A good friend of mine, one that I have immense respect for, wrote, “You know you’re living an authentic life when everyone doesn’t like you…you said no, drew lines in the sand, spoke up or perhaps said nothing, and it was wildly unpopular. An intention only to please others and to be liked, is a disease that has filled cemeteries all over the world.”
Such a profound statement…
Most of my life I tried to be kind to others, probably to a fault. I didn’t want to share any bad news, no negativity. I never wanted to talk about problems – to me there were no problems, only challenges to be overcome. I was always trying to lift people’s spirits, as it was very important to me.
Then after Morgan was murdered, smiling on the outside, while I was dying on the inside, finally got to be too exhausting. I started to open up more and more with people. I started to share the facts about what happened to Morgan. Next I made a shocking discovery, as many other parents of murdered children do…most people, sometimes even your own family, and friends, don’t want to know what happened – they don’t want to talk about it, they don’t even want to bring up your child’s name. There are many reasons for this. Sometimes they are so upset they want to just “forget” about it, because they can’t cope, sometimes they don’t know how to talk about it, because it makes them “uncomfortable,” and sometimes they want you to “just get over it,” so they can have their friend back the way they used to be. And I am sure there are many more reasons people have for not wanting to talk about it – but none of those reasons really work for me. I realize it is not my job in life to change their opinions. I had to realize those people would no longer be involved in my life.
Through the pain of losing my youngest daughter I have learned to be authentic. I speak my mind, for myself, for Morgan, and for all other victims as well…all those who can no longer speak for themselves. I chose to be upfront, honest, and push forward towards justice with love. If others don’t like it, that is fine with me – this is my life, not theirs. I know I can’t make everyone happy, so I no longer try. I believe in the path I have chosen, and that path gives me happiness. Being of service to other victims, and co-victims brings warm happiness to my heart. The pain of losing Morgan never goes away – I just learn to live with it. I are forever changed because a piece of my heart is missing, and I know deep down that I am still here for a reason. I know it is now my turn to try to make a difference in this world, and in doing so I honor my precious daughter Morgan.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
To understand grief a little better here is a pretty good article to read…it can help you talk with a friend who really needs you after a great loss in their life.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17928/what-i-wish-more-people-understood-about-losing-a-child.html
