Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t. Be wary about how much information you reveal and advertise to others. Keeping a low profile, especially in regards to cyber- stalking, is important for maintaining your privacy. If possible, carry a cell phone on you at all times in case you need to call for help.
If you are being stalked, you need to make it very clear to the stalker that you are not interested. A firm “No” is a clear and concise message that you are not interested in their advances. Don’t try to be polite by making up other excuses, as this leaves open windows for the stalker to think there is a chance.
Notify family members or close friends if you believe you are being stalked, both to build support and put them on the lookout. This is especially important if you have children with your stalker. When going on trip, give a trusted friend your itinerary so that they can notify authorities if something goes wrong. Vary your habits (ex: taking different ways to work) so that you are not an easy target for your stalker to follow.
Document Everything. The key to prosecuting a stalker is to document. Everything this individual does must be chronicled from the moment you believe you are being stalked. Also save everything the stalker sends you and record when and where you found it. Tape record phone calls the stalker leaves you and save voicemails, emails, instant messages and text messages. Keep your records in a safe place and make a copy to leave in another location.
Consider working with law enforcement professionals as early as possible. All states have anti-stalking legislation. Also, you may want to contact victim’s rights advocate groups who specialize in domestic violence or stalking programs. Early intervention is always best when trying to stop stalking.
LEGAL OPTIONS
Temporary Restraining Orders (called Orders of Protection in Colorado) are intended to notify your stalker that they must immediately stop harassing and otherwise contacting you. You must file paperwork with the court requesting such an order. You may also petition for a Work Place Restraining Order which is similar to the TRO.
Stalking Emergency Protective Orders allows for police to immediately obtain emergency protection for victims in domestic violence and stalking cases. These can only be obtained with the help of a police officer.
The information above is from the Office of Women’s Programs and Studies ▪ Colorado State University
Good evening from San Leandro, California. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. She must have been good because she loved her doggy so much (love the pic at the computer). I believe you will get the real answer some day. If the person could disappear so quickly he or she must be local. The truth will come out. You are in my prayers.
Jennifer
Thank you Jennifer. You are right he had moved in only 3 houses down from us and we did not discover it was him until a month after her stalking started. Morgan ID’d him to the Sheriffs, he was there suspect and yet when Morgan was murdered that was the end of it – they would no longer investigate. The lead detective honestly said to us, “No more Morgan, no more stalking” inexcusable!!! Thank you so much for your kind words.
I’d like to add some thoughts to this excellent and imperative information.
With a background in psychological and behavioral sciences, I knew and did everything correctly and proactively from the moment I even suspected I had a problem. I also had the benefit of supportive and dedicated law enforcement. They took me and my case seriously from onset and went above and beyond.
I also had the benefit of being comfortable and well trained in the use of firearms from an early age. I had military training but had also taken classes in self defense targeted/tailored to women. Long before I needed it I recognized the risks women face in becoming a target for rape, stalking and other crimes. Fair? No. Reality? Yes. Which is why we must all become possess proactive and reactive skill sets.
It may seem I had a leg up when evil turned its head my way. And I did. But anyone reading this blog can give themselves equal advantage regardless of background or experience. If you’ve been reading the posts and story, Toni and others have already provided vital education and resources, so you’re up to speed there. Boost that with self defense and tactical training. There are resources that provide such training at no cost. Look online, check with local and state law enforcement, gun ranges, nearby military installations, victims advocate agencies, etc. if they don’t or can’t suggest an already existing resource, ask if you can partner with them to create one.
PLEASE!!! Do not diminish the responsible intent of post or forum by departing into discussion regarding gun safety or politics. Please refrain from conversation speculating on the potential shortfalls in self defense training and/or it’s mentality. Let us acknowledge that those topics do not provide a complete solution and are not without their own concerns. Then let us respect that all the accompanying (and valid) issues are addressed thoroughly during the course of appropriate professional instruction to negate or responsibly manage/minimize risk. Note too that concepts regarding firearms would apply to other types of personal protection, such as tasers. There are multiple forums to discuss personal beliefs, politics and statistics on these topics which are more appropriate then here.
If you do choose a firearm or other weapon for personal protection, proper instruction and practice in its use is mandatory (and in some places, required by law). Without proper training and education, a weapon can become more of a liability than benefit.
A final note on firearms (or similar) for those desiring the option: In localities that prohibit firearm ownership or concealed carry, there are provisions in the law that will allow at risk citizens (as determined by LE or judicial system) to obtain necessary permits or permissions to legally possess a weapon and/or carry concealed. That process is often linked to the protection order process.
Next, a good licensed private investigator can prove an invaluable resource, especially if law enforcement is not competent or committed. Even with excellent support from LE, a PI brings resources that neither the private citizen or police can provide. A PI works for and is committed solely to client and their interests. If cost is a barrier, seek a PI that will take your case pro bono. Hint: Almost all professionals engage in pro bono work, for many reasons. Whether out of compassion, a need to fulfill professional requirements, self promotion, or other motivations. If the victim is not comfortable asking, enlist a supporter to pursue this request.
Woman’s best friend. A dog(s) can be a deterrent for casual criminals, act as an alarm system, and may act to protect its owner. More, a dog provides unconditional love, support and nurture when you need it most. While many dogs, regardless of size, breed or training, will instinctively protect their owner when the situation demands. But do bear in mind that only a dog trained in protection can be relied upon to act. Dogs are not a complete solution, but are a vital part of your safety plan. Appropriately trained protection canines and/or their trainers are costly and few. Like with private investigators, you can seek pro bono assistance. At first look, it appears there is an abundance of resources – not true. Legitimate, qualified protection dogs and those that train them should be carefully researched to ensure the providers are certified, insured and bonded. Most importantly, they have a long, verifiable, successful resume. Legitimate provides will likely have military or police clientele or affiliations. Given the cost and scarcity of proper resources, a good old best friend dog is probably your best bet.
Remember too that dogs and other pets are also at high risk from your stalker. Take the necessary actions to safeguard them. Also be vigilant in watching your pet for signs of abuse, injury, poisoning or drugging, or other harm. (I agree with Toni that Morgan’s puppy had been drugged. ) Also monitor pet environments, especially outdoors. Collect out of place items as evidence. If you suspect your pet has been harmed, take your pet to a vet qualified to do a forensic examination. (Universities with veterinary departments will provide qualified services.)
Also observe your pet’s behavior. Do they key on, dislike or fear specific people or places? Do they appear unsettled or restless? Watch and listen to your pet, heed their warnings and advice.
I was stalked twice. Once by a known person who was close to my family and who worked with my husband and I. He stalked me in such a way as though to make it appear there was an unknown assailant. While there were other signs, my dogs were instrumental in identifying him. (As well as bringing him to justice. )
Toni – thank you for having the presence of mind, the strength, and the courage to advocate and educate in the wake of intolerable abuse and grief. You provide inspiration and proof that one determined individual can bring about change. Morgan is so proud of you!
Jael I have no words because what you wrote is so PERFECT! And thank you so much for your last words of support…it helps me so much especially when you said Morgan is proud of me. I feel it but it is so wonderful to hear it from someone else. Hugs to you from me <3
Jael I also want to thank you for this information. I, too, do not feel this is an appropriate place for a gun debate. With that said, I am all for an armed populace and would have a gun if not for clinical depression and PTSD. I’m commenting to speak to those whose stalkers are literally trying to get them to kill themselves: if you have these tendencies or a substance abuse issue such as alcoholism please think carefully about your choice regarding arming yourself with a gun or not. I have to choose “not” for my own safety but that’s not the correct answer for every person who has “issues”.
It’s almost New Year’s Eve and here I sit collecting info and reading about Morgan, wishing with all my heart I could stop stalking from even being something people do. My stalker will be nice to me… if I’m *really* nice to him in a way a married woman shouldn’t be. Even if I did that he probably wouldn’t grow bored and move on. He also periodically stalks his ex wife and ex girlfriend and has an extremely well known and popular female celebrity’s SS number because he worked for a major bank. He gets off on knowing the dull details such as where my family is and what they are doing.
If a stalker ever reads these words, I ask you to please stop. Please, please don’t dehumanize another person by stalking them. Nobody deserves to be stalked. Every One Of Us is someone’s child, somebody people love, somebody important. JUST STOP!
I am so sorry for your loss. A tragedy that should never happen. Keep up the fight. I know you will.
Contacting law enforcement can be met with disbelief and more problems for many victims. You have experienced some of the duplicity in the professional realm. You are fighting for the truth.
There is another type of stalking called organized or community or “gangstalking” which is rampant worldwide. It is not a new thing but has increased since 9/11. Like workplace mobbing but extends into ALL areas of the targeted individuals life, with the entire community involved and supported by false info about target dessicated to the community or those that make money from it. It is taking lives, and only growing. Anyone can be a target but usually people don’t know about it till they become a target.
Please see:. Stopgangstalking.com & fight gangstalking.com
There’s a lot of misinformation on the web designed to discredit. But there are too many people speaking out to discredit.
My prayers are with us all.
Thank you so much for that information. Yes, I have actually had many victims of that type of community stalking write in to me. I can’t fathom what is wrong with society these days…people used to look out for each other and sometimes they still do and other times they have a “gang” type of involvement where they want to hurt others instead of helping them…it’s so sad and I pray that good people help put a stop to it!