Revenge Stalking…

youshouldknowAnother current victim of stalking recently posted on Morgan’s Stalking Facebook page.  She has been experiencing a horrific revenge stalking.  She said she is working with the authorities and task force, but doesn’t really know whether they completely get it.  It is hard for even the professionals to understand the different kinds of stalking, and even harder to know what to do about it.  I believe there needs to be more training and education for law enforcement because stalking is a very dangerous crime that happens everywhere, and seems to be getting worse every year.
I also believe that awareness of all the different stalking situations, and knowing what others have endured is a really good thing to understand.  The more you know the better you can protect yourself, and your loved ones.  From the bottom of my heart I wish I had known more about stalking, and the different typologies of stalkers, in order to save Morgan.  If I had known then what I know now I still may not have been able to save her, but I think I would have had a much better chance.
On another note I want to address the fact that there are still so many ignorant people on the internet – people that did not know Morgan, or me, or any of the actual facts of her case, but proclaim to know everything.  They write that they think I was overbearing, and that Morgan wasn’t stalked, she was only depressed, and killed herself.  When I hear this, not only do I think this type of ignorance is exactly like those people in the past that used to say victims of rape had it coming, because they wore too short a skirt, or they had on too much make-up, but I also wonder if these type of people are the ones that secretly condone violence against women?  I couldn’t understand back then how people could be so cruel or ignorant, and now years later when I hear or read these words, I now understand that those type of people do still exist…and I feel very sorry for them.  They are so very wrong.  They do a disservice to rape victims, stalking victims, and all victims – victims that did nothing wrong – it is the criminal, the perpetrator that has done the wrong thing, not the victim.
What these people say is not only wrong, but rediculous.  It is completely the opposite of Morgan’s situation.  Morgan was a free spirit – all her friends that really knew her would tell you so.  She always came and went as she wanted.  She always did things because it made her happy – never to make someone else happy.  Morgan understood that in life if you are happy then you can help others be happy – just with a smile. 🙂
Every human being on this earth is different, and when you are blessed with a child like Morgan you can never become overbearing, you do not argue loudly, or fight with them – not only would it break your heart to treat someone like Morgan in that manner, but a free spirit that knows right from wrong, and has a strong sense of herself, would never put up with that type of treatment.  I will agree all day long that after I found out that Morgan was being stalked I thought I was being overprotective, and now I will tell you that I wasn’t protective enough…my daughter was murdered and I couldn’t save her.
Unlike Morgan’s older siblings, cousin and various hockey boys that lived with us over the years, Morgan was not into the normal teenage drama, or materialistic trappings, Morgan was just Morgan.  Kind, sweet, sensitive, and adored by everyone, especially by her father and I.  More than most people she understood how important it was to show people kindness, and love on a daily basis.  I was extremely blessed to have her as my daughter.  She would randomly tell me that she loved me.  It was so sweet to go on errands with Morgan, listen to her explain to me about a letter she was composing to an ex-boyfriend, and then just look at me and say, “I love you mom.”  Even though she was 20 years old she would still just grab my hand and squeeze it, without looking at me, just like when she was a little girl…it was our way to say, “I love you” without saying it out loud in front of other people.  I know it’s hard to understand, but even now, 3 + years after she was stolen from our lives, I will drive around doing errands and when I park my car I look over into the passenger seat, and feel that she is still there – I hold out my hand, and wish I could feel her squeeze it.  The tears start to roll down my checks, and I brush them away, and look out the car window wondering if everyone is looking at the tears rolling down my face.
Morgan was my best friend.  She asked to go on vacations, and road trips with her father and I even though she was over 18, and had no reason to do so.  She said it was because she always had so much fun with us, we would sing and crack jokes in the car on long road trips, always with a new place and a new adventure to look forward to.  Morgan even brought friends along on many trips and her friends had a blast with us as well.  But it was a mutual feeling – Steve and I loved having Morgan with us, along with her friends.  For some reason it always gave us ideas for even more exciting first-time places to go visit with different things to see.  Her friends are still such a wonderful part of our lives – they are great people, they miss Morgan, and always keep in touch, just to let Steve and I know about the important moments they are experiencing in their lives.  I really appreciate this as it helps me feel like Morgan is still involved in moving forward with all her friends.
Morgan was not depressed – Morgan was a victim of stalking.  Morgan did not commit suicide.  And I am not an overly grieving mother that can not accept that my daughter committed suicide.  I am a mother that lived through the horrific events of my youngest daughter’s stalking, and got to see it up close and personal.  Morgan was a victim of felony stalking and she was murdered by her stalker.  This was only days before she was scheduled to be interviewed, on camera to give her statement about her stalker, after 4 months of being terrified.  The doors were closing in on her stalker, and he decided to end her life. The really scary part that others need to realize is if your stalker can kill you in order to shut you up, and the people entrusted with stopping the criminal can just sweep your murder under the rug, and refuse to investigate, then we are all in danger…if criminals can just kill off their victim so they can never testify against them then these murderers remain free to continue their reign of terror!
In Morgan’s case the evidence ALL points to foul play – it all points to who killed her, and the truth will come out.  Crucial and critical evidence has been seen, and Morgan is not the only case that is really a murder that has been written off as a suicide.  Obviously these people on the internet that try to paint Morgan as something she was not have their own agenda and don’t understand (or don’t want to understand) what it is like to be a victim of stalking.  That is one of the big reasons for this blog.  I have been trying to raise awareness about stalking and what a life-changing and devastating ordeal it is to be, or have been, stalked.
So please take the time to really and truly be informed about the truths of stalking.  It may save your life, or someone’s life that you love.
The woman that I started out writing about on this post also wrote the following to me:

Please know I am so, so sorry about Morgan. I’ve read your entire blog. I weep with you in your loss of such a remarkable woman. I feel as if I know you and your family, and her, too. (((HUGS))) God bless you. Thank you for reaching out and sharing her – and your – story. Her story does help all of us stalking survivors be more aware of how terribly destructive stalking is and can be.

It seems that these predators are hellbent on preying on kind, giving women. Mine is an obvious psychopath/sadist, and has a group of people that help him in his “cause”. No one expects that anything so horrific can happen… Unfortunately, this is the 2nd time I’ve been stalked. This time it is far, far worse. The stalking laws are just not harsh enough…

A D.J. is Stalked…in Minneapolis

Ferris Wheel in Santa Monica - Morgan took this picture in July of 2011 just before she went home in August when her stalking started

Ferris Wheel in Santa Monica – Morgan took this picture in July of 2011 just before she went home in August when her stalking started

This comment was sent to me by one of the readers of this blog.

Thank you Jenny for sharing – I hope that people come away from reading this article with a better understanding of how horrific and absolutely life-changing it is to be a victim of stalking.

Comment: This article has been going around on our local news. She is one of my favorite DJ’s. Such a scary thing to go through. Made me think of Morgan. http://www.kare11.com/story/news/local/2015/04/08/twin-cities-radio-dj-takes-leave-because-of-stalker/25490977/

 

 

48 Hours: Death After Midnight – Article from CBS News

AshleyThe Ashley Fallis case – another case I have been following out of Colorado.  Ashley was murdered one month after Morgan.  This case is out of Evans, CO, not Garfield, CO, but is similar in many ways to Morgan’s murder, as it is an alleged cover-up by the police.

A Weld County Sheriff’s Deputy, Steve Reams, has been suspended amidst an internal and criminal investigation into whether that deputy withheld information about the alleged 2012 murder of Ashley Fallis by her husband, ex-Weld County jail deputy Tom Fallis.  This came just hours after an updated lawsuit revealed Ashley Fallis’ parents believe the alleged cover-up extended to the Sheriff’s Office.

Ashley’s death was ruled a suicide only 3 days after her murder, and no further investigation followed.  This was even before the autopsy & toxicology results came back.  Her parents say it was a rush to judgement.  The police would not listen to her parents, but after an investigative reporter from Fox News got involved a new investigation in a different jurisdiction took place.  A Grand Jury was convened and 3 days later, after reviewing the evidence that the Evans Police Department had refused to accept, the Grand Jury came back with a decision that her death really was a homicide – not suicide.

The suspect was extradited from another state, arrested & is now awaiting trial.  48 Hours did a great job showing what really happened in this case.  You can watch it by clicking on this link:  http://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-death-of-ashley-fallis-suicide-murder-or-accident/

We are now waiting for Morgan’s investigation to become an open investigation along with indictments.  We believe Colorado cares so please keep up the positive thoughts – we are moving in the right direction and hopefully Morgan’s case will be the next case to have justice in Colorado in the near future!

 

Guest Blogger Stephanie – Stalking Victim Tells Her Story

spiderwebWe have a guest blogger, Stephanie, and she was brave enough to share her own stalking story with all of us.  Thank you so much Stephanie!

Here is Stephanie’s story…

Many people don’t know that in the summer of 2009 I was pursued by a man who stalked me.  It all started when a long time family friend invited me to watch his new band perform. I was 17 and had just moved from another state so I was really excited to get out and hopefully make some new friends.  I went and saw the band play, caught up with a bunch old friends and met a few ones, including a member of the band named Matthew.

Matthew was much older then me and being a long time family friend I thought I could trust him.  We talked before the band went in and I thought nothing of it, I was friendly, but not because I was looking for a relationship, but because I was looking for friends.  This is also when I first met my current husband Seth.  Everything went great for a few weeks until randomly Matthew showed up late one night at my mother’s house where I was living at the time.  At first I didn’t think anything of it, we DID discuss him giving me guitar lessons and maybe having me help his band with some photography.  We hung out and I soon realized he wanted something much more. I then realized I had never told Matthew WHERE exactly I was living which struck me as strange that he could have just shown up there.  After that my mother told him he needed to leave and never come back because he made me very uncomfortable.

Matthew had tried to come over a few more times after that, and tried catching me on the street, because he said he “just wanted to talk.”  I ignored his advances even more after I learned he was married and his wife sent me a nasty message on Myspace (Ahhh Myspace – those were the days!) telling me that I needed to “back off her husband.”  I soon blocked the two of them on Myspace and soon after this I started spending time with Seth more as I was realizing we had a lot in common. Seth and I started off as friends and after a few months he invited me to a show he was playing at with his band.  Of course I went.  It was on Halloween and of course because Matthew was in the band with Seth I had to face him.  He cornered me near the bathroom and told me he was sorry for the way he was acting and that he was concerned as I was getting close to Seth.  He said that Seth had a history of violence and assaults on his record (which I did later find out to be true, but I just figured sometimes people make mistakes as teenagers and this was one of those cases), he continued to tell me if I got too comfortable with Seth I could end up getting hurt. I ignored these comments and decided to enjoy my night.

I started dating Seth in the fall of 2009 and things moved quickly, this of course angered Matthew even more.  He started cornering me EVERY chance he could get telling me that Seth was going to kill me and I needed to get out.  His “concern” quickly turned to threats with him telling me that he was going to “kill Seth” and “slit his throat if he got the chance.” He also become very touchy and would constantly try to touch me or reach out at me and would show up at places I was at.  He would ALWAYS corner me when I was by myself making threats on Seth’s life and telling me that “If I cant have you, no one can.”  I grew incredibly concerned and reached out to Matthew’s wife via social media.  Of course this is when the Gas Lighting started.
Gas lighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.He told his wife I was the one that was obsessed, and that I was making unwanted advances at him, she of course believed him and she threatened me over social media numerous times AND in person.  Matthew would also try to tell me he was “doing this because he cared” and “I was talking it the wrong way” and I “must not ever have had someone that cared.”A few months went by and I didn’t see a sign of Matthew until he started following him around his car when I went out jogging and then started showing up at places I would check in on on my phone (which I found odd that he could have seen since I had him blocked on social media).  All this tension caused Seth to leave the band and cut all ties with everyone in the band.  Soon after Seth left the band Matthew took to harassing him by booking gigs at Seth’s new place of work and threatening to hurt him if he saw him.

Seth also started causing tension in the circle of friends we had and local folks.  He told them I was severely mentally ill and that I was obsessed with him.  He lead everyone to believe HE was the victim.

I finally had enough, I contacted the police and they refused to do anything, Matthew had told the police that I was mentally Ill and was off my medication, that I had mistaken his kindness, and that I was stalking HIM!  He was even able to get his place of work to write statements saying I would follow him to work (keep in mind I was 17, had no car, however my father did work in the building next door).  His wife was able to submit statements and so were people I had never met before, but statements from my family were rejected.  The police also refused to give me a restraining order against him, saying that since we were all living in a small town, the fact that he showed up in places where I was, did not constitute concrete proof. They simply told me to “ignore him” and if I felt he was stalking me that I should just ignore him and  it would ALL go away.  Matthew also threatened Seth that if he submitted a report that he would “kill him.”  Seth and I told the police this, but they completely ignored it as “hearsay” because I had no proof.

A few weeks after this I was doing some shopping with Seth, at this point we were living together.  As we entered the store I saw Matthew enter behind us.  I knew Matthew was there to start trouble.  I entered the store and completely ignored him, that’s when he started walking behind us and began threatening the both of us saying he could “kill us right now, and it would not phase him” and that “we were both pieces of Sh*t”.  I finally had it at this point, I spun around and told Matthew in a loud voice to “LEAVE ME ALONE!”  He looked me dead in the eyes and didn’t say a word.  He started to walk away and so did I, Seth had left at this point to call the police. as I walked away Matthew stepped towards me and started to grab something from inside his jacket pocket.  My heart sank –  I thought maybe he was pulling out a gun or a knife. I ran towards him and shoved him, thinking I could shove him away and take whatever weapon he had away from him.  At this point he punched me in my face and everything went black for a few seconds.  I SCREAMED “Oh my God, he just punched me.”  And just as I saw him punch me I saw a knife in his pocket.  My heart seriously sank.

At this point we both made a dash for the store manager who was zero help.  He told me I needed to leave the store as I was causing a disturbance and that if I didn’t leave he would have me removed.  I left the store and called the police, my face was red and I was hysterical, the man that had threatened to kill me and Seth for the past TWO YEARS had just assaulted me!

The 911 operator was nothing but rude, I was hysterical and she threatened numerous times to hang up on me if I didn’t “shut up and calm down.”

15 minutes later they sent the police down and OF COURSE it was the same police officers from previous encounters. They collected statements from people and the store manager that had all sided with Matthew.  I requested video footage, but was told “the camera’s were broken that day.”  I was searched by police and even though there were a few eye witness reports that stated Matthew had a knife they never searched him.  I ended up being arrested that day for disorderly conduct and banned from the store for a few months.

I was brought into the station, fingerprinted, and had my mug shots taken. The police interviewed me and constantly kept asking me if I was “taking my medication.”  I had expressed to them NUMEROUS times I was not prescribed any medication by a doctor so No I was not taking any.  For 2 hours I was treated like I had no idea what I was talking about.  All the information I gave them they didn’t believe even down to my SS#, which the officer told me “it sounds fake”.  I requested to file a restraining order against Matthew and the officer told me “I could not be granted one” and that I should “leave Matthew alone.”  I became very stern with the police and told them I was the victim and tried to explain my side of the story. I was laughed at and told that I should “seek professional help” and was given the information for the local mental health center.  I was outraged!  They didn’t even photograph the HUGE mark on my face, which the officer tried to say “looked like nothing”.I later found out the officer and the store manager had personal ties to Matthew.  I was so outraged I went home and started packing my stuff!  A few weeks later Seth and I moved a few towns away and contacted the local woman’s advocate group there.  I was so lucky as they were very supportive and even helped me file a claim against the dispatcher AND the responding officers.  They gave me some GREAT information and made me feel safe again. They couldn’t do much as I moved to another state just a few towns over, but they faxed ALL my information to the local Woman’s Advocate Center in the town that this all happened in.  (When I asked the police about the Woman’s Advocate Center originally I was told our town didn’t have one)I ended up going to court and was forced through the courts to write a letter to the store AND Matthew apologizing.  I was disgusted that they made me WRITE MY STALKER a letter apologizing!  I felt victimized ALL over again.  I thought about fighting what the courts said I had to do, but was told if I did I would be held in contempt and most likely face jail time.  I didnt want to go to jail so I sucked it up, wrote a one paragraph letter that I pretty much stole off the internet, and submitted it to the court.  I asked that my address NOT be included.  Matthew received my letter and of course boasted to everyone about it.  At my court hearing I was also finally able to obtain all the police reports.

I was disgusted!  Matthew had been able to manipulate the police!  Yes, I had a history of mental health issues (severe anxiety, ADHD, and PMDD), but I had NEVER been arrested before, never even STOPPED by the police.  The police reports made me out to be a “severely mentally disturbed young woman who was off her medication by refusal” which was false.  I had been seeing a doctor for my ADHD and severe anxiety, but I was NOT refusing my medication, I was disgusted that my PERSONAL life could be dragged out like that and used as an excuse for a man to mentally abuse and stalk me and GET AWAY WITH IT!I paid all my fines ($500 worth), did a stupid class the courts made me do, and the courts FORCED me to see a doctor THEY picked.  I was left completely publicly humiliated.  Matthew had posted the letter on social media and was allowed to harass me still!  I asked the social media site NUMEROUS times to remove it but they refused.After I moved the harassment and the stalking luckily stopped.  I ran into him a few times in public and instead of ME running away like I use to I stood my ground, I wasn’t going to let him control my life anymore.  After awhile it completely stopped, I would see him in public and he wouldn’t even make eye contact.

However because of this incident I suffer from severe social anxiety.  I don’t like being in public and I like to know my “exit” route at all times.  Even almost 4 years later I still have sever anxiety going out in public ESPECIALLY in the town this incident happened in.  I have since had no issues especially after contacting the Women’s Advocacy Group who reached out to the police AND Matthew FOR me and is helping them to deal with situations like this in the future.

Since all of this I became married to Seth, I have a fantastic stepson, a dog and a cat.  I run my own online website, and I spend my time volunteering with animal and domestic violence charities.

I hope by sharing my story people can see that no matter what someone’s background is or what mental health issues they suffer from its NOT okay to be abused or stalked and that if you feel like you are being stalked or abused and they are manipulating the police there are many woman’s advocacy groups out there that will help.  I went to my local one in tears and they helped me accomplish so much.

*Some names and details HAVE been changed*

 

Guest Bloggers – You Are Invited To Share Your Story

do GoodGuest bloggers are being invited to share their own personal stories about the horrors of stalking, and what they have had to endure.  Over the years I have heard from so many victims of stalking – stories that are so horrifyingly similar, and yet every one of them is also uniquely different.

I truly believe when victims and survivors share their stories in as many forums as possible, not only will this help to raise awareness of the dangers of stalking, but it will also help give a voice to others that can not speak out.  The crime of stalking is utterly devastating – it takes away lives.  I have never spoken with a victim/survivor of stalking that has completely gotten over it.  It doesn’t happen – they may have gotten away from their stalker, but you can hear the fear in their voice as they tell you their story, and you can see the fear hidden behind their eyes, but they are also warriors, they are survivors and others are empowered by their stories.

Stalking is a crime that is hard to understand.  You have no idea why you have been targeted.  You don’t know what to do to protect yourself, and others you care about.  Not only is it hard for you to understand, but most people in your life will have a hard time understanding what is happening to you.

Law enforcement sometimes understands and uses the correct stalking protocol, they agree if there is quick intervention there is usually a good outcome, but for the most part proper training and understanding is not the norm.  This leaves so many victims of stalking wondering if law enforcement even believes them.  Better training and awareness to change attitudes is greatly needed, but lawmakers need to acknowledge that stalking is a crime.

With no where to turn many victims live in fear for their lives and they need solutions.  Hopefully as awareness is raised there will be more solutions.  People care share ideas that have worked for them.  In a perfect world others will reach out to help victims of stalking, law enforcement and the justice system will hold the criminals accountable and not try to minimize their crimes.

Stalking is a crime in all 50 states (click here for a page that will take you to the current stalking laws in your state http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center/stalking-laws/criminal-stalking-laws-by-state.)  Most states have specific laws on their books that spell out the seriousness of stalking, but the real problem with the current law is that it doesn’t get used; many police officers and lawyers are ignorant to its existence and are skeptical about the seriousness of stalking as a crime.  Stalking is a crime that causes psychological harm in almost all cases, but law enforcement and the judicial system seem to want to minimize the actions of the stalker at the expense of the victim – which is not only heartbreaking, but dangerous as well.  Many victims feel that the criminal has all the rights and the victim has none.  And it’s not hard to understand why victims feel that way.

I am tired of talk that comes to nothing.  It makes my heart sick when I remember all the good words and all the broken promises.  – Chief Joseph, Nez Perce January 1879

Stalking is a serious crime and deserves serious consequences.  If you can please share your story.  You may go to the contact page on this website www.morgansstalking.com and submit your story in order to have it posted here on this blog.  Thanking you all in advance for your bravery…I know it is hard to allow yourself to remember the pain, but hopefully it will get a little easier every time you let it out.  Please share in my hope for a better future, and a safer world – we can all be a part of the solution.