain victimization. In the context of police investigations, victim blaming can take the form of disbelieving the victim’s report of a crime being committed, or giving some types of incident lower priority on the grounds that the victim is less deserving than others.
Morgan was a wonderful girl from all accounts. A new investigation should be opened without a doubt. Truth For Morgan is the only thing that matters. I’ve done some googling and I hope peace is brought when a new investigation is done.
Thank you so much for that. Morgan was an amazing and kind person that we have peace everyday thinking about how blessed we were to have her in our lives for 20 years, but I know when an investigation finally gets opened I will feel so much better, and probably finally get some well needed rest that both Steve and I need.
As much as this makes me think of Morgan (and some of the comments that have been made blaming her or the family)….it also makes me think of the Paul Cunningham case…I feel like GarCo LE lives by the belief of blaming the victim. It makes me very sad for the VICTIMS and their families. This post really hits home for me…as I have family I love so dearly that are hurt deeply by this mind set of blaming the victim….and therefore no effort is put forth to find what has TRULY happened.
Paul and also Mary Comiskey who’s been missing since 2005. In Garfield County if you have any hint of a “past” they look the other way. Someone’s past doesn’t mean they aren’t a victim today. I truly wonder how many other victims are out there that don’t have someone like Toni fighting for them. Very sad.
I didn’t even know about Paul and also Mary Comiskey – I did know about Paul Cunningham and I have had some parents call me that have hired their own investigators and know that their older children did not just go missing on their own or end up dead by suicide like they have been told – all in this city and county so something really needs to be done. This is not right – most people do not have the money to hire investigators to try to find the truth. All law enforcement has to do if they can’t do it is call in the CBI – I am not falling for this excuse that they can’t.
Heather you are so right, it is so wrong what they have done over the years – as a collective consciousness we need to bring humanity back to these people so the truth comes out in so many cases where it was hidden.
I am in canada- and so wrapped up in reading about this case. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. You guys deserve answers. I truly hope another investigation is done. One thing I will say is I recommend that you open your mind to finding the truth – whatever it is. And to come across as you want the truth whatever it is. From what I read here and elsewhere it seems so obvious to me that this is not a “natural” death and most likely not a suicide. You seem like genuine salt of the earth people. I guess what I am trying to get at is that because you know morgan, because you know what she lived, you come across as unwilling to accept any other answer than homicide. (if I were in your shoes, I’m sure I’d be the same way!!!) But to some, who can sit back and point fingers and be mean as they are not personally involved in this- you knowing your truth comes across as you not being willing to accept the truth even if an investigation were re-opened and in the end it came out that they still believe it to be suicide. I truly don’t believe that’s what it was, but even if an investigation (done properly!) came to that conclusion- I think it would be more than reasonable to assume that perhaps some of the cocktail was slipped into her water- perhaps some of those drugs combined with the acute stress she was under and extreme fear led her to just want to “sleep”. I think either way (even if she chose to ingest some medications)- it adds up to homicide. If an investigation gets opened they can look into the whole- she didn’t have these drugs issue, then they can look at her financial records and rule out her purchasing them etc… the more you rule out the closer you get to the truth.
I don’t know about LE- they may mean well (at least the lower ranking ones) but they also must have their hands tied due to the coroners findings. My utter disgust in this is the medical examiner coroner piece. If he didn’t know with certainty what happened then I don’t get why he wouldn’t find it inconclusive. Is there pressure on them not to have loose ends? Not to have cases opened? isn’t that why you have LE anyway? Just so unfair.
Hang in there. So many people are on your side.
The Forensic Pathologist is at the top of my list of blame, followed by the correct investigators not being called in, and evidence not collected at the death scene, followed by my utter disgust for the Sheriff’s office (know perfectly well that this felony stalking case they were working on had evidence) saying there was never any evidence of a stalker…really? And then I could go on and on, but the really sad thing is that there are good people in the Sheriff’s department that know the truth but won’t come forward because they will most likely lose their jobs – unfortunately that is something they will have to carry with them for the rest of their lives, and I actually feel really sorry, and I have compassion for those people.
I have been reading this since I have watched it on Dr. Phil. At first when I watched your family on Dr. Phil, I really had in my mind that because Morgan even had the thought of using cocaine and had a marijuana permit, that she must have been using recreational drugs, and more willing to try new stuff and that is how she overdosed. After viewing a picture with all her friends going to the airport, to me, they looked like a partying group. That was my first impression and please correct me if I am wrong. I decided to give your family a chance and sit down and spend several hours on this blog to read your story. I truly believe that someone did murder your daughter, you have more than enough evidence, and I really hope one day you will find them (him, her?). I really wish that you wouldn’t have went on Dr. Phil because I really don’t think he helped you out at all, in fact I just thought you were two parents that were reaching out to blame someone else for your daughters bad choices. I am sure that is how some of the skeptics are thinking if they haven’t taken the time to read your blog about the stalking, and I sincerely apologize for that now. I will continue to read your blog everyday and hope someday you will have great news to share with all your viewers.
Thank you Sheila for being so honest with your comment – I greatly appreciate it. I hope I have good news to share someday as well – I am counting on it.
I just finished reading your whole blog and being the mother of a 22 year old daughter who is my heart and soul it breaks my heart to imagine all that you and your husband went through. I so wish there was some way I could help you catch the animal who took your precious Morgan away…all I can do is sign and when I go to work on Monday I will put it on my employee bulletin board (2000 employees) and ask them all too sign as well. You are in my prayers and I wish I could have known Morgan. She and my Molly would have been good friends I bet. Ann
Ann that is so sweet of you…we appreciate it.
Give your daughter Molly a hug and kiss for me – I so wish I could do that with Morgan right now, and I really appreciate all the days she told me how much she loved me so I could respond back to her with a squeeze of the hand, or to tell her right back, “I love you too”. I know now that I was so lucky she took the time out of her day to say that to me, and her father, (our other kids do too), and I know that we all have to always live like there might not be a tomorrow, and love each other with all our might.
Toni have you stopped blogging Morgan’s story? Are you Just focusing in stalking victims in general now? With the blog Iean. I know you will never stop telling her story and fighting for her. Your love and compassion truly show in all you do for her.
While I understand the importance of this post I’m concerned that you’re holding back writing Mogan & your story because of Dr Phil.
I see that there are more people here because of the show and that is good.
Truly you are a victim too and I can’t see how anyone would blame you, Steve or Morgan for what happened.
My question is did you have an actual alarm system in your home or just all the exterior cameras?
KT – I have not stopped blogging and I will continue to tell Morgan’s story. No we did not have an alarm system in the house – something we should have had, but we didn’t think the stalker would come in the house (something our detective was pretty sure about when I asked him). We had motion alarms (that we kept moving around), motion lights (which were stationary) and 6 cameras (at the end – we had more before that but some broke and some didn’t work correctly) around the house, constantly being moved in order to try to catch the stalker because that was our goal…to catch him on camera and end this stalking. The exterior cameras were not pointed at any doors and that obviously was a big mistake, but we did catch images the night she was murdered.
Carbondale local – No the next blog with the next day about what happened should be out sometime today. Thanks for asking!
So sorry you even have to partially read those comments. I think its very rare to come across someone who hasn’t even tried pot at a party or something. There is nothing wrong with trying something other than you might like it to much and want more. Which for me coming from a family where booze was more important than food, that risk was to high even for experiment. But these thoughts above are what make our society. Just like saying your depressed and require meds, the stigma society views one with is ludicrous. Its a shame someone even had to write that…the truth of how a victim is viewed.
Ranee I agree with you – it’s like years ago when a rape victim was afraid to go on the stand against her attacker, because the defendants lawyer could try to make her out to be some horrible person that she was not. I thought blaming the victim was over a long time ago, but I guess that was a little naive of me. I think Psychologist actually have a name for people that blame the victim, just can’t remember what it is at this moment in time.
Are you still posting???? It’s been so long… please finish. We’ve waiting for so long. You can do it.
I am 100% on your side here. This is so sad to hear of this injustice. I have been reading through a lot of the blogs here and am not seeing actual descriptions of the stalking. There seems to be a few mentions of a stalker banging on windows or walking on the roof… but only a few. Then there are mentions of Morgan being followed.. but these mentions don’t contain any detail. Perhaps you are not sharing these details for a reason? Or have I missed the details? I’m only asking because as an outsider wanting to understand what happened… this blog doesn’t seem to capture detailed accounts of a stalker. No intention to offend you in any way. My deepest sympathy
Heidi she was terrorized, followed, woken up at all hours with a start, I heard our door code being punched, and tried in the middle of the night and so did Morgan, he showed up at 9:10 am on a sunny morning (the only morning I left Morgan alone while she was getting dressed for ballet) he tried to get in the front door and the Sheriff’s were called, he showed up at 4:30 am on our front porch (I saw him, he saw me and took off running, setting off the alarm), showed up at 5:30 am in the dark in our backyard 10 ft from Morgan when she let her puppy out to go potty + much, much more…she was scared, but also angry, I was scared for Morgan’s safety, but also angry, Steve was upset he couldn’t catch the stalker(s) and we all really thought with the cameras, images, timeline, felony stalking detective, etc. we would catch the stalker(s), but were did not – Morgan was murdered and none of us were able to stop it from happening. The Sheriff’s department was called over 50 times in 4 months and by the time they got there every time the stalker(s) were gone – but they had all our pictures, videos, timeline, we gave them everything.
Sorry my blog is a little confusing, but I am just following my timeline, dated notes, text messages, emails, etc. to show exactly what happened on each day of her stalking – trying to help others with what happened, what did not work, and also to show that Morgan was a real person, and what her life was like on a daily basis.
Heidi …. what blog are you reading!?! I mean, have you just been skimming the posts or … ? When I read this blog it’s absolutely terrorizing just sitting in my safe bed, let a lone realizing that this was someone’s real life. Toni, you don’t need to explain your horror, or defend it in any way. Your blog is in no way confusing. You carry on writing …. and we will continue on supporting you …