Morgan getting into her character for a party
I came to the decision last night that the stress of all this was getting to be too much to handle. I had never been in a situation remotely like this before and I really wanted to be making good decisions, but I was so stressed out now on a daily basis that I decided, for the first time in my life, that I would go see a therapist. So I called someone that was highly recommended, and I made an appointment. Right away, just knowing there was going to be someone else I could talk it all over with was so very reassuring.
At 8:54 pm I texted Morgan, she wanted me to text her early, because she wanted to switch up on times. “On your way?,” and she answered “Ya”, I told her “OK” Morgan pointed out that all of our efforts had not yet to stopped him. She went through a range of emotions including wanting to confront him with a baseball bat. We had a good laugh over that, but I also knew she was serious – she was getting so angry about this situation and really wanted to get this guy to stop. I was worried she was serious about also wanting to minimize what was going on – she didn’t want us to lose anymore sleep, or worry over her. I had Steve talk to her and he and Morgan made a deal that she would alert him when something happened, and he would try not to wake me, and they would see how that worked.
I am a light sleeper so Steve and Morgan’s plan did not last long. At 9:46 pm the backyard motion detector went off and I was up before Steve. A light tapping on her windows followed. Steve wanted so badly to just go down the block and confront them all and tell them those nice little things you tell people when your anger bottle bubbles over. But we knew if we took the law into our own hands this would all go from bad to worse in one fell swoop. I recorded what had happened, and we all went back to sleep.
Today is October 1, 2012, and as I wrote this, I just kept thinking of some advice from a video on stalking I have since seen. There is a desire to try to minimize the stalking as it progresses. And that is exactly what we were doing back then. Trying to minimize it. As if we could just cut that one minute out of our lives and then life would almost be normal. And you really want your life to be normal. But the advice goes on to explain that as you go to minimization, the stalker usually goes to maximization, and that creates a very dangerous situation. It is very good advice.
Click here to read about the 64th day of Morgan’s stalking https://morgansstalking.com/?p=1550
lol Love the pic. it shows a fun side of Morgan.
Yep wait till you see some of the funny things she did on her videos – she was always being silly
My heart goes out to you and your family. I’m a single, 32 year old female living alone (with my cat babies 😉 and I take security and contentment for granted. I live in a “nicer” part of a medium-sized city and I think nothing about leaving my patio door open at night for the fresh air (i live in a ground-floor apartment). Since beginning your blog a few weeks ago I’ve been locking doors and windows and use a steel bar in the track of my patio door. It’s sad what this world has come to.
Please know you’re all in my thoughts and prayers. I wanting nothing more than justice for your dear Morgan.
Thanks so much – I hope we all get justice for Morgan!
She did worry about you…..in a cute, silly, omg, but yet serious way, that she never wanted you to worry about her… I remember asking you , laughing, are you guy’s sure you are going to be ok when she goes off to school??? We can bring the grand babies over more…and you laughed and said that you would be fine, and were very excited for her…, but Sweet Morgan was worried that you would be sad,……..she was very sincere in caring about you, she loved you so much….You little 3 pea’s in a pod…that she did worry….and I know much she worried about you .. worrying about he..r during this time.. .I know with all my heart that she not only hate worrying for her self…she hated that you had to worry too and her siblings…I know looking back. that is a huge reason she down played her feelings about this…Leo’s are not weak Morgan was not weak…and she loved her family so much…..she was just that kind of person 🙂
It’s so weird looking back on it now – she always told me she was going to be worried about us when she left for college and I told her there was nothing to worry about – Dad and I are going to party all the time, skip meals, sleep in, run around the house naked and just have fun and she would say, “Mother!” as though she was mortified. 🙂
I am not trying to be disrespectful in any means. I am a mom of two and a recent grandmother. Did YOU hear this knock on her window?
Oh yes, knocked out of my office chair, by a frightening BANG on a window a few feet from my head. The dogs heard it. Steve heard it.
Safe to say that many people/animals are not imagining loud bangs.
Thank you! I have read everything. Processed everything.
If she was the ONLY one that heard these ‘knocks’ then my opinion might be different. But you just reassured me, my gut was true. Your child was harassed and stalked. There is never and excuse for that!
Oh, but others think it shouldn’t matter – why would they do a proper investigation at the death scene and do proper interviews if it was a felony stalking case (which it was) – better to put down Natural Causes and then change it to suicide with no further investigation instead of (God forbid) there might be a murderer still on the loose in a County that has the highest suicide rate in the country and no homicide…go figure.
The parents were not the target….but yes, during Morgan switching around in different parts of the house, of course they did,,,,,I remember a very sad night, going over there, and her room was fabulous….her bed fabulous….the first night I ever seen Morgan sleep in parents closet….her parents were sad, angry… at a loss…Morgan. I think , just thought….Gawd, she just wanted to sleep and feel safe….who cares….but it was sad, concerning….and how could her parents not make her as comfortable as they could, just to make her feel safe and let her sleep. …
I wish I could have talked her into moving away – she had so many offers to go to LA, Oregon, Savannah and Kauai but she refused. I now wish I had just made her go like her sister said but the problem was there was no way to tell Morgan what to do – she was stubborn and wanted to stand her ground.
Hi Toni, I hope you are doing well tonight. After reading some of the police reports from different officers I found some contradictions with the witness interviews and wanted to ask you a little more about her medication.
I see that a couple of people noted that her amitriptyline bottle seemed full. Did anyone actually count the pills? So if the bottle held 30, how many were gone? According to the first ME at least or roughly 18 should be gone. If not, very odd.
Second question. I see she was taking Neurontin/Gabapentin for epilepsy. One report noted that she may have taken three at a time instead of three total for the day. Was that a mistake on his part and was this addressed in any autopsy discussion since this medication can cause some very strange side effects!
Trying not to bombard you but the condition of her room was mentioned. That could mask some signs of any struggle, even if minor. Just a thought.
I hope these aren’t too many questions because I know we haven’t heard the whole story.
Sending you nothing but warm wishes, stay strong and know that people really do care when the going gets tough!
Not really sure what police officer reports you are referring to because I have never seen any. She did not have a prescription for Amitriptyline – she had an old prescription, and we found a bottle from 2009 with 12 pills still in it, but she had not taken it in over and year and 1/2, and Dr. Kurtzman and the Sheriff’s were told that. In addition her old amitriptyline was originally prescribe by Children’s Hospital for chronic headaches and pain at the lowest amount you can take 10 mg. Then as she got a little older Dr. Lonnie Zeltzer from UCLA (Director, Pediatric Pain Program, Professor of Pediatrics, Anesthesiology, Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA, 22-464 MDCC, 10833 LeConte Ave., LA, CA, 90095-1752 310-825-0731; FAX 310-794-2104 http://www.mattel.medsch.ucla.edu/pedspain, http://www.wholechildla.org & http://childpain.org) decided Morgan should take 25 mg per day – this was not for depression this was for her headaches and stomach pain that she had after being exposed to Carbon Monoxide.
After Morgan was 18 she decided she didn’t want take medications anymore and between yoga, meditation, eating right, juicing every morning, and then also going through the Hyperbaric Chamber treatment in Basalt she was actually able to get on top of her pain (Morgan had been exposed to Carbon Monoxide and that had switched her sympathetic nervous system and her parasympathetic nervous systems so her pain was caused by what you might refer to as the fight or flight being turned on all the time which caused her to have intense pain at times). Now that she was on top of her pain and feeling great she was able to participate in ballet rock climbing, biking, etc. All the things she couldn’t before. Morgan was a fighter, she never gave up and worked extremely hard to live her life the way she wanted to, and not the way someone else wanted her to.
As far as Gabapentin goes she did not have epilepsy – this was prescribed by Dr. Zeltzer as a prophylaxis for hyperalgesia (in case she felt an acute pain attack coming on she would take one and wait a minute then take another and then finally 3 and that would keep her from having to go to the ER). We had a bottle of these in our room but she very rarely took them so I always tried to keep 3 in a little pill minder in the car for her just in case. This was not found in Morgan’s tox results although I was pretty amazed she wasn’t taking them from the stress the stalker was causing her. Dr. Zeltzer said that 75 % of her patients like Morgan would not have been able to survive the stress and they would have been hospitalized with acute pain. A good book to read about this is Vienna’s Waiting (A teenage girl’s battle with pain) by Georgia Huston. Someone like Morgan that fights her way through major pain attacks, learns how to play the piano, knit, crochet, play the ude, finish up 2 years of college, take thousands of pictures, enjoy her animals, loves to bake in the kitchen, travel by herself to Hawaii, San Francisco, LA and work with kids is pretty amazing to me. Maybe that’s because I’m her mom and of course mom’s are supposed to feel that way so maybe I’m wrong and maybe most 20 year olds do all these things.
See these questions you are asking were answered not only by myself and Morgan’s dad, but also all her doctor’s and specialists, but no one wanted to listen so I am very sure you are probably hearing very confusing evidence…won’t it be a surprise to all when the truth comes out. My problem is why are people trying to dissect Morgan’s life? She is the victim – why aren’t people trying to chase down the criminal is that too much to ask?
And as far as her room goes it was a mess – clothes everywhere, matchsticks everywhere (the puppy got hold of a big box of match sticks and needless to say they were everywhere. He room wasn’t dirty is was just a mess. It would be similar at times, and then she would clean it spotless, and then after doing her laundry and piling it up on her desk, and dresser, her kitty would inevitably knock it down, and it would be everywhere again. The really unusual thing was on the floor right below the bed where she was found facing the floor was completely cleaned off in that area and a little gold box that she had just received a necklace in 2 weeks prior was missing out of that box and never found. That looked staged – just like her body.
I want nothing more than to chase down the criminal. Some police reports were released and I’ve read some of them on the same site that posted the autopsy results.
The only reason I ask about the meds is because they were included in the report but I was pretty sure I hadn’t seen Neurontin anywhere on that tox. screen so she wasn’t taking too much of it even though the officer stated that she was.
Sounds like a typical 20 yr olds room! My point about that is if it was messy, some of that mess could disguise movement or struggle that would otherwise be seen if the room was spotless.
The gold box missing is interesting! I look forward to seeing and hearing more.
And Toni, just know that a deluge of differing opinions are coming your way. But the end result is this which is indisputable– Morgan left this earth far too soon. She was terrorized which caused untold stress. And evil like that may lay low, but it doesn’t go away. Some form of justice is needed here and I truly believe it will save someone in the future from being targeted.
If you read the tox results you will see there was no alcohol, no illegal drugs, nothing except amitriptyline, flexiral (both considered date rape drugs by our government), along with 4 + other date rape drugs that were detected. Also, there were no pills in her stomach. Morgan was not taking amitriptyline – she had stopped taking it for pain over a year and a half before her death. I told the Sheriff that I kept a small silver pill holder on the dashboard of the car with 3 gabapentin, and one adivan in it in case she felt an attack coming on – this was prescribed to take in this amount before an attack by the ER doctor as well as Dr. Zeltzer from UCLA. She never took gabapentin on a daily basis ever – she didn’t like to take medication – she was miss natural. I made sure 3 gabapentin and one adivan was always with her, but in the 4 months of stalking I only refilled it once, because she said she didn’t need it. Stress will kick off a big attack so of course I was concerned. The morning I found her that’s what I thought had happened, she got very frightened, and started to have an attack, didn’t have her pills and, died in bed, but the position of her body and many other things were telling my analytical mind that it just didn’t fit. Now I know she was murdered…getting the authorities to do the right thing is another matter all together.
Oh, as far as the gold box – it was not missing – it was sitting in the middle of the only cleared spot in her room, on the floor right in front of where her body was facing. It was just a little card board gold box that a ring or necklace would come in. The week after she died, before I started to go through her room a different friend of mine (also a Medium) said to look in Morgan’s room and I will find a gold jewelry box (that threw me off because she only had medium stained wood, and a white washed colored jewelry boxes in her room. Anyway the Medium said I will find a very delicate necklace with a charm on the end that is something from the sea (maybe a starfish or a dolphin) and she said it was important. I went in Morgan’s room and right where I explained to you about the only cleared spot I see a gold box – I open it and it is empty – later on I was talking to one of Morgan’s x-boyfriend that had just come back from Australia 2 weeks before and he said that was the box that he gave her when he returned, and it had an enameled mermaid charm on a delicate little chain…it has never been found since.
I saw after I typed it that the box wasn’t missing but the necklace was!
I feel that the jewelry missing is so important because it is something concrete.
At least we know what one necklace looks like. Perhaps someone will read this and come forward or write in anonymously if they have seen the necklace or know who has it.
Do the police still have the jewelry that was found when K was arrested?
This comment gave me chills! I am a firm believer in mediums! I am soooo very happy that you have a few as friends…they were helping you see what you as a parent never would want to believe at the time.
Jane,
You ask great questions that go right to the heart of why I have not even thought about reading the police reports until I finish with the small mountain of tasks related to my daughters murder. Once I have enough time to dedicate to the police reports, and I believe it will be a very large amount of time – I will deal with that, just more important things come first.
I am very troubled that Morgan’s private medical records being so freely released into the public. I have been assured that Morgan’s right to privacy survives her. Just so there is no question I have also been advised that whatever was a part of the Date Rape Cocktail the killed her can and has partially been released. Morgan’s medical history I only refer to in order that I might come to her defense to stem the trashing of Morgan’s memory that has unfortunately, become so important to some since official documents have been released containing, and I can say – what may or may not be Morgan’s medical history, but you and I know it is being taken as the gospel truth out there.
Amitriptyline is a medication with many uses at differing dosages. As a prophalaxis (think preventative measure) for migraine headaches, a small dose of 25mg can be very helpful. A young woman seeking the natural path might find another way, and stop taking amitriptyline altogether and feel much better about it. An uninformed investigator might write in his report that someone was talking amitriptyline for depression, and that he found a bottle with X number of pills in it. When the fact may be that this girl’s father retrieved a bottle that was years old for him that had been “safely” stored away awaiting the next drug disposal date at a local hospital. And what if this bottle was two years old, and the investigator did not take the time to ascertain that fact or the dosage, just the name of the medication. Making matters even more unbelievable an uninformed Forensic Pathologist might make the claim that a young woman was talking amitriptyline for porphyria, which further proved another ridiculous assumption. If you research that last sentence you will see just how completely backwards it is.
Gabapentin is another medication with many uses, and what if a person could take it for an off label use, say as a prophalaxis (think preventative measure again) for hyperalgesia, then that person had a certain number of pills at their disposal for that use. And once again what if an uninformed investigator stated it was being taken for epilepsy in his report. Well, if it was, it is a clear violation of her right to privacy to write any of that in a report. It would now be up to the parents to defend their daughter against a damning misconception about her death. Why does it seem to me that trashing the victim is the preferred route here, wouldn’t solving the crime be a little more important?
And last thing, if investigators saw bottles that “appeared full” and were to write that in an official report, well what kind of investigating is that??? Shouldn’t they have precisely counted the pills and have a number? Should you not refer to the field identification booklet for drugs and correctly identify what king of drug it is? If someone actually said “the bottle appeared full” what good is that information. We don’t know how many there were or even what they were!!! That is certainly starting to sound like Morgan’s death scene investigation, but remember this is all hypothetical anyway.
Toni,
You say: When the fact may be that this girl’s father retrieved a bottle that was years old for him that had been “safely” stored away awaiting the next drug disposal date at a local hospital.
Is there a reason you’d need to safely store the medication?
Thanks!
Alissa, we always safely store old and expired medications, there are grandchildren in the house.
This may seem like a silly question in light of the serious nature of your blog but how are Morgan’s fur babies, Wylah and Mogwai (kitty cat-not sure if I got the spelling right!), and Tessie doing? When my sister died last year, her puppy dog seemed to be looking for her everywhere and it broke my already shattered heart. Now she lives with me but her ears still perk up whenever someone mentions my sister’s name and she sleeps on a shirt that I think she believes still has my sister’s scent on it. (Secretly, I wash it but spray it with my sis’s perfume but she won’t settle down without it !) I believe animals grieve as much as humans do and consider Morgan to be a kindred spirit in her love for animals. Please give those sweet animals a big hug from me and one for you and Steve too! 🙂
Oh Kay – thanks for asking. Tessi is doing fine except she has taken to sleeping in front of the front door as though she is always on guard at night now – Mogwai is finally back to his old cantankerous self – he never says “Ma” anymore, never since Morgan died but other than that he has finally come out of his sadness. Wylah on the other hand really misses her mommy, we give her lots of love but just like your sisters puppy Wylah jumps up when I’m not looking and grabs one of Morgan’s little crocheted things and cuddles it…she seems really confused when we talk about Morgan in the past tense and its almost like she sees her here, but gets confused when we act like she’s not here. She still not real trusting of people she doesn’t know but she adores children. She sleeps in be with us and so does Mogwai – thank God we have a king sized bed and thank God Tessi doesn’t like sleeping in our bed – she’s 160 lbs.
I knew Morgan was (and remains) very special….but a Leo too? Leo’s are my favorite people in the world!
On a more serious note, I cannot express the level of appreciation and admiration I have for this family. Quite a few of my friends, family, co-workers and business clients are following this blog (in Arizona). Our conversations have changed from meaningless chatter, to meaningful topics. Such as personal safety, local and federal laws, expectations we should have of our public servants and so on. My favorite conversations though…are the “quiet” ones we have within ourselves in which we send love, hope and strength your way. We want to help and await the day that you call on us to do our part. Because of this beautiful, wonderful, inspiring and helpful blog…Morgan lives on and she will have justice.
Thank you so much Heather – we will really need people to write letters and express their feelings pretty soon now so I appreciate the offer.
I hope i am not speaking out-of-turn here. If so, please allow me to apologize now. But I cannot deny that I find some of the posts very frustrating. Toni and Steve and many experts (from various fields) have been clear and concise in their (personal and professional) opinions and in their recounting of the facts/details of Morgan’s horrific stalking and tragic death.
I want to believe that these people simply haven’t read through the entire blog or maybe aren’t aware of how they come across?
Either way though, Morgan is a victim! Her family has been victimized! We should really focus more on the people that should be (MUST be) questioned, challenged and scrutinized….starting with local law, the Coroner, K, B, et all!!
From where I stand….this family has answered every question ten times over and investigated every possibility (within their means & ability) just as many times. I have questions…MANY. But none for this family. All my questions need answers from the perpetrators of this crime.
My heart goes out to you and I pray that you stay strong and get justice for Morgan!
Thanks Heather – that’s exactly how I feel but you know when you are in the tunnel it’s hard to see what’s going on around you and I have been way too trusting with the authorities thinking that they would do the right thing but I guess that just never occurred to them…we so desperately need intelligent investigators to start asking the right questions of the right people and I do believe they will see what really happened.
I’ve read through all these posts in the past two days and wow… I am so sorry to hear of all your family has been put through. I cannot imagine losing a child, in any way, but these circumstances… I really hope the person responsible is discovered before moving on to another target and causing another family as much heartache.
I do have a question regarding the cornorer claiming Morgan died of causes related to Porphyria. Was it ever explained to you and/or Steve how that conclusion came about? I ask because Porphyria is an extremely difficult disease to test for and get a concrete diagnosis on. My father and brother both have AIP and it took seven years of various wrong diagnoses for them to figure out what was wrong with my father and I’ve heard it is even harder to come to that diagnosis via autopsy (though I can’t remember where I heard this or if it is 100% true, honestly). So it struck me as odd that they would try to claim Morgan had it and that it caused her death at such a young age when no other doctor ever had. I have to wonder if he was looking for something just obscure enough to blame her death on after not finding pill fragments or pills in her stomach.
Thank you Kayl the pathologist had his mind made up and stuck to his guns through all logical discourse to the contrary. It seems that pathologists are incredibly insulated in their ability to make claims without any real proof.
Hi Toni
I think my biggest surprise was finding the ex bf was there when paramedics and LE arrived. Did you call him ,did he just happen to appear at that time or was he already at your house? If you don’t want to answer I will respect that Its just hinky how he happened to be there at that particular time.
Steve was supposed to meet him that morning to work over at Steve’s shop so he called Steve and Steve told him so him and their other friend CM came straight over but that was after the EMT’s already tried and failed to save her and other responders were already there and they taped off the house. Her ex bf through his back pack in her car that I had moved out to the street but the Sheriff’s gave it back to him beer, vodka and all.
OK I am confident I already know the answer to my question but I have dwelled on this for a few days. I feel bad even asking this, after Morgans passing did you have any stalker incients, I guess what I am saying is did he continue to torment you and Steve or was his agenda done? Thank you for sharing your story.
The night that her sister and brother-in-law came to our house and slept over that same Friday when I found her – they slept in my office across from her bedroom and they said they heard a rock hit and ran our in the middle of the night with a baseball bat just praying to catch the predator but did not see anyone. And yes in our new house there have been some incidents more like warnings to lay off…which of course we won’t do.
Toni,
I stumbled across this blog from a linked post on Babycenter. I have spent the last few days reading every word you have written for your incredible daughter. My heart breaks for you and I feel anguish for what you went through and are still going through every single day. I cannot fathom having to deal with law enforcement being so purposefully obtuse with the amount of evidence you have litterally handed them on a platinum platter.
I have a one year old son and I hope that I can be even half of the parent that you continue to be for your daughter. You and your husband are truly remarkable people and are the best advocates for your daughter. I cannot fathom the amount of strength you both have to do what you are doing.
I know in my heart that you will recieve justice for Morgan. She deserves it and so do you. I know you will continue to fight for her until you all prevail.
You are in my heart and prayers. I want you to know that there are so many people all over the world that are here to support you with anything you may need, even just the emotional support. You have truly inspired me and my husband to be proactive in our lives and in our sons. Thank you.
Have you ever suspected her ex-boyfriend? I think I know the answer but because the medium said something about the jewelry he had given her, I thought maybe he would be someone to consider as well. I’m thinking (as I’m sure you are, as well) that it has more to do with where that jewelry ended up or it’s journey.
I’m sure that jewelry ended up somewhere and that would be the most interesting part or it’s journey…maybe someone will tell us.
Shawna that was the sweetest thing you could have said! This was a big day for us – we got some important paperwork out to some important people cross your fingers. And that you for having confidence in us!
Thanks Toni. I just didn’t want to rule anything out. I have an suspicious mind. lol
Suspicious mind is good!
Were there any other times there was an incident and k’s car was gone? Were there any quiet nights that his car was also there?
I would really have to go through my whole timeline to give you an honest answer – I promise I will as soon as I get a chance.