Morgan – I woke up this morning thinking about you. Of course I did, today would have been your 30th birthday. My heart feels like it is being crushed – what I wouldn’t give to be able to have you here with us, so we could celebrate you.

I love you so much!

Exactly 10 years ago today, you turned 20 – that was the last birthday we were able to spend with you. Your life was cut short just a few months later, on December 2, 2011.

Today your dad and I have lit candles for you – they are burning brightly. I am making the same cake and icing you always used to make when your friends would come over to our house. At sunset we are planning to go out to the pier, with a dozen red roses, and tell you our 12 birthday wishes for you, as we drop each rose into the ocean.

It is so very hard to explain to others what this journey without you has been like. Unless you are a parent who has lost a child, to a violent crime, it would be impossible to understand. Someone once said, “A million words would not bring you back, I know because I’ve tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I’ve cried.” I have done the same.

I miss you every hour of every day, and on special days like your birthday, the reality of you missing from our lives is even harder to deal with.  Sometimes the heaviness on my heart makes it a struggle to just breathe…when you died, a part of me died too, and life was never the same again.

All the memories of you make me smile, they are not the ones that cause my pain, my pain is caused by the thought of new memories being made without you…this hurts the most!

I just want you to know, even though I am pretty sure you already do, that you are the most precious gift I was ever given. I cherish every single moment I was blessed to be with you. I miss your sweet laughter, serious insight, loving gestures, and most of all, the squeeze of your hand in mine, to let me know you love me. Sometimes when I am extra sad, I can almost feel you squeeze my hand again.

I hope you are dancing and celebrating your birthday in heaven with all the other angels…the day you were born you brought so much light into this world, and I am pretty sure the angels were dancing and celebrating on that day as well. I love you my little dragonfly baby…till we meet again.